11 Questions to Ask a Friend After a Breakup
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People are different which means that while some may want to talk about their breakup, others might not be too keen on it. If your friend is one of those that are, you might face confusion as to which kind of questions to ask a friend after a breakup due to the unique nature of every relationship.
You might even feel that you should not get involved at all so as not to offend your friend because as most of us have found out, the period immediately after a breakup can be quite emotionally charged.
Our advice on that is that it depends on your level of friendship with the person as well as how you phrase the questions to be asked. If you are quite close to them and phrase the question right, you will be more likely to get them to listen to you and properly ponder the question you asked them.
Some of these questions are very important because they not only help your friend move on, but they can help them become better partners in their next relationships by getting them to work on any mistakes they might have made that led to the breakup. They could even help them get back into the relationship if the reason for the breakup was elementary so to speak.
In case you are not sure of what questions to ask after a breakup, this article will discuss some of them so that you can continue being the good friend you are by helping your friend through this difficult time. Bear in mind that you do not have to ask these questions all at once but rather phase them out based on your friend’s state of mind.
Here is a related article on What To Do After A Breakup With Your Boyfriend.
1. How do you feel?
The first and probably, most important question to ask during a breakup, this question aims to find out how your friend is coping with the breakup. You should ask with a lot of care in your voice to let them know that you are asking out of a good place.
Because they might not want to tell you the truth, or might want to appear stronger than they are at that moment, it is important that you listen both to what they say, and observe their bodily cues as well.
Another importance of this question is that it enables you to gauge their readiness for the other reflection questions after a breakup that you might have for them. For instance, you can’t very well ask your friend how they plan to move on if they are still talking about wanting to get back together with their ex.
2. Have you noticed any sort of pattern in those you date?
One of the most thoughtful things to say to a friend after a breakup is a question about patterns in their past relationships. This would help them grow as they would know better, what to look out for in their next relationships.
Patterns that they could look for include: whether they always go after a certain type of partner (character-wise), how often the relationship ended out of unfaithfulness, whether they were always the ones being left or doing the leaving, whether they are the ones that out in more effort, or even whether their relationships have always been shallow and lustful.
They may not be able to answer immediately, but this question would most probably encourage them to carry out some introspection that would enable them to become better versions of themselves both individually and in their next relationship.
3. Why do you think the relationship ended?
Still on the topic of what to tell your friend after a breakup that will help them improve, ask them why they think the relationship ended.
This would inspire them to think about what either they or their ex could have done better such that the relationship would not have ended. You can point them in the right direction by asking if it was an intimacy or sexual issue, maybe someone being too clingy or maybe it was simply down to a compatibility issue.
We cannot become better if we don’t know where we are lacking. That is the purpose of such a question to ask a friend after a breakup.
4. Would you like to get back with them and why?
It is quite normal to miss an ex and truth be told, exes get back together all the time. This is why one of the things to say to a friend going through a breakup is whether they would like to get back with their ex.
It is important, however, that you also ask them why they want to get back with their exes as well as why they might not think it is such a good idea. This is a very important question that equally applies to a situation where they would want back with their ex and one where they wouldn’t because it would help them get justification for their choice.
When looking for what to say after a breakup to a friend, therefore, be sure to ask them whether they are done with their ex or not.
5. What have you done, and what will you continue to do, to move on?
Sometimes we get out of relationships and don’t do much to move on from it. We just go through the motions without any real plan for the future. This is why you, as a friend, should ask what that plan is.
If they didn’t have a plan, this might serve as motivation to get on with one, and if they did, they might want to discuss it to get a second opinion.
This is especially helpful when it comes to what to say to a friend who got dumped because they might be feeling all sorts of negative things such as neglect and abandonment. They, more than most, need to find a way to move on.
It is also important to remind your friend that it is okay to be single for a while in order to catch their breath. You wouldn’t be wrong because according to Pew Research Center, a significant number of people are fine being single.
Needless to say, this question needs to be asked with a lot of care and you should probably avoid asking this too soon after the breakup.
6. Do you think you are a better person now than at the beginning of the relationship?
Relationships are supposed to make us better people such that even if they end, we come out stronger and better in the long run. This question will help your friend evaluate their just-ended relationship to find out if this general goal was achieved.
You can ask them questions related to whether they grew emotionally, professionally, mentally, or otherwise. Ask them if they learned better traits or if they now know how to be better partners.
An added advantage of this is that it falls under what to say when someone gets dumped by a not-so-great partner as it will help them move on faster when they notice that the relationship was not so great in the first place.
7. Do you think there is something your ex needs to do to help you move on?
Some people require closure from their partners to move on but might not have the courage to ask for it.
This is why when it comes to what to say to your friend when they get dumped, you should try to find out from them if there is anything they need from their ex to help their healing process.
If their answer is yes, this also allows you to discuss with them the appropriateness of asking for said thing to be done. For instance, is it something that the ex can fulfill, or is it even right to ask of the ex, and also, is the ex the type of person that can be asked to fulfill said thing?
8. Is there any way you might have contributed to the breakup
Continuing on the topic of self-appraisal and the need for self-improvement, ask your friend if there is anything they could have done better in the relationship. Ask them if they feel they had any negative traits that might have driven their partner away such as being short-tempered, clingy, distrusting, and the like.
These are excellent words to say to a friend after a breakup because it enables them to take responsibility for their actions.
It is, however, quite a sensitive question and one that requires a great deal of care in how it is asked for two main reasons. The first is that your friend might move from the realm of taking responsibility to blaming themselves for the breakup which can really set their recovery back especially if they really liked their ex. The second is that your friend might lash out at you for apparently “not being on their side.”
When asking this question, therefore, try to do it after some time has passed and angle it such that your friend sees it as you trying to prepare them for their next relationship.
9. Did you do more for the relationship or did they?
The honest truth is that there is simply no relationship that is absolutely a 50/50 contribution because human beings are different and so will contribute more in certain areas of a relationship than their partner who will then contribute more in other areas as well.
Problems arise when a partner is contributing more in more areas than their partner. This has killed many relationships and is generally frowned upon by relationship experts because it is believed that partners must pull their weight in a relationship.
Summary is if you want to know what to say to your best friend after a breakup, ask them whether they feel that they contributed more or less than their ex.
If they contributed less, there is a good chance that you will get a biased response because not a lot of people will admit that they did not pull their weight. Don’t worry about that, however, because it will give them something to think about when they are alone with their thoughts.
10. Why do you think you deserve better?
Amidst offering your friend a chance to appraise their relationship, we must not fail to offer them support.
It is important that when it comes to what to say to someone who just broke up with his girlfriend or boyfriend, you try to convince them that they shouldn’t put themselves down because they deserve good things.
When you ask them this question, be sure to have a list of reasons why your friend is so great and deserves to be with someone who will appreciate them more. This way, if they can’t give you a reason – which they probably can’t because they are still grieving – you can give them several.
11. What can we (friends) do to help you?
It is very important that as a friend, you lend your support to someone going through a breakup.
When, therefore, it comes to what to tell your friend after her (his) breakup, express your sympathy for what they are going through and offer your support and assistance to help them in any way that they might need to get over the breakup.
Friends need to know that they are supported by their friends as this will help them recover faster because it would fill (even partly) the void of companionship left by their ex.
For tips on how to help your friend move on, check out How to Show Your Ex You Don’t Care Anymore.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What do you say to a friend after a breakup?
- Tell them that you are there for them.
- Give them reasons why they deserve better
- Reassure them that is okay to feel bad
- Ask them how best they think they can move on and what you can do to help them in that respect
- Ask them out for a social outing (don’t push too much as they might not be ready)
- Remind them that they will eventually get better
2. What questions to ask after break up?
There are several questions to ask a friend after a breakup including:
- Asking them how they feel.
- Asking why they think the relationship ended.
- Asked them if they would like to get back with their ex.
- Asking them if they may have contributed to the breakup.
- Asking them what you can do to help.
3. How do I motivate my friend after a breakup?
- Listen to them talk about the relationship
- Take them out to an activity you both enjoy doing
- Invite them to your place or go to theirs and watch something that will cheer them up e.g. romantic comedies or sports
- Show them examples of people who became better after a breakup
- Remind them of their great traits and why they are such a catch.
There are no set rules and guidelines for what to say to a friend who broke up with her (his) boyfriend (girlfriend) but as friends, we have to say something because this is our duty. Whatever it is we say should show support and empathy and should be aimed at building our friend back up again.
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