18 Signs Your Friend Wants Your Husband.
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
Humans sometimes get attracted to each other for the flimsiest of reasons and to the worst of people. Husbands have been known to be attracted to their wife’s sisters and mothers and wives have been known to be attracted to their husband’s in-laws as well. It is therefore very possible that your friend would be attracted to your husband.
Friends get a first row seat to observe your marriage and the type of man your husband is and so might find themselves wanting him for a bunch of reasons such as; him being a devoted husband who is capable of making you, his wife happy, his sexual prowess – which you talked about over drinks to brag – his tendency to be a confidante to your friends when they go through hard times and the fact that married men are generally considered to be more mature than single one.
While your friend wanting your husband does not mean that he will automatically reciprocate these feelings, it is worthy of note that men have been known to cheat more than women in both relationships and in marriages and this is shown by this chart from the Institute of Family Studies.
If your friend wants your husband and does something about it, the chances of him cheating increase by quite a bit. This is why you need to spot the signs that your friend wants your husband in time so that you can nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem.
For your benefit, this article will include some of those signs as well as some ways to deal with this situation.
Related article: Signs a woman is interested in your husband.
18 Signs your friend wants your man.
1. Wants to come over or hang out only when you are with him
Try to think back to all the times your best friend might have wanted to hang out with you and then think about how many times out of those that they asked you to bring your husband along or if your husband was in the house.
Of course if this happens a couple of times, it could just be simple coincidence. If however, you find that they are usually clamoring to come or hang out only when your husband is present, there is a strong possibility that they are using you as an excuse to be near your husband because they want him.
2. Shows a bit too much interest in your husband
It’s fine if your friend shows interest in your husband’s life, that’s called being a good friend. But as we know, too much of a good thing is not good.
If your friend begins to ask about your husband a lot and wants to know about his interests, history, likes and dislikes, or maybe is just a bit too active on his social media pages, you should become suspicious because such interest is a bit too much and is usually a sign of infatuation.
3. Demeanor becomes more excitable and shy when your husband is around
How does your friend behave when your husband is around? Do they become more excitable every single time or do they keep the same energy? This can show you whether they are interested in your husband because people generally get more excitable when they are around those that they want.
Also check to see how your friend behaves around your husband. People tend to be more shy around those they like so if you notice this in your friend when they are around your husband, don’t simply gloss over it.
4. Messages him constantly
Even though your friend is allowed to contact your husband, it is considered improper if this is done without your knowledge. There are of course exceptions to this such as if they are trying to plan a surprise party for you.
But if you find out that your friend is constantly messaging your husband and especially without your knowledge, this is a red flag because communication is very important to getting to people that you like and this could be very much what your friend is doing by messaging your husband so much.
5. Always supports his side over yours
When you like and/ or want someone, you tend to not see a lot of errors in the things that they do. This will apply to your friend as well if they want your husband. They will take your husband’s side over yours in arguments and try to get you to see your husband’s side a lot.
They would also try to do this in front of him as much as possible so that he can see that they support him with the hope that this might convince him that they are a viable alternative to you.
6. Tells your husband ways you could do better as a wife
The idiom, “All is fair in love and war” explains how humans will engage in underhanded behavior in certain instances such as when they like someone. One such underhanded behavior is to remove any opposition in their way as they try to get to the person they like regardless of if the opposition is the person’s current partner.
If your friend wants your husband, there is a chance that they would try to remove you from the equation by telling your husband of your failings as a wife so that your husband can believe that there is better out there and that the better alternative is them – your friend.
7. Insults you around him and passes it off as a joke
As mentioned above, you are the opposition. If your friend wants your husband, it is only logical that they come after you.
One way they will do this is to discredit you in front of your husband. They will make jokes at your expense, often about sensitive things that you told them in confidence or that they know are sources of conflict for you and your husband. In joking about such things, they are either informing or reminding your husband of them so that he looks at you in a less positive light.
8. Takes special care of appearance when appearing around your husband
A female peacock decides to mate with the brightest colored male peacock. In humans, this is usually the reverse with men noticing the best dressed of women and going after them.
This is what your friend will be counting on so look at your friend whenever they know that your husband is going to be present vs when he isn’t. If you find that they tend to dress better when there is a chance that they will see your husband, this is cause for concern.
Even of more concern is if you discover that your friend is dressing more seductively when your husband is around. This is a top tier red flag because it shows that your friend is trying to inspire feelings of lust in your husband to get him to come after them.
9. Touches your husband a bit too much
We tend to touch those that we like in order to feel closer to them. A sign that your friend is interested in your man is that they will try to touch him every chance they get. They will pat his back and nudge his shoulders or maybe try to hug him when they see him for the first time during an encounter and when the encounter ends and they do this every single time.
This is particularly troubling if you notice that their touch lingers a bit too long on your husband’s body.
10. Flirts with him often
When your friend talks to your husband, do you notice them flirting with him, giving him compliments all the time or trying to be funny around him? That is a sign that your friend is interested in your husband.
They are most likely trying to get him to develop an attraction to them as well so that they both can get into some sort of relationship.
11. Becomes emotionally distant with you
If your friend is interested in your man, their behavior towards you – the competition – might change for the worse. You have someone that they want and they can’t stomach it so they will act out.
You might notice that they become more emotionally distant or passive aggressive towards you. These feelings can also be spurred by guilt from them knowing that they should not want your husband but can’t stop themselves from doing so.
12. Exhibits traits of jealousy
Another sign that your friend wants your husband is that they will show jealousy towards your marriage and things that husband and you do together. For instance, they might act disgusted when you and your husband kiss, cuddle or hold hands or they might suggest that you include them more in your plans with your husband.
The disgust they feel at those physical displays of attraction is because they are jealous that your husband is doing those things with you and not them and the suggestion that you should be more inclusive of them in your marriage is because they want more of the time you spend with your husband.
13. Gives you bad marriage advice
There is a chance that they will give you the wrong advice in your marriage so that you can get into more trouble with your husband. The hope is that the more trouble you get into with your husband, the more attractive they look as an alternative.
You should therefore be mindful of the advice that you receive from certain friends because they might not be doing it with your best interests at heart. Try to evaluate the advice before acting on it to decide for yourself if it is the kind of advice that you would give from a good place.
14. Suggests that she would take him a lot
People tend to mask truths in humor in case the truths they speak are not appropriate. Your friend might often suggest that they will take your husband from you if you slip up and then laugh about it. Once or twice when this is said, it could indeed be humor. If said consistently however, take it as a warning.
She truly wants your husband and will indeed take him if given the chance.
15. Tries often to be alone with him
Your friend might also try as much as possible to get some alone time with your husband so that they can try to seduce him. There are many ways that they can do this with the most popular being to ask for his help with something that “only a man can do” such as fixing up some things in her house or helping her carry some heavy items.
If this keeps happening then you should take note of it because alone time with him is time that she has to steal him from you or enjoy the company of the one she wants.
16. Talks about their sexual prowess
When you are trying to sell a product, you advertise it and one of the best methods of advertisement is sex. Sex sells and this is why a lot of ads that target men include women in seductive attire. Your friend might also try that strategy by talking to your husband about the sexual encounters they have been on and how open to certain things they are.
If this is done more often than not, you can be certain that the goal is to get your husband to try to engage in sexual activity with them so that they can experience these things that your friend speaks of.
17. Your Gut tells you
Don’t underestimate the power of your gut feeling. Your gut works with subconscious cues that we cannot pick up on in order to make decisions about some things.
If your gut tells you that your friend wants your husband, don’t take it lightly. We are not saying that you should decide solely based on your gut but if such a feeling arises, you should take a closer look at the situation and watch out for other signs to see if what your gut tells you is true.
18. Other people notice it
Sometimes friendship blinds us to certain things that our friends do and this is one such time that this might prove to be the case.
Your friend might have been throwing signs that they want your husband all over the place but you decided to dismiss it either consciously or subconsciously. Your saving grace however, is that you are not the only person with eyes in the world.
Other people – friends and family – might take note of these signs and report them to you. One person saying it might not be cause for alarm but when these sentiments are echoed by others, that would be all the proof you need to take action.
7 Ways of dealing with a friend who likes your husband
1. Watch the situation more closely to ensure you aren’t being paranoid
The first thing you should do if you suspect that your friend has the hots for your husband is to confirm it. You don’t want to accuse them of something so serious without being absolutely sure because if you are wrong you could be ending a perfectly good friendship and be seen as an insecure partner by others.
If you notice one or two signs that your friend might like your husband, observe the situation more closely before drawing a conclusion. It is best not to arouse suspicion in your friend as you do so to ensure that they don’t begin to act differently in order to throw you off.
2. Subtly remind your friend of their place
Once you are certain that your friend really is interested in your husband, the easiest way to go about dealing with this is to establish your territory by subtly reminding your friend of their place which is as a friend and nothing more.
You can do this by touching your husband more when your friend is around, using the word “we” a lot, kissing him when they flirt with your husband and infusing yourself in conversations that your friend is having with your husband but in a confident way that shows that you expect to be part of the conversation.
3. Talk to your friend about it
If your friend still could not take a hint or if you favor a more direct approach, feel free to approach your friend. Start by finding out if they do indeed have feelings for your boyfriend by suggesting that their moves around him are suspicious.
Avoid using an accusatory tone at first and if they deny it, well and good. If they don’t, you can have a conversation about boundaries and how to move on from the situation. Regardless of their response, they would be more careful around your husband in future.
If however, this does not work, it is time that you take a firmer tone with them. Tell them that you are not comfortable with their actions and that they need to stop what they are doing. Be sure to do this in private however because a public accusation might backfire.
4. Reduce interactions with your friend and your husband
Another way to deal with this is to take away the stimuli – your husband – from the equation. Reduce interactions between him and your friend by hanging out with them when he isn’t there or simply not hanging out with them at all. The less they see of your husband, the less they would be able to act on their feelings.
5. Talk to your husband about it
Your husband is your partner and a person you should share your problems with. If you suspect that your friend wants your husband, talk to him about it. Find out what he thinks about it and whether or not he has noticed it.
Also observe how he relates with the friend when he is around them. Check to see if he encourages the attention he is given or how he reacts to the attention. This as well as other signs will tell you whether he is uncomfortable with the situation or worst case scenario, whether he is already doing something with the woman.
Be sure to tell him how uncomfortable you are with the situation so that he understands that he needs to be proactive in refusing your friend’s advances. Ensure that you do not use an accusatory tone however so that your husband does not get defensive.
Whatever you do, whether it’s approaching your friend, reminding them of their place or talking to your husband, be confident in your approach. Do not let them see you frazzled because they will then think they stand a chance.
Be confident and remind yourself that you are amazing and that as the wife, you already have the upper hand.
7. Protect your marriage by working on it
Your husband will be more likely to fall for your friend’s antics if they are unhappy in the marriage. Take care to find out what it is that your friend might use to gain an edge and plug up that hole.
Of course this does not mean that you should do something that would make you too uncomfortable but if the way to strengthen the marriage is within your power, by all means go for it. If you need tips, here are ways to make him feel special and how to make him forget about other women.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How do you know if your friend likes your husband?
- They will take special care to look more attractive when he is around.
- They will try to be alone with him as much as possible.
- They will only want to hang out with you when he is there.
- They will try to find out as much as they can about your husband.
- They will message him constantly.
2. How do you know if another woman wants your husband?
- Her mood will be more excitable when your husband is around.
- She will flirt with him often.
- She will talk about her sexual prowess a lot around him.
- She would be passive aggressive towards you when you are with him.
- She would exhibit signs of jealousy.
3. How do you know if your friend is sleeping with your husband?
- Your husband becomes more uncomfortable and sensitive around you especially when hanging out with you and the friend.
- Your husband spends more time away from home.
- Your friend does not talk to you as much or relate as well as they used to.
- Your husband is constantly in contact with the friend
- He either wants to have less sex with you or wants to have a different kind of sex than you both have been having.
Here are other signs that your husband is cheating with your friend.
Suspecting that your friend wants your husband can be stressful and we understand that. There is an urge to immediately confront your friend but it is important that you do not do so unless you are absolutely certain.
If you are indeed certain, feel free to use the tips listed here to do something about it and if you feel like more advice is needed, you can reach out to a mentor, a religious leader you know, your parents, or a marriage counselor.
Whatever you decide to do, it is important that you do something because if this situation ends in your husband cheating, there is a good chance that your marriage will not survive as shown by the chart above from CompareCamp.
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