What to Do when Your Girlfriend Lied to You - 7 Ways How to Deal with a Lying Girlfriend.
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
The absence of lies in human interaction is an impossibility. We tell lies every day for one reason or another.
In intimate relationships, it is also inevitable that the partners will every now and then tell each other lies for one reason or another.
As the study seen from OnlineDoctor shown in the first chart, lies in relationships are as high as 73.4%. Women especially appear to tell more lies sometimes than men in relationships, as seen in the second chart. Although, going by the same chart, when it comes to the percentage that rarely tells lies, they appear to fare better than their male counterparts.
So then, knowing that we all lie, does it mean you should stay in a seemingly hurtful relationship with a lying girlfriend? Should you stay in your relationship even when it is clear your girlfriend lies about everything or keeps lying? Certainly not.
Not all lies are good for healthy human interactions. Some lies are more hurtful and damaging to any relationship and should not be tolerated. And we will be showing you just what to do should such lies be found in your relationship with your girlfriend. In this article, we will show you,
- How to deal with a lying girlfriend,
- How to know if your girlfriend is lying, and
- How to trust your girlfriend again after she lied to me.
In our earlier article on What to do when your boyfriend lies to your face, we already show you how to deal with a lying boyfriend. Be sure to check it out.
Is my girlfriend lying to me? 9 Ways How to know if your girlfriend is lying.
Nothing sucks like being in a relationship where you feel like your girlfriend lies a lot or keeps lying to you. You never know when to believe her or if ever to believe her. This leads you to constantly ask this question in your mind of whether your girlfriend is lying to you.
No need to keep losing your mind about whether you’ve just caught your girlfriend in a lie or not. Here’s how to know if your girlfriend is lying and if you see most or all of these 9 signs, then you can be sure she’s a lying girlfriend.
1. She’s jumpy around the issue when you bring it up and tries to skirt around it or avoid it completely.
Pay attention to how she reacts to the issue you think she’s lying about. If she suddenly becomes jumpy and/or uncomfortable around the issue or tries to avoid it completely or skirts/dances around it, chances are she’s lying to you about the issue.
2. She becomes very defensive and almost aggressive around the issue.
The other thing she might do is to become very defensive when you confront her about the issue. In some extreme cases, she may throw an extreme temper tantrum that borders on being aggressive, all because she is defensive and trying to show that she’s not lying. Persons who are more on the defensive than on the offensive when confronted, are likely lying.
3. She avoids making eye contact with you when discussing the issue.
This one is another classic body language of someone who is lying. If she’s finding it difficult to maintain eye contact with you while speaking on the issue, she is likely lying.
For some, including ladies, they have mastered being able to keep eye contact while lying. But even then, they cannot maintain constant eye contact. You would notice that with such persons, there will be points in the conversation where the eye contact falters and their gaze becomes shifty and almost uncomfortable.
4. She stutters when speaking to the issue or is hesitant or incoherent on the issue.
Suddenly it feels like a cat caught her tongue and she is failing to speak without stuttering. She is likely lying about the issue in question. She would especially stutter if you just caught her in the lie without her expecting to be caught.
5. Or on the other hand, her answers appear too well-rehearsed.
This one is the reverse of the girlfriend who stutters. This will happen if she suspects you may already suspect her of lying on the issue. And so, she prepares for when you will confront her about the lie. Pay close attention to the story. If it feels too well-rehearsed, then it likely is. Unpick the story with a fine-tooth comb and it may start to crumble and show the cracks in it.
6. She answers your question with several other questions or brings up so many other unrelated issues to deflect from the issue being discussed.
Rather than answer your question with a straight-to-the-point answer, she starts to raise so many other issues. She’s trying to deflect from the issue in the hopes that you will also be distracted and diverted from the issue.
7. She displays some body language signs that have been said to be indicative of a liar.
It has been said that liars tend to display the following body language signs when they are lying:
While there is no definite scientific study we have seen to back this up, some liars tend to display these body language signs. Pay attention to whether your girlfriend displays these signs. She is likely to be lying to you if she displays most or all of these body language signs when talking about the issue.
8. She starts accusing you more of lying than usual even when it is uncalled for.
Is your girlfriend suddenly calling you a liar at every turn and for everything you do? This is usually reverse psychology and projection. She’s projecting her own dishonesty on you as a way of making herself feel better about her lies. Pay attention to the things she is quick to accuse you of being dishonest about. Those are likely the things she’s lying to you about.
9. Several people tell you she’s not being honest with you on the issue.
This one can hurt and be embarrassing. While you should not just believe the words of one person because they may have ulterior motives, you should certainly be worried if several people say the same thing. Pay attention if more than 2 – 3 people keep pointing to dishonesty by your girlfriend on an issue(s).
My girlfriend lied to me, what should I do? What to do with a lying girlfriend.
Like we said earlier, we all lie in one way or another. Even you would have told your girlfriend some lie at one point or the other in your relationship.
And thus knowing that no one is infallible when it comes to telling lies should make us less quick to immediately take the moral high ground. It means that we should instead be more practical and thoughtful about how we deal with the various lies we meet in our everyday human interactions, especially in your relationship with your girlfriend.
This is not to at all justify a girlfriend who lies a lot. Here are 7 practical and thoughtful ways how to deal with a lying girlfriend.
1. Be sure she is lying to you. Have concrete evidence first.
Falsely accusing her would also have a negative effect on the relationship and put it under strain. This is why it is important to ensure that you have concrete evidence first. Sometimes it could just be an unfounded suspicion based on your paranoia or past bad experiences.
2. Decide first how much of a big deal the lie is to you in the larger scheme of the relationship and whether it is a deal-breaker for you.
If she told what is generally known as a “white lie” which doesn’t hurt you but appears to have been said to protect your feelings, then you might want to be more understanding. Especially, if you wouldn’t have done any differently if you were in her shoes.
If however, the lies touch on something much bigger like cheating or maybe lying about who she is, then it becomes more serious. Ask and decide if you can still trust her and continue with the relationship, or whether it is a deal-breaker for you.
3. Talk to her about the lie(s) in as less confrontational a manner as possible.
Whether you decide to continue with the relationship or to call it quits, you will still need to talk to her about the lies you discovered. Talking to her about it is the adult thing to do. Be as calm and less confrontational as possible during the conversation.
It would not be easy to be calm and less confrontational when you confront her with the evidence you have. But it is important to do this so that she doesn’t become defensive and the conversation spirals out of control.
4. Pay attention to her response and whether there is any genuine remorse.
If she’s only sorry that she got caught, then there is no genuine remorse on her part. If she turns around to want to apportion some of the blame on you for her actions, then there is no remorse on her part. If she wants to play down your hurt and make it seem as though you are making too much of a big deal out of it and “overreacting”, she is also not remorseful.
And if she doesn’t show genuine remorse then there would be no point continuing with the relationship because believe it or not, she will continue treating you that way.
Her lack of remorse means that she sees nothing wrong with her actions and would have no problems continuing with them. And unless you’re okay with her continuing to lie to you and treat you in this way, you are better off without the relationship.
A person who shows no remorse and/or refuses to apologize when they’ve lied to you has no respect for you. Check out our articles on What to do when people don’t respect you and What to do when someone won’t apologize for what to do in such circumstances.
5. Should you decide to continue with the relationship and depending on the severity of the lie, you may need to do something drastic like a short separation to get the message across that you are not happy with being lied to and would not take it.
This is important because until she gets the message that you are not okay with the lies she told, she will continue with it.
And sometimes, accepting her apology without more would give her the impression that she can keep lying and getting away with it simply by apologizing.
But with this separation, she gets to feel what it would be like losing you over a lie. And if she is genuinely sorry about the lie and serious about not continuing with it, she will come back more remorseful and committed to not lie to you.
6. Should she come back after the short breakup truly remorseful and make a genuine commitment, to be honest, forgive her, and continue with the relationship.
To err they say is human, and to forgive divine. Always remember that tomorrow it may be you on the other side needing her to be gracious and forgive you should you be remorseful. And thus, you should extend her the same grace if she is genuinely remorseful and makes a commitment, to be honest forthwith.
You may like this related article on How to forgive your spouse for past mistakes.
7. Should the lies continue, it may be best to call the relationship quits.
You don’t want to be with a girlfriend who is a pathological liar because it’s only a matter of time before the relationship becomes extremely toxic and unhealthy. A relationship where your girlfriend lies about everything and lies all the time isn’t a healthy relationship to be in because she would make you start to question your sanity and sensibilities and this would, in turn, affect your mental health.
Still unsure if you should call the relationship quits, read our article on When should you give up on a relationship to convince you that it may be time. And if it is a long term relationship, our article on 15 Important Things to consider when ending a long term relationship can help you out.
My girlfriend lied to me, how can I trust her? How to trust my girlfriend after she lied to me.
This will depend on the extent and type of lie your girlfriend told. The truth is that if your girlfriend told a major lie that touches on an issue of trust, transparency, and loyalty in the relationship, it would be near impossible to trust her again. This is because lies that touch on trust and loyalty would always make you doubt your partner’s every action after the lies come to light.
And thus, the only one that can come to the point of being able to trust your girlfriend after she lied to you, is you. If after following all the 7 steps listed above your gut still doesn’t trust her, then sadly you can’t trust her anymore and would likely never be able to trust her again.
Frequently asked questions.
1. My girlfriend lied to me, should I break up with her?
It would depend on the type of lie she told and what her motive for telling it might be. Some lies are harmless lies told to protect and not hurt your feelings. So, for instance, she may lie about liking a gift you bought for her simply because she didn’t want to hurt your feelings. If that is the kind of lie she told, then it would be a bit extreme and overboard breaking up with her when it is clear she was trying to protect you.
If however the lie touches on a foundational relationship issue like infidelity or misrepresenting who she is, then it becomes more serious. Follow the 7 steps listed in this article and depending on her response, you may have to break up with her.
This article on What to say to someone who cheated on you has further helpful tips for the girlfriend who lied and cheated on you.
2. My girlfriend lied to me about hanging out with another guy, what should I do?
There could be several reasons why she lied about it. Maybe she felt that you would become jealous and overreact. Or maybe there is a more serious reason for it, like an affair. Whatever her reasons, you can only know once you’ve talked to her about it.
Have your evidence and then have a conversation with her about it to try and understand why she did it. Once you’ve heard her out, let her know how her lies made you feel. If her hanging out with that other guy makes you uncomfortable, let her know and request that she respects your feelings. A girlfriend who loves you will understand and compromise to make you feel comfortable.
But be sure that you are not being insecure because if it is your insecurity talking, then it would stifle her and only drive her further away and make her lie even more even when she’s doing nothing wrong with other guys.
Check out our helpful related article on 9 Ways How to deal with an insecure man if you are dealing with an insecure boyfriend.
3. My girlfriend lies about everything, what should I do?
A girlfriend who lies about everything will make you paranoid and insecure. She will drive you up the wall and make you start to doubt yourself. This will in turn affect your mental health. The best solution to such a relationship is to bring it to an end.
4. I caught my girlfriend lying to me, what should I do?
Take the 7 steps listed in this article. Also, check out our related article on What to do when your boyfriend lies to your face, it has extra tips that you can also use.
5. My girlfriend lies a lot and keeps lying, what should I do?
You should most likely end the relationship because if she is a pathological liar that cannot help herself but always tells lies, she will only infuse the relationship with toxicity.
Lying is part of our human nature. However, not all lies are good for any healthy human relationship. And a relationship where your girlfriend lies a lot or lies about everything is one of such a kind of relationship you shouldn’t be in.
Where you have doubts about whether or not your girlfriend is lying to you, look out for most if not all of the 9 signs listed in this article. And once you’ve spotted these signs, take the 7 steps listed on how to deal with a lying girlfriend.
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