5 Things to Do When Your Husband Hates You
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Many marriages start with lovey-dovey romantic months and maybe even years, but in most marriages, this spark might seem to reduce or even die as time passes. This is completely normal in any healthy relationship because the longer you are together, the better you know each other and get comfortable around each other without needing to express every feeling.
In some cases, though, the spouse might start feeling like their partner is resenting them. Sometimes your husband continually giving you the cold shoulder will leave you wondering “ does my husband hate me?” In this article, we will be elaborating on what you can do when your husband says he hates you.
First, we will go by explaining what makes a relationship work in general.
Next, we will see what you might be doing that is making your husband hate you and how to fix that. Last, we will see when you should consider counseling divorce.
What does a healthy marriage look like
Couples communicate properly
Every marriage has its ups and downs, especially marriages that have lasted for a long while. In a healthy relationship, the couple always communicates what they like and don’t like about each other. You can not expect your husband to read your mind and expect how you feel 24/7 when you’re not addressing it clearly.
There is intimacy
Everyone needs intimacy on some level to remain sane. Married couples are no different, no matter how long they have been married. A hug before going to work or after coming back from work can go a long way. Married couples should also have quality time together, like go on a fancy dinner and also have intimacy in bed to keep their marriages strong and healthy.
Respect for each other is one thing that should never wear off in a marriage. No matter the distance between the couple or how used they get to each other’s presence, they should always respect each other’s opinions’, needs, and wants even if they disagree with it. Respect is the foundation of any relationship, and by respecting a person, you are showing them that you value them, making it an essential component of a marriage.
You have to be ready to make sacrifices to make your marriage work. You should be prepared to leave something for your spouse if they are not okay with it. However, you should make sure that the things your spouse tells you to change or leave, do not go against your values. That’s because even though it might seem easy to sacrifice it at that moment, you might subconsciously start resenting your spouse for making you change or leave something very important to you.
Loyalty is another key factor in keeping your marriage happy and healthy. No matter the circumstances you go through as husband and wife, you should never act on impulse and do something that would break their trust, like committing adultery. It is complicated to build your spouse’s trust back once you break it.
Now that you know the fundamentals of a healthy marriage will go into the main topic, what to do if your husband hates you. We also have suggestions on how you can fix the problems and have him love you again.
1. How do you know if your husband hates you
Here are some signs that can help you tell if your husband hates you:
- He is very cold towards you: He is rude to you when he talks or gets easily irritated at anything that you say
- Your intimacy has drastically reduced or is non-existent: He doesn’t hug you, kiss you or cuddle with you anymore. Your intimacy in the bedroom has also decreased.
- He doesn’t want to open up to you anymore: He doesn’t tell you about his day, or what is going on in his life. He also gets defensive and annoyed when you try to ask him any questions.
- He doesn’t want to spend a lot of time with you anymore: he will always make excuses about why he can’t be around you more often. He will make any excuses to avoid spending any quality time with you.
- Both of you fight a lot: you fight about practically anything
- He takes you for granted: He doesn’t appreciate your presence anymore. He does not care about any of your anniversaries, birthdays, and doesn’t make you feel special anymore.
2. Reasons for why your husband might be hating you and how you can fix it
If you are wondering “ why my husband hates me so much”, you should start by looking at things you might be doing that make him hate you. You should also pay attention to his life because sometimes he might be going through a personal crisis.
Here are a few pin points on things that can be making your husband hate you:
You are not a good listener
Sometimes all a person needs is a listening ear. If your husband is going through a rough period at work or his personal life, he will need his wife to be there for him and listen to him vent when he is frustrated.
Your husband might even want advice from you, but none of this is possible if you are not a good listener. Your husband might think that his feelings are not important to you anymore, which will make him angry at you.
How to fix it
You can be a better listener by letting your husband know that you are always there for him when he needs you. Spend some quality time at the end of the day or the week to sit down and listen to each other’s problems and how your days passed. This will let your husband feel safe and valued by you therefore making him not hate you anymore.
He is going through personal things
Your husband might be going through a lot at work or with his own family. Things that might be stressing out your husband can be a job loss, family dispute, unemployment, struggling to make ends meet and so much more.
Sometimes your husband might also be going through depression or anxiety disorder. If that is the case, always make sure he sees a psychiatrist before things get worse.
If your husband is going through personal struggles, he might start ignoring you, fighting with you, get angry over the smallest things. His level of intimacy will even fall because he will be consumed by everything that is stressing him out.
How to fix this
Let your husband know that you are his number one fan and that he can get through whatever is happening in his life. Make sure that you don’t stress him out even more by pushing him to do better or get over how he is feeling by belittling his problems to make them sound irrelevant.
Neglect or being too controlling
Your husband might start hating you if he feels like you are neglecting him. He can feel this way if you continuously don’t pay attention to him or ask him how his day went. It can also be more significant things like not discussing big matters with him before making a decision. On the contrary, your husband will usually hate you if you try to control him a lot because men generally need a certain amount of freedom and space.
How to fix it
You will have started involving your husband in your life more often, like inviting him to come with you to family events or work events and taking his opinion on things that concern both of you. Your husband appreciates that you care about what he brings to the table too.
If you feel like you are invading his space, then back off a little bit and let him make his own decisions from time to time.
3. Consider Professional help
Marriage counseling is highly recommended, especially if the tips above don’t work or you simply cannot understand why your spouse hates you.
Getting professional help from a marriage counselor will let both of you dig in and find the root of your marriage problem and what caused your husband to hate you. As mentioned earlier, your husband’s hate towards you isn’t always because of something you said or did, instead, it could be something he is going through himself or his traumas.
The best thing about getting a professional counselor is that the counseling sessions will be tailored to your specific needs in helping make your marriage survive. The counselor will get a more unbiased and clearer third-person perspective on the gaps in your marriage and figure out better how to make your husband love you again.
4. When to consider divorce?
Divorce can be your last resort if your husband is refusing to cooperate to fix your marriage or continues to hate you even after you tried everything in your power to save your marriage.
This chart shows the divorce rate in 2019 and as you can see millions file for divorce every year for various reasons. You are not obliged to stay married to a man that hates you especially if he starts acting in the following ways:
When there is a lot of disrespect involved
No matter how unhappy your husband is with your marriage, you should not let them disrespect you, especially not in public or in front of your or his family. Once your husband starts disrespecting you in public it means that he doesn’t value you and doesn’t care about how you feel at all. If your husband continues to disrespect you frequently and is refusing to talk about ways you can fix your relationship, then it might be time to get a divorce from him.
If your husband becomes abusive
When your husband hates you he will start to be really cold towards you and maybe be rude when approaching him. Some husbands decide to take out their anger by getting physically abusive.
That is when you should consider getting a divorce because domestic abuse can endanger your life. If you have children with your husband, they can become traumatized by seeing you getting abused by your husband, which will affect their mental health in the long run.
Ensure that you also report your husband to the needed authorities, so he doesn’t physically abuse anyone else in the future.
Sometimes your husband might hate you because he has someone else in his life and he might get frustrated around you because he would rather be spending time with his other lover than you.
If you find out that your husband is cheating on you it is highly suggested to file for a divorce because trust and loyalty are one of the main foundations of a marriage and your husband has broken those vows by having another romantic partner in his life.
Frequently asked question
How long should I keep trying to fix things with my husband who hates me?
It depends on how severe your husband’s hate for you is and how much of it is your fault or something you can change. You should also see how involved your husband is in trying to change the situation of your marriage. If he is putting in the effort, then it means that he still has love for you, and there is a good chance you will be able to fix marriage together.
Is divorce a good idea even if I have children with my husband who hates me?
As long as you are financially stable or can move to a family member’s house until you are back on your feet, it is better to leave your toxic marriage than let your children watch you being miserable.
You might be trying your hardest to make your marriage work because you feel like you have invested a lot of time and energy into it and don’t want to give up easily. If you trust your husband will try his best to help you work in fixing your marriage by communicating to you about the things that are upsetting him in you or his life then both of you can come out from this dark part of your marriage stronger and more in love than ever.
However, if your husband refuses to work things out, disrespects you regularly, or gets physically abusive, you have to put yourself first and leave the marriage. It will be really hard to recover from the divorce, especially if you were still in love with him, but in the long run, you are going to feel better without him than having to endure a toxic, abusive marriage.
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