What to get my... · 2021-06-20

What to Do if You Hate Your Life

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WHAT TO DO IF YOU HATE YOUR LIFE

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Many situations could push a person to say “I truly hate my life”. For example, being stuck in a career or marriage you dislike, being subjected to constant abuse and marginalization, living with certain ailments or disability, extreme poverty, failure, rejection from people or things that matter to them, perception of self, etcetera. Self-hate is crippling and can set a person many steps behind their capability. Overcoming this unhealthy hatred or hostility for oneself does not happen immediately but can be achieved if truly desired. If you are frustrated with life and do not know how to stop hating your life, we will like to help you by proferring helpful tips on what to do if you hate your life so much.

In this article, we have attempted to provide a well rounded and helpful information on self-hate by subdividing this article into 3;

  1. Understanding self-hate
  2. What to do when you hate your life so much
  3. How to be happy and how not to hate yourself

You will also find other useful information in our ‘frequently asked question’ section and in the following article;

UNDERSTANDING SELF-HATE

To address and overcome self-hate, it is necessary to understand the root cause of it. Our findings on works published on self-hate reveal that this is a complex mental and emotional state that could be triggered by external experiences or medical/mental problems. Whatever factors that encourage a person to self-hate either impede their human desire for love, comfort, and freedom. This gives rise to the feeling of being caged or living a prison sentence. People that express self-hate generally have a feeling of discontent or dissatisfaction with their life. This feeling could be accompanied by the feeling of guilt; whereby the self-hating one feels guilty for their contribution in making their life what it is. Harsh judgments, devaluation of self, anger, rage, or hostility are common behavioral displays among people who self-hate. It is important to note that self-hate has been a common reason for many people who reported self-harm or having the urge to harm themselves. Self-hate that leads to self-harm is usually motivated by the need for a person to distance themselves from qualities or situations they find unappealing or repulsive; the desire to be free and feel relief from their current situation. A person as young as 4 or even as old as 90 can self-hate and self-harm. Statistics however show that this is a common phenomenon among young adults.

Share of people who self-harmed during the COVID 19 lockdown in the United Kingdom, by age source: Statista

Share of people who self-harmed during the COVID 19 lockdown in the United Kingdom, by age

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU HATE YOUR LIFE SO MUCH

Expressing self-hate is usually a cry for change. As noted in the preceding section, the goal for many people who hate their life is to find relief from their current experiences. They want to be able to take charge of their lives and see positive results. If you hate everything about your life and want a different outcome for yourself, start by doing the following things;

1. Be realistic about life. Usually, self-hate tends to place a person in a thick isolated bubble. It encourages a person to see life in a limited, self-absorbed, and negative way. This reinforces the feeling of being overwhelmed and defeated by their current situation. It blinds them to other possibilities out there. No matter how you perceive your life to be, whether filled with bad luck & controlled by some negative force; no matter how trapped you feel, it is important to tell yourself the truth that you are not alone. Yes, you are not alone in your fight. Life is unfair in many ways and to many people. Be encouraged by the understanding that there are other people who have lived your experience or similar, and have made profitable resolutions for themselves. There are even people that have had worse experiences but are now in a better position. Your current situation should not make you feel like your life is over.

2. Be truthful about your current experiences. To be able to change what is wrong with your life, you need to understand and be plain about everything you think is wrong with it. A very helpful way to achieve this is to get a book or journal and write them down. List your main problems/ issues, for example; constant bullying, poverty, debt, an unwanted marriage, or scarred face. Then list the challenges you face because of the issue/s. If it is bullying (example), perhaps the challenges might be, loss of property, living in constant fear of threats, inability to avoid or confront bullies, etc. List how your experience with the issue makes you feel. For example, “I feel angry, weak, frustrated, depressed and sad”. List how the experience is making you view yourself, for example, weakling, not good enough, scum, etc. List how you think other people view you (if relevant). List things you think should be done to make your situation better. List how you think you can about solving the problem. After you’ve done these, you find out you are one step to understanding yourself. The whole process helps you to take a step back and reflect. Secondly, it will help you to become more clinical/direct in your quest for solutions.

3. Seek help. While many people who ‘hate life’ need help navigating that phase of their life, seeking help does not come easy to them perhaps because they do not know who to talk to and the perceived stigma of seeking help. Therefore they leave their mental health to deteriorate to the point of contemplating suicide and even going through with it. Did you know that

Seeking help from the right people takes you a step further in your quest for a happier and fulfilled life. Talk to relevant authorities; school administrators and counselors, the police, your parents or family members that are more understanding, professional therapists/ psychologists, and even church leaders. Open yourself up to receive help but be mindful of where you seek help.

4. Help yourself. The chances of you successfully overcoming the “I hate everything about your life” and “life is terrible” mindset/ phase depends majorly on you and your willingness. It will be helpful if you learn to develop a strong mindset that accommodates positive thoughts and blocks out negativity. Be willing to go out and find help instead of bottling everything. Some people truly want to help, give them the chance to help. Look for online resources that amplify your ability to make good resolutions.

HOW TO BE HAPPY & HOW NOT TO HATE YOURSELF

1. Develop a good and broad understanding of life. It helps you balance optimism, realism, and pessimism. Be practical about life.

2. Have a strong mind towards positivity and learn to combat negativity

3. Be truthful to yourself and other people who are willing to help you with your situations/ life experiences. Try not to leave in denial, or put up a facade about your experiences. It can be overwhelming. It could also encourage the feeling of guilt, shame, and fear.

4. Learn to be patient and kind to yourself. When you continue to judge yourself harshly, you not only develop a negative view of yourself and your capability, you also add unnecessary pressure that could affect other areas of your life. In the end, it weighs down your overall quality of life.

5. Avoid comparison. A popular saying goes “comparison is the thief of joy” – Theodore Rosevelt. Comparison not only steals your joy but time, mind space, peace, and unique path.

6. Stop living in other peoples’ heads about yourself, doing so will discourage and limit you. Always worrying about what people think of you is the perfect receipt for stagnation, backwardness, and retrogression.  It comes with a lot of unnecessary emotional baggage.

7. Redefine your goals and ways on how to achieve them. You can discuss this with someone with skills to guide you. After you have gotten your goals right, focus on them and be in the habit of doing things that will take you a step further toward achieving them.

8. Invest in self-developmental activities. Acquire new and relevant skills to help you improve on yourself. Do it unapologetically, do it for yourself, do it because you want to. It could be starting a new health regime, relocating, acquiring a new language, a new and unique way of expressing yourself through art, a profession in fashion and footwear, a new degree, a skill in animation, and many more. The list is endless. If you are a college student, check out fun leadership activities for college students.

9. Teach yourself to be solution-oriented.

10. Learn to highlight your strengths more than your weaknesses. Learn to work on your weaknesses instead of making excuses for them.

11. Make the act of gratitude a lifestyle. Complaining, nagging, self-pitying, grudges and other negative emotions not only weigh on you but also on people around you. Generally, people avoid people with such behaviors. Appreciate things and people around you, and appreciate yourself.

12. Be proactive about your mental health, seek help. Monitor what your mind consumes, and what your thoughts conceive. Be in the habit of evaluating your emotional state. Visit mental health workers and relevant authorities that help you resolve certain situations. Find useful tips on how to protect our health and lengthen our lives.

13. Volunteer. Be in the habit of doing something nice for someone else. It could be helping the elderly mow their lawns, teaching children how to draw and paint, helping people acquire gaming skills, and participating in charity marathons. Volunteering gives you a sense of community and opens your mind to possibilities. This act is fulfilling and it will break mental bubbles. Lastly, you gain a community of supportive friends. Check out the benefits of surrounding yourself with good friends.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

1. How do you know if you hate yourself?

a. You consistently judge yourself harshly

b. You prefer to highlight the negatives about yourself than pay attention to your positive attributes. You always devalue yourself.

c. You live in other peoples’ heads about yourself. This is because you tend to overly care about people’s perception of you, whether real or imagined, and your actions are guided by them.

d. You consistently compare yourself to other people

e. You set unrealistic expectations for yourself and when you do not meet up, you believe that you are a failure or never capable of being better

f. You are kinder to other people than yourself

g. You indulge in self-harming actions

h. You have a diminished desire to fight for yourself or do things that will build you. 

i. Your actions are guided by emotions most times

j. You always see the world to be against you and therefore you find it difficult to truly connect with people

k. Pessimism is your best friend

l. It is difficult to hold yourself accountable and always engage in blame games

m. Diminished interest in self-care

n. You always doubt good things that come to you. You also doubt good intentions and act in ways that will encourage self-fulfilling theory.

o. You are in the habit of blocking out your emotions and blocking out other people

p. You are very toxic

2. How can I be happy?

We have listed a hand full of ways to stay happy and not hate yourself, such as 

CONCLUSION

Self-hate is both emotionally and mentally burdensome and if sustained, it can drive a person to self-harm.  In this article, we have provided tips on what to do when you hate your life so much. We’ve done this by trying to help you understand self-hate, how to know if you hate yourself, what to do if you hate your life so much, and how to be happy and not hate yourself. Life is fond of dishing out experiences we never imagined and some of them are unpleasant. If you feel life is terrible, understand that you are not alone and many people are willing to help you get into the habit of winning.

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