- Living a private life should not be confused with living a double life. Private life is about privacy while a double life is about deceit and shame.
- Psychologically, people who live double lives do so out of fear of being shamed by their peers. They hide their other life to keep up a charade and not lose the respect that their peers have for them.
- There are always telltale signs of someone who is leading a double life. Keep reading this article to find out what these signs are.
WHAT DOES A PRIVATE LIFE MEAN?
Having a private life means that you do not like to share certain aspects of your life with other people especially when these details of your life are considered intimate. Having a private life is not the same as living a double life because living a double life entails deceit of some form while having a private life is choosing what and what not to share with people that are (not) close to you. living a double life meaning
PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE
Psychology claims that leading a double life is very common among ordinary people than we can imagine. This stems from humanity’s desire to keep secrets which stems from feelings of shame and guilt. When living a double life, the person living it often hides it because he/she is ashamed of either the implications or the consequences and therefore would rather hide than face the judgment of their fellow peers. For example, if one person in a marriage has an affair or even a secret family, they will want to keep that part of their life hidden from their spouse because of the social implications it has and often because cheating usually leads to divorce or separation (See graph below)
Divorce rates and infidelity. Source: The institute for family studies. Source link: hernorm.com
SIGNS OF A DOUBLE LIFE
So now the question arises, how do you know if your husband or partner is living a double life? When people are hiding something from you, there will be signs that point to their lies – no matter how hard they may try to hide them. The key is noticing these signs and taking action towards confronting him. Below are some of the signs that your husband has a secret life
1. HE HIDES HIS PHONE
Sure people are allowed their privacy, even in marriage, but if your husband always has his phone on his person at all times, it may be an indicator that he is living a secret life. If he takes his phone with him to the bathroom, kitchen, and bed it is highly likely that there is something in there he does not want you to see. Now, I know what you are thinking, what if he is addicted to watching TikTok videos like the rest of us? Well, true as that may be, people who are not hiding anything in their phones will easily put their phone down to do certain tasks like cook/clean. The phone might be nearby but never on your persona always. That is a red flag. Accompanying this red flag is when he has passwords for every app on his phone. If your partner is guilty of both of these, he is definitely hiding something from you and it is time you started paying attention to more of what is happening around you and in your life.
2. HE NEVER SPENDS TIME WITH YOU
Another sign that your husband is living a double life is when your husband is always working and busy even when at home. Now, while it is normal for your husband to be busy at work and have extra work to do at home, sometimes, it is not entirely possible for him to be occupied with work all the time. This is a common excuse used by spouses who lead a double life in order to throw their partner from discovering their secrets because how can you fault him for working? Your spouse is leading a double life if he refuses to spend any time with you excusing himself for always being busy with work. You know what they say “if he is not giving you attention he is giving it to another person!”
3. HE CONFUSES YOU FOR OTHER PEOPLE
A sign of living a double life, if there ever was a clear one, has to be the slip of the tongue. When your partner recalls going to places or attending events with you that did not happen, it means that they are confusing you with another woman they took to the event and it is a clear sign that your husband or boyfriend is leading a double life. This is the equivalent of screaming another woman’s name while in bed with you – except with this, you know that whoever they are having an affair with is not “just sex” because he is spending time with this woman and taking her to places he would be taking you. A clear sign of infidelity, the Freudian slip!
4. HE IS GENERALLY SECRETIVE
The moment your partner starts acting secretive, that is the moment you know that they have started to live two lives. Another sign of living a double life is when he starts acting overly secretive with you, he will start to lock his phone, his computer and emails, and hiding your shared finances (if you have a joint bank account). This is because he knows that the other woman/man will message him on his devices and he does not want you to see those messages. He is also most likely spending money on this other person and so he will hide your financial reports from you so you do not get suspicious of the unusual activity on your bank account. When you discover that your spouse is doing this, know that he is living a double life.
5. HE NO LONGER WANTS TO BE INTIMATE WITH YOU
You know a man is leading a double life and having extramarital affairs when he stops being intimate with you. This can range from holding hands and small kisses to completely losing sexual interest in you. It may start out small and eventually will escalate to him completely not expressing any sexual interest towards you. If your man chooses to neglect you when he is at home, that is a sign that he is having an affair. If he no longer cooks for you, or spends quality time with you, or take you out on dates, or holds you for comfort or otherwise, start questioning his motives and start searching for the truth to uncover whatever he is hiding from you.
SIGNS OF A WOMAN LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE
The signs of a woman living a double life do not differ from that of a man living a double life. Human behavior is quite predictable and it doesn’t change drastically between men and women. If you want to find out if your woman is living a double life, look out for changes she makes – according to psychology, the dead giveaway for women who are having affairs is their change in style. If you notice that your wife has started dressing differently to work and is taking a bit more time to get ready in the mornings, it could be a sign that she is cheating on you – or it could also just mean that she has found a new style she wants to try. This sign on its own does not hold much weight which is why you will need to pair it with some of the other signs above to determine the truth.
LIVING A DOUBLE LIFE QUOTES
“If someone wants to lead a double life, they will find a way to do it.” – Stephanie Klein
“People living a double life will be exposed. You don’t have to go out of your way investigating. What’s done in the dark comes to light.” – Tony Gaskins
1. Is it possible to live a double life?
Yes, it is very possible to lead a double life. Although living a double life may cause you stress because of the constant sneaking around, covering up, and lying – people have successfully managed to live double lives for long periods of time. However, be prepared to lose everything and possibly everyone you love when/if they find out about your other life.
2. What does it mean when someone is living a double life?
Living a double life means having to live two lives separate from each other. Which means hiding one aspect of your life from the people in your life. This could be an addiction or an affair that you do not want the people in your life, presumably who you think to respect you, to find out. Living a double life means having to lie and scheme your way through life and hope you never get caught.
3. How does one stop leading a double life?
You make a commitment to one life and you stick to it. You go to therapy if that is what you or the people in your life want. If you had an affair, you apologize to whomever you decide to leave behind, and to whoever you choose to be with because you hurt them both equally. You commit to whoever you choose and you make choices, every day, that affirm them and their trust in you.
4. How do you tell if he’s living a double life?
All the ways listed above will let you know if your man is living a double life. make sure to find concrete proof that your person is hiding something from you before you start throwing around accusations.
5. What do you call a person who lives a double life?
What you call someone living a double life depends on what they are doing with their double life. Generally, they would be called liars and it would technically be true. However, what they were lying about is also an important factor, for example, if someone is living a double life because they are having an affair then they would be both a liar and a cheater.
6. How do I keep my personal life private?
Keeping your personal life is very easy. All you have to do is decide what you want to share with the rest of the world and what you are comfortable with letting everyone else see. Once you have decided this, you will have to let those people close to you to respect your boundaries and not post anything of/about you that you would not post yourself. For example, if you have a child and you decide that you will not post your child on any social media platform, then letting your family and friends who are close to your child and may have pictures know that they are not allowed to post your child on social media platforms.
7. Why being a private person is good?
Being a private person is good because you get to live your life on your own terms. In this day and age of social media, people tend to overshare and it is okay if you do not want to share as much and keep a little mystery about yourself.
8. Can you be in love with 2 people?
Yes, it is very possible to be in love with two people at the same time. This applies to throuples – three people who have consented to be in a relationship with each other. However, this logic does not apply to couples who are in monogamous relationships because being “in love” with a second person will usually imply cheating on the first person – either emotionally or physically – which leads to hurt feelings.
In conclusion, people who live a double life usually have things to hide and these are things that they are ashamed of. There are telltale signs of someone who is living a double life that you can actively observe before you try to start proving they are guilty. We hope this article has helped you find some of the signs and can help you in launching an (un)official investigation towards uncovering the truth.
Note: It is important to note that a double life does not only pertain to infidelity. Sometimes men living double lives have a gambling problem or an alcohol/drug addiction – for example. The constant in anyone living a double life is their shame and often guilt of their actions and their fear of being judged, so when you catch your man habiting any of the stated signs above, do not automatically assume there is another woman/man involved – but be aware that your spouse has been lying to you to cover their tracks about something they are ashamed of.
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