Husband Loses Temper over Little Things - 31 Causes, Effects and Ways to Handle Your Husband Getting Angry over Little Things
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
As much as we would like marriage to be a bed of roses where everything is always perfect and like fairy tales, spouses get to live happily ever after, this is far from the reality. Conflict will arise in marriage and partners will get upset with each other simply because no two humans are the same and cannot be expected to do what is pleasing to the other all the time
The best scenario we can hope for is that this is infrequent and that such situations are resolved quickly.
A situation where your husband loses temper over little things is therefore far from ideal and one that merits serious thought and needs to be dealt with as soon as possible before it messes up the marriage.
There can be quite a number of reasons why your husband gets mad over little things and some of them will be discussed here. Some of these will have nothing to do with you as the partner but because you are the closest person to him, you feel the full weight of it.
It is precisely because it affects you the most that you have to be the one to deal with it.
To go about fixing a problem however, one must know the root cause of it. This is why this article will attempt to talk about why your husband loses temper over little things as well as what will happen if you don’t fix it and finally, how you can fix it.
9 Reasons why your husband gets angry over little things
One of the reasons why people get angry in general is stress and this is shown by this chart from the American Psychology Association (APA).
It is therefore a very valid reason for why you may have an irritable husband. There could be a number of things stressing him out such as work related issues, family problems or even financial issues.
As a result of the pressures from the aforementioned issues, your husband might be lashing out at other things and other people, including you.
Another reason for your husband being mad at the little things is that he might be insecure in the marriage. Your husband might fear for instance, that you are too good for him and so he expresses this frustration by getting angry at you and belittling you so that he feels worthy of you.
Another very big issue that some men cannot seem to wrap their heads around is a situation where their partner earns more than they do. If you find yourself asking “why does my husband yell at me over the smallest things?” and you earn more than him, there is a chance that this is the reason. Society has conditioned men to be the breadwinners in a family and when this is taken from them, some of them lash out on the partner as they will view them as the problem.
3. Communication issues in marriage
If you notice that in your marriage, you and your husband are unable to express your emotions to each other easily, it might lead to a situation where your husband loses temper over the little things as well as the big. It is as a result of him being unable to express his feelings to you in a calm manner.
There is a chance that the cause of this is that you, as his partner, were dismissive of his emotions when he tried to talk to you at some point by saying things like, “be a man”. This can create a hateful husband who masks his emotion behind anger.
4. Less than ideal upbringing
Sometimes your husband might not even know that the reason he is mad all the time is because it was ingrained into him as he grew up. Maybe he was raised in an abusive home where people only communicated with each other through angry outbursts and he internalized this.
This is often quite hard to discern and may only reveal itself to be a reason when professional help is sought.
5. Midlife crisis
Your husband could also be going through a midlife crisis where he evaluates his life and is not happy with the results. He might be frustrated that he is not doing as well as he thought he would be at this stage in his life and is taking out this frustration on those little things that he is losing his temper on.
6. Control freak
There is also a chance that your crabby husband is simply a control freak who is getting angry at any and everything that he cannot control. If you are familiar with the show, “Malcolm in the Middle,” you might recall how Malcom’s mother gets angry at a lot of things because she cannot stand that they are out of her control.
This is even worse when your husband is also a perfectionist. They will lash out at people and things they feel are not up to standard and because you are the partner, you get to be directly in the line of fire.
If your husband is cheating on you with someone else, you might find that your husband is getting mad at everything you say or do. This is because he feels that the person he is cheating with is better than you and resents that he is with you so he takes this feeling out on you and other things that you do.
To find out if he is cheating here are signs your husband is cheating on you with a friend.
8. Unhappy in marriage
If your husband gets mad easily this might be a result of him being unhappy in the marriage and feeling unable to express it in other ways.
Whether he realizes it or not, he might throw tantrums and become moody and grumpy most of the time as a way of saying that he is not happy with you and is considering leaving.
Related articles for signs and reasons husband is unhappy in marriage:
- Signs your husband is planning to leave you
- Signs your husband isn’t in love with you
- Sgns that you are a bad wife.
9. Looks down on you
Have you found yourself constantly asking the question, “why does my husband get mad at everything I say?”, it might be for the very unfortunate reason that he does not respect you and does not consider you his equal.
Because of this, he will constantly try to belittle you by yelling at you and getting angry at everything you do or say, especially when you offer an opinion to him. One way of knowing if this is the case is if he is always sarcastic in his dealings with you.
9 Effects of a husband who gets irritated easily
Anger causes people to lose control and lash out at other people or things. Some people are able to regain control in time before they do something that they will regret but others, not so much.
Your husband could be one of the latter and the effect of this is that he might become abusive towards you or your children either physically and/ or emotionally.
11. Feeling of insecurity
If there is abuse or the threat of abuse when your husband gets mad, it is normal that you and others around you, including your children, will feel unsafe around your husband when he gets angry.
The feeling of not knowing what he will do when he gets mad can be very damaging to you and those around you because it would lead to anxiety and other mental health issues.
12. Loss of self-esteem and depression
A loss of self esteem can kick in when you find yourself constantly asking why your husband gets so angry at you. You and others affected might begin to ask yourselves if you are incapable of doing things right such that he always gets so angry.
This loss of self-worth can then spiral down into depression which can be very damaging in the long term.
13. Mental health issues in children
Earlier we spoke about how your husband’s upbringing could be the cause of his temper as he could have internalized the anger in his environment. This very same thing could therefore happen to your children if your husband keeps getting angry around them.
It is no secret that children pick up a lot of things from their parents and if your husband gets angry over the smallest things and lashes out, they could subconsciously assimilate this and communicate in kind thereby creating a vicious cycle when they have their own children.
14. Loss of intimacy
It is all but certain that there will be a loss of intimacy between you and your husband if he is the type to lose his temper over little things because intimacy requires one to feel safe and comfortable.
If your husband is constantly angry, feeling safe around him can be difficult which would reduce the level of intimacy between the two of you.
15. Increase in arguments and decrease in communication
If your husband’s anger is directed towards you, it could lead to you replying in kind and once that happens, arguments will follow.
The more you argue, the less you communicate and the more angry both of you become which would lead to a complete breakdown in communication in your marriage and once that happens, the marriage is as good as done.
16. Distance develops between the two of you
The feelings of insecurity, loss of intimacy and increase in arguments would likely lead to you and your husband going out of your way to avoid each other so as to reduce conflict and this would cause distance to develop between the two of you.
This distance will ensure that you both aren’t close enough to be able to relate with or confide in each other like you used to.
17. Chances of infidelity increases
Another adverse effect of a perpetually angry husband is that the chances that either you or him will be more inclined to be unfaithful in the marriage will increase.
You might find yourself tired of having to walk on eggshells around your husband all the time such that when you are approached by someone else who offers you the care that your husband does not, you are less likely to refuse their offer.
You might also decide that the anger issues of your husband are simply too much to bear and seek to walk out of the marriage.
This is not an uncommon occurrence because while anger itself might not cause a lot of divorces, the issues that it creates such as abuse and an increase in arguments, do.
13 Things to do when your husband gets mad easily
19. Don’t let it get to you.
The first thing you need to do is to try to ensure that your husband losing temper over little things affects you as little as possible. You need to continually remind yourself that you are not the cause of the anger regardless of how he tries to paint things.
This will help you keep your self esteem up and depression down and would even help you remain calm enough to better handle the situation.
Here are tips on how to feel better when sad.
20. Find out why he is angry
The next thing you need to do is to find out what makes your husband so angry. You need to observe him to find out the triggers because only then can you know how to go about solving the problem of him losing his temper easily.
21. Find out what calms him down
As you are observing him to find out what it is that annoys him, you should also try to find out what brings him out of this anger and calms him down.
This could be music, movies, stories or even food. You can then use these as a temporary measure to calm him down when he begins to go off the rails.
22. Don’t encourage it
If you know that your husband is the sort that can let his anger get away from him, you should try not to encourage the anger by telling him things that will make him more angry when he starts to become irritated by something.
For instance, if he is mad at the neighbours for something, do not tell him other annoying things that the neighbors did just yet. Wait until he is calm if you absolutely must tell him.
23. Set boundaries
An important thing to do when dealing with a husband who gets mad easily is to set boundaries that inform him of things you will not tolerate when he gets mad. Some boundaries you could set include telling him that no matter how angry he gets he will never:
- Call you derogatory names
- Hit the kids in anger
- Disrespect you outside
- Get past a certain level of anger.
Find a way to enforce these boundaries by refusing him something that he likes when he crosses them and they will help rein him in when he goes off the rails.
24. Don’t fight fire with fire
You might find that you get upset with your husband when he begins to lose his temper. This is not a good strategy because it would most probably lead to him getting even angrier.
You should instead stay calm and address the source of the current tantrum which you would be better equipped to do with a calm mind. Him seeing you calm will eventually calm him down as well if only to not appear like a fool whose words are not having an effect.
25. Reply him but not all the time
It is fine to get into an argument with him every now and then for issues that are really bothering you. You should however not make a habit of it so that when you do reply to his tantrums, he takes it more seriously.
Also by argument we do not mean yelling, you can argue with him with a calm disposition. Yelling would only escalate the situation.
26. Know when to apologize
Sometimes the source of the anger is indeed a fault of yours. In such cases, you should apologize as this will have the effect of robbing him of the ammunition that he needs to keep going on about the issue in question.
27. Get Distracted
A temporary measure that you could take when your husband loses temper over little things is to get distracted. Just find a way to remove yourself from the situation until he calms down. Some things you can do include:
- Calling a timeout.
- Going for a run or other forms of exercise.
- Meeting up with a friend.
- Taking the kids out.
When you come back he will likely be more calm which will then give you the opportunity to talk it out.
28. Make a joke
You can also use humor to diffuse the situation. You could tell a joke or send a funny text that would diffuse the tension in the air and calm your husband down enough to better address the situation.
This works best if your husband is not the type to remain angry for long and is predispositioned to return to normalcy pretty fast.
29. Discuss it with him
You could also attempt to discuss the matter with him. Tell him how his tantrums are hurting the marriage and you and how he needs to change. You could even hold an intervention with close family and friends who are aware of the situation.
It is important that you create an environment where he would be able to talk about his feelings openly and then you have to ensure that you listen to what he has to say.
This can give you both clues to the underlying reasons for his tantrums so that you can be able to work on it better.
Get more tips on how to help him with his anger from how to stop saying hurtful things when angry.
30. Seek professional help
Should you find that you are unable to help him on your own, you should seek professional help. You can convince him of the need to go to a therapist or you can both go to a marriage counselor so that you can offer him support.
I like to emphasize that you are free to go to different therapists so that you can find the best one for you because therapy is not a one size fits all.
If all else fails and you can’t take his tantrums and the effects they have anymore, you should seriously consider leaving the marriage to preserve your peace of mind and to protect the children if any.
Be sure to educate yourself on the effects and procedures of divorces so that you are better prepared for it if or when you decide to go through with it.
Other tips on what to do when your husband gets mad easily are included in:
- Things to do when your husband hates you
- What to do when your husband does not respect you
- How to help a man with depression
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Why does my husband have such a bad temper?
- He might be under a lot of stress
- It may have been how he was raised
- He may be a control freak
- He might be going through a midlife crisis
- He may have issues communicating
2. How do I deal with my husband’s temper tantrums?
- Find out why he gets so angry
- Set boundaries that he shouldn’t cross when he is throwing a tantrum
- Don’t get angry as well
- Know when to apologize
- Seek professional help
3. Can someone with anger issues change?
It is not impossible for someone with anger issues to change but it might be difficult depending on how deeply affected they are by the root cause of the anger issues. Anything from finding love to going to intense therapy can help but simply put, yes, it is possible. You just have to find the most appropriate way to help them and this might take some time but will be worth it in the end.
In case you are of the mindset that this article unfairly places the responsibility to help your husband on you (we understand), please don’t think of it that way. Think of it as you being a partner that needs to help out your partner that can’t seem to help themselves.
Marriage is all about caring for your spouse and if it was you losing temper over the little things, we would recommend most of these things to your husband as well.
Your husband having anger issues is no reason to leave a marriage but if you have exhausted all options and nothing seems to be working, few will blame you for walking away.
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