6 Key areas of Things to know about each other before marriage
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Life couldn’t get any better for you at the moment as you are so in love with your partner. You can’t wait for the next step in your relationship which naturally is for them to pop the question. Asking you for your hand in marriage, but are you really ready for marriage?
Do you know everything there is to know about each other before deciding to marry?
You feel in your heart that you are ready to spend the rest of your life together. You have been dating each other for a couple of years now and think that you know your partner inside and out.
You are so happy and in love that nothing could come between you and the love of your life. You feel that together, you can do anything, you could conquer the world and you will survive.
The only problem is marriage cannot survive on love alone. Love is not enough despite how you feel and the things that you may have heard like “All you need is love”.
Marriage is a lot more than just love. It is a deeper understanding of each other’s needs, wants and desires for your future together as a couple. Marriage is about accepting one another’s lives as they are and then working together to build a life that is perfect for both of you.
If you planning on spending the rest of your life together and want your marriage to work and last. There are things that you need to make sure that you understand each other.
Many of these things need to be agreed upon by both of you that will ensure a long-lasting and happy marriage.
The only way that this can be done is to communicate with each other. Proper communication skills are one of the best skills that you can have in any relationship.
This means taking the time to talk to each other face-to-face without any distractions. Being honest about your thoughts and feelings but in a respectful and kind way. Say what you have to say but also listen to what your partner has to say as well.
Good communication is not only about discussing the easy and nice things in life like your love for each other. It is also about discussing the important and sometimes difficult things too.
This means that you have to ask each other some really difficult questions. These types of questions can feel uncomfortable to ask as you are unsure of how your partner will react to them. But keep in mind that these are important things that you should know before you plan the rest of your life together.
It is better for your relationship to ask these difficult but important questions and know the answers to them before you get married. In actual fact, it would be best to have a list of these things to discuss before even getting engaged.
You could get a straight forward answer to most of the questions that come up. But there will be other questions that you or your partner are unsure of the answers to. Few people plan their entire lives out in front of them because they rarely work out the way you plan. For these types of questions, you could get something like “we will tackle the issue when we get there” kind of answer.
Another way to handle the questions that either of you are unsure about is to give each other some time to think about them. Then get together and discuss them or try to come up with a solution together.
When they do answer make the effort to listen carefully to the things that they say without interrupting them.
You may be thinking, but how do you know what are the best questions to ask? What questions will give you all the information that you need?
Don’t worry we are here to help. We have put together a list of questions that you can use. These questions are some of the most important things to know about each other before marriage. These things will cover everything from finances, children, handling disagreements and more.
The things couples should talk about before marriage are:
Finances and spending habits
Discussing finances can be a difficult subject to talk about but they are important to talk about before you decide to get married. You do need to know about each other’s spending habits, debt if any and saving plans.
Money issues are known as one of the main causes of stress in a relationship and often can lead to couples getting a divorce. So it is important for you to discuss things like how you will pay the bills together, save for vacations and pay for large purchases like a house or a car.
Some important questions to ask before marriage are:
- What are your thoughts on sharing our incomes?
- Do you have good budget planning skills?
- Do you manage to stick to a budget?
- Would we share all our earnings in one joint account or will we have different accounts for different things?
- How will we share the monthly bills?
- How do you feel about having debt?
- Do you have any debt at the moment?
- What is important to you about saving money?
- What is okay to spend money on and what is not?
- Do you feel that it is important to save money for retirement?
- Which one of us will control the financial aspects of our household?
You might not have children on your mind at first but it is something you need to discuss. You should discuss whether you both want children or not as this will help avoid any issues when the time comes. Once you have determined that you both want children, you should extend the conversation to other details of having children.
Other details to cover about having children are:
- How many children would you like to have?
- What if we struggle to have children? Will we seek medical help or will we adopt?
- When would you like to start having children?
- If we have a child that is born with some health problems, how would you handle the situation?
- What values would you like to instill in our children?
- How will we discipline our children?
- If we disagree on certain parental discipline or decisions, how will we resolve the issue?
- How involved would you want the grandparents to be?
- Which type of school will our children attend? A private or public school?
- What about college or university?
Communicating and Resolving conflict
Proper communication is crucial to any relationship and there will be times where you are going to disagree with each other. There will also be times when you will need to negotiate with each other and sometimes it could lead to conflict.
You both might have completely different ways of resolving conflict like one of you might need to walk away to calm down and think things over. One of you may have a tendency to shoot your mouth off in a heated argument and later regret it.
It is best to discuss these types of things before you get married so that when the time comes the other knows how to best handle and resolve the situation.
Some questions that you could ask each other are:
- How do you react to disagreements and arguments?
- Would you be willing to discuss each issue as they arise?
- If we are unable to resolve issues on our own, will you be willing to see a marriage counselor?
- How would you handle it if there was a conflict between me and your family?
- If either of us is unhappy with something, what is your preferred way of communicating it?
- What are your feelings and thoughts on infidelity?
- If the relationship can’t be saved, would you be willing to get a divorce?
Careers and career goals
Another important key area to discuss with each other before getting married is each other’s careers and career goals. You need to be able to support each other through the challenges the two of you may face reaching those goals that you have set.
This is especially true if one partner decides to suddenly change careers and go in a completely new direction that causes financial difficulties in their relationship.
Questions that you can ask are:
- If you don’t already know, what line of work are you in?
- Do you enjoy what you are doing?
- Is it the career of your choice? If not what is?
- What is your ultimate career goal?
- How do you plan on achieving it?
- If you are offered your dream job in another city thousands of miles away, would you want me to move with you?
- If I happen to lose my job for some reason, how would you feel?
- If I were to decide to quit my job and start something new and on my own which could take a year or two to get off the ground. Would you continue to give me emotional and financial support if necessary?
Family and Friends
Friends and Family will always be an important part of our lives whether you are married or not. Your family will always be there to support you and your decisions no matter what.
But also having friends that you both get along with helps keep your life balanced as they give you a couple of hours away from the hard work of your relationship.
Spending some alone time with each of your friends on your own can often help strengthen your relationship as they are there to listen to you, encourage you and support you when you need them.
Important questions to ask about family and friends are:
- What type of relationship do you have with your family?
- Who is your favorite family member?
- How often would you want to visit your family?
- Are there any of your friends that you have had a relationship with?
- What are the things you enjoy doing with your friends?
- Where do you go with your friends?
- How much alone time do you need with your friends?
- Do you enjoy get-togethers with your friends as a couple?
Hobbies and Other interests
As individuals, you may have hobbies, interests, and passions that you enjoy doing on your own which is great. But as a couple that wants to move forward and take the next step in their relationship, it is a good idea to find common hobbies and interests that you could do together.
This gives you the opportunity to connect with each other in a more intimate way on a regular basis.
Ask each other a couple of questions from the past to get a sense of the type of hobbies and interests that you both will enjoy doing together.
- What were your favorite hobbies as a young child?
- Do you still enjoy those hobbies?
- Do you enjoy activities or hobbies that are more active and physical in nature or ones that provide more of a mental challenge for you?
- If you had the time and money, what hobby would you choose to do?
- Are there any specific hobbies that you have tried before that you do not like?
Once you have an idea of the type of hobbies that have been tried, loved and hated. You can then make a list from hobbies for couples in their 20s of other hobbies that you could try together as a couple.
Or if you want to wait until after you get married to present your partner with a list of fun things to do after you get married, the choice is yours.
There are many things to know about each other before marriage but if you have been in a relationship together for some time there are certain things you automatically learn about each other naturally. Then there are other key but difficult things that you should learn about by asking each other important questions.
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