What to get my... · 2021-11-18

9 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Talk About Your Relationship

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why you shouldn't talk about your relationship

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“Tame your tongue, not everything should be said”

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Would you keep a secret about your partner at the expense of your mental health

Risk of involving others in your relationship.

Confiding in people about your relationship is risky. A lot of people do not have the maturity to handle the truth about your relationship or life. They may show signs of genuine care, love, and support for you but many things are better left unsaid to friends for these reasons;

1. Disrespect to partner

The first reason why you shouldn’t talk about your relationship with friends is that you’ll likely put your partner in a position to be disrespected by others. By involving anyone in your relationship matters, you are allowing them to have a level of input in your relationship. This is not bad so far there are boundaries. But when you tell them privileged information about you and your partner, you’ve essentially given them the green light to cross their boundaries in your relationship which can be disastrous. With such information, they might make flawed judgments about your relationship, influence decisions in your relationship through their advice, and treat your partner poorly. By doing such, you’ve put your partner at risk of being other people’s victim. If you don’t want this to happen, stop talking about your relationship problems with others.

2. Break of trust

You are more likely to break your partner’s trust by talking to friends about your relationship. People that discuss their relationship with others put themselves at risk of oversharing information that should have been left a secret.  You cannot tell what a person is capable of doing with the information you’ve shared with them. “But my partner won’t find out that I talked to my friends about our relationship. I trust my friends”. Whether or not your partner finds out that you’ve talked to someone about things they wouldn’t want another person knowing, it does not change the fact that you have broken their trust.

3. Envy and jealousy

The third reason why you shouldn’t talk about your relationship with people is that you might be putting yourself at risk of being harmed. We’ve mentioned earlier that a lot of people lack the maturity to handle the truth about their friend’s life and relationship. It is not news that people kill their friends or relatives out of jealousy and envy. Yes, not everyone is bad, but you cannot confidently vouch for people when you do not know their true intentions. The person you are talking to about your partner might not have your best interest at heart. When you talk to people about your relationship, you can only hope that they receive it with a good heart and not be spiteful of your relationship.

4. Comparison

It is human to compare things and people. The only problem is that some people don’t play fair after they’ve compared their lives to yours. They’ll aim to ‘even the ground’ by either adding to their life or subtracting from your life to match theirs. When you talk about your relationship with people, you risk your relationship because a bad friend will try to ruin things for you and your partner just to even out their lives with yours.

5. Updates

It’s quite hard to leave a story unfinished when you’ve started dishing out details to friends. Your friends will persuade you for updates and you’ll be at risk of oversharing details that should be kept discreet. By involving others in your relationship, you are making your relationship a public affair instead of a bond between you and your partner. If you keep talking to people about your relationship, do not complain if your relationship loses its savor.

6. Wrong advice

Talking about relationship problems with others might be good for your mental health but bad for your relationship. Your friends might mean well when they give you advice, but their advice might not be the best for your relationship. They don’t know your partner as you do, nor understand the full scope of your relationship. Besides, they may take your side when you are wrong out of loyalty or because you didn’t tell them the whole truth. It is good to always take relationship advice from friends with a pinch of salt. It is best if you don’t take relationship advice from friends. Look for someone neutral to confide in, like a counselor or a mature parent.

7. Cheat with partner

Hey, your friend might be gunning for your man, so zip it! Did you know that people who cheat on their partners will most likely do it with a friend? Did you also know that cheating with a friend’s spouse is a thing for a lot of ‘friends’? When you talk about your relationship with some so-called friends, you are only giving them advice on how to approach your partner. Check out this interesting stat from Statista, it should be enough reason why you shouldn’t talk about your relationship.

With whom did you cheat with_

8. Put partner in harm’s way

We’ve mentioned earlier that you’d make your partner the victim of other people’s schemes when you talk about them and your relationship with people. You cannot truly tell what a person can do with the information you’ve served them about your relationship and partner. Leave your friends out of your relationship as much as possible. But if you must chat about relationships with friends, make the conversation as shallow as possible when you discuss yours.

9. Breakup

It’s not once we’ve heard of friends breaking up their friends’ relationships and marrying their friend’s ex. By involving others in your relationship, you risk people sabotaging your relationship which might lead to the death of your once-happy relationship. You might be interested in How to fix a broken relationship with your boyfriend and how to fix a broken relationship with your girlfriend.

Things you shouldn’t tell your friends about your relationship.

We understand that relationship topics do come up randomly in conversations with friends, but when you engage in such a conversation, here are a couple of things you shouldn’t tell your friends about your relationship;

1. Past traumas

Unless your partner has made their past traumas public knowledge, it is a terrible idea to ever talk to your friends about it. It is plain disrespectful to your partner to talk about issues of their life when they entrusted such information to you and you alone. How would you feel if your partner shared your traumatic experience with friends when you only intended it for your partner’s ears alone? How would you feel if your partner told his or her friends about your rape experience? Check out What not to do in a relationship with a boyfriend.

2. Family secret

Your partner might let you in on family matters because they trust you and find comfort in you as their partner. You will be betraying this trust by telling other people about your partner’s family matters. A girlfriend or boyfriend tells everyone your business is displaying signs of immaturity and sadly, this is a costly sign of immaturity. Talking to people about family matters can complicate things for the family and can even dent their reputation.

3. Financial difficulty

Unless your partner has permitted you to help him or her lookout for job opportunities, it is insulting to talk to friends about your partner’s financial difficulty. Don’t make a bad situation worse for your partner by letting other people know his financial status. Leave your friends out of your relationship problems, especially this one.

4. Sex life, dirty texts, and videos of your partner

Whether or not your partner is good in bed, it is immature to broadcast your partner’s sexual status and abilities to friends or people without their permission. It is disrespectful to your partner and more so, you could damage his or her reputation. You might also be doing yourself a grave injustice by telling your friends about your sex life with your partner. The person you are talking to might be gunning for your partner. Don’t get surprised if your friend sleeps with your partner, snatch them or just break your relationship out of spite.

5. Partners insecurities

Your partner might be afraid of spiders, small spaces, living alone, red oil, snakes, his parents, and many more, it is not in your place to share their insecurities with people. If they want people to know about it, they will tell people themselves. If you find out that your girlfriend or boyfriend tells everyone your business, you should definitely caution him.

6. Medical history

There are only a few instances when you can disclose your partner’s medical history, for example, an emergency. Other than that, you have no justifiable reason to make your partner’s health history or status a topic of discussion amongst your friends. If you tell people about you and your partner’s medical history, you might be handing them a bullet to use on you. If your girlfriend or boyfriend tells everyone your medical history without your consent, speak to them about it.

7. Disagreements

Dishing out information about your disagreements with your partner to people is unnecessary except in cases of abuse. If your partner is abusing you, we don’t think it is a good idea to keep it to yourself because you do not want to be lonely or you love him too much. Anything outside abuse should stay between you and your partner and your family if they witnessed the disagreement. If your girlfriend or boyfriend tells his friends about our fights, s/he is immature. They are painting you in a negative light which could be costly to you in the future. Be informed about When you should give up on a relationship.

Frequently Asked Question

1. Should your partner tell you where they are?

Your partner should not stress about informing you of every detail of their movement. If they choose to inform you, fine but it is not necessary. Your partner should however not keep you in the loop about their day. It is a sign of respect for you and a safety precaution. If you feel the need to know every bit of your partner’s movement, you have an unhealthy expectation of your partner that could potentially damage your relationship. We urge you to find the root cause of this expectation and deal with it. Don’t ruin a good relationship because of your insecurities.

In the event that your current partner has cheated on you in the past and it has destroyed your trust for him or her, we urge that you inform your partner about your expectation and why you expect that from them. We also urge you to let go of the past if you have chosen to continue the relationship with him. Rebuild your trust by talking to a counselor, being plain with your partner, and actively choosing to let go of your past hurt. If you can no longer trust him or her, it might be best to let them go. You might find our article “how to forgive your spouse for past mistakes” very helpful.

2. Why you shouldn’t talk about your relationship with friends

In summary…

Anything you say could be used as ammunition against you, your partner, and your relationship. That is why you shouldn’t talk about your relationship with people. Stay woke and learn to tame your tongue.

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