15 Signs of a Lazy Man (Husband) and 9 Ways How to Deal with a Lazy Husband.
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Someone being lazy is a choice. No one was born lazy. A lazy person surprisingly has to work hard at being lazy because it is a conscious decision they take daily.
Hard work on the other hand is the opposite of laziness and is the distinctive feature that sets successful people apart from mediocre ones. Hard work is what differentiates the rich from the poor in most instances and some Americans surveyed in 2012 (seen here) agree with this too.
And what you don’t want as a woman, is to be in a relationship with a lazy man. Not only will this drain you in the relationship, but it will also affect your mental health and make you generally resentful towards everyone else. This is why it is good to know the signs of a lazy man early on in a relationship so that you walk away soon enough. If however you are now married to this lazy man, worry not. We will also give you some helpful tips on how to motivate a lazy husband. So strap on your seatbelt and let us explore the signs of a lazy (person)/man in a relationship and what you can do about it.
Check out this related article on Gifts for lazy dads.
Lazy men in relationships – 15 signs of a lazy (man) husband/signs of a lazy lover.
Table of Contents
Your gut is telling you that you have a lazy man/lover, but you are probably in denial and refusing to believe it. You convince yourself that you’re probably just imagining it and that he’s not a lazy lover. You do need to wake up from the valley of denial and face up to the truth. If you see any, most, or all of these traits in your man, then he is a lazy man/lazy lover. Or if you’re married already, then he sadly is a lazy husband.
1. He procrastinates a lot.
Lazy people are chief procrastinators. They put off to tomorrow what they should be doing today. And the problem isn’t just that they put it off but that they never even do it when tomorrow comes. When tomorrow comes, they have other reasons why they want to procrastinate for another day. And this is because they are just too lazy to get the work done. And it’s not because they cannot do it, but simply because they are too lazy and know that doing what they need to do requires effort. And they don’t want to make that effort.
Is your husband/lover always pushing doing things to every other day but today? Is he a chief procrastinator? Then he is a lazy lover.
2. He never wants to go the extra mile.
Asking a lazy person to go the extra mile is like trying to move a rock from point A to B. It is simply impossible. A lazy person does only the barest minimum and only because it is required of them. If it was not required of them, they would not even bother. Now, to expect them to go over and beyond what is required of them? That is asking too much of them, at least as far as they are concerned.
And if you see this in your lover or husband then sorry to burst your bubble honey, he is a lazy lover or husband. If he cannot be bothered to go over and above the call of duty to help you at home, that is laziness. If you have to beg him to go the extra mile for you, then he is a lazy lover.
3. He is hardly proactive.
This goes hand-in-hand with being an extra mile person. A hardworking person goes the extra mile and to do this, they are proactive in looking for ways to be proactive. The lazy person is the exact opposite. Being proactive is contrary to their nature because it means going out of their way to look for work to do. And they will question you about why the heck they will bother to do that.
And you see this in the lazy lover too. He would never be spontaneous with you. He would never go out of his way to do something nice for you. Being proactive in being a lover is considered too much work for him. He isn’t that way in his life, to begin with, and does not, therefore, see why he should be that way in his relationship with you.
This particular trait is why most relationships end up being stale, boring, and uneventful. If one or both partners couldn’t be bothered about being proactive and looking for new ways to keep the relationship interesting, it is only a matter of time for the relationship to reach a point where they feel they have fallen out of love. And this is why a lazy lover is dangerous for any relationship.
This related article on 35 Interesting topics to talk about with your girlfriend can help you out if you’re too lazy to come up with interesting topics in your relationship. You may also like this article on How to keep things interesting in a long distance relationship.
4. He is not a very clean person or clean at all.
Is his space always messy day in and day out? Does he live in a pigsty and isn’t even bothered about it? Then he is a lazy man. Uncleanliness is one of the common symptoms of laziness and this is because cleanliness requires working hard to keep a clean space. And since being lazy is the very antithesis of working hard, you can then understand why a lazy person is an unclean person.
5. He always has excuses.
This is a trait that goes hand-in-hand with being a procrastinator. He always has an excuse about why you can’t do something fun as a couple or he has a reason why he can’t go out. Every time he needs to do something that requires effort on his part, suddenly there is a lame excuse, clothed as a good excuse, about why he cannot do it. That’s a lazy lover darling.
6. He hardly finishes what he starts.
Or maybe he’s always talking big and looking like he starts stuff. But when the going gets tough and he needs to put in more grit and effort to see it through, he immediately throws in the towel and quits.
7. You always have to bail him out.
Do you find that somehow he always has money problems and stories about why he does not have money and needs you to bail him out? Then he is lazy and does not want to work hard to have enough to keep himself afloat. He sees asking you to bail him out as an easy way to avoid the responsibility to work. A hardworking man will cringe at the thought of having anyone bail him out let alone having to do it all the time.
8. He is a couch potato.
If he spends most of his time on the couch in front of the television rather than being out there and trying to work like everyone else, you don’t need any sage person to tell you that he is a lazy man.
9. He likes to sleep a lot.
Lazy people love their sleep and cannot get enough of it. They can sleep all day without batting an eyebrow because it goes very well with their trait of wanting to do nothing. And if your man has this trait, then you are dealing with a lazy man.
10. He doesn’t see a problem with still living in his parents’ house.
A man who is above the age of 25 and still sees no problem with living with his parents is lazy, no offense. A hardworking man is already thinking by the time he is of legal age, of how to leave the safety net of the parents’ house. The lazy ones on the other hand do not want to leave the safety net because it would mean having to work hard to pay rent and make ends meet and he doesn’t want to do it.
11. Or he likes to live with friends.
This is the other type of lazy man. Maybe his parents kicked him out to make him more hardworking and responsible. He then looks for a friend to crash with temporarily but temporarily becomes permanent and he’s not leaving their place. Again, he doesn’t want to work hard at being truly independent because it would mean kissing laziness goodbye.
12. He’s generally indifferent about things because caring would require him to put in the effort.
You see this in his general disposition to conversations and things generally in the relationship. Maybe you want to engage him in a serious conversation but he is suddenly dismissive and uninterested. This is because having to engage with you would mean having to think and thinking is another tasking lazy people don’t like engaging in. Thinking requires being passionate about the subject and being passionate requires work and they do not want to do either.
13. He’s all talk and no action.
Talk is cheap and talk is very easy to engage in. It requires zero effort. And so a lazy person/man is the master of talk. He knows exactly what to say when to say it but when it comes to matching those words with action, he is nowhere to be found.
14. He has no vision and plan for his life.
When you ask him what his long-term and short-term goals are, do you get the sense that he is waffling and has no idea what he’s talking about? It is most likely because he has no such plans or vision for his life. Why should he when he has no interest in working at those plans or vision? At least that’s his thinking. If you want to know a lazy lover, the answer you get to this question when you ask him is one quick way to find out.
15. He doesn’t like to take responsibility.
Taking responsibility means having to accept that you need to work at something and he’s not about to do that. He would always find a way to put the responsibility anywhere else but on himself.
How to deal with a lazy husband – 6 ways of dealing with a lazy husband.
If your husband fits the description(s) mentioned in the earlier section, don’t despair yet. Here are some helpful ways of dealing with a lazy husband.
1. Have a conversation with him about your observations in as conciliatory a tone as possible.
Being confrontational will only be counter-productive. Make it a dialogue where you point out how you feel about the things you think he could be doing but isn’t doing. Let the conversation be about how you feel and how you would love to feel differently. Let him know the things he can do so that you can start feeling differently. Let the conversation not be an attack or antagonism and it would be a whole lot easier to get him to come around and see things from your perspective and not be defensive about it.
2. Appreciate him for the little efforts he makes but let him know that he can do more.
The first word that should come out of your mouth when he does anything is appreciation. When he feels appreciated, he will be motivated to continue helping out and even doing more. But if all he gets is criticism even for the little that he does, then he would most likely stop doing them all together because he wouldn’t see the point of bothering if all he gets is criticism. When he knows that you appreciate him, it would be easy asking him to up the ante and do more.
Our article on 23 Ways How to make your husband feel appreciated can give you more helpful insights on other ways to appreciate your husband and make him feel appreciated.
3. Maybe you are a little too particular about how you want things done and need to relax your expectations just a little to accommodate him.
Perhaps you are one of those people who like things done a certain way and maybe your husband isn’t used to doing things that way. Maybe he feels that there is no reason to do things that way because that approach is too long. And because of that, you think he is lazy and taking the easy way out. Marriage is also about compromises. You cannot always have your way all the time. And so, accept that it doesn’t always have to be your way and let off a little sometimes. Learn to let some things go now and again for the sake of peace. Accept that your husband has his preferred ways of doing things and that does not equate with him being lazy.
4. If he isn’t proactive enough, give him helpful nudges.
Sometimes it could just be that he has a lack of creativity. Since you are creative and know a thing or two he could do differently, why not help him by suggesting them. This would help trigger his creativity and in turn, make him act to make you happy.
5. Give him chores to help you out with.
If you feel he is not being intuitive or creative enough, you can also help him by telling him specifically what you need help with. This will not only grow the love in your marriage, but it will also give you what you want.
6. Don’t talk down to him or always point out his shortcomings.
Nothing destroys a man’s morale and confidence than a wife who is always quick to talk down to him. And with low morale, his laziness will only take a turn for the worse. Rather than being quick to talk down to him or criticize him, make it a point to look for something positive in what he’s done and talk about that instead.
How to motivate a lazy husband – 3 ways to motivate a lazy husband.
Motivating a lazy husband might very well be one sure way to make him conquer his laziness. You can motivate a lazy husband in the following ways.
7. Make a big deal of the small things he does and lavish him with praises for them.
Nothing brings out the hero in a man like a woman who praises him for the things he does for her. This is usually a huge motivator for him to keep doing those things she likes so that he can keep getting the praises. When he does what may look small to you, make a big deal of it and praise him so much for it. He would be pleasantly surprised by it and make it a point to keep doing it. And eventually, he will ask you if there is anything else he can do for you. And that will be your chance to let him know that actually there are other things he could do for you lol.
8. Make out the things you want him to do to come off as adventures.
You can challenge him and say something like “50 bucks says you can’t pull so and so off”. Men instinctively love challenges, and they would want to prove you wrong. And without realizing it, in trying to prove you wrong, he’s done exactly what you want him to do.
9. Thank him for the seemingly little things he does and let him know how much it means to you that he helps out.
Gratitude is another sure key to unlocking a man’s heart. A woman’s gratitude melts the defenses of even the most difficult man. Showing him that you are grateful for what he does will melt his heart. Let him know how much it means to you that he helps out, and you will find that he is always ready to help you out.
Frequently asked questions.
1. What are some characteristics of a lazy person?
A lazy person will display all or most of the 15 signs of a lazy person listed in this article. These traits are not just peculiar to the lazy husband or lazy lover. Lazy people in general display these symptoms of laziness.
2. Why are men so lazy?
This general statement is not true. Not all men are lazy. There are many hardworking men out there and it would not be fair to paint all men with a broad stroke just because of the few lazy ones.
For the few lazy ones, only they know exactly why they chose to be lazy. Whatever their reason might be, there is simply no justification for laziness. There is no justification for making the conscious decision to refuse to work when everyone else is doing just that.
3. How do I know that my boyfriend is lazy?
Take a critical look at his lifestyle and if you find one, some, more, or all of the 15 signs listed in this article then sadly your boyfriend is lazy.
4. My fiance is lazy, what should I do?
Since he hasn’t married you yet, you have to decide if you want to contend with a lazy husband. Remember that it can be draining and exhausting to put up with a lazy husband because you will have to do a lot of heavy lifting in the marriage. If this is not something you are prepared to do, then the only way forward for you will be to count your losses and break off the engagement. If you can however put up with it, then you can take the 9 steps listed in the second section of this article to motivate him and deal with his laziness.
5. What if my husband is a lazy lover? What should I do?
All hope is not lost. The 9 tips listed in the second section of this article can help you out.
6. Why is my husband so lazy?
The only explanation for laziness is simply a lack of desire to work hard and do what needs to be done. And if your husband is so lazy, this is the only explanation for it.
7. My husband is lazy and selfish, what should I do?
Check out the second section of this article for 9 things you can do.
A lazy husband can make marriage not to be so much fun. It can be draining. Look out for any of the 15 signs of a lazy man listed in this article, to clear any doubts you may have about whether or not your husband is lazy.
His laziness does not however have to spell doom for your marriage. You can take the bull by the horn and get him to be a better version of himself by taking all the 9 steps listed in the second section of this article.
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