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What to Say to Someone Who Cheated on You

WhatToGetMy Instructional Article

  • Getting cheated on can take a toll on both your mental and physical well-being.
  • When you find out that you have been cheated on, your first instinct will be to confront your partner and demand answers. And your first reaction will be that of hurt – no matter how it manifests itself.
  • This article will help you navigate and handle what to say when someone cheats on you, the emotions and questions that come with the ordeal of being cheated on.

Getting cheated on is one of the most hurtful experiences you can ever have from a romantic relationship with another person. Getting cheated on is perhaps the most common fear and misgiving that people have when it comes to monogamous dating. When you have been cheated on, it skews your whole view of love – it takes away your ability to trust someone again, it gnaws at your self-worth, and it fills you with anxiety every time your partner doesn’t answer their phone or whenever they are away from you. Getting cheated on makes you paranoid. It changes so much about yourself and you become more guarded and less likely to let people in – which can get quite lonely.

When you find out that someone you are in love with has been cheating on you, you are going to have a million questions – and you are going to feel hopeless and alone and all of it will be valid. The silver lining is you are not alone, and you are not the only person this has happened to – especially if you are a woman. According to a study conducted by the institute for family studies in 2016, men are more likely to cheat in a relationship as opposed to women – with 20% of men admitting to cheating on their significant other as opposed to 16% of women.

The gender cheating gap. source: Ifstudies.org

The gender cheating gap.

This means that as a woman, you are most likely to date a cheater – or you are going to get cheated on – at least once in your lifetime. It is important to know what to do and say when you find out that your boyfriend has been cheating on you. This article will help you navigate your feelings and regulate what you say to your boyfriend after he cheats and you learn of his infidelity.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO SOMEONE WHO CHEATED ON YOU?

Finding the right words to express yourself towards someone who has hurt you deeply can prove to be difficult especially when you want to make them feel the pain that they put you through. The following will help you get answers, remorse, and closure form your cheating partner without you having to say mean things or degrade and disrespect them – you are rising above and only communicating what needs to be communicated.

1. Express how their infidelity has affected you

Be honest about your feelings –even the bad ones. Sit them down and explain to them how their actions have affected you emotionally and physically. It is important – for you –  to let your boyfriend know how you are feeling after you find out that he has cheated on you. Here are some of the things you can say to a cheater:

  • Tell him how their actions have affected your self-esteem.
  • Explain to him how you now have doubts about love and do not trust to be with him anymore
  • Tell him that the relationship is ending because of his infidelity and if he wanted you to stay he wouldn’t have cheated.

2. Tell them what you want moving forward

What do you want to do now that you have found out that your boyfriend is cheating on you? Do you want to stay and make the relationship work? do you trust that he will change or that it was a one-time mistake?  If so what are the things you will demand from them to make sure they regain your trust? Do you want them to go to couples counseling? Do you want them to delete all of their social media presence? Are they willing to do these things for the sake of saving the relationship?

If you want to leave the relationship after you find out that your boyfriend cheated on you then – what factors are there to consider? Do you have children? Do you share property or assets? Are you safe to leave him without risking your life? Do you have the financial capacity to take care of yourself after the breakup?

Whatever you decide on doing, let them know and proceed from there. Of course, if you feel unsafe about leaving them – you can always let them know you have broken up with them via text or better yet you can just ghost them.

WHAT NOT TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO CHEATED ON YOU

1. Don’t ask them why they cheated

Chances are they knew exactly what they were doing and they will either lie to you so you do not leave them or hurt you with the truth so that you do leave them and they can go back to whoever they were having an affair with. Remember the why doesn’t matter – when someone cheats, it says more about them than it does about you.

2. Don’t waste your time calling him names

There is nothing you can say to a cheating boyfriend that can make him feel bad because if he felt bad he would not have cheated on you in the first place, and if he did he would have told you about it and assuming he did tell you, it is only because he wants to share the guilt that he is feeling – by telling you he thinks it will ease the guilt he is feeling.

WHAT TO DO IF YOUR BOYFRIEND CHEATS ON YOU

When a guy cheats on you, you are going to go through a whirlwind of emotions – most of which are going to be internalized. You will ask yourself “why me?” “what could I have done differently?” “Is it me?” “Am I not enough?” among other things. You will feel hurt that your boyfriend cheated on you but mostly feel betrayed by him. When this happens to you, it is important that you allow yourself to feel your emotions. Take the time to process what is happening to you and most importantly how you are reacting to it. Here are a few things that you should do when your boyfriend cheats on you.

1. Cry

The first thing that you are going to feel is going to be emotional pain – and this pain will make you cry. It is okay to feel this pain, it is okay to cry because you are feeling hurt, and betrayed, and alone, and – let’s be honest – your sense of self is in the gutter at this point. Crying is an outlet for all of these emotions, do not suppress it for whatever reason – allow yourself the vulnerability that comes with crying and the release that comes after you are done mopping about your misfortunes. Crying is the first step – and perhaps the hardest – to eventually letting go.

2. Get checked by your doctor for sexually transmitted diseases

After you are done crying – and you will be done – it is time to get yourself checked by your general practitioner or physician for any sexually transmitted diseases because the truth is you do not know what kind of sexual history his other sexual partner(s) have. Look out for your health and get the proper medical care.

3. Cut him off

After you are done with the crying, and the sitting around being miserable, and the freaking out because you might have a life-long STD – after all that is done, it is time to cut him off. Keep in mind that this doesn’t have to happen immediately after the breakup but eventually, you should cut him out of your life – that means blocking him (and his friends) on all social media platforms. He does not need to see how you are doing with your life and you definitely should not be lurking on his page following every moment that he shares. It is the best thing you will do for yourself and it will make moving on from him a lot easier.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

1. How do you get your boyfriend to stop cheating on you?

The only way you can get your boyfriend to stop cheating on you is if he stops being your boyfriend. That’s right, you cannot change a person into being the person you want them to be for you – don’t try. When a person cheats on you, they know exactly what they are doing, and once you allow that to keep happening, they will take advantage of it and never stop cheating on you. You will be stuck in an endless loop of being cheated on, getting an apology, a brief period of seemingly changed behavior, and then back to being cheated on. Do not waste your (very limited) time on earth begging someone to love you – respect yourself enough to remove yourself from any situation that shrinks you and your self-esteem.

2. Should I take him back after he cheated on me?

The decision on whether or not to break up with a cheating boyfriend is quite personal and varies from person to person. If you ask the general public, however, you will get a resounding “LEAVE HIM!!” which is not wrong but every relationship is different and you will have to consider some things when you find out that your boyfriend cheated on you. For example, it is much easier to leave if you and your boyfriend have nothing tying you together – you have no kids, no shared responsibilities, and no shared assets. It is a little harder if you share these things with your boyfriend – it will take some time to sort everything out which means you will have to deal with him longer than you want to. It is also easy to leave a cheating boyfriend when he is not abusive and you don’t feel threatened by leaving. Of course, you should leave him, but these circumstances make leaving harder than it should be – you cannot be impulsive about the way that you leave, you will need to plan how to leave him so you are far away from him and also save money so you can take care of yourself.

You should absolutely leave your cheating boyfriend because no matter what he says he does not love you and is putting your life at risk every time they sleep with a new person. However, you should be very smart and calculating in the way that you leave. And when you do finally leave him, make sure you lose all contact with him – including his family and your mutual friends.

3. How do I confront my cheating boyfriend?

How to confront your boyfriend about cheating on you can be very tricky especially because cheaters are excellent liars – they will twist your words against you and gaslight you into thinking you are just being paranoid for no good reason. If you know that your boyfriend cheated on you and you want to get him to admit he cheated, you are going to want to gather information that will incriminate him to the point where he cannot be able to deny that he cheated. This way when you confront him, you will have all the information you need for him to fess up to his actions and start telling you the truth. Read our article on what to do when your boyfriend lies to your face.

4. How do I hurt a cheating boyfriend?

When someone has hurt you your first instinct will be to hurt them back, to cause them as much pain as they have caused you. The truth is no matter what you do – it will not make you feel better for the way you feel about his actions. So how do you hurt a cheating boyfriend? You leave him, that’s the only way how. Because any other way will either cost you your morals or your health and it will strip you of the human that you are – and no man is worth that. Especially not one who doesn’t respect you.

5. How to deal with a cheating boyfriend that you love

It’s okay to love people from a distance. Just because you love someone does not mean that you should stay with them even when they are disrespecting you and making a fool out of you – in private or in public. Save yourself the trouble and leave your cheating boyfriend before he makes a clown out of you – more than he already has because he knew exactly what he was doing when he cheated.

Related Article: What to do after a breakup with boyfriend

CONCLUSION

When you find out that you have been cheated on, you are going to hurt and feel betrayed by your partner. You are going to want answers to satisfy both your curiosity and to soothe your bruised ego, and your feelings will be all over the place. It is okay to feel your feelings – you have been hurt and you feel betrayed. They are valid. Ask your boyfriend the questions you think you need answers to, cry if you need to, and take some time away if you have to. But after you are done feeling, you need to start taking care and looking out for yourself.

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