It is difficult to know exactly what to do after a breakup with your boyfriend because you feel like your head is spinning, the ground you were standing on has given way, you have fallen into a deep, dark hole and suddenly you feel a gale force wind tossing you from side to side because you are not sure how life after breakup is.
After a breakup, you are going to go through several stages of different emotions. You will feel shocked, embarrassed, sad, angry, frustrated, confused, and eventually, relieved. You need to understand that it is normal and okay to feel all of these emotions that you feel and that it is a process that you need to allow yourself to work through.
It is a process that takes time and every person works through it differently, it is best to work through each stage at your own pace and in your own way in order to give yourself the right amount of time to heal. Although it does not feel like it at the moment you will recover from your breakup once you let yourself fully process your emotions.
In order to start your healing process, there are some important things that you should do like getting together with your friends, breaking all contact with your ex-boyfriend, getting rid of any reminders of him and allowing yourself to process everything you to feel before you can pick yourself up and move on with your life.
Tips 1: Get together with close friends and/or family members
A breakup is not something you have to go through alone, it is important to surround yourself with people who love you and care about you as they will be the support system that helps keep you distracted from thoughts about your ex.
Although once the shock wears off and you realize that your relationship is over for good, all you will want to do is crawl up in bed or on the couch and be alone with tons of ice-cream, chocolate, and junk food. That is okay, but only for a short while but then you will need to be around the people that love you as they will help you through all the different stages of your healing making it pass a little quicker.
Tips 2: Cut off all contact with each other
You both need time and space to process your feelings to be able to heal from the breakup and the only way that it will be possible is to cut off all contact with each other. This means you should avoid showing up at places where you know he will be, no phone calls, texts, emails, and especially no social media.
Do not ask your mutual friends or anyone questions about your ex wellbeing or about what he might be up to. It is best to do a full clean break and distance yourself completely from him and the relationship. You need to get him out of your sight which will help make it easier to get him out of your mind and heart further down the road.
Another reason for this is that after a breakup, your emotions run wild and are all over the place, and if you are in the angry stage you are more than likely to lash out at each other and say things that you will later regret. It is best to mute or delete his number, un-friend or un-follow him on all your social media accounts at least until you have moved on completely.
This way, it will give you the time and space you need to begin your healing process without any further distractions or any more heartbreak than there should be.
Tips 3: Get rid of all reminders
If you have things that belong to your now ex-boyfriend, give it back to him, donate it, or burn it, whatever works for you. Then pack away or get rid of all reminders of your relationship which includes photos, cards, songs, gifts that he may have given you, anything and everything that will remind you of your time together.
You can replace them with new photos of your friends, family or even some new art paintings that you like as empty walls and shelves can add fuel to the fire and make you feel even more depressed, so replace them as soon as possible with bright and colorful things that you love and will help brighten up your mood a little.
Tips 4: Let yourself mourn the loss of your relationship
When you have had your heartbroken, the best thing to do is to let yourself mourn the loss of your boyfriend and relationship by crying and letting it all out. If you keep it bottled inside and pretend as if nothing has happened by trying to avoid the pain, you will become a disaster waiting to happen and eventually you will break down and it will become so much harder to regain your strength.
Crying is definitely one of the most effective methods that help in getting through a bad break up. It helps relieve tension, sadness, and is a natural antidepressant that actually boosts your mood making you feel better. Crying clears your mind and allows you to see things in a different and clearer light which helps you to make better decisions.
We all have our own way of processing our feelings and recover at different paces, although it is important to allow yourself the time to go through the different emotions, it is also important to set yourself a deadline. Do not allow yourself to mourn for too long as you will risk becoming consumed by it and become seriously depressed which could be dangerous for your health. If you find that you are still struggling way too much after about two weeks, then it might be time to seek some professional help.
Tips 5: Give yourself some time to process your breakup
After a painful breakup, give yourself time to process the breakup, by working through your feelings, there is no avoiding it, you are going to go through the five stages of grief which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.
To help you eventually heal, you will need to allow yourself to feel every emotion, process each one, and then work through them as they occur. That is the only way you will be able to get over a horrible break up. But it is best to do it appropriately by making sure that you have cut off all contact with your ex. You don’t want to go ranting, raving, and bad-mouthing him all over social media or leaving him to spur of the moment nasty messages because at a later stage you will end up regretting it which will only make you feel worse.
There is one thing to always keep in mind as you are working through your feelings and that is never to blame yourself solely for the failure of your relationship. It is easy to turn around and blame yourself by asking yourself questions like:
- Why was I not good enough?
- What is wrong with me?
- Why did this happen to me?
- What did I do wrong?
- Did he ever truly love me?
- What could I have done to save the relationship?
There probably are a million other questions running through your mind but remember this, it takes two people to make a relationship work and two people to cause the relationship to fail. It is best to admit to your part in the failed relationship and then reflect on what you have learned from it and how you can improve on your next relationship. Try to see your breakup as an opportunity for growth.
Other great ways of working through your feelings would be to write it all done in a journal, it helps to get it all out on paper of every thought and every feeling that you are going through. You should also try to find healthy ways to relieve the stress and emotional trauma and the best way to do this is to start taking care of yourself.
Tips 6: Remember to take Care of Yourself
The most important person to worry about now is you. So, after you have done with the mourning stage and have had tons of ice-cream, chocolates, and junk food, it is now time to take care of yourself because if you are not careful, your breakup can be detrimental to your health and wellbeing in the long run.
You will need to learn to love yourself so that you can take proper care of yourself or your breakup will destroy you. Take care of your body, mind, and soul during this difficult time by following a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and making sure that you are getting enough sleep. These steps will also help you feel better after break up faster because a healthy body and mind can think and much clearer and heal better.
Tips 7: Close the Chapter
After you have mourned the end of your relationship by crying your eyes out and have processed your feelings properly and appropriately by writing your thoughts and feelings down, it is now time to close this awful chapter of your life by letting go and putting everything behind you. This stage is called the acceptance stage of your healing process, where you accept that your relationship is over, learned a few lessons, and have come to terms that there is no going back.
All that is left to do now is to slowly start to pick yourself up and get yourself ready for focusing on learning how to start a new life after a breakup. If you are still having difficulties letting go and moving on, then it is best to go see a counselor.
Tips 8: Start to Pick Yourself up Slowly
To start picking yourself up, you will need to get out of your pajamas and out of your house, apartment, or dorm room and connect with other people, especially your friends and the outside world. When trying to come up with things to do after a break up, think back to a time before you met your boyfriend, think about all the things that used to make you happy and if you can’t or don’t want to go back to those things then think of new things that will make you happy now and start to focus on them.
This process is all about celebrating you, celebrating all the things that you enjoy and that makes you the person you really are. Learn to be on your own again and find the things that will put a smile on your face. That will slowly make you happy again. You can also make a to-do list for yourself and do them one by one until you start to enjoy your old activities and hobbies again:
Here are some ideas to help:
- Volunteer at a homeless or animal shelter
- Find a workout class that you like
- Treat yourself to a massage or facial
- Do something your boyfriend didn’t like but you do
- Find a new hobby
- Learn something new
- Go dancing with your friends
- Go for lunch or see a movie on your own
Some great ways that will help you pick yourself up again after a breakup are to organize your life by re-accessing what you want to accomplish, learn to love yourself again by paying attention to your health and appearance, work on your existing friendships, meet new people and make new friends.
Plan something for your future like a vacation, it does not have to be something extravagant or even in the very near future, but pick a destination and a date and start saving for it this will give you something to look forward to.
Tips 9: Start to move on
Although it is not advisable to jump straight into another serious relationship after a break up with your boyfriend it is a good idea to get out and feel the water a little to see what your choices might be. It will help you practice how to be confident after ending a relationship, but remember to take things slow or you might become overwhelmed.
Having one-night stands with somebody is never a good idea after a breakup, your heart is still very fragile and if you go out and have a one-night stand, you could land up feeling worse in the morning. You should decide what works for you and do things that will make you feel good about yourself.
Learning how to recover after a break up and starting the healing process is simpler than it might feel at the moment. All you need to do is allow yourself to go through all the emotions, process your thoughts and feelings, break contact with him, and start to build yourself up again with the support of your close friends and family. Remember time has magical ways to heal you. Regardless of how bad you might feel right after a breakup, you will learn to move on overtime and emerge even stronger than you were before.
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