7 HEALTHY THINGS TO DO IF HE CHEATS
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T A MEDICAL CHECKUP
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The first thing you are going to have to do after you find out that your husband has been cheating on you is to get yourself a medical checkup for any sexually transmitted diseases. Because chances are high that he was sleeping around (or with the other woman) without protection and you know what they say; when you sleep with someone you are sleeping with everyone they have ever slept with. So the first thing to do before even asking what to do if husband cheats? Is to make sure that your sexual and reproductive health is taken care of. It is important to remember that most sexually transmitted diseases are treatable and curable when caught and treated early. However, there are other sexually transmitted diseases that are lifelong such as HIV which can still be treated but not cured. Therefore, make sure you get a full STD check to ensure that you receive the right treatment, and learn how to better take care of your sexual health in the future.
Instead of sitting in a corner and crying or wondering why husband is cheating on me, why don’t you go to him and ask him all the questions that are swirling in your mind instead? Because he is the cheater, he is well equipped to satisfy your curiosity and all other existential and relationship questions you may have for him. Here are a few things you can say to someone who cheated on you to help you get the conversation started. Remember, it is easier to catch flies with honey so mind the approach you use when confronting him. Not saying that you should reign in your anger, because that is an understandably validated reaction under the circumstances, however, in order for you to get the most out of him, you are going to want to be in control of your feelings and emotions. Do not let him use them against you, utilize them to benefit yourself by getting the information you need out of him.
It should also go without saying that confrontation does not equal assault of any kind – physical or verbal. Have a goal when you decide to confront him, what is it that you want him to tell you? When you have this goal, frame your questions around getting the answer and plan what you intend to do once you have gotten the answer that you wanted to hear. This will keep you from going off the rails in the conversation.
PRACTICE SELF LOVE
Now you may still be wondering “what should I do if he cheats on me?” after the testing and the confrontation are done. Well, this is where the real work begins. Radical self-love. It is very easy to fall into a deep depression and blame yourself when you find out that your partner has been cheating on you. You may feel like it was your fault because you wouldn’t do that thing they asked you to do that one time in the bedroom, or because you are too skinny, fat, tall, short, loud, quiet, etc., or because you aren’t good enough and they wanted to go and find better. It is oh so very easy to bring yourself down with all the negative self-talk that is exaggerated by all the media that we consume – especially as a woman. It is, therefore, important to remember that their cheating had nothing to do with you and everything to do with the kind of person that they are. People who cheat will cheat regardless of how wonderful or adventurous or beautiful or successful you are! Seriously, just look at the number of all the beautiful, talented, and wonderful celebrities that have been cheated on! Proof that it is never about you when someone cheats on you, it is a reflection of who they are as a person and how little they value and respect you – not because of any lacking on your part. However, we understand that this might be a hard thing to come to terms with especially in the midst of the betrayal and therefore we recommend that you practice slow and steady radical self-love – start small, with affirmations, perhaps. Tell yourself all the things you are, as an example, you can write all the positive things of the negative things that your mind is making you believe. For instance, if you are constantly thinking you are ugly then write affirmations of what a beautiful soul you are. This will rewire your brain into associating beauty with your self inside and out.
EVALUATE THE RELATIONSHIP
Now to answer your question “What am I supposed to do if he cheats on me?” we will have to say this is the point where you go back and evaluate your relationship because you are the one who is in it and knows best what you can do that will benefit you and your kids (if you have any). Because really there are only two options that you have to choose from, number one is to leave your husband because he has cheated on you, broke his vows, put your life at risk, and humiliated you. And number two is to stay with him as he works out his infidelity issues, and try to work on your marriage. Now, there are a lot of factors that go into deciding whether to leave or stay after infidelity and some of them are; financial stability, religion, culture and community, and safety.
You cannot leave someone when you do not have any financial footing especially when you share children with that person, you must be financially stable in order to leave your spouse or at the very least have a consistent cash flow. On the other hand, religious views dictate what must happen after infidelity and if you are a religious person you may be inclined to follow what your church and religious teachings want from you. In the same breath, culture and community also influence whether or not you get to leave your husband after infidelity. Most cultures look down upon divorce but some completely shun them and if this is the case with you then you may have a harder time leaving your husband even after the infidelity has occurred. And lastly, you have to consider safety before you decide to leave or stay with a cheating husband. Are you safer staying with him or leaving and being on your own? This could pertain to physical, mental, and health safety.
It is only when you assess and answer these questions that you will begin to find answers on what to do after your husband cheats on you.
TAKE TIME OFF SOCIAL MEDIA
The most important thing you can do for your mental well-being after you find out that your husband is or has been cheating on you is to log off all of your social media. This is because your immediate response to this news will be to tweet about it, or post on groups and boards to find answers to an agony whose pain you haven’t even begun to understand the depth of or even process the information you just got. So the immediate answer to the question “what to do if I find out that he is cheating on me?” is to lay low for a while, gather your thoughts and feelings, and form your own opinions uninfluenced by all the nice people you know from the internet. Sure, there will be plenty of time for you to share your story, but immediately after is not the time. When and how you share a story is just as important as where you share it, always remember that.
Additionally, social media is a gateway to trolling and if the news of your husband being unfaithful to you gets out, it might become a source of ridicule among your peers and it is best to not fan the flames when this happens. This is why staying off of it for a while is a good idea.
ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL
When a husband has admitted to cheating on wife and you find yourself experiencing a myriad of emotions, it is okay for you to let them flow as they come. Feeling your emotions as they come is a good thing as it helps you heal and move on from the situation quickly. Do not suppress your emotions as this will lead to unhappiness, bitterness, and resentment. Cry, be angry, regret your marriage, become at peace with the transpiration of events, repeat. There is no one way to heal your feelings when they are hurt, the best you can do is listen to your emotions as they come and allow them to just be.
TALK TO SOMEONE
Another thing to do if husband cheats is to find someone who you trust and talk to them. It is never a good idea to isolate yourself when you get heartbreaking news. A friend, your mother, a church elder? Find someone who you trust and know can help you through this dark time to be by your side and support you. It is the best thing you can do for yourself as a form of self-care and mindfulness. Yes, you can give yourself radical love but nothing beats community and companionship. Do not shut yourself away from these things, a strong support system is important to anyone going through life-altering events, and your spouse cheating on you is bound to be one of those things that spin your world around and it is nice to have people around you who are willing to catch you when everything else is falling apart.
Alternatively, you may choose to talk to a mental health professional. This is dependent on many factors but the biggest one being you can freely talk with your mental health doctor in a judgment-free zone about things that you would be afraid or embarrassed to say in front of your trusted friends and family.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
- Do cheaters feel guilty?
The short answer is yes. Most people who have cheated on their partners have expressed remorse and regret after doing so. But this only happens once, after the initial shame and shock pass, most people who cheat claim that it gets easier to cheat on their partner or future partners.
- How do I stop overthinking after being cheated on?
One way to stop overthinking after you find out that you have been cheated on is to talk to your spouse about how you feel about the infidelity if they are willing to listen to you and put your mind at ease. However, it is completely up to you, and how you handle stressful situations that will determine how long it takes for you to come to a point of acceptance. Once you have accepted what has happened and that there is no changing it, you will no longer feel the need to overthink it.
In conclusion, this article has discussed things to do if you find out that he is cheating. These are things that will benefit you mentally, financially, and with your physical well-being. We hope that you have taken a point or two on how to handle people who have been unfaithful to you both for your own sake and for the sake of everyone else immediately involved.
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