How to deal with an emotionally immature husband
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
- A husband that lacks emotional maturity is like a thorn in the flesh. His actions are irritable to his wife and children and threaten the family’s unity.
- Aside from identifying the signs of an emotionally immature husband, you also need to know how to deal with an emotionally immature husband. This article solely focuses on how to deal with an emotionally immature husband.
It’s no news that emotional immaturity is detrimental to the quality of any relationship. An emotionally immature husband will ruin your mental health and the psychological development of your children. It’s impossible to live a fulfilled life with someone that drains your sanity. So, what do you do when you have an emotionally immature husband that constantly exhibits a range of ill behaviors like being staunchly stubborn, vengeful, narcissistic, unfriendly, not accommodative, impulsive, explosive, abusive, not dependable, selfish, irresponsible, fearful and unnecessarily cruel?
Considering that people who exhibit emotional immaturity have different personalities, it would be unwise to think there is a one-size-fits-all remedy for emotionally immature people. However, certain tips we’ve provided in this article could give you an idea of how to properly handle your emotionally immature husband.
Before you dive deeper into this article, you might be interested in knowing the 7 dangerous signs of an immature man,
- What to do when your husband says hurtful things to you,
- What to do when your husband doesn’t respect you, and
- What to do when your husband hates you.
Check out people’s perceptions of what defines a man. Does your emotionally immature husband fit the description? Source Statista.
If the things your husband says, thinks, or does is giving you grief, here are a few ways to deal with an emotionally immature husband.
1. Be assertive when interacting with an immature husband.
When dealing with an emotionally immature husband, the first thing you have to be is assertive. Emotionally immature people are takers. They demand so much and yet, are not willing to live up to the kind of expectations they have for others. An emotionally immature husband could place a high value on his respect but will not care to meet his family’s need for respect. He could also be very good at shifting blame and never taking responsibility for the consequences of his actions. If you are not assertive as a wife to an emotionally immature husband, he will use you as his ‘door mat’. You will feed his demands while feeling empty. Worse still, you cannot stand up for yourself or your children. In some cases, some wives bitterly watch their children behave in maladjusted ways because of how the family interacts.
Being assertive is crucial in handling an emotionally immature husband. Some practical examples of being assertive to an immature husband are;
- Don’t be quiet about repetitive behaviors you find offensive. When you don’t stubbornly call out these behaviors and stand your ground on not tolerating them, you encourage an immature husband to continue them. Don’t be a quiet subservient wife to an emotionally immature husband who is determined to see his needs met to the detriment of other family members. Your children are counting on your boldness, voice, and sanity.
- Be firm in your demands and decisions. Most emotionally immature husbands are firm and determined to get their demands met by the family. While they get their demands met, you need to make sure they give as much as they are taking. You can only achieve this by being firm in your demands and decisions. When you demand as much as an immature husband demands from the family, it helps them to reevaluate their actions and decisions in the family. Immature people need to be shown that their demands, actions, or thought processes are unreasonable sometimes.
- Learn to know when not to react to the things an immature husband does. Sometimes emotionally immature people feed off of other people’s frustration and weaknesses. It gives them some twisted sense of importance or satisfaction. An assertive person knows when not to react in certain situations, no matter how annoying they are. Assertive people don’t give relevance to things or people who do not deserve it. Sometimes, you need to leave an immature husband confused and guessing.
- Be mindful of your behavior. Certain things you do might give him leverage over you and embolden his immature behaviors. You don’t want him using you as an excuse for foolishness. Understand who he is if you wish to predict his actions and reactions. Also, be mindful of the actions you take.
2. Develop emotional strength to withstand his annoying behaviors.
Dealing with an emotionally immature husband is not for the weak-hearted. You need a lot of emotional strength to handle his unreasonable demands, expectations, and annoying antics. The last thing some emotionally immature husbands want to see is that you are stronger than their pettiness. By developing your emotional strength, we mean;
- Learn to bounce back fast after you’ve had any annoying encounter with your immature husband. Do not allow his actions to keep you down; else, you'll lose a chunky part of your time being unproductive or intolerable for other people to relate with.
- Learn to put yourself in a positive space mentally. You can do this by focusing on your tasks for the day and your expectations. Do not let his actions turn you into a bitter person. It will affect the way you relate with other people, and soon, you’ll be as lonely as he is when everyone around you becomes tired of relating with you.
- Learn not to feel bad at making the right call when your emotionally immature husband crosses the line. If you always feel bad that your husband is annoyed when you tell him the bitter truth about his actions or make decisions that counter his inconsideration, you might let him keep having his way. By letting him have his way all the time, you will hurt the family.
- Learn to adjust your expectations, or you’ll keep getting hurt by what he does. To help you adjust your expectations, tell yourself the truth about his weaknesses and predict some of his behaviors.
3. Set plans, boundaries, and schedules in your home to encourage healthy patterns and control negative occurrences.
An emotionally immature person’s actions usually help them set unconscious boundaries in the minds of the people they deal with. People who are not assertive will continue to do the biddings of an immature person while failing to insist on their boundaries being respected. A wife who looks out in her family’s best interest will do what it takes to create a fair environment in her home. You and your children shouldn’t feel empty while you do so much to keep an emotionally immature man pleased. If you wish to achieve some level of fairness in your home;
- Identify the values of your husband, children, and self and set rules of engagement.
- Set rules that help to address constant sources of conflicts.
- Plan activities that continue to encourage healthy boundaries.
4. Have a life that can keep you afloat regardless of your husband’s contributions to the marriage.
As a wife, your problem triples when you are largely dependent on the finances and connections of an emotionally immature husband. It means that he can control crucial decisions you make. Your dependence encourages him to continue to act in ways you find frustrating; after all, you need him. It is always best for a wife to have something going for herself. By being financially independent and progressive aside in your personal life, you’ll constantly remind your immature husband that you are in the marriage with him because you want to be, not because you need him. Although this reality will threaten an emotionally immature husband, it will also motivate him to want to be relevant in your life. And the only meaningful way a husband can be relevant to his wife is by contributing in ways she values.
We encourage you to go out and make valuable connections that will help you solve problems when they arise. When your husband sees that you can solve problems without him, he will step up. Secondly, work on expanding your finances. Don’t be financially dependent on an emotionally immature man.
5. Forgive, but don’t forget.
Many emotionally immature people are good at using past wrongs to justify future actions, especially when it suits them. When dealing with an emotionally immature husband, you need to learn to forgive your husband for your peace of mind but never forget details of incidents if he brings them up in the future. Many emotionally immature men write down wrongs because they intend to use them in the future. Silly right? This is why you must develop your memory skills if your husband is one to keep detailed records of your wrongs. You might need to remember things that were said and done during arguments. But choose not to hold on to the negative emotions the arguments arouse.
Quite frankly, we wouldn’t advise a person to stay in a relationship where records of wrongs are kept. But we do recognize that people have different personalities and beliefs about marriage. Also, other prevailing circumstances could make people endure an emotionally immature man.
6. Be selfish sometimes.
Sometimes, being selfish with your time, opinions, and resources is the best answer for an emotionally immature husband who displays an unhealthy level of selfishness and has unreasonable expectations for others. It is ok to be selfish when you notice that he keeps demanding and taking from the family and isn’t willing to give as much as others give to him emotionally, materially, physically, and spiritually. If you’ve communicated your displeasure and he isn’t intentional about addressing them, it is ok to be selfish.
7. Prioritize your mental health and that of your children.
Your mental health and that of your children are paramount in the family. Create an atmosphere where your children can speak about their displeasures in the home. Teach them to do this respectfully. It helps no one if your children disrespect others.
Secondly, confide in mature friends and family members about your emotional health. We think it’s best to speak to someone that isn’t close to the family about your mental health and things your husband does that are frustrating. The reason is that when you confide in friends and family often, your husband might get the impression that you’re ganging up against him with people close to both of you. Secondly, you’ll encourage people to disrespect your husband unwarranted. Thirdly, your friends and family might not be objective when advising you about how to deal with your husband.
We think it is better to speak to a counselor or someone who isn’t particularly close to the family. But if you have no idea whom to speak to, you could confide in a mature friend or family member. What’s important is that you don’t form the habit of suppressing your emotions, especially negative emotions. Suppressing your emotions could lead to depression, unwarranted outbursts, maladjusted behaviors, stress-related physical ailments, etcetera.
Frequently Asked Questions.
1. How can I help my emotionally immature husband?
An emotionally immature husband should be as willing to work on himself as you are willing for him to improve himself.
- He should first accept his flaws.
- He should invest time in dealing with his emotional problems
- He should be made aware of the effects of his actions on people that care about him
- He should be willing to accept corrections and be intentional about doing things differently to improve the quality of his relationship with the family.
- He should be open to seeing a therapist.
2. Should I leave my emotionally immature husband?
An emotionally immature husband is a pain to live with, but no one should ever help you decide whether to stay or leave a marriage. No one knows your marriage or husband as much as you do. If your husband is willing to work on his flaws, we encourage you to lend him the needed support. However, if he has no intention of working on himself and your mental health is significantly affected by his actions, it might be a sign to call it a quit.
Conclusion
When dealing with an emotionally immature husband, you need to be assertive, emotionally strong, be firm about plans, schedules, and boundaries. You also need to be forgiving but not forgetting, selfish sometimes, and determined to look after your mental health and your children’s.
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