How to Stop Being Annoying to Your Girlfriend

1. Not spending enough time with her.

Maybe you spend too much time playing video games. Or you’re always on social media on your phone. Or you somehow are always engaged in other social activities that see you spending less time with her. Any of these are sure to get her annoyed with you especially if it means that she gets to see less of you than can normally be acceptable.

Sometimes bothered vs. Often bothered

Source: www.pewresearch.org

According to the above 2019 study conducted in the US, 12% of partners are often bothered (27% sometimes bothered) by the amount of time spent by their Significant Other (SO) on their cellphones while 8% were often bothered with time spent on social media (with 16% bothering sometimes) and 5% were often bothered (with 10% bothered sometimes) on time spent playing video games. While these numbers seem less significant, your girlfriend may fall within these numbers and you need to be mindful of whether or not it annoys her. If you find her sulking or being passive-aggressive when you are engaged in any of these activities and ignoring her, chances are that she falls in the number of girlfriends that find this to be annoying behavior.

The Solution – Strike a Perfect Balance WIth Time.

You might be wondering if this means that you should not have a life of your own. That is not what your girlfriend is trying to communicate by sulking that you are not spending enough time with her. Obviously you are allowed to have a life of your own, and especially a social life of your own. But you also ought to strike a perfect balance. Part of what you signed up for when you chose to commit to a relationship, is to make needed sacrifices to make the relationship work. When one enters a relationship, their time can no longer be completely their own if the relationship is going to work. Both partners have to make out time to spend with each other and nurture and grow the relationship.

You will need to ask yourself how important your girlfriend and your relationship with her is to you. If it is as important as you say it is, then you will need to prioritize your time and make more time allowance to spend with your girlfriend. Spend time with her; sometimes set out a day for you both to just play games at home and have fun. Remember, you are not doing her a favor by spending time with her. If your girlfriend feels like you act as though she should be grateful for your time, you can be rest assured that before long she will find someone else who treasures spending time with her, and break up with you for him.

2. Not being an active listener.

Percentage of Partners that got distracted with cellphones during conversation with SO

You may fall into the 35% of partners who sometimes get distracted by their cellphones when their significant Other (SO) is trying to have a conversation with them. This can be another annoying behavior that your girlfriend will certainly not be amused by. She wants your full attention when she is pouring out her heart to you. It can be very annoying, and in fact downright rude and disrespectful to be fiddling on your cellphone when someone is trying to have a conversation with you and no less your girlfriend.

Another variant of this behavior that annoys girlfriends the most is pretending to listen when it is clear that you are clearly not paying attention to what she is saying. You may think you can fool your girlfriend that you are listening by making affirmative hums and yeahs. But women are very perceptive and once she picks up on the pretense, you are sure to have a very angry girlfriend to deal with.

The Solution – Give Her Your Undivided Attention.

When you are with your girlfriend, put away your phone and give her your full and undivided attention. This is especially very important if due to both your busy schedules you do not spend a lot of time together. The moments when you do, consider putting away your phone(s) and spending quality time with her. Not only will it strengthen the bond between the both of you, it will also deepen the love that you have for each other.

Additionally, pay attention to what she is saying. To show her that you are listening, you can repeat back some of what she is saying to her. If you are unable to concentrate or too tired to follow her conversation due to a long tiring day, it is best to be upfront and honest to her that you are too tired and do not want to offend her by pretending when your mind isn’t there. She will respect you more for your honesty, rather than have you pretending.

3. Making every conversation about yourself and not her.

When you hang out with your girlfriend, she doesn’t want to just hear all about you without even being asked how she’s doing, or getting the chance to talk about herself. If all the time you and your girlfriend hang out, 60% of the conversation is dominated by talks about you and everything is about you, it gives your girlfriend the impression that you are not only vain and conceited, but also very selfish and self-centered.

The Solution – Talk About Her First.

If you do not check this behavior and deal with it, before long, you will lose your girlfriend. She will move along to the next guy who makes the conversation about her, as much as he speaks about himself. Again no one is saying that in your relationship you must never talk about yourself; your dreams, desires, and ambitions. You should definitely talk about those, but strike a perfect balance. A good practice is to start by asking your girlfriend first how her day went; how she is feeling, before talking about yourself. Women are generally good communicators, and there is no way she will not ask you how your day was, and thus opening up the conversation to also allow for you to talk about yourself.

4. Not cleaning up after yourself if you live together.

Being generally untidy and unclean when you live with your girlfriend can really annoy her. The top unclean habits that women find extremely annoying are the following:

• Not doing your laundry or worse still leaving all your clothes lying everywhere and expecting her to pick up after you. This is outright rude because your girlfriend is not your hotel maid or room cleaner; 
• Not washing the dishes and leaving the kitchen sink like a pigsty. This one is particularly annoying to your girlfriend if there is a dishwashing machine in the house. This communicates to your girlfriend that you are lazy and unclean – not the best impression you want your future wife to have of you; 
• The toilet seat, whether leaving it up or down. This one is another serious pet peeve for most girlfriends; 
• Leaving your toothbrush lying anywhere in the shower and not cleaning up after shaving.

All of these habits will be sure to make your girlfriend find it unbearable to continue living with you.

The Solution – Cleanliness is a Good Virtue.

The solution to any of these annoying habit(s) is actually very simple – ensure to always clean up after yourself. If you know any of these that irks her, work especially on fixing it. Being unclean is not attractive in any way, and expecting that your girlfriend put up with them is unreasonable. If you refuse to deal with any of these, don’t be surprised if she decides to one day pack her bags and decide that living with you isn’t worth it anymore. Think of it this way – working on this habit and correcting it is actually good for you as a person and helps you grow as an individual.

5. The way you handle conflict.

If every time you fight with your girlfriend you do any of the following – 

• Get defensive and refuse to take responsibility for your part in the fight;
• Clam up and not want to have a serious and deep conversation especially when it has to do with your mistake/screw-up;
• Or in a worse case scream and shout at her,

You can be rest assured that your relationship will not last long.

The Solution – Be Calm and Collected in Conflict.

Your girlfriend expects you as the man to be more level-headed and calm. There is a certain level of emotional maturity when it comes to dealing with conflict in your relationship that you ought to have. And so the next time you get into a conflict with your girlfriend, try as much as possible to exercise restraint and listen to what she is saying. If she is however using inflammatory language which will flare your temper, it is best to walk away from the row to avoid saying or doing anything you may both regret. After she’s calmed down, gently have a conversation with her about what the issue(s) may have been. In your conversation, if you know the trigger words that would cause her to misunderstand what you’re saying, steer clear of those.

There is however one important exception to this point. If your girlfriend is the volatile type that always uses inflammatory and abusive language towards you, you should reconsider that relationship. You also need to be addressed with respect and if she does not seem to want to do so, it is best not to waste your time in the relationship.

6. Smoldering her.

This one is the opposite of the number 1 annoying behavior listed above. Where the guy in number 1 above is too busy to spend time with his girlfriend, the guy in this category wants to spend every waking moment with his girlfriend. He does not allow her to have breathing space or privacy. He is forever keeping tabs on her every move, checking on where she’s been, who she was with, and in extreme cases who she’s been on the phone with. This behavior is extremely irritating and annoying.

The Solution – Give Her Reasonable Breathing Space.

How not to bother your girlfriend in this instance is also very simple – give her breathing space. You are not her dad, and even her dad will not smolder her. Let her breathe and have her own time and her own life. The fact that she is dating you does not mean you have become siamese twins joined to the hip and head. Just as we said in point 1 above, learn to strike the perfect balance. Being overly in your girlfriend’s space and all up in her business will make her tune out very quickly and easily from the relationship. 

Ask yourself why you feel the need to always be in her space. You may find that chances are that it is because you do not have a life of your own and your own interests and hobbies. Looking to another person to fulfill and give you a life is draining and exhausting, and do not be surprised if you lose your girlfriend. Find hobbies and interests and other things that would keep you occupied enough to give your girlfriend some breathing space.

7. Resorting to social media to resolve relationship problems.

This may seem like more of a female thing to do, but not according to this 2019 study (up to October 2019) that found that 48% of Americans aged 18 – 29, with no distinction as to their gender, resorted to social media to discuss their relationship problems. This is in contrast to 34% for the age group of 30 – 49.

Age Group of Partners That Discussed Their Relationship on Social Media

Relationship status of partners that discussed relationship on social media

The same study also found that 48% of persons in a committed relationship (regardless of gender) and 39% of partners who lived together also resorted to social media to discuss their relationship problems. Any partner would definitely find it annoying that rather than talk out your issues, you resort to making subtle jabs and indirect (or direct in some cases) disclosures on your social media account. And your girlfriend is no different. This is most likely to breed contempt and tension in your relationship, which you do not want.

The Solution – Talk Face-to-Face, not through Facebook.

If you have an issue with your girlfriend, sit down with her and discuss it openly and frankly. Discussing it on your Facebook or Twitter handle will not give you the solution you are looking for, and will only serve to further drive a wedge between the two of you. Sitting down with her and having an honest heart to heart on the other hand, will strengthen your relationship and make you less annoying to your girlfriend.

8. Not holding hands in public.

This is not the hectic PDA stuff like seriously making out in public (get a room please), but just a simple holding of hands. This is a big deal for most girlfriends. To them, it seems to communicate the message that you are ashamed of them and being in a relationship with her.

The Solution – Holding Hands is a Sign of Pride in Your Girlfriend.

If you’re proud of your girl and want to show the world that you have the best gift, holding her hands in public shouldn’t be a big deal. Every time when you’re out with her – whether taking a casual walk or at the mall – hold her hands. The gesture gives her the reassurance that you place a very high premium on your relationship with her.

9. Joking about things she finds sensitive and then taunting her for not being able to take a joke when it does not go down well with her. 

The Solution – More Sensitivity Goes A Long Way.

If you know what upsets her, don’t joke about it especially when it is still a sore and touchy point for her. It is actually insensitive and could communicate that you do not care or respect her feelings no matter how much you may profess to love her.

10. Coming late on a planned date without as much as an advance call to apologize for running late and a good reason for being late. 

Also annoying is coming up with lame excuses for being late. Since you both agreed on a time for the date, it evidently meant that you had checked your schedule before agreeing to meet up. It is therefore inconsiderate and selfish and immature for you to keep her waiting. What you communicate to your girlfriend when you do this is that you have no respect and value for her time. If not dealt with, this can become a deal-breaker that leads to a break-up in your relationship.

The Solution – Don’t Keep Her Waiting.

No one likes to have their time wasted, even you. Knowing how it makes you feel when someone else wastes your time, it is wrong to do the same to the love of your life. If an unavoidable emergency came up before your date/link-up, don’t keep her waiting – call her and let her know with as many apologies as possible. The apologies alone will not however suffice; promise to make it up to her and actually make it up to her with gift(s) that remind her how special she is to you. 

Don’t however make it a habit to always turn up late for your dates or she’ll definitely lose it with you and also lose her respect for you.

11. Forgetting her birthday or your anniversary.

This one may not be the death of your relationship but if it continues she will start to doubt how important she is to you. Women attach much sentimental value to events such as birthdays and anniversaries. And while it may not be a big deal for you, it is for her.

The Solution – Set A Reminder.

If you are prone to forgetting, you actually have no excuse in this era of technology. Put a reminder on your phone; your email and on your office desk if you have to. And on that special day, find creative ways to show her how much she means to you.

12. Antagonizing or disagreeing with her in front of friends or any other person for that matter.

Couples are supposed to present a united front. Nothing annoys your girlfriend like disagreeing with her in front of strangers or even friends. It is also very embarrassing for her and she will not forgive you easily if you do this or keep doing it.

The Solution – Disagree Only In Private.

Even if you do not agree with what your girlfriend is saying outside, do not openly voice your disagreement. Wait until you are both alone and then raise your disagreement with her. This communicates to her that you respect her in public.

13. Being overly dependent on your mum for everything. 

Some ladies will call this being a mama’s boy. There is nothing wrong with seeking your mother’s guidance every now and then. However, if you are unable to make every single decision in your life without having to call mum first, then this will definitely tick her off. It would give her the impression that even for things she considers no-brainers that you should do for her, you will want to consult your mother first. No girlfriend wants to be made to feel like her continued happiness with you lies in what your mum thinks over every detail, both small and big.

The Solution – Trust Yourself More.

Be confident and trust your own decision-making process. You want your girlfriend to trust that you are man enough to handle your relationship and hopefully marriage, without always running to your mum. When firm and decisive action and decision ought to be taken by you, take it. She’ll respect you more and definitely find you less annoying.

Frequently Asked Questions

I feel like I’m annoying my girlfriend. How can I tell if she’s getting annoyed with me and what do I do?

The easiest way to know if your girlfriend is getting annoyed with you is if her mood changes immediately. If she suddenly goes quiet and passive-aggressive, you can be sure she is annoyed with you. The best thing to do is ask her what you may have done wrong and immediately apologize for it.

My girlfriend seems annoyed with me all the time, how do I solve this problem? 

If your girlfriend is annoyed with you maybe over one or two things this seems normal. You just need to know what it is you did to upset her and steer clear of it. But if she is always annoyed with you all the time, then that is not something to take lightly. It could actually be an indicator of a deeper issue with your girlfriend that has nothing to do with you. Try to talk with her as gently about it as possible and encourage her to confide in you. If she however seems bent on not dealing with her internal issues and taking it out continually on you, you will need to decide if the relationship really is worth it. Remember that you also have your self-worth and esteem as a human being, and no one, not even your girlfriend should rob you of it.

I don’t have a girlfriend yet, but I seem generally to annoy people. What makes a person annoying, and how can I not annoy people, so that it will not be a problem when I have a girlfriend?

It turns out there is a scientific term for either annoying people or having them enjoy your company – its called affective presence. When you annoy people it means you have a negative affective presence. And when people enjoy your presence it means you have a positive affective presence. Science has not however been able to find the answer as to why the negative affective presence rubs people the way it does. A couple of things could annoy people and we have listed some of them in this article. Even though these were speaking specifically to girlfriends, they also apply to most people. The solution is to pay attention to what it is from this list that turns people off and work on it. By being intentional and working on it, you are preparing yourself to be the ideal boyfriend for when the woman of your dreams comes along.

Conclusion

It is important to pay attention to the things that annoy your girlfriend and work on them. In this article, we have done the research for you to show you the top things that your girlfriend will find annoying and your solution to them and how to stop being annoying to your girlfriend.

Learning how to stop being annoying to your girlfriend would also go a long way in teaching you how not to annoy people because chances are there are others like your girlfriend who may have the same pet peeves.

A girlfriend that however chooses to always be annoyed with you all the time, despite all your spirited and reasonable efforts to keep her happy is not worth your time and effort, and you may need to reconsider the relationship.