How to win Friends and Influence People
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“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can make in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
- Dale Carnegie
Do you know that people with friends report more satisfaction and happiness than people without friends? Various studies prove this, like the one below from americansurveycenter.org.
Having friends comes with many benefits. They make you feel safe and less vulnerable and relieve the feeling of loneliness. They make you feel good about yourself and valuable in social settings. Students who spend more time with friends and family per week are more likely to experience a high quality of life after high school researchgate.net. Having close friends positively affects a person’s levels of self-esteem and psychological adjustments. Adults that have good friends are less likely to report anxiety and hostility. Young adults with close friends are more likely to experience greater enjoyment, assistance, intimacy, emotional support, loyalty, mutual affection, and higher quality of life, commons.und.edu. Several studies have also shown the numerous benefits of friends to a person’s mental and physical health. Considering the enormous benefits of friendship, we all need to learn how to win friends and influence people in our lives.
Many ‘woke folks dilute the essence of having friends because of their inability to make and sustain positive friends. You cannot increase your chances of winning friends by justifying why you don’t need friends. We are social beings that need people as much as they need us. We deserve to be heard, loved, or supported by people around us. We deserve to enjoy the company of people that share the same values, sense of humor, vision, and social activities.
But before we spill all the tips on how to win friends and influence people, it is important to know profitable qualities that should define your social interactions with people you claim are friends. According to the psychology of friendship, there are five (5) main qualities that define friendships;
Table of Contents
Friendship should be voluntary, not coerced or compelled. People should be friends with you because they want to be friends with you. The best way to win friends and influence people is to allow them to choose you instead of forcing them to do so. Voluntary friendship is more satisfying because it is more certain and genuine.
Friendship should be personal. Friends should know each other’s qualities, attitudes, characters, likes and dislikes, drive, hobbies, and many more. They should be able to give a fair prediction of what their friend can and cannot do.
Friendship involves some level of emotional attachment toward each other. How emotionally connected friends are towards each other influences how much they support and interact with themselves. It defines their loyalty.
A one-sided friendship isn’t mutual. If one person wants the friendship more than the other person, it could become problematic for those friends that want the relationship. They often feel dissatisfied, unwanted, and annoyed towards the person/ people they consider their friends. The love, respect, and interaction between friends should be collegial.
Friends have levelers; unique qualities that make them relevant and equal in the relationship. Intense competition and domination among friends are unhealthy. Friends should cultivate the understanding of cooperation, appreciation, supportiveness, and fairness in their relationship. You can read more about the benefits of surrounding yourself with good friends by clicking the link.
9 ways to win friends and keep them.
The thought of winning friends and influencing people can be simultaneously daunting and exciting. The venture comes with many fears and uncertainty, but the result is rewarding. To make or win friends, here are several things to do.
Everyone is capable of making friends regardless of their personality. However, they need to go out and socialize. To make physical friends, you need to interact with physical people. By putting yourself in various social settings, you increase your chances of being seen and interacted with. Going out and being in people’s space also helps us to understand human interaction better and adjust our behavior to participate in the process actively. If you hide, you cannot sharpen or learn good skills to win friends and sustain good relationships. Some of the best places to make friends are social events like clubs, community meetings, volunteer exercises, religious or sports groups, social activities in school or workplace, etcetera. People connect and bond faster with other people when they work together. Try not to shy away from participating in social activities and lending a helping hand as often as you can.
Speak to people.
It is not enough for you to put yourself out there, be courageous enough to say hi, and engage in brief or lengthy conversations with people. To win friends and influence people, we must be willing to engage with them. Talking to people you don’t know can be scary and intimidating. You might worry about what to say, how to act, how to show your softer side, how not to look and sound stupid or desperate, how to increase your chances of being accepted, how to know that a person is good or bad for you, etcetera. Your uncertainties and worries are valid, but they should not scare you away from approaching people and communicating with them.
You could start by saying hi, how are you? Provide valuable information that could be helpful to a person’s current situation; Give generous compliments to people. You make yourself heard, seen, and acknowledged by talking to people. It will earn you some relevance in no time.
Friendly people win friends. Unfriendly people drive people away. Caring for people’s well-being is a great way to show your friendliness. Simple and consistent gestures of care and concern will make you win friends and influence people. People appreciate those who care enough to give kind words or act altruistically towards them and other people. They see you as trustworthy, likable, and dependable. People welcome those that are on their team. Bake cakes for your people you like once in a while, help them watch their dog if you can, visit them at the hospital and take nice things to them, etcetera. Here are some cute thank you gifts to give friends whenever you like. However, your relationship with people should center on people expecting something nice from you. Don’t make yourself too vulnerable to be used.
Stay in touch.
Making friends is like planting a seed. The seed can only grow and mature into a beautiful plant when you nurture it. You can only win friends and sustain them when you stay in touch. The bond you share with people can only grow when you stay connected. Call, text, invite people you like for activities, and honor their invites. Don’t hide or act too busy, and expect people to open up to you when you are hardly present in their life. Certain sacrifices are needed. Friendship requires you to sacrifice some of your time to be with other people even when you don’t feel like it. Check out four effective ways to get your friends to hang out with you.
Be good at what you do.
Competent people are very likable or sustained in relationships. You are more likely to win friends when they consider you are valuable to society and them. The downside about being liked for your competence is that people you call friends might not be genuine, and you need to be very discerning when choosing friends. You don’t want to surround yourself with people who want you as friends solely to profit from your skills. Sadly, we cannot do away with users; relationships are all about giving and taking. What’s important is to be sure that you can profit from people who seek to profit from you.
It is understandable to be afraid of opening up to the wrong person; however, the depth of your relationship depends on your openness. People can rarely trust or rely on people that choose to remain mysterious. They want to know that you have a human conscience and can relate to their realities. To win friends, we need to be courageous to share our lives and be vulnerable to people. It comes with risk, and there is a high chance that you might open up to the wrong person, but there is also a high chance that you will open up to the right person and build a great friendship with them.
Work on your excesses.
People rarely want to associate with people that have little self-control. They may chill once or twice with them but not often. They don’t want to ruin their reputation by associating with a violent alcoholic, drug addict, overly jealous, pick-pocketer, disorganized and dirty, verbally and physically aggressive, terrible attitude, etcetera. People are afraid to connect with people with known excesses on a deeper level because of what the public might say or fear of being a victim of such an individual. You win friends and influence people when they are comfortable with your character.
Be confident in yourself and your peculiarities.
Being confident in yourself and your uniqueness will earn you the respect and attraction of many admirers. People love confident people. Self-hate is repulsive and contagious, and people dislike associating with people who hate themselves. People who exhibit self-hate tend to be emotionally burdensome to handle. If you wish to win friends and influence people, sell yourself positively to them. You can only do so when you accept yourself and project your strength. Do not choose to be a victim in your story. Tales of woes are tiring and unattractive.
Keep an open mind about people.
Some cool friends don’t come in the physique or personality you envision; therefore, keep an open mind about people. Your best friend could be your polar opposite. They could be very tall or short, funny, of a different race, physically challenged, famous, very old or young, etcetera. If you should shut people out of your life because they don’t match certain superficial qualities you’ve envisioned, you’ll end up losing many potential friends.
How to influence people.
Have strong values.
Your values influence your behavior, perception of life, and decisions. People prefer to trust, listen and follow the advice of someone with solid values they relate to, whether positive or negative. It’s always better to be on the positive side. To influence people positively, have good and strong values/ principles.
When people get the sense that you run away from tough battles instead of confronting them, they are less likely to be influenced by you. Many influential people are not physically strong; they just dare to speak up and do what’s necessary.
Be actively interested in people.
To influence people, you have to be actively interested in them. People appreciate and listen to those that can relate to or understand their struggles. You can only speak the language people will understand when you participate in their lives and learn more about them. Know their names and some of their struggles. Check up on them and continue to reassure them of your care.
The only way to be confident is to be interested in your growth. Be dedicated to improving yourself. Positive results influence people. There is nothing attractive and inspiring about a person that isn’t growing.
Have a vision.
To influence people, understand the path you intend to take. People do not want to be led astray. Therefore have a marketable vision for yourself and the people you intend to influence. People prefer to know what’s expected of them and their possible outcomes.
Be less critical and more supportive.
You can’t build a productive and lasting relationship in a toxic environment. Teach yourself to praise the strength of people more often than you criticize their weaknesses. Being too critical could give people the impression that they are less valuable and unsafe around you. If you must correct a person, do it with the utmost respect and learn to appreciate their effort. You influence people better by showing them how to do things properly and or keep encouraging them.
Be humble enough to acknowledge your faults.
To win friends and influence people, you need to show that you are accountable for your mistakes. If you are always blameless, people will get tired of you. They need to be sure that fairness and justices are critical pillars in their relationship with you.
Frequently Asked questions
How to socialize more?
If you want to learn to be sociable, win friends, and influence people,
- Go out.
- Speak to people.
- Be supportive.
- Stay in touch.
- Be good at what you do/ prioritize self-development.
- Be open.
- Work on your excesses.
- Be confident in yourself and your peculiarities.
- Keep an open mind about people.
- Have strong values.
- Show courage.
- Be actively interested in people.
- Prioritize self-development.
- Have a vision.
- Be less critical and more supportive.
- Be humble enough to acknowledge your faults.
Friendship has enormous benefits for everyone, and we should all develop the skill to win friends and influence people in our circle.
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