4 Superb Ideas Of How To Make Your Friends Want To Hang Out With You
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- To get your friends to want to hang out with you, you have to be the kind of person they would want to hang out with or be around. Read on to find out what these qualities are.
- Once you have the qualities they look for, they would naturally flock to you. But you would still take some steps to keep them wanting to hang out with you. Read on to find out what these steps are.
- Finally, you want to be hanging out with good quality friends that share the same interests and values with you and also have your best interests at heart. In your desire to want to hang out with friends and appear to be the cool guy/girl that everyone hangs out with, don’t lose sight of evaluating the quality of friendship of the friends you hang out with.
- If after doing everything listed in this article they still don’t want to hang out with you, don’t force them. Look for other friends to hang out with or enjoy your own company in the meantime while waiting for other friends to come along.
HANGING OUT AND THE CRAZE ABOUT IT.
Table of Contents
From a 2013 Survey, it does look like the jury is still out on how much premium is placed on hanging out with friends as a leisure activity. From that study, it appears fewer Americans actually spend a lot of time hanging out with friends. There could be several factors for this such as everyone’s busy lives and schedules, but we will leave that debate for now.
Percentage of Americans that spend time with friends as a leisure activity across different groups (2013)
For the present moment, let us consider the whole hanging out with friends thing and how we all enjoy it, even if we may not get the chance to do it all the time. Hanging out with friends is one of those ways we pass time or have our leisure as social animals. It’s the one time when we get to let our hair down around the people we call friends.
Being that guy/man or girl/woman that all her/his friends want to hang out with doesn’t come easily for everyone. There are some who seem like natural magnets that all their friends always want to hang out with. For others, their story is something along the lines of “I feel like I have to beg my friend(s) to hang out with me” or “my friend(s) always makes excuses to not hang out”. And maybe this is you, and you’re always asking yourself how to get people to want to hang out with you, in this case, your friends. Making your friend(s) find your company so appealing that they want to always be around you and hang out with you has art and skills to it, and we will let you in on those skills and the art. Let us show you how to make your friends want to hang out with you.
Why should your friends want to hang out with you? Qualities that attract friends to you and how to be a nice person to be around.
You want your friends to want to hang out with you, but are you really the kind of person they want to be hanging out with? Why should they want to hang out with you? This is an important first point to address before dealing with the “how”. This is because if you fail to address the issue of what your friends would be looking for, and you do not have these qualities, then no matter how often you apply the “how” steps, it won’t yield any results.
It is therefore important to examine yourself first and see that you have these qualities before desiring to want to have your friend(s) around you. If you don’t have these qualities, you may get your friend(s) to hang out with you once, but you can be sure that they will not continue to hang out with you.
What then are some of these qualities that would make you a nice person to be around? Read on to find out how to get your friends to like you more.
1. A people’s person.
This is actually the biggest one. People only hang around a people’s person; we humans are naturally drawn to people’s persons. And by being a people’s person, we don’t mean that you must be an extrovert. Even an introvert can be a people’s person.
What then does it mean to be a people’s person? A people’s person is a person who loves people for being people. They have the following qualities that show that they love people for being people –
- They always take a genuine active interest in the lives of the people they come across.
When you meet a people’s person for the first time you could almost feel like you’ve known them since before you even met them. And this is why we as humans are always naturally drawn to such people.
Applying this to your friends, ask yourself how well you actually know the friends who you desire that they hang out with you. Do you even know what their hobbies and interests are if you seriously think about it? Do you know their likes and dislikes? And if you find it difficult to answer these questions, then you can already tell why your friends may not always enjoy hanging out with you; perhaps they feel like you’re not interested in their lives. In which case, why then should they want to hang out with you.
If you want your friends to enjoy hanging out with you, then you need to be someone that takes a genuine active interest in their lives.
- They are good listeners.
It is rather sad that in our culture today, most of us don’t listen in conversations to really hear what the other person is saying. We are rather listening to respond. So while they are speaking, we are thinking of our own answers rather than paying attention to what they are actually saying. This is the exact opposite of a people’s person.
A people’s person will devote time to listening. When they are listening, they are completely enraptured in the conversation and give the one they are listening to their full undivided attention. And friends want to feel like they are genuinely being listened to. This is another variant of taking a genuine active interest. If your friends get the sense that when they’re with you, you’re hardly listening to them or you zone out for most of the conversation, you can be rest assured that they would loathe spending time with you and would much rather be someplace else.
You, therefore, need to be a good listener if you want your friends to want to hang around you more often.
- They are not self-absorbed.
A people’s person already knows themselves well enough and is confident in their own skin and knows that they need not always talk about themselves when they’re with people. A people’s person in fact rarely ever talks about themselves when they are with people. Because of their genuine active interest in the lives of the people they are with, they let them talk more about themselves while they listen.
Now when you’re with your friends, who is the main subject of discussion? Is it always about you? Well if that’s the case, don’t be surprised when your friends always make up one excuse or the other to want to avoid hanging out with you. They don’t want an afternoon or evening of just hearing about you and your latest problems or accomplishments. As the late Dale Carnegie in his famous book on How To Win Friends and Influence People says,
“you can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
When you are with your friends, talk less about yourself and more about them and genuinely want to know more about them, and watch them always want to hang out with you. Talk more in terms of their interests and less about your own interests. Be less self-centered and more people-centered.
- They are always willing to help.
A people’s person never hesitates in lending a helping hand when called upon to do so. How often do you help your friends when they need it? Can they really rely and depend on you in crisis or even on a normal day? If your friends feel like they can’t ask your help for even small favors, don’t be surprised when they don’t want to hang out with you. To get your friends to like you more and desire hanging out with you, be that friend who doesn’t find an excuse not to help them.
A people’s person always has a magnetic presence; people are just naturally drawn to them. And this is no different for your friends. If you truly become a people’s person, they will want to always spend time with and hang out with you.
2. A fun person to hang out with.
68% of Americans in 2013 said that fun is one of the important qualities they look for in a friend, and this still holds true even today.
Which Qualities Do You Look For in Close Friends (US) 2013
People generally don’t like being around people that are too uptight and can’t lighten up and have fun. Your friends are no different. Even if you are a recluse or introvert, you can still have fun or come up with fun activities that would have your friend(s) clamoring to spend time with you and hang out with you.
It is therefore important that you are someone who is fun to be around if you want your friends to hang out with you. Be spontaneous and outgoing and go out of your way to create fun. Be that friend who always comes up with creative and fun ways to hang out, and watch how they will flock to you.
3. Positive vibes and energies.
People are generally put off by people who have negative energies and vibes about them. Life is already challenging as it is, and the last thing people want is someone who would always bring a downer to their spirits. Your friends are no different. They don’t want to be around a person who is either always complaining or always talking about negative and bad things or always seeing the bad in people. If this is you, then this is one sure way to drive your friends away and have them loathe hanging out with you. You, therefore, need to change this drastically if you want your friends to hang out with you.
Don’t be the complainer. If you have a tendency to always turn every hang out with your friends into a complaining session, check yourself and intentionally and actively stop yourself from doing so. Rather listen to what your friends have to say. If you are also given to always talking about other people negatively when you’re with your friends, also check this habit in yourself and stop doing so. Nothing turns people, and your friends off by someone who is always talking bad about others.
If you have nothing to talk about, find interesting topics of public interest to talk about or discuss your hobbies or a new artist or music or book or something. Whatever the case, you need to check yourself and the content of the conversations you are given to have when your friends are around because that could be another major reason why they don’t hang out with you.
Now that you know what qualities your friend(s) are looking for in the friend they want to hang out with, we hope that you can deeply introspect into your relationship with your friends, and see which of these may be missing, and work on it.
Having worked on those qualities, how then can you make your friends want to hang out with you? Let’s find out.
HOW TO MAKE YOUR FRIENDS WANT TO HANG OUT WITH YOU
Since you now know what your friends are looking for in the friend they want to hang out with, it makes it easier knowing what to do, the “how”. Here are some ideas of how to make your friends want to hang out with you:
1. Go to them.
Rather than always waiting for your friends to come to hang out with you, you can actually go meet them. Ring up your friend(s) and catch up with them. Tell them you miss them and would like to just sit down and catch up on life.
Since you’re going to meet them on their turf, if you’re going out, you can even offer to pay for their meal. If visiting them at their place, don’t go empty-handed but go with some nibbles/light snacks and a drink.
And remember, you are trying to get them to enjoy being around you, so practice the people’s person’s skills we talked about earlier – listen actively and attentively to them and take an active interest in their hobbies. You can even take a game along that stimulates sharing and having conversations. Complain less, or not at all. Make the entire hangout about them – let them talk about their likes and interests, and get to learn more about your friend(s). Do this often, and it’s only a matter of time and they always want to hang out with you to catch up.
2. Come up with creative fun activities and invite them.
Such fun activities can include the following:
- A house party. This could be a themed house party or just a normal house party where people bring some items and just hang out.
- A game or movie night. You can play a card or board games; any game that would bring on the competition and get all of you excited.
- A barbeque or chill session.
- If you and your friends are the very nerdy type, you could start a book club where you agree on books that you all like, and meet up every once or twice a month to discuss it. Even if you are not nerdy types you could still start a book club for reading novels of whatever genre fascinates you and your friends. Everyone loves novels so this would always be a winner.
- A karaoke night.
- A cooking competition session where you challenge yourselves to see who can make the best dish with only the items in your pantry.
- You could go out to the movies or cinema together. Or if you live in a small town, explore your town together and discuss all the exciting facts about your town.
3. Spend more one on one time with each of them if you have more than one friend.
This is another form of going to them. This time, however, you can invite them over to your house to hang out, just the two of you. In this one on one, this is the perfect opportunity to get to know them better.
Find a topic that you know they are particularly passionate about, and spend time talking about it. And if you don’t know what they are particularly passionate about, it is the perfect time to find out. Be honest and own up to the fact that you always thought they were passionate about so and so topic or issues because of one or two things you picked up about them. They would be happy that you at least noticed some things about them, and that could be the conversation starter that you are looking for.
When your friend sees that you are genuinely interested in their life and the things they are passionate about, they will always want to hang out with you.
4. Find out what they may need help with and help them with it.
This is especially important if you’ve always said no to them in the past. As a way of making it up to them, go out of your way to find out if there is anything they may need help with, and offer to help them with it. Once your friend(s) can see this gesture of goodwill on your part, it would soften any resistance towards spending time with and hanging out with you.
AFTER ALL IS SAID AND DONE – QUALITY OF FRIEND(S); DON’T FORCE THINGS.
When all is said and done, it is important that you are sure that the friend(s) you are wanting to hang out with you are quality friends who share your values and principles, and importantly have your best interests at heart. All of what is said above will only work with your real and genuine friends who want to actually spend time with you.
You may have all the qualities that we have listed above and yet the people you call your friend(s) may not want to hang out with you. You may even have taken all these steps we have listed in the section on “How to Make Your Friends Want to Hang Out With You”, and they still do not want to hang out with you. In that case, do not beat yourself up thinking that there may be something wrong with you. It does seem that it has more to do with your “friend(s)” than it has to do with you. Perhaps they are just too busy or not interested in being close friends with you. As hard as it may be in such cases, you will need to move on from such friendships and find new friends.
You cannot force friendships or force people to like you enough to want to spend time with you. And so when that happens and it is clear that these friend(s) are either not interested in being friends or are just too busy for you, love yourself enough to let them be and walk away. Given your now acquired skill of being a people’s person, in no time you will find friends who want to hang out with you. And until they come along, enjoy your own company and be happy with hanging out with yourself.
Another variant of this is being too desperate to have friends hang out with you that you even allow users and free-riders. Friendship is a two-way street. If you are the only one making the effort to hang out with these friends all the time, or they only hang out with you when they want something from you, then you also need to reevaluate the friendship. Don’t let your deep desire for wanting your friends to hang out with you turn into desperation that allows free-riders and users free rein to abuse your good-naturedness.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
1. How do you get people to want to hang out with you?
It is not everyone you want to be hanging out with. You need to evaluate who this person you want to hang out with, is to you. If there is no real relationship or connection with this person, it is unreasonable and almost absurd to want them to hang out with you. If this person is your close friend, then you can follow the steps outlined in this article, and they will want to hang out with you. And if on the evaluation they are not as close a friend as you thought, then you may be better off not hanging out with them, and just keeping them as a friend who isn’t close.
2. How can you be a nice person to be around?
When you adopt all of the above people person skills talked about in this article, you will definitely be a nice person to be around, and people will always want to be around you.
3. How can you get your friends to like you more?
Doing all that is listed in this article will get your friends to like you more. But remember the caveat – if after you’ve done it all and they still don’t like you more, don’t be too bothered because it could have more to do with them than being about you.
4. No one wants to hang out with me anymore, what do I do?
You actually can’t force people to hang out with you if they don’t want to. But check yourself to see that the problem isn’t with you and that you have all the qualities listed in this article. If you have them and they don’t want to hang out with you anymore, let them be.
5. My friend(s) always makes excuses to not hang out and I feel like I have to beg my friend(s) to hang out with me. What do I do about it?
If after being a people’s person your friends still don’t want to hang out with you or make excuses when they should hang out with you, that is actually a strong indication that they don’t value your friendship or consider you a close friend enough to spend time with. What you need to do is to really reevaluate the friendship and ask yourself if there is any value to you in continuing with the friendship. You shouldn’t have to feel like you are a burden to be with.
6. Why doesn’t anyone want to be my friend?
There are two answers to this. The first one could be that the problem is with you, and you are not a people’s person. As pointed out earlier, people are generally drawn to people who are people’s persons. If you are not a people’s person and always more about yourself then no one will want to be your friend.
But if you are a people’s person and still have this problem, then the second answer is what the issue may be. And this is that the problem is not actually with you, but with the person(s) that you want to be your friend. Maybe they just don’t want to be your friend or maybe they have too much going on in their life to want to take on another friendship, or whatever other reason they may have. But understand that it is not for you to want to try and convince them otherwise, as that would be desperate. Remember that as great as you are as a person, you cannot force people to be your friend(s) or to like you.
And so if you have tried all that has been said in this article and the person still doesn’t want to be your friend, you have to let them be. Remain the awesome people’s person that you are and a friend will come along. And while you wait for this to happen, have fun with yourself and enjoy your own company.
7. How often do you hang out with friends and how often do best friends hang out?
It is near impossible to put a number to this because there is no standard mold of friendship. Every friendship is unique and different with its peculiarities. Some friends may not hang out in months and then when they eventually do, it doesn’t even feel like they were away from each other. While for others, the same dynamic would spell the end of the friendship. But whatever model your friendship is, regular communication is important. Even if you all don’t get to hang out, it’s important that you all still communicate at least either on a weekly or bi-weekly basis whether through text messages or other means of communication. Consider virtual hangouts if actual ones don’t always work. You can also create a Whatsapp group where you all regularly stay in touch and communicate.
8. How do you ask a friend to hang out?
You just ask them. But when you ask them, make the invitation light and not unduly heavy and leave room for them to say no because ultimately the timing may not be convenient for them. If however, they turn you down after 3 asks, then consider not asking again and giving them space. If they are your close friend or someone interested in getting to build a friendship with you, they would normally and eventually make an effort to make up for having turned you down. And if they don’t, then it is not a friendship to bother yourself with.
Hanging out with your friends is an important aspect of any friendship. By being a people’s person, you get to make your friends want to always spend time with you. Being spontaneous and fun to be with, and complaining less or having less negative energies, would also make them want to hang out with you.
But if after you have done all that is said in this article and the friends in question still do not want to hang out with you, it’s not about you anymore but about them. Enjoy your own company and don’t force them or the friendship. Also, reevaluate the so-called friendship and ask yourself if this is the kind of friends you want to have, or want to hang out with.
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