- Ideally, partners should use each other’s phones without fear and doubt.
- However, being in a relationship with a person does not give you the right to ignore their boundaries or personal space.
- Should you go through your partner’s phone without their permission, you might be encouraged to stalk them and that is a very unhealthy behavior to adopt in your relationship.
“A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.”
Much can be revealed about a person just by going through their phone, which is why most people are sensitive about who checks their phone. Phones have become part of people’s personal space that should be respected.
You might say, “well, we are in a relationship, and therefore we shouldn’t be hiding anything from each other.” While you are right about the need for transparency in a relationship, transparency does not include snooping through your partner’s phone without permission.
It is ok to be curious about what your boyfriend or girlfriend is doing on their phone. Your partner is probably as curious as you are about what you spend your time doing on your phone. However, curiosity should not imply checking your spouse’s phone without their consent.
“But what of when he is acting mad suspicious, as though he is cheating on me or doing something shady? Can I check his phone in that situation? My life could be at stake you know…”
We urge you to keep reading, and you’ll find the answers to these questions.
This article has been subdivided into two;
- Is it wrong to go through your partner’s phone?
- Why you shouldn’t go through your partner’s phone.
- Checking your partner’s phone isn’t entirely bad.
Before we dive deeper into this subject, did you know that most Americans spend 5-6hrs on their phones daily? Source: Statista. Having a partner that spends so much time on their phone daily can make anybody curious.
Is it wrong to go through your partner’s phone?
If you are honestly asking, “is it ok to go through your partner’s phone?” simply answer the question by asking yourself, “How would my partner feel or react if they found out that I snooped through their phones?”
If your partner would be pissed off with you for going through their phone, then it is wrong to go through their phone without their consent. Secondly, if you have to hide and check your partner’s phone, it is another sign that you’re doing something wrong.
You don’t have to feed your curiosity as tempting as it is to want to know who your boyfriend or girlfriend chats with and what they spend their time doing on various social media apps. You can honestly reject the spy/ detective role your curiosity wants you to take. Ask yourself these questions; ‘why do I want to check my partner’s phone?’ ‘Will it cause problems in our relationship if they found out I checked their phone?’ ‘Why can’t I ask for their permission before going through their phones?’
Going through someone’s phone without their permission tells of your insecurity more than it tells of your partner’s ‘sneaky’ behavior (if any). Anything that urges you to check your spouse’s phone without their consent should urge you to have a mature conversation with your partner about things you are not comfortable with them doing.
Do you know that stats show that women are more likely to snoop through their partner’s phones than men? Source: Yougov.com.
Truthfully, checking your spouse’s phone without their consent is how stalking starts. You might think that checking your boyfriend’s phone is harmless in a relationship, but it can turn into an unhealthy pattern. First, you start out checking your partners ‘on-screen notification” today, and the next day you’ll get the urge to go through their text messages. Next, you hack their social media passwords to check their messages; you might even copy down numbers from their phones, and then secretly follow them around town to know who they’re hanging out with.
Stalking usually starts as a harmless behavior.
Why you shouldn’t go through your partner’s phone.
- Disregard for partner’s privacy.
Being in a relationship does not mean a person has relinquished their right to personal boundaries. It certainly does not give you the right to invade your partner’s privacy because you feel entitled to know things about them they haven’t revealed to you. How would you feel if your partner snooped around your business and found something you wanted to keep a secret? Going through someone’s phone without their consent shows a lack of respect for them.
- Wrong assumptions and interpretations.
A second reason why you shouldn’t go through your partner’s phone is the possibility of reading their messages out of context. For example, you might read a conversation between your girlfriend and her gay friend and see lots of love emojis in their conversation. If you don’t know who that friend is, you might assume that your girlfriend is cheating on you, whereas she is not. This could create unnecessary problems between you and her.
- Lack of trust.
When you snoop through your partner’s phone, you breach the trust they have for you. Imagine that your boyfriend discovered you read his text messages without his consent, and worse still, you are falsely accusing him of something you misread. Imagine his reaction. He would always be skeptical of you because you’ve tampered with his sense of safety in the relationship. Your action could encourage him to start to hide things from you. In the end, your relationship might fall apart because of trust issues.
- Mental health.
Checking your boyfriend’s phone without his consent could affect your mental health. What if you see things you aren’t supposed to see? What if you read and misinterpret a conversation between him and a female cousin you don’t know? If you don’t know she is his cousin, you will end up thinking that your boyfriend is interested in his cousin, and that is why he allows her to share so much info about herself. Much worse, you deny sleep and peace of mind. You might begin to feel insecure about yourself and doubt your beauty. You might even start to compare yourself with someone you have no business with. Mind you, a bad partner could be playing mind games with you. Click to see how to know if someone is playing mind games with you.
When your boyfriend finds out that you checked his phone without his consent, it could affect how he perceives you. He could begin to see you as a possessive, insecure, irrational, jealous, disrespectful, and childish person. When that happens, he could lose respect for you and become less attracted to you.
- Encourage stalking.
Checking your spouse’s phone without their consent could become a habit for you. A person can never tell how far they are willing to go when they are suspicious of their partner. Aside from checking his phone, you might be tempted to track his activities online and offline. This could spiral down to other behaviors that could put your partner and relationship in danger.
- Leads to a breakup.
Some people don’t let actions like snooping around their phone slide; this is why you shouldn’t go through your partner’s phone. You might think they are overreacting by ending the relationship but that’s not how they see it. Respect might be one of their core values. Not many people find jealousy and insecurity in their partners cute. They want to trust their partners as much as they want their partners to trust them.
“Self-control is knowing you can but deciding you won’t.”
Checking your partner’s phone isn’t entirely bad.
“Is it wrong to go through your partner’s phone?” Well, not under certain circumstances like
- They’re cool with it.
The truth is, some people are not all fuzzy about their partners going through their phones. If your partner is cool with you checking their phone, why not? Their consent is all you need.
- Emergency purposes.
Some situations could warrant you to go through your partner’s phone to seek help from relevant sources. It could be health or work emergencies.
- To aid a legal investigation.
Where you have a little evidence that your partner might be involved in illegal activities that could cost you or another person their life and freedom, snooping through your partner’s phone might be your only option in some instances. However, we wouldn’t encourage you to do such because your partner could be violent if they catch you checking their phones without their consent.
Frequently Asked Questions.
- Should couples allow each other to look at their phones?
Ideally, couples should freely go through each other’s phones without fear and doubt.
However, some situations might not permit a person to allow their partner to go through their phone. For example, clinical professionals might have sensitive information about clients that should not be revealed. In such a situation, your partner might be protective of his phone. But this should not be the case.
Although couples need to be transparent with each other for the health of their relationship, insisting that your partner allows you to check their phone spells of insecurity. Besides, it is not a guarantee that they are honest with you if they allow you to go through their phone. They could be hiding something in other places than their phones. They could also decide to have a different phone from the one you’ve seen.
Do not make your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse feel like a prisoner because of your insecurities. You should only go through their phones if they are cool with it.
- What does it mean when a girl looks through your phone?
Whether it is your boyfriend or girlfriend that has decided to look through your phone, most times, this action stems from;
- Lack of trust
- Personal insecurity
- Lack of self-control
- Reasons not to go through your partner’s phone.
- You could wrongly assume or misinterpret some of his conversations.
- You could be encouraged to stalk your partner.
- You could bring shame to yourself.
- You might mess with your mental health unnecessarily.
- It shows disregard for your partner’s privacy.
- It shows you have little respect for your partner.
- It could lead to a breakup.
- Going through your partner’s phone quotes.
Here are a few interesting quotes that you might like;
- “Date a girl when you are ready to hand your phone without freaking out.” – Anonymous
- “Self-control; 1) stop 2) think 3) What could happen? 4) Is that what you want?” – Anonymous
- “An awesome relationship is when you don’t have the fear of your partner checking your cell phone.” – Anonymous.
- “Avoid things the best version of yourself will regret”- Shane Parrish.
- “If you need to check your partner’s phone, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship… Trust matters.” – Whisper.
- “If you ever have a reason to spy on your partner, you need to have a hard and honest conversation with yourself and your partner.” – Chichi
- “Because you have access to his phone does not mean he is not hiding something from you”
- “You found nothing on his phone because there is nothing to find. Not all men cheat.”
- “Things are not always as they seem. Always remember that when you snoop through our partner’s phone”
- “If you snoop through my phone, I’m not responsible for how you interpret my messages.”
Checking your partner’s phone without their consent is not right. If you need to check your partner’s phone, it could strongly indicate insecurity and jealousy on your part. If your partner is acting in ways that raise suspicion about their activities, it is best to communicate with them about it. Whether or not your partner permits you to check their phone, it is not always proof that they are faithful and committed to you.
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