- Getting attached when dating can be quite problematic if you aren’t on the same page with the girl.
- You might become desperate and have an overwhelming need to get her attention or spend time with her when she doesn’t feel the same way.
- This can lead to her running for the hills because you came on too hard, and she became worried about the future of the relationship.
- And now you’re back to square one with only heartbreak to show for it.
There should probably be college courses on how to not get attached to a girl because it would save a lot of relationships from the scourge of a premature end and a lot of heartbreak. Yes, society, men feel heartbreak too
Finding a girl who ticks the boxes of qualities you are looking for in a partner can be quite exciting. We can’t blame you when you start thinking, “Okay kids, let me tell you the story of how I met your mother.” And normally, this wouldn’t be such a bad thing, but sadly our normally logical brain tends to act the fool when emotions rear up.
This is what is so wrong with getting attached to a girl or at least doing it too quickly. You find that you already can’t go 5 minutes without thinking about her, or worse, if she’s talking to other guys. Before you know it, feelings of desperation begin to kick in, and you start texting her like a creep or invading her personal space.
In your mind, you’re doing this because you care, but in her mind, she’s thinking, “I need to make like a banana and split.” And then comes the heartbreak and the waterworks, almost as if someone is following you everywhere with a freshly cut bulb of onions.
I may be getting too deep into this, but the point is, getting attached to a girl that isn’t on the same page can be disastrous.
You might be reading this because you don’t want to be attached too soon. Or maybe she’s a casual fling, and you want to keep it that way. Whatever reasons you have for avoiding attachment, here are some tips on how to go about it.
- Admit that you are attached or about to be
The first step to solving any problem is admitting that there is indeed a problem. If you are getting attached in the first place and deny it, your chances of dealing with this attachment get slimmer.
If you are unsure of whether you are getting attached, look out for the following signs:
- You can’t seem to stop talking about her to friends, especially bringing up irrelevant details.
- You’re always texting or calling her.
- You’re always trying to meet up with her.
- You can’t help but plan weddings in your head.
- You rarely say no to her, even if you want to.
- You’re spending less time with your social circle because you’re with her.
- You’re always on their social media pages checking what they are up to.
Taking note of your specific examples of attachment will help you to not get too attached because you will be able to target those behaviors specifically.
- Check if she is matching your energy
After checking to see if you are getting attached, find out if this is the same with her. Is she doing things like replying to texts fast and trying to meet up often? If yes, this is a good sign, but you should be careful not to move too fast.
And if she’s not matching this energy, it is a sign that you need to tone things down before you scare her off.
- Relax your expectations
When experts speak on how to not get attached to a girl, they almost always mention the importance of managing your expectations. When you catch yourself fantasizing about flying to other countries, saying “I love you,” or getting married, shut those thoughts down and throw them out the window.
Date her in the now and take every day as it goes. Calming down expectations will allow you to focus on what is important – finding out if she is the right person for you by taking note of her character and mannerisms.
- Actually consider if she’s right for you
A key method on how to not get emotionally attached to a girl is to take a step back and consider if she is matching the ideals you expect from a girl you want to date.
When we start dating, we get blinded by feelings and become blind to many things we wouldn’t normally overlook. This is why you need to look out for those things you don’t want in a girlfriend to avoid making a mistake. If you find them, you’ll definitely return to Earth, where you can then decide if she is someone you can work with.
Unfortunately, there is also the chance that she would be perfect for you, only increasing attachment issues. Proceed to other tips if this is the case.
- Date other people
Unless you are a special one, dating multiple people helps with how to not be attached to someone because you will have more people to devote your time and feelings to.
Having all your eggs in different baskets will remind you that you have options, which will calm your emotions until you decide on the one person you want to move on with. By then, you would be far along enough to be attached without worries.
It is important to note that dating multiple people doesn’t mean you have to be intimate with all of them. You can take it slow and use this time to find out more about them before making your final decision.
- Come up with boundaries
If you want to stop getting attached so easily, setting boundaries regarding how you relate with girls is the way to go. For instance, if it is something casual you want, it would be best never to go on dates or spend time with each other. This can proliferate into feelings that lead to attachment.
Other areas you can set up boundaries include:
- Personal problems you are allowed to share as this can lead to you becoming a confidant.
- The number of times you see her per week.
- The number of times you can text or call per day.
- The amount of money you spend on dates, gifts, and other romantic gestures.
These boundaries should be based on past behavior in other relationships that led to negative attachment.
- Get busy
Maybe what you want is to stop being attached to someone you are already attached to. A great tip in that regard is to keep yourself busy and distract your brain from thinking too much about the girl in question.
You can give more attention to your work, school, or hobbies. You could even engage in that interest you picked up but never had time for, and those wonderful self-care activities you know will make you a better you.
Another great way to keep busy is to spend time with your friends and family. Engaging in activities with your social circle helps you avoid being attached and dependent and increase the time intervals you get to see the girl, which will work wonders for your attachment issue.
- Hold off meeting family and friends
Allowing your partner to meet your friends and family is a huge step that anoints the relationship and formalizes it. Therefore it is a very important thing to avoid when thinking about how to not get attached to a girl.
Whether the girl will eventually meet your people depends on the type of relationship you have with her. For instance, a casual partner should never meet your family, and the only reason they should meet your friends is if they were with you when she came around.
For a more serious relationship, hold off on this for a while until you are sure you want to go the distance. And of course, it goes without saying that you shouldn’t meet her friends and family either.
- Limit sexual activities
Sex is, more often than not, an emotional experience. This means that constantly engaging in sexual activities can lead you to fail if your goal is to not become attached to women, especially when the sex is so good.
As a general rule of thumb, you should stop having sex immediately you feel yourself getting attached when in a casual fling. For those you are more serious about, try to limit the sex to a healthy balance that would maintain the honeymoon period while still protecting you from speedy attachment.
- Don’t put a label on it yet
When you label what you have with a girl as a relationship, extra pressure is created that gives you responsibilities that only serve to increase attachment.
Therefore it is in your best interest as a person avoiding attachments to stay away from calling what you have a relationship just yet. You are simply hanging with a girl you might like and who might like you, and taking it one day at a time.
- Work on your issues
If you notice that you constantly exhibit attachment issues in most relationships you have had, it might be a sign of more serious emotional issues such as insecurity. Don’t beat yourself down if this is the case because it happens to the best of us, and it is beatable.
Indeed, a poll by FitRated showed that most people can get over insecurity on their own, but it is important that you first identify it as such. But if you need a little help, know that many therapists out there can walk you through how to not get attached to people.
Frequently Asked Questions
How to stop being attached to someone
- Relax your expectations.
- Stop daydreaming and fantasizing.
- Set boundaries on key areas that can lead to attachments.
- Get busy with work, school, or hobbies.
- Hang out with friends and family.
- Date other people.
- Reduce the amount of time you spend together.
How to be less attached in a relationship
- Manage your expectations.
- Shut down those daydreams and fantasies about the future.
- Reduce the number of relationship activities you engage in.
- Hang out with friends and family.
- Remind yourself of their flaws. Harder to get attached to someone who you don’t consider perfect.
- Don’t introduce them to the family just yet.
- Reduce the number of times you call or text in a day.
How to not get attached to someone online
- Snap back to reality when you begin fantasizing about them.
- Reduce the number of conversations you have with them by only engaging them at certain times.
- Hang out with your friends and family because this will leave less time to be online.
- Stop talking about him to your friends all the time.
- Find other ways to occupy your time, such as work, school, or hobbies and interests.
- Limit your expectations about what this could lead to and take it one day at a time.
All in all…
Before trying to avoid getting attached to someone, your first step should be asking yourself what you want from the girl. If you want something casual – and she knows this too – then attachment should be totally off the table. However, when it is something you see progressing into the future, use these tips as more of attachment delaying tactics because you will eventually get attached, and that is okay.
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