How to Trust Someone Again After Cheating: 11 Ways to Get Through Infidelity

People decide to stay with cheating partners for a variety of reasons. And if you ever find yourself in a situation where you have decided to stay with a partner who has cheated on you, here are a few things to look forward to in order to rebuild trust and be able to trust someone again after cheating.

1. BE REAL AND RAW WITH WHAT YOU ARE FEELING

Trusting someone who cheated on you is going to take a lot of time and a lot of mental effort. It is a decision you have to keep making every day when you choose to stay with or take back a cheating partner. While going through all of this, it is very important that you are true with your emotions and explain to your partner about how you are feeling no matter how raw or “too much” it may be. If your partner wants to make your relationship work after their infidelity, they will have to understand that it takes a lot to rebuild trust after cheating and lying to you and they should be willing to hear you out on whatever emotion you may be feeling until you are able to get past it.

2. VALIDATE YOURSELF

A great way to rebuild trust in a relationship after cheating is to validate yourself. As someone who has been cheated on, you will find yourself going through moments where you blame yourself for your partner’s infidelity, and when this happens, it will do you good to validate that you did not cause their actions, you are not responsible for their behavior and you are not responsible for their lies. Validate yourself so much you never have to doubt yourself ever again. This is the only way you can truly begin to build trust after infidelity because the more sure you are of yourself, the less worried you will be about someone else’s actions towards you.

3. TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED 

A necessary step to rebuilding trust after infidelity is to openly and honestly talk about what happened. It is okay and quite normal to want answers from your partner after you catch them or they admit to cheating. However, spare yourself the hurt and never ask for the details of the infidelity i.e “how was it? Do you prefer them over me?” Etc. instead, ask questions that will determine the future of your relationship. For example, you can ask them if they are in love with the person they have been having an affair with (if it is an ongoing affair) or if they are unhappy in your relationship. The answers to these questions will help you determine whether or not you should stay in the relationship or leave. Here are some ideas on  what to say to someone who cheated on you in case you find yourself short of words.

4. DO NOT HOVER OVER YOUR PARTNER

As hard as it is to begin trusting again after cheating, it is important that you do not hover over your partner. This means that you do not check up on them every minute of the day, you do not check their phone or computer constantly looking for proof that they are not cheating on you anymore. When you make the decision to stay with a partner that has cheated on you, you have to give them the chance to regain your trust after an affair and you cannot do this by being a helicopter partner.

5. RE-EVALUATE YOUR FUTURE GOALS

Learning to trust after infidelity takes time, but it should also inspire you to take a look at your life and reevaluate how you have been living. While you are choosing to stick to rebuilding a relationship after cheating, you should also commit to rebuilding yourself and preparing yourself for a future where your partner could potentially cheat again. Most women in heterosexual relationships stay with a cheating partner because he is the provider and they would have nothing left if they left him. Reevaluating your future goals will help you avoid settling for a cheating partner in the future.

6. GO TO COUNSELING

A good way to ensure that you can trust again after being cheated on is to seek couples counseling so that you can have someone help you talk through your issues. After being cheated on, trusting your partner is possibly the hardest thing you can do. You can easily forgive them for the act, you can try to forget about it, but you may never be able to fully trust them again because there will always be a part of you that wonders whether or not they were cheating on you still – with the same person or with another? Getting professional help will assist you in understanding the psychology of trust and how you can rebuild it after it has been broken.

7. TRUST YOURSELF

In order to trust someone after being cheated on, you have to first trust yourself. Trust yourself enough to be okay with them living their life and you not hovering over them, crowding them, or being insecure when they are with people they could potentially be attracted to. Trusting yourself to not overreact over small triggers, and trusting yourself to not let your trust issues after being cheated get in the way of you trying to rebuild your relationship with your partner.

8. TAKE TIME AWAY FROM THE RELATIONSHIP

Sometimes in order for you to overcome trust issues after being cheated on, you may need to take some time away from the relationship. As stated many times before, it is hard to  trust your partner again after cheating, and therefore if you feel that you need space to figure out a way forward – you should take time away and sort yourself out. If your partner is truly remorseful and wants the relationship to work, they will be willing to give you time to think and evaluate your decision to stay with a cheater.

9. COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS WITH YOUR PARTNER

In order to gain trust back in a relationship after lying and cheating, both you and your partner need to be open and free to communicate your feelings with each other. Inform each other where your head’s at all times. If you are feeling disconnected, tell them, if you are feeling hurt – tell them, if you are feeling like it’s too much for them to ask you to stay after such a betrayal – tell them. Whatever it is you are thinking and feeling when you are going through a cheating scandal episode with your spouse, it is best to let them know so that they can adjust their expectations accordingly. Additionally, talking about what you are thinking and feeling may also help you to gain some trust after being cheated on by your spouse.

10. ACTIVELY CHOOSE TO FORGIVE WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO YOU

In order for you to completely love someone after they cheat on you, you must first choose to forgive them for what they did and be willing to forget the infidelity. Forgiveness is an action that you have to take consciously, every day and it will help you, in the long run, to recover trust after infidelity. However, just as trusting, forgiving may not come easy and it is okay to take some time to come to terms with what you are doing and choose to do it every day.

11. ACCEPT THAT THERE ARE ASPECTS OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAT HAVE CHANGED

So, how do you fix a relationship after being cheated on? After all, is said and done, there will be a need for both you and your partner to admit that your relationship has changed and it will never go back to the way it was before the infidelity – and for both of you to be okay with that and accept the relationship for what it has become after the affair.

AS THE CHEATER, YOU SHOULD

1. BE REMORSEFUL

If you want to regain your wife’s trust after cheating, you need to be remorseful of your actions. You can show her this through your actions, your words, and your attitude towards her as she is processing your infidelity.

2. APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY

If you want your spouse to trust you after an emotional affair, you need to apologize to them profusely and mean it, too. Apologies are more than admittance to wrongdoing but also a way to make it up to someone who you have wronged.

3. TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

If you want your wife to trust you after you cheated on her, you need to take full responsibility for your actions and be willing to change your behavior to assure her that you are indeed remorseful and will never repeat this behavior again.

4. GIVE YOUR PARTNER SPACE WHEN THEY NEED IT

Another way to make her trust you again after cheating is to give your partner space when they need it. Finding out that someone you trusted has broken that trust can take a toll on a person, mentally, and sometimes they may need to distance themselves from you – physically – to get their thoughts in order.