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- While it is always tempting to want to go back to an ex-lover, it is not always advisable to do so, especially where the break-up was as a result of legitimate and reasonable reasons. But if you must do so, then there are several factors to consider and questions to answer before embarking on the mission to tell and show your ex you still love him.
- What you will tell your ex boyfriend to get him back will often depend on who brought about the initial break-up. We give you tips for both instances, namely where the break-up was initiated by you and where it was initiated by him.
A good number of Americans believe in true love and believe that love in a relationship is meant to last for a lifetime. This comes out from a 2019 Survey by Statista.
If you’re part of the 60% that will still want to get your ex boyfriend back because you still love him, this article will help you with things to say to an ex boyfriend that you still love.
For spousal reconciliations, you can check out our articles on How To Make My Wife Love Me Again After Separation and Signs My Separated Wife Wants To Reconcile.
Should I Tell My Ex Boyfriend I Miss Him? Success Rate of Revived Relationships.
A 2019 survey discussed on Insider showed that 14.94% of people who got back with their ex had long-lasting and happy relationships in the subsequent relationship.
And on a note of encouragement, it may interest you to know that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (Prince Williams and Kate Middleton), got married after getting back together from a break-up. Their break-up had lasted about three months before they got back together. So yes, it is possible to get back to your ex boyfriend and things are better than they were before the break-up.
But there are several factors and things to consider before reaching out to your ex boyfriend to tell him that you still love him and miss him. This is because getting back to an ex-lover is not always advisable, especially where there were legitimate and reasonable reasons why you broke up in the first place.
At Whose Instance Did The Break-up Happen?
This is important because different considerations apply depending on who initiated the break-up. If you initiated the break-up, then the second factor/question comes to play.
If he is the one that broke up with you, it becomes even more complex wanting to just get back with him especially if the reason why he broke up with you is that he doesn’t love you anymore. If this happens to be the case, you can’t force your love on him, and in fact, should love and value yourself enough to not want to do this. Wanting to tell an ex boyfriend you love him when he has made it clear he doesn’t love you only makes you look desperate and also sends out the wrong message that you don’t place much value on yourself. He may have been great, but he is not the only great man on the planet and you will certainly meet and fall in love again with a great guy who loves you back and would value you.
And to spot that great guy when he comes around check out our article on 25 Remarkable Things A Good Boyfriend Does.
Why Did You Break Up With Him?
This question is important if you’re the one who broke up with him. You need to ask and remind yourself why you broke up with him in the first place and whether those reasons have suddenly disappeared or changed. If you broke up with him because he was constantly lying to your face about the important things, for instance, has that suddenly changed? Or did you break up with him because he was always annoying you or for frivolous reasons? This should tell you whether you want to go through the same motion again.
You will also love our related article on What To Do When Your Boyfriend Lies To Your Face.
Why Do You Want To Get Back Together With Him?
Are you looking to get back with him because you don’t want to be single and alone and therefore confusing your feelings of loneliness as feelings of love? The desire to want an ex back is always the strongest when one stays single for some time after a break-up and isn’t keeping working on themselves while single, to get to know themselves better. Our articles on Things To Do When Single And Alone and How To Stay Single And Be Happy can help you in knowing how to go about doing this so that you are absolutely certain that what you are feeling for your ex boyfriend is love and not loneliness.
Have You Allowed Yourself To Heal?
This is closely tied to the question of why you want to get back with your ex. Have you allowed yourself to heal completely from the pain and hurt that brought about the break-up? People hardly break up for no reason. Even for a reason like drifting apart, there is always pain and hurt involved in a break-up, and couples that break-up need time apart to heal from that pain and hurt before wanting to jump back in again, or there may just be a repeat of the same things that resulted in the break-up. If you have not allowed yourself this healing process, it is not advisable to want to jump right back so quickly.
How Healthy Was The Relationship In The Past?
This is another important consideration. Was the relationship healthy or toxic in the past and did you both bring out the best or worst in each other? If the relationship was not healthy in the past, chances of it suddenly changing are slim, especially if the reason for the toxicity was a character issue or differing temperaments and personalities. You need to consider if these things will disappear and the relationship become a healthy one. If there is no chance of this happening, it may not be worth it.
Are You Sure You Would Not Be Hurt By Him Again?
This is also tied in with the question of the health status of the relationship. If he was toxic and bad for your mental health when you were together, are you sure he would not continue the same cycle when you get back together? And if this will be the case, is it really worth it to get back to a relationship that could potentially hurt you again?
Are You Prepared To Be Hurt By Him Again And What Would You Do If That Happens?
Knowing how much he may have hurt you in the past, are you prepared to be hurt again by him? Was it fun for you having to go through heartbreak and do you want to go through all of that drama again? When you’re lonely and want an ex boyfriend back, you almost always forget that he hurt you in the past and that that was no fun at all. This is why you need to ask yourself this important question before deciding to start professing your love to an ex boyfriend.
Would Getting Back With Him Be Healthy For You?
This question is especially important if in your past relationship your ex boyfriend was trying to make you someone you are not or was trying to change you instead of accepting you for who you were. Are you sure that this would not be a repeat and that you would not find yourself trying to be someone you’re not, just to get him back? If you have to become someone that you’re not just to get him back, that may be a sign that you shouldn’t embark on the mission. You shouldn’t have to become someone that you’re not just to win an ex boyfriend back. It’s never worth it in the end because the same frictions will always surface again.
How Do I Tell My Ex I Still Love Him? Things To Say To An Ex Boyfriend You Still Love.
Once you’ve considered the factors set out above and are sure that you want to take that step in telling your ex boyfriend that you still love him, here are a few things to do and things to say to get your ex back depending on who brought about the initial break-up.
Things To Do And Say Where You Are The Reason For The Break-up.
Where you are the reason for the break-up, it would not always be easy because what you are trying to do is to beg him to come back, and that is never an easy feat to accomplish. You will need to take some extra mile steps to get the ball rolling, such as:
- Initiate contact slowly.
You have presumably not been talking because of the break-up. You can start by going to the places/spots you know he’ll be at and ensuring that you are within proximity to him. Try to get his attention and once you have it, say a casual and friendly hello and get in a conversation or two with him. Afterward, you can follow it up with casual conversations on Facebook.
Remember that you broke up with him so he may seem a little unwelcoming the first time you initiate contact so you’ll need to be a little patient and somewhat persistent.
- Invite him out for a casual friendly date.
Once you have him a little more warm and receptive, you can make your first move by inviting him out for a casual friendly hangout. A coffee date is preferable because you don’t want to come on too strongly, especially given that you are still trying to gauge where he stands with you, and if he would be interested in getting back together.
- Keep the conversation going and light after this first casual date.
After your first casual date, continue the conversations with him. Don’t talk about getting back together yet. Talk about everything else but getting back together. You need to build up to it.
From your past relationship, you know the kind of conversations that you could both talk endlessly about. If it was politics and how terrible the political landscape is, keep the conversation flowing on that topic. And here is why you do this. You want to remind him of one of the reasons he was in love with you in the first place, which is the great conversations you both used to have. If there is any news or happening in the week on those topics of interest, hit him up with that news and keep the conversation going.
The other goal of this is to get him used to talking with you again and enjoying your conversations. It also shows him how much you’ve grown and learned in your time apart.
Follow up with casual hang-outs to keep the conversation going.
You can for example end one of your telephone chats abruptly with having to go off but suggest how great it will be to continue the conversation the next day over burgers or sandwiches or coffee. The reason for this is so that you get the chance to build up physical chemistry or at least see if there is a chance of that happening.
Use these casual hangouts to build the chemistry or see if he’s receptive to chemistry growing between the both of you. Small things like a light touch or lightly brushing against him and seeing how he responds to the “accidental” touch or light brushing will tell you whether he’s interested or not.
Go for the kill.
After about 4 – 5 casual hangouts and being sure from his body language that he is open to the idea of giving you both another chance, boldly come out with your intentions and profess your love for him and desire to get back together. These are the things to say in that bold venture:
1. “These past months without you have made me realize how valuable you are to me and mean to me.”
By saying this you show him that you’ve given your decision to rekindle things serious thought and are not just acting on a whim. It also tells him that you’ve been thinking about him and the times you had together.
2. “Our interactions lately have only served to confirm the realization that hit me that you were one of the best things to happen to me.”
This sweet affirmation will come as a build-up from your latest conversations and interactions with him “that had nothing to do with getting back together”. It also makes him feel like your desire is borne out of something more recent rather than something in the past that may not be too convincing for him.
3. “And I cannot imagine having anyone else in my life because no one else gets me as you do, and reconnecting with you recently has only served to confirm this to me.”
By telling him this, you also affirm that your feelings for him are more recent and based on your recent interactions with him. This brings a newness that will convince him of the depth of your feelings.
4. “I know I am the reason why we broke up and I am deeply sorry for it and for hurting you in that way. Breaking up with you is one of the mistakes I regret very much.”
This will be the big elephant in the room and you need to own up to the part you played in the split, especially when your reasons may not have been the best.
Where however your breaking up with him was not as a result of any fault on your part and you still want to give the both of you a shot, you can say the following instead –
“I know we had our differences which is why I ended things. I have deeply reflected on our differences and realize that we can find a way to work on them if you are willing to give it and us another try.”
“I accept the part I played in us not working before and I apologize for it. I am willing to change those aspects of me that contributed to making the relationship not work in the past in trying to make it work if you are also willing to give us another shot.
5. “Can you find it in your heart to forgive me for hurting you in that way and giving us another chance because I love you very much and can’t imagine a life without you in it.”
The first part of these words will apply if your breaking up with him was without any valid or legitimate reason. Where however there may have been valid and legitimate reasons but you are willing to try again nonetheless, you can say any of the following instead:
“I have come to realize that I love you very much, and despite our differences in the past, I would love for us to try again and see how we can make us work.”
It has to be emphasized again that you should take the bold step of professing your love in this way once you are certain from your ex boyfriend’s body language that he is open to it. If his body language says he is only interested in a friendship, you will only cause yourself more hurt by professing your love only for it to be rejected because he isn’t interested in getting back together.
And finally, you should also be mentally prepared for the fact that your ex boyfriend may say he is not interested in getting back together after you’ve gone all the extra mile set out above and professing your undying love for him. This can still be the case even if his body language suggested that he was open to being intimate with you again. For some ex boyfriends, after a break-up they may decide they don’t want to get serious yet or that they want nothing more than just sex. These are eventualities you should also have at the back of your mind and tell yourself what will happen should that be the case.
Things To Do And Say Where He Is The Reason For The Break-up.
Where your ex boyfriend is the reason for the break-up, trying to get back with him is begging him to take you back and love you back. It is rarely a good thing to want to get back with a guy who broke up with you for whatever reason he may have had. Unless you were the main reason why he broke up with you, you should cut your losses and move on.
And if you were the reason why he broke up with you, then you can follow all the steps set out in the section on “Things To Do And Say Where You Are The Reason For The Break-Up.
As we said earlier in the section on things to consider, nothing is dignifying about begging a guy to take you back when he’s made it clear he doesn’t love you. It cheapens you, and this is never good for your self-esteem and self-worth especially given that you are a jewel in your own right and would make any other man apart from your ex boyfriend happy.
Should I Tell My Ex Boyfriend I Still Love Him? Instances Where You Should Certainly Not Get Back With Your Ex.
While it is understandable that you may still be smitten with your ex boyfriend and want to get back with him, there are two absolute instances where you should certainly not be getting back with your ex. And these two instances are because it will be in your best interests to stay away from the relationship.
Where He Was Physically Abusive.
Physical abuse in any form is unacceptable and you should never seek to return to a boyfriend who laid his hands on you. Don’t think he would change because physical abusers will always repeat their abuse. Don’t expose yourself to harm by wanting to go back to a physically abusive boyfriend.
Where He Cheated On You.
Men that cheat tend to repeat the cycle of cheating because they have wandering eyes, and this is often a hard character trait to break out of. Unless you don’t mind sharing him with other women, it is never advisable to get back with an ex who either cheated or is known as a serial cheater, or you will always have a broken heart. Read our article on What To Say To Someone Who Cheated On You for good insights on how to deal with a cheating boyfriend.
Where He Constantly Lied To You About Important Stuff.
This last instance is not absolute, and some guys can change but it is rarely the case, especially if you always caught him lying to your face and he never changed but continued in it leading you to break up with him. We discuss what to do at length with a lying boyfriend in our article on What To Do When Your Boyfriend Lies To Your Face. It will be a helpful read.
Frequently Asked Questions.
How do you talk to an ex you still love?
After breaking up with an ex, it is advisable to keep a distance and cut communication with him for some time even if you still love him. This is so that you both have time apart to heal and reassess your relationship and what you want. It is only after this distance and space and you feel you are in a good place can you start talking with him.
And even then, it is not advisable to be the first one to initiate conversation or to keep the conversation going, unless you are looking to get back together with him. And where that is the case, then think through the factors set out in this article before deciding to profess your love to him again and giving things another shot.
What are best, nice, cute, perfect, sweet, clever things to say to your ex and some things you can text your ex boyfriend?
As was said in answer to the first question, it is best to keep some distance from communicating with an ex. After a break-up, there can’t be sweetness and perfection as there was before.
Should I tell my ex boyfriend how I feel?
Unless you want to get back together with him, and unless he is also open to the same, you should not tell your ex boyfriend how you feel no matter how strong those feelings are. And if you must, it is important to think through all that has been set out in this article first and go through the steps outlined.
Feelings come and go, and as hard as it may seem right now, you will get over it and come out stronger.
Should I write a letter to my ex boyfriend?
It is not advisable to write your ex boyfriend a letter unless the letter is being written in a professional capacity assuming you need to work with him in a professional capacity. If the letter is meant to profess how you feel about him, then be sure of all that is set out in this article first, and follow all the preliminary steps before writing a letter. Even then, it is always best to profess your feelings face to face than through a letter.
What are some quotes to tell your ex you still love him?
If you decide you want to tell your ex that you still love him after going through all that we have set out in this article, you can use some of the quotes set out in this article.
How can you show your ex you still love him?
Some sure ways to show your ex you still love him is by paying him compliments, always being in his space, and making it a point to speak with him. Also going as far as surprising him with gifts out of the blues will give him an indication you still love him.
What are some sad things to say to your ex boyfriend?
There is no reason why you should be saying sad things to your ex boyfriend. As bad as you may feel about the break-up, don’t give it or him power over you by wanting to go back and say sad and hurtful things. It is best to let yourself go through the healing process.
What are some words to say to get your ex back?
If you decide after reading this article that you want to get your ex back, you can use some or all of the 5 words we use in this article, to get him back.
Should I tell my ex boyfriend I miss him?
Unless you are both talking about getting back together, it is not advisable to tell your ex boyfriend that you miss him.
Getting back together with an ex boyfriend should only be resorted to after very thorough and careful consideration of all the factors and questions posed in this article. And even then, there are two definite no-nos for getting back with an ex boyfriend – where there was physical abuse involved in the relationship before, and where he is a serial cheater or a cheater period.
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