How to get your wife back after she leaves you is a common question these days. Although the divorce rate is very high in the last couple of years, a lot of couples are actually trying to save their marriages. Nobody wants to lose a spouse, somebody who is a lover, a best friend, and a partner all in one person. The main reason for people getting married in the first place is because they believe in a better life with another person. The one full of love, compassion, companionship, and other beautiful emotions that make our days more enjoyable. However, these things do come to an end due to all kinds of reasons. Emotions could perish away in the same way it was possible for them to be born. Marriage is something that requires attention and hard work. It’s not a thing you just stop thinking about after exchanging vows.
If your wife left you, you probably had the time to think about these things. Once you acknowledge that something you thought is going to last for a lifetime came to an end, you start questioning everything. We know, the hurt is almost unbearable. It’s not just that you’ve lost the love of your life but you also get to face the changes in your daily life. You’re supposed to move on immediately, learn how to live alone again, and forget about the past. But that’s not so simple, is it? Without a doubt, you can do it with a lot of effort and patience. People get through divorces all the time and continue to live happy lives. However, it’s also completely normal for you to try to save your marriage despite separation and divorce taking place. If you believe that you haven’t done everything you can or you think you did but you’re searching for some more options, that’s understandable. There’s nothing wrong with trying to mend things with your loved one and bringing back everything you two had together. Of course, we are here to help. Instead of shortly answering the question of how to make my wife love me again after separation, we also prepared some extra tips and pieces of advice for you. With the help of our article, you’ll be able to go through your entire situation, explore your options, and finally decide what would be the best path to take in your particular case.
Before you start with choices and options, here are a few things you should keep in mind:
Marriage is a union between two people and it requires effort from both parts to function. It’s not enough only for you to be engaged in the recovery process. Both parts have to agree on giving a marriage a shot and work together to accomplish it.
You can’t force your wife to do something she doesn’t want to. Respect her decision, whatever that might be. If she doesn’t want to reconcile, don’t force her. Marriage is based on love, and love should be all about personal and free choice.
The decision to try again must come from her and nobody else. She must want to get back to you. There’s no use (and it’s not even moral) of convincing her with the help of other parts e.g. friends and family. There’s no use of you convincing her that she should want the same you do. Your wife has to come to that conclusion on her own.
Considering the Reasons for Separation
It’s Never a Sudden Decision
We heard a lot of men saying that separation was a sudden thing they didn’t expect at all. “She just left! One day she was saying she loves me and the other one she left me. I didn’t expect it at all!” Is that true? Don’t get us in the wrong way, we do believe you were surprised, and that you didn’t see that coming. But was it really unexpected?
Studies have shown that in most cases, women do show signs that they are unsatisfied with the relationship they have with their husbands. The thing is, most husbands don’t notice these signs regardless of how loud and clear they are. Often, they become alarmed only at the moment when their wives pack the bags and leave the house. The realization strikes in, but there’s nothing left to do in that precise moment. The damage has been done.
So, if your wife left you, don’t stick with the it-was-all-of-a-sudden policy. Be honest to yourself and to her. Think about the relationship and when it started to deteriorate. Only then you’ll be able to figure out what really went wrong and how to fix it.
Your or Her Wrongs
Although there’s no use of fighting over who is to be blamed for the separation, it’s crucial to recognize mistakes you both made. Don’t get us wrong, we don’t believe you should blame your wife for her mistakes to make things even or justify yourself. No, that’s counterproductive, and it won’t get you anywhere. You should recognize your mistakes to establish what you should change about yourself and what you want from your spouse. Only then you’ll be able to start working on your marriage.
Recognizing the Situation
The key to how to get your ex-wife back after separation lies in recognizing the situation. You have to come to terms with all the things we listed above, figure out what went wrong and when, and admit your wrongs. Will my wife come back to me after separation if I do that? Nobody can answer this question. You have higher chances to reconcile with your wife if you work on yourself and the relationship, but it still doesn’t mean it will happen for sure. Keep in mind that there’s no rule book you could follow to make things right. All your efforts might pay off and lead you to reconciliation but you might fail too. Still, don’t think you’re working on yourself and the marriage for nothing. You’re doing it for a better tomorrow in general, with or without your wife, and to be able to build healthier and more durable relationships.
Accepting That You Can’t Control Everything
You Can’t and Shouldn’t Try to Control Your Wife
We said it already but have to mention it again. You can’t make anyone do anything. There are a lot of similar questions online asking “how to make my wife love me again after separation” or “how to make your wife miss you during separation”. Don’t be fooled by different strategies and popular (creepy) beliefs you should make someone do or feel something. You can’t or shouldn’t make your wife do anything. She should make her own choices. She has the right to feel however she feels. You can’t really do anything about it.
Now, to the common-sense opinion. Your wife probably misses you as much as you miss her. You spent years together, in sickness and health, joy and sorrow. The feelings and memories don’t just go away. However, she’s staying away from you because of everything bad that happened between you two. Sometimes the right thing to do isn’t the one that your heart tells you to. So, you shouldn’t even think about whether she misses you or not. She most certainly does, but that won’t change anything. She’ll surrender to the emotions only when she sees true progress in your relationship.
You Can’t Control the Outcome
A lot of people are asking the question of how to win your wife back during the divorce. It’s the same as with the separation. The divorce is kinda a step further in the line, but it doesn’t mean you don’t stand a chance. It only means you should make more effort to fix things.
Keep in mind that in both cases, whether you’re separated or about to be divorced, you can’t control the outcome. Your efforts might pay off just as much as they could fail to reach your wife’s heart. Be prepared for both scenarios.
Focus on What You Can Control
So, instead of dwelling on the things you can’t control, you should focus on those you can control. Only you have the power to change yourself, which is the thing that might fix things between you and your wife. You can control your own life, the way you see things and the way you choose to handle them.
Working on Yourself
What kind of marriage do you want to have?
The thing that will bring you closer to answering the question of how to get your wife back after she leaves you is contemplation about the marriage itself. Were you two happy the last couple of years? What went wrong? Ask yourself what you didn’t like about it and consider those things your wife didn’t like. Imagine an ideal marriage and see what would it take to accomplish that kind of connection. Then you’ll be able to determine what you should improve.
What kind of person do you want to be?
This is crucial! Once you get to know your rights and wrongs, think about who and what you want to become. It’s not only about your wife and getting her back. It’s about becoming a better person every day. The one that will be able to accomplish more things and live a happier life.
Love is All About Mutual Understanding and Hard Work
Lastly, your progress is crucial and it will take you a long way, but it means nothing if your wife doesn’t join the journey. Marriage (read love) is all about mutual hard work and two-sided efforts. If you made mistakes that lead to separation, you should be the first one to try to fix them, but your wife has to join after some time. Without you both being devoted to the same goal, you won’t be able to rebuild your relationship.
Rights and Wrongs
Popular (Potentially Harmful) Opinions
At last, let’s go through some popular but not very useful tips you’ll probably find whenever you google your problem:
Make the Communication Better
So, they are telling you to communicate more with your wife to make things better. Our question is: how you’re to communicate with her after the separation if she doesn’t want to have anything with you? No, you shouldn’t try to call, text, or go after your wife right away. Give her time. Give yourself time to process things, to calm down, and consider everything that happened between you two. Cold-headed, you’ll communicate way better.
Lavish Her With Gifts
Here comes another big no. There’s no gift in the world that can help you fix things in your love relationship. If you do find such a thing, there’s probably something wrong with the relationship. So, don’t insult your wife by sending her gifts. Don’t convince her she was right to leave you because you don’t understand why she did it. You’ll make things worse.
Tell Her How Much You Care About Her
News flash, she probably knows this already. Even if she doesn’t, you won’t change much by telling her how you feel. You should first do everything in your power to fix the problems, change yourself, resolve the misunderstandings, and other stuff. Once (if) you get to a better place and start thinking about rebuilding the relationship, you’ll have more chances to tell your wife how you feel.
If you’re up to hear some realistic opinions and suggestions, we have them here:
We know it’s hard. We know it hurts. It will get better, just be patient. You won’t accomplish anything if you rush things up. The key to a healthy relationship is fixing all the wrongs done in the past, and you can do that only by hard work and being patient in the process.
Let the Time Do Its Thing
This is the hardest part. You can’t fix things overnight. We know you want everything to be like it was, but that just doesn’t happen all of a sudden. Just like it took time for your relationship to deteriorate, it will take time to mend things.
Show the Big Change
Lastly, we know you’re interested in the question of how to soften my wife’s hardened heart. There’s no simple answer to it. First of all, your wife probably hasn’t changed overnight, so it took time for her heart to harden toward you. Secondly, this is probably the result of her hurt feelings and her disbelief in your change. Make sure to believe in your change yourself and work hard on it. Once she sees that you’re truly working on yourself and your problems, she’ll open up a little bit.
Not Everything is Your Fault
We already said it, but it’s crucial to repeat it. One side is not always responsible for everything. It could happen that one spouse is really terrible toward the other one, but sometimes it doesn’t. Be honest to yourself and to your spouse, but don’t give to blaming if you did nothing wrong. If you’re not sure what to think about the entire situation (because each situation is different), talk to your friends and family. The best you can do is to visit a psychotherapist because he/she will give you a professional opinion and help you with your current situation in general (e.g. control and handle your emotions, see things more objectively, etc.).
Lastly, don’t give up! There’s always a chance in life, and you should try to take it. You might fail, that’s true, but at least you can say you did your best. As we mentioned earlier, do everything in your power to understand and improve the things you can control. Be honest (to everyone) and work on yourself. Be patient and let the time do its thing. Whatever happens, it will eventually get better. Regardless of the results, if you follow all our suggestions and try to improve some aspects of your life, you’ll definitely be happier and more prepared for similar situations.
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