How to Reconcile with Ex-wife after Divorce

WhatToGetMy Instructional Article

If you’re divorced but still in love with your ex-wife, you’re probably confused. Wondering every day how to reconcile with ex-wife after divorce leaves you restless. Don’t worry, you won’t be sad and hurt for much longer because we’re here to help you out.

It’s not that uncommon for people to get back together after divorce. Do you think that’s strange? Well, actually, divorce gives people much needed personal space. It allows them time to think about their life and marriage.After some time, people start visualizing the possible solutions to the problems they’ve had in marriage and consider getting back with their previous partner whom they love.

Do you see yourself in this scenario? Maybe you already know that you want to get back together after divorce but you don’t know how your ex-wife feels. First, you’ll need to find some signs your ex-wife wants to reconcile, and then you should start thinking about the ways you can win her back. It’s not an easy journey but you can do it!

As we already mentioned, men can get together with their ex-wifes. However, reconciliation after divorce depends on many things. For example:

  • Length of the marriage. Couples who have been together for a lot of years can easier revive the love they shared. Strong emotions that are nurtured throughout the years can’t suddenly vanish after a divorce.
  • Problems that lead to divorce. The reasons why you decided to get a divorce in the first place, can definitely influence the chances of reconciliation. If it’s something that can be fixed with honest communication and couples therapy, then there’s hope for getting back together.
  • Children. The biggest reason why some people stay together is the well-being of children. Most people want to maintain the image of two loving parents who are happily married so their children would be happy. However, that might only hurt the kids in the long run which is why divorces happen anyway. After the divorce, ex-spouses continue to communicate because of the kids. Some couples then realize they still have feelings for each other, so they consider reconciliation.

Should you try reconciliation?

Before you start thinking about how to get ex-wife back after divorce, consider is getting back with your ex a good idea. Give yourself time to figure out what’s in your best interest. After all, maybe reconciliation isn’t even possible. Think about whether the problems you had in your marriage are solvable or not.

To make things work, both sides need to have the willingness to try their best. If your ex-wife doesn’t even want to see you and there’s nothing you can do about it, you should move on with your life. However, if you give her time to sort things out with herself, she might realize what she lost. Then, you can look into the following steps for a successful reconciliation.

Be calm and move slowly

Getting back with ex-wife is not a simple process. There’s a lot of things you need to consider and think through. That’s why you shouldn’t make rash decisions. You need to calm yourself to avoid making irreversible mistakes. When you’re composed, it more likely that you’ll make rational decisions that are in your best interest.

Being calm can help you score points with your ex, so you can eventually get back together with her. How is that possible you ask? It’s simple: a collected person won’t make desperate choices like obsessively calling the ex, talking bad about her to mutual friends, or trying to manipulate the ex to reconcile. These actions only cause harm and can be prevented if you just give yourself time to heal.

No matter how angry or hurt you feel in the first days after the divorce, you’ll need to calm down. If you manage your initial emotions, perhaps with the help of a therapist, you can move on to the next step in fixing your marriage: self-improvement.

Improve yourself

We need to get one thing straight right away. You shouldn’t work on self-improvement just for someone else. First you need to do it for your own health. Getting back with ex-wife might be the result of your progress but it shouldn’t be the first thing on your mind. Take care of yourself, find a therapist and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Don’t indulge yourself in drinking and self-pity. That never helped anyone.


Rebuilding self-confidence is a crucial part of healing. Get rid of the emotional stress by engaging in activities that don’t remind you of your ex. Find a new hobby or start playing sports. If you achieve something without your ex’s support, it will boost your self-confidence. It can be something simple (like finishing a 5k race) as long as you’re successful in that activity. Not only it can improve your self-confidence but it will flatter your ego and inspire you to work more on yourself. By making small steps, setting goals and achieving them, you‘ll take control over your life!

It’s not easy to find a new individual identity because you’ve spent years building one with your ex-wife. In marriage, people learn to share everything and their identities are intertwined. Finding interest, hobbies, and dreams without your ex-wife’s validation will take a lot of effort. This is the first step towards getting out of the depression state that often follows divorce.

Behind these changes of habits, lifestyle and appearance should stand a strong and confident person. That way you’ll show your ex-wife your ability to change. She would see in you the person she fell in love with or the person she always dreamed of. However, remember not to lose yourself in the process. You’re not making these changes to your lifestyle just to get your ex-wife interested in you. They should be adopted permanently for your own sake, and for the success of a possible new relationship with the ex-wife.

Finding a perfect balance between keeping your identity and her wishes is the key to self-improvement. If you’re willing to change, she needs to work on herself too. We already mentioned that both sides must put in the necessary work for a successful marriage.

Initiate contact

This step comes after you’re completely sure you want to reconcile and you suspect she might feel the same. You’ve regained self-confidence and now you’re ready to take action. Reach out to your ex-wife by calling her or sending a text. You can even ask her to meet up for some coffee, or something similar. Just keep it simple. Be relaxed and don’t bring out the past issues on the first time you see each other.

It’s hard to transform anger to mutual respect but it’s not impossible. Just try to maintain a healthy dynamic in meetings, calls, etc. Court her like you used to do. Talk about various topics, show interest in things that are important to her, compliment her, etc. Keep in touch for a longer period before you consider taking a relationship to the next level.

She will have a hard time trusting you, so if she hesitates at first, don’t try to force anything. Getting back together after divorce takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight, so, normally, she’s having doubts. Don’t be annoying with excessive calls and text,. If you notice that her responses might be a little off, try to be patient and give her time.

Talk about the issues in the marriage

You should discuss the issues in the marriage only after you’ve reconnected with your ex-wife. If you want to enter the next stage of your new relationship with her, you have to be honest. You don’t want to repeat the same mistakes that lead to divorce, right? Then, be open-minded, so you can discuss the issues that caused the divorce.

This might be difficult to do because you both have different “sides of the story”. You don’t want to go back and forth with mutual accusations, blaming each other, etc. That’s why counseling is a great idea. You’ll be in a controlled and safe environment, so you can share the feelings and frustrations you have. On top of everything, you’ll get an objective point of view from a counselor. He/she will give you much-needed advice on fixing your marriage.

Restoring the marriage

If you’re wondering can a divorced couple get back together, the answer is yes. However, restoring marriage and restoring trust requires hard work. Prepare yourself to put in the effort, so your new marriage can be successful.

Accepting responsibility

A remarriage can’t work if both spouses don’t accept their part of the responsibility for the divorce. You and your ex-wife need to realize that you’ve both made mistakes, so you can start fixing them. For this and other steps, you’d probably need, like we said, marriage counseling. You’ll need to address the issues you had before and learn to communicate better in the future.

Changing the behavior and expectations

Don’t try justifying yours or your ex-wife’s behavior. Instead, work on changing it. In addition, throw away unrealistic expectations for yourself, your spouse and the marriage in general. Healthy and realistic expectations can only increase the chances of a successful remarriage.   

A few things worth noting

  • You and your ex-wife might have changed a bit throughout the years, but that doesn’t mean you’re marrying a completely different person.
  • When you’re marrying your former spouse, you might not get the needed support from friends and family. It’s important to stay positive and don’t let anyone’s opinion affect your newly established relationship.
  • If you have children it’s better to tell them you’re getting back together after you’re reasonably sure that reconciliation will work.

Frequently asked questions about divorced couples reconciling

Is reconciliation possible after divorce?

Some couples do not reconcile after divorce, while others do. It’s even possible to reconcile after a messy divorce.

How can I win my wife back?

Court her as you used to when you first started dating which means talking about interest, sharing the important things, giving compliments, etc. Of course, you should also ask her what can you do to win her back and make some changes in your life.

Can you fall back in love with your ex?

Your ex-spouse was such a big part of your life, so it can happen to fall back in love with him/her.


You probably have a clearer idea of how to reconcile with ex-wife after divorce after reading this article. We’d like to mention one more time that it’s very important not to rush into a new relationship with your ex-spouse. Although you’ll be reminded of the feeling you had when you first started dating, it’s important to take it slow. This is the new beginning for both of you but it has a history attached to it, so you have to take into account all the baggage you’re both carrying. Follow the steps mentioned above slowly and you’ll be sure you’re doing the right thing.

If you chose to fight for the one you love, you’ll need all the advice you can get. To learn more, check out our article on how to make your wife love you again.





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