- Can separated couples reconcile? The general answer is yes; it is very possible for couples to get back together after going through a separation period.
- This is the amount of time it takes for a couple to decide whether or not their marriage is over or if they should give it another try. The length of which the couple was married and the reason for separation plays a big role in whether or not the couple will get back together.
- In heterosexual marriages, on average, when the separation is decided by the woman, there is a high chance of the marriage getting back together as opposed to when the separation is proposed by the man, with only ⅓ of women successfully reconciling their marriage.
- There are many factors that need to be considered before a couple can decide whether or not to make their separation permanent and get a divorce, or reconcile and make their marriage work. This article explores these factors and the chances of reconciliation after separation.
RECONCILIATION AFTER SEPARATION STATISTICS
A study conducted in the United States in 2000 on marriage separation and reconciliation showed that around 5 million women considered themselves separated while only 3 million men considered themselves separated.
The same study also showed that 10% of all married couples have gone through a separation and reconciliation phase at least once in their marriage.
The percentage of separated couples who reconcile as per this study were as follows:
- For couples who were separated for more than a year but less than 3 years; 20% reconcile with their partners
- For couples who were separated for more than 10 years; only 15% reconcile.
Another study showed that 87% of couples who separate eventually end up divorcing leaving only 13% who will reconcile after separation.
Most couples don’t file for divorce until after 12 months of separation.
The truth is there is no formula as to how long it will take couples to get back together after marital separation. Everything is left up to chance and probability depending on circumstances surrounding the separation.
CHANCES OF RECONCILING AFTER SEPARATION
Chances of reconciliation after a long separation are very slim but not nonexistent. Up to 40% of separated couples will go through a reconciliation after a legal or marital separation within the first 2 years of separation. Of course, there will be the need to work on the relationship from both partners – and in some cases, the one partner who messed up should be willing to make it up to the partner who was and feels wronged. However, before you decide whether or not you want to reconcile, ask yourself the following questions:
1. Why do you want to reconcile?
Ask yourself why you want to reconcile after the separation. Do you miss your partner, are you still in love with them, is it because of financial reasons, or is it because of the children you share? You need to pin down exactly why you want to get back together with your partner, that way you can make it work because you will be reminded why you fought so hard for them.
2. What were the reasons you separated?
Couples separate for a variety of reasons, according to a research study conducted in 2018 the highest reason why couples separate is because of lack of commitment, followed by excessive arguments, infidelity, and domestic violence. Getting back together after a separation is highly dependent on the reasons why you separated and whether or not these reasons can be forgiven or overlooked.
Why Do Married Couples Separate? Source: how-to-save-marriage.org
Are you ready to forgive your partner for what they did to you and are you ready to take responsibility for what you did to your partner? Are you willing to seek professional help for your marriage to work? Are you willing to put in the work, emotionally invest in making yourself better so that your partner has a reason to stay with you and that you are not offering empty promises?
3. Have the issues been resolved or are you willing to work on resolving these issues?
In order for you to reconcile with your partner, you need to first resolve why you got separated in the first place. Reconciliation after separation is a long road and it will require the both of you to work towards saving your family and be willing to go to therapy or seek religious help in order to get to the root of your issues and learn how to fix them.
SIGNS OF RECONCILIATION AFTER SEPARATION
The average length of separation before reconciliation is 2 years. For most couples, they will reconcile between 1 and 2 years, whereas the couples that make it through to the third year of separation usually get a divorce. So how do you know that your marriage is heading for reconciliation after separation? The following signs will allow you to know if your marriage will have a successful reconciliation after separation:
1. When your partner makes an effort to talk to you. Talking is the first sign that your partner wants to work things out with you and that they are willing to hear your side of the story. It means they are keeping an open communication and hoping you will give them the answers they need – it is important to be truthful and vulnerable at this stage in your separation. Be kind and speak from the heart, always.
2. When your partner suggests or agrees to go to couples counseling/therapy. This is a positive sign that they are willing to give your marriage a chance. About 70% of couples that go to therapy have a chance of reconciling, according to this study.
3. Your partner cares about your well being, they ask you how you are feeling, and they are constantly checking up on you. This is an indication that they still have feelings for you and would be willing to try and work things out with you if given the chance.
For more information on how you can tell whether or not your spouse wants you back after separation, read this article.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
- How long should separation last?
The length at which separated couples can stay separated is very different for different people. Some people experience long term separations and reconcile later in life while others are only separated for a short period before moving on entirely or resolving their issues and getting back together.
- What are some reasons why couples reconcile?
There are many reasons why couples choose to reconcile – some couples are still very much in love with each other when they separate, they just need time to figure out their differences and how to make their marriage work. Other couples need the time apart to realize they need each other and try and be better for each other. Others reconcile because they are lonely and don’t want to be alone (separated people are statistically more lonely as compared to widowed and divorced people). And lastly, some people get back together because of religious beliefs and congregation intervention – depending on where you are in the world, some cultures have a big influence on marriage and separation.
Chances of couples reuniting after separation are very high when both couples want to work on the relationship. Reconciliation takes time and effort – both partners should be sure that they want the relationship and should be willing to work on it. Assess the reasons why you separated and whether or not these issues can be resolved either through constant communication or with the help of a mediator or therapist. The marriage will only reconcile if both partners are willing to try – no one partner should force, guilt, or coerce the other to stay with them.
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