Separation period is very hard mostly because you don’t know where exactly you stand with your wife. You are not divorced, but you’re also not together. If you had problems in the marriage, separation might be a good thing, because you’re not rushing into a divorce right away. Instead, you took the time and the opportunity to reflect on your marriage and conclude that it is worth saving. Even though you are looking for signs my separated wife wants to reconcile, you should think about what you want first. You should reflect and contemplate the marriage yourself. Examine the reasons why you split in the first place. We suggest you take a deep look inside yourself, and after you gather all your feelings and thoughts, you should consider how to reconcile with your wife.
Here are some questions you should really think about:
- How long does the separation period last? Sometimes in the heat of the arguments, couples decide to go their separate ways. You need to think about how long it passed since your last fight. Did you have the time to “cool down” and think? Or are you (and her) still mad about certain things? Time is crucial in these situations because it gives perspective.
- What were the reasons for separation? Was it constant fighting, or growing distance between the two of you? It’s more important to think about the reasons why something happened than about the solution to a problem. As a matter of fact, you can never come to the solution to a particular problem if you don’t know the cause of it.
- How do you feel about the separation? Do you feel only sadness, or are there more complex feelings you’re experiencing like relief? Examine everything you feel, write about that, talk to the therapist or opt for other alternatives before you start thinking about what she feels.
- What is the real reason you miss your wife? Is it a force of habit or are you still in love with her? Think about it for more than a second.
We said it once, and we’ll say it again. The most important thing right now is to start caring about your own mental (and physical) health. You need to work on yourself not for your wife, but for your own sake. You can not be happy with someone else if you are not happy with yourself first. That’s what people say, and we think they are right. The best way to achieve self-improvement is to make a plan and stick with it. For starters, make a weekly plan, and then slowly switch to monthly and year ones. You should schedule therapy and find a great gym. On top of that, try to get in touch with your friends and family, even if you don’t feel like it. These three things should be your top priority right now.
We suggest going to therapy in the separation period, so you can cope with various emotions you’re experiencing. There’s no shame in seeking help when you need it. Separation is a difficult period and you can really use a more objective opinion about your situation.
We know this is the last thing you want to do. Still, it is the best and healthiest thing that you could do. It will be terribly difficult in the beginning, but after a while, you’ll be so glad you started going to the gym.
Don’t refuse any opportunity to be around friends and family. We know you don’t want to do that right now, you want to stay home alone and wallow. But we also know you have the strength in you to overcome that impulse and do something healthy for yourself. Surround yourself with people and try to have some fun.
The other side
When you get to a good place in your life, or slightly better one from where you are now, it’s time to think about someone else. At that moment, you can unleash all those questions about what your wife is doing, thinking etc. Don’t obsess over those questions, though.
You should figure out whether you want to work on your marriage or not, so you’ll know what to do if your wife wants to come back after separation. If you started therapy, as we suggested, you can even talk about that possibility and how it makes you feel. Everything gets easier when you start working on your wellbeing.
You can’t know for sure whether your wife will make up with you. Some people are direct and you might get straightforward answers from your wife, while others are not so much. In the second case, you should look for signs your wife wants to reconcile and then act on them.
Signs of reconciliation after separation
#1 She calls you a lot
By calling we mean exactly that. No texting or e-mailing, but straight up calls. Texts are for checking up on how people are doing. She does care about you and your wellbeing, so she might text you a few times to see how you are holding up. That’s just being friendly. Calling is another thing. She wants a more personal connection with you and she wants to hear your voice. It’s more than catching up, it’s a sign she misses you.
#2 She tries to set up meetings with you
She wants to see you and spend time with you. It’s more than obvious she still cares about you. You only need to see it and act on it. Ask her openly what is the reason she insists on meeting with you. If she gives you a logical explanation, then maybe she doesn’t want to reconcile after all. But if she gives you some lame excuse (you’ll figure that out easily) then your ex wife wants to get back together.
3# She often mentions nice memories
You don’t speak with her about housekeeping plans, children or life in general. When you talk, the topic is your past. She’s insisting on reminiscing about the “good times” which means she misses those times. How does some random event remind her of something that happened in the past anyway? She is purposely using random events as a tool to refer to your shared past. She’s holding on to those dear memories and wants for your marriage to become good again. She knows it’s possible to create new loving memories and to fix your broken marriage. Do you know that?
4# She’s showing up at all the places you frequently visit
You see her often in your favorite bakery, restaurants, shops, and other places you visit. Are really those meetings “accidental”? You might convince yourself that they are. In reality, she planned on seeing you. She already knows your daily routine, right? So, if she really doesn’t want to see you, she could just stay away from places you usually go to. When people are hurting, they try their best to avoid the person who broke their heart. If she wants to stay separated, there’s no way she would go to the place where she can bump into you.
Keep in mind that these “meetings” are a clear sign she wants to reconcile only if they happened more than 4 or 5 times. You can bump into her by accident once or twice, especially if she lives in the same neighborhood.
5# She does sweet things for you
If she does something heartwarming for you, should you really ask yourself “Does my ex wife want me back”? She is baking you a birthday cake, buying you gifts for your hobby, and you’re still not sure what she feels? Stop waiting for a sign, because you’ve found one. Now act on it, get her a present or surprise her in some other way, and court her like you used to before marriage.
What behavior is not a sign
She’s showing interest in your life
As we already mentioned above, one text message now and then does not mean your wife wants to come back after separation. She can just be genuinely concerned about your wellbeing. Maybe she still loves you and cares for you, but she isn’t in love with you anymore. It’s hard to let someone go after the years you spent together, so it’s understandable she wants to stay in touch.
She’s seeing another man
You may read somewhere that seeing other people is just a tactic. She cares about you and wants you back, so she tries to make you jealous. That can’t be more wrong! If she is seeing another man, she definitely doesn’t want to be with you. Or even worse, you might be her “plan B”, if the relationship with another man fails. Either way, she is not trying to make you jealous.
We do agree that some women might play these kinds of games. Even if your wife is one of them, she would flirt with another man in front of you to make you jealous, not sleep with another guy. Think about it, would you share a bed with someone you don’t care about to make someone else jealous? Well, probably not. That’s why you shouldn’t take this as a sign, and just try to move on with your life. She’s already trying.
She said she doesn’t have feelings for you
If she clearly stated she doesn’t want to be with you, just accept it. You might think she’s playing some kind of mind games, but she’s probably not. In most cases, women who are straightforward just want to clear things out and move on with their lives. Neither of you is a high schooler anymore. She’s an adult who is not playing games. This is the hard truth, we know, but the sooner you realize it, the better.
Some people are more observant than others. They catch all the signs women throw at them without any effort. It’s not that easy for you, though, is it? We know how difficult that can be, so we tried to clear out a few things and show you how to catch signs my separated wife wants to reconcile. However, keep in mind that we live in a world of uncertainties. Our suggestions and observations are not textbook rules. People are different and your wife might not act like a majority of women who give indirect signs. Only your wife can guarantee you that she wants to reconcile. We are here only to guide you a bit. If you want to keep reading about his topic, check out our article How to make my wife love me again after separation for more information. If your wife does want to reconcile, you’ll need that useful information, right?
We have one more thing for the end. Reconciling after separation isn’t always an easy decision. That’s why we suggested you give yourself time to think. You need to contemplate the cause of separation. Was it something you can’t overcome? Are there any unresolvable conflicts ready to come back once you move in together again? Maybe the reason for separation is gone and you can make your marriage work. Talk about this with your therapist, it will give you some perspective on the matter. If you do reconcile with your wife, you might also want to try couples therapy. Reconciliation is more complicated than getting together in the first place. Rebuilding a marriage requires hard work. Are you ready for it?
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