- Find out all you need to know about a guy hiding his feelings for you in this article. We answer the question of why guys hide their feelings and how to know if a man is hiding his feelings for you in this article.
When it comes to saying how we feel, women seem to fare better than men, and understandably so. Culture and society have a huge part to play in the relative ease between the sexes, in declaring their feelings of passion and love for the other. Because women have been allowed free rein in expressing how they feel at all times from a young age, it is almost a no-brainer for a woman that if she likes you, she does not see what the difficulty should be in telling you how she feels. And this in turn makes her expect the same from a man.
This is why most women end up in knots and very frustrated when they get the feeling that a guy appears to act as though he likes them, and yet he can’t seem to come out to say it and is hiding his feelings for them. They just don’t understand why guys hide their feelings and why it is so hard for a guy to come out and say what he feels (or does not feel) for them. Like what’s the big deal right? It may not be as easy as you may think it should be. At least for the guy in question.
In this article, we will tell you why guys hide their feelings and also give you the tell-tale signs a guy likes you but is trying not to show it.
Why Guys Hide Their Feelings.
Generally, guys have been schooled by society and different cultures across the world that always showing their emotions and how they feel isn’t exactly “very manly”. Apparently, hiding their feelings and putting on a facade and persona of bravado is what truly makes them a man.
This thinking from society and culture is flawed and can be problematic if men also apply it to their relationships because relationships operate differently. To be successful, both partners have to be vulnerable with each other. And we believe that most men understand this about relationships too. This is why they get so scared about showing their feelings and starting a relationship because they know that in a relationship they will need to give up the control they have been so accustomed to holding on to from as far as they can remember.
What is your attitude toward seeking a relationship? (U.S., 2012). Source: Statista
This chart drawn from a 2012 survey accessed from Statista sheds some light on some of the reasons why guys hide their feelings. These are the top 6 reasons why guys hide their feelings for you from you.
1. He’s not sure exactly what it is he feels for you yet.
This is the number 1 reason why guys drag their feet on coming all out to tell you how they feel. It is likely that something or two about you piqued his interest and established the connection you feel or felt with him. But the more he thinks about it, the more he is not sure exactly what it is he feels for you.
This will usually happen to a guy either if he’s already in a serious relationship and isn’t so much in love with his partner, or there is another woman he’s also stringing along trying to figure out what he feels for her.
When a guy is unsure about exactly what it is he feels for you, it is best to not push him to tell you how he feels because his uncertainty is bad for any relationship you may want to start with him. It is best to let a guy figure out exactly what he feels for you. When a guy knows exactly how he feels about a woman, there is no hesitation on his part. He usually goes for it.
2. He is not sure he wants to get involved with you yet.
The second chief reason why guys hide their feelings for you is because of not being sure he wants to be involved in a serious relationship with you as yet. Maybe he’s sure about how he feels for you, but when the prospects of being serious with you present itself to him in his mind, he is hesitant because he is not sure his feelings for you are as strong as wanting something as serious as a relationship with you just yet.
Where this happens to be the case, he will drag his feet on coming out with how he feels about you. This is because he knows that a declaration of those emotions will bring with it an expectation that something more will ensue in the form of a relationship. And since a relationship with you is not something he is ready for, he will much rather not come out with how he feels for you.
Read our related article on How to ask a guy what he wants from you if you want to take the bold step of asking him if he wants a relationship with you.
3. He is afraid of relationships in general or just not into serious relationships in general.
For other guys, they may just fall into the category of the 15.4% of people in the above chart who don’t want relationships or the 2.2% who don’t want to settle down in one serious relationship. If he is that type of guy, you can be sure that he will not come out to tell you how he feels, and if he does, he is only doing it to get into your pants. And once he gets that, he will go cold on you, which will hurt you even more.
On the other end of the spectrum are those guys who have been hurt one time too many by women they were in love with. And because of those past hurts, they become wary and afraid of relationships and coming out to say how they feel. And so, they keep it to themselves. If the guy you think has feelings for you falls into this category, he may eventually come out with how he feels for you but it may take some time. He may only come out with how he feels for you when he is sure he won’t get hurt by you.
4. He’s afraid of being rejected.
This one is another major reason why guys hide their feelings. Men are generally afraid of rejection. Some take it more badly than others. If he is not sure you also feel the same way about him, he will keep his feelings bottled up because keeping them bottled up is a much more palatable option for him than getting rejected by you and throwing his feelings right back at his face.
If you suspect the guy who has feelings for you falls in this category, and you feel the same way about him, what will encourage him to come out about how he feels for you is if you give him clear signals that you feel the same way about him. You can do this by reciprocating all his signs and gestures which will be listed in the next section. By doing so, you indirectly also make your intentions known to him, and also give him the confidence that he won’t be rejected or have his feelings thrown back in his face.
5. He’s afraid it will be used against him.
This especially happens when a guy has had a bad experience of this in his past relationships or encounters with women. Perhaps the women he loved in the past used his affection and love for them against him and that scarred him. Where this happens to be the case, he will also take some time before he opens up and will only open up if he’s sure you won’t weaponize it against him.
6. He is waiting for you to make the first move.
This final reason is the reason why some guys hide their feelings. This is especially the case with guys who are so scared of rejection. They will much rather you make the first move. And if you don’t make the move, they are quite happy to carry on their lives holding on to their feelings for you.
If you feel the guy who has feelings for you falls in this category and you have no qualms with taking the bold move of telling him how you feel about him, you can read our article on How to make your intentions clear to a guy, for good ways on going about it. But before you do so, be sure that he is showing you some or all of the signs that we discuss in the next section.
What Are The Signs That A Guy Is Hiding His True Feelings From You? How To Know If A Man Is Hiding His Feelings.
Knowing why guys hide their feelings is not enough. You need to be certain that the guy who you think is hiding his feelings for you has those feelings you think he has for you. Miscalculating how a guy feels about you, whether he sees you as just a friend or as someone he has a connection with, can be disastrous especially if you decide to act on those miscalculations.
To avoid that happening, be sure he actually has feelings for you. You can be sure that he likes you but is trying not to show it if he displays any one or more of these 15 signs consistently.
1. He always initiates contact and asks after your wellbeing.
If he’s always getting in touch to say hello and find out how you’re doing, even when he does not need to, it’s a sign he has feelings for you. By keeping in touch and staying in the loop about your wellbeing, he wants to always feel like a part of your life.
If he is staying in touch because maybe you both work together and regular communication regarding work is necessary, then this does not mean he likes you. It is therefore important to be certain of the context of his regular communication.
2. He regularly stays in touch.
If he’s always looking for an excuse to stay in contact with you, this is another sign that he has feelings for you. By staying in touch, he gets the chance to be close to you and hear your voice. These are the two things that give him joy and excitement when he has feelings for you.
3. He remembers every detail about you which you shared with him.
And sometimes, you may have even forgotten that you shared those details with him and when you shared them with him. But because he has feelings for you, he does not forget those details. This sign is another clear indicator that he thinks about you a lot due to the feelings he has for you.
4. His body language around you is different. He may be anxious or nervous most times.
A guy can behave in a funny and sometimes ridiculous manner when he’s around the woman he has strong feelings for. Watch his body language closely. If he’s fidgety or appears nervous around you, it’s a sure-fire sign that he is into you and can’t seem to help himself when he’s around you or indeed knows what to do.
5. He makes out time for you.
A guy who does not like you will not give their time to you or make spending their time with you a priority. If he is always eager to spend considerable time with you even when he should ordinarily be somewhere else or engaged with other things, you can be sure that he likes you. Spending time with you and being around you makes him happy and that is why he will always make out time for it.
6. He compliments you every chance he gets.
For some guys, it is so bad that they can’t seem to help themselves. Almost everything you do is deserving of a compliment. If he is always giving you compliments even for the smallest things, pay attention, he is most likely smitten by you.
7. If you have to meet up he’s always looking like he took the extra effort to look good.
Of course, he is hoping you notice how attractive and handsome he looks with the extra effort. He is hopeful that if you start seeing him as attractive and handsome, you will hopefully start having the same feelings for him too. This especially happens if he is hoping that you feel the same way about him as he feels for you.
8. He gets jealous when he sees other men around you or when you affectionately speak about another man in a conversation.
This one is funny because you are not yet an item and yet his feelings for you make him feel that he has the sole and exclusive rights over you. This is a natural instinct for men. When they like or love a woman they become rather territorial with her and do not want anyone else encroaching in their perceived territory. If you sense a hint of jealousy in him either when you are with other guys or speak positively about other guys, you can be sure he has feelings for you.
9. He may tell you about other women to get you jealous.
In the same way he gets jealous about you and other men, he may sometimes feel the need to retaliate and arouse those same feelings of jealousy in you. And his way of doing this is by telling you about other women to see the reaction he gets from you.
Guys who do this usually do it to gauge how you feel about them and to be sure they are not alone in how they feel about you. If you react as expected and become a little jealous, that is the reaction he is expecting and the green light he is looking for that he is not alone in his feelings.
10. He gives you mixed signals.
One minute he’s giving you the impression that he can’t seem to get enough of you, and the next minute he is completely cold like you don’t even exist. These mixed signals can be very frustrating and overwhelming.
It is important to pay attention to how he behaves at those times when it seems like he can’t get enough of you. Does he give you undivided attention and hangs on to every word you say and creates all the right vibes of chemistry or does he just talk about everything else except you?
If it is the latter then don’t waste your time because he may not have deep feelings for you. However, if it is the former, then he has deep feelings for you. His back and forth is because he is still trying to come to terms with how he feels for you.
The best thing to do in such circumstances is to not put your mind too much into his mixed signals or it may drive you crazy. Take them in stride and just remain good friends with him. Carry on with your life and don’t hold your breath on the mixed signals. When he is ready and knows exactly what he feels, he will come out with it.
11. He tries to get close to you every chance he gets and makes it a point to touch you.
By doing this, he is trying to achieve two things. Firstly, he is trying to see how you will react or respond to his touch. If you reciprocate it gives him a sense of confidence that you feel the same way too or are at least open to it.
The second thing he is trying to achieve by touching you is to create a rapport between you and build chemistry. Touch and response to it are some of the easiest ways to build chemistry between two people and this is what he is also hoping to achieve.
12. He stares at you but looks away if you catch him in the act.
When a guy likes a woman, he cannot help himself but stare at her because he is taken by everything about her. They usually cannot help themselves but stare at you. Now when you catch him in the act of staring, he will quickly look away like he was doing nothing. By looking away he is hoping you didn’t catch the feeling of admiration in his eyes. He also looks away because he is shy and embarrassed at being caught out. If a guy does this, you can be sure he has feelings for you. But if he matches your gaze and does not look away, then he does not have feelings for you.
13. He makes it a point to tell you that he is single (and available).
He may not come out expressly to say “oh by the way I am single”, because you may find it weird. He would instead drop enough hints and words about it in your conversations. And if you happen to bump into him with another woman, he is sure to make it clear that she is nothing more than just his friend. He does not want you to get the wrong idea about his availability status because he is entertaining a faint hope that you will give him a chance.
14. He’s always willing to move mountains for you and help you even if it may be inconvenient for him.
By doing this, he wants to show you that you can count on him to be your hero. If he’s always going out of his way to help you even when you don’t ask for it, or he goes out of his way to ask you what he can help you with, he has feelings for you.
This is not to be confused with when you specifically ask for help. Guys will generally help you when you ask them to help you because it is part of being a gentleman.
In some rare instances, he may also be the type of guy to just buy you a gift for no reason and out of the blues. A guy who does this also has feelings for you.
15. He shares unsolicited personal details about his life with you.
For some guys, they can’t help themselves but share personal details of their life with a woman they fancy. If you find that he always reaches out to you and is very comfortable sharing personal details of his life that you did not ask about, it is an indication that he has feelings for you and feels very comfortable sharing these details with you.
The keyword here is that the sharing of these details have to be unsolicited. If you were the one asking about them then it means nothing as far as the question of whether he has feelings for you go.
Frequently Asked Questions.
Do some guys hide their feelings when they like you?
Yes, some guys can hide their feelings when they like you. And they can do so for any one of the 6 reasons listed in this article.
How do you know if he is hiding his feelings for you?
He will display either some or all of the 15 signs listed in this article. Where you see some or all of these signs, you can be sure he is hiding his feelings for you.
How to know if a guy loves you but is hiding it?
He will show you any or all of the 15 signs listed in this article.
What does it mean when someone hides their feelings?
It could mean one or more of the 6 reasons we listed in this article. It could mean that he is not sure of exactly what he feels for you. Or he is not sure he wants a relationship with you. It can also mean that he is not ready to commit to a relationship either because he is afraid of a relationship and getting hurt, or he is not just a relationship type.
What does it mean when a guy hides when he sees you?
It is difficult to say what it may mean but chances are he may like you and is afraid that by being around you, you may pick up on his feelings for you.
Why do guys hide their feelings for you?
They hide their feelings for any one or more of the 6 reasons listed in this article.
What do you call someone who hides their pain behind a smile?
A person who is good at faking a smile for whatever reason is called an Eccedentesiast. A person on the other hand who is good at masking feelings of pain and hurt without giving a clue about it is said to be a stoic person.
A guy is hiding his feelings at work, what do I do?
Check out our article on How to get a male coworker to like you for helpful tips on what to do. And if you are a guy and you have feelings for a female coworker, our article on How to attract a female coworker can be of useful help to you.
Now that you know why men hide their feelings and how to know if a man is hiding his feelings, the ball is in your court. But like we point out in each point discussed in this article, there will be instances where it is okay for you to go ahead and make a move or ask him how he feels. And there will be other instances where it may not be worth it, especially in those cases where his reason is either that he is not sure exactly how he feels about you or that he is not sure he wants a relationship with you.
Whatever you decide, always make a decision that is good for you and serves your emotional interest and wellbeing best.
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