We know that it’s probably not easy for you to make your intentions clear to a guy. Don’t get us in the wrong way, it’s not about you being a woman and him being a man. We don’t believe in those gender rules that strictly state how each part feels and acts. We say it’s hard for everyone. People mostly have difficulties with expressing emotions and feelings. We tend to retract in our shells and stay there, comfortably snugged, afraid of possible outcomes. The same is when people want to make their intentions clear to their partners. They balance the pros and cons, think about the consequences and possible outcomes. It’s completely natural. If you express your hopes and wishes and you don’t get the desired feedback, you’ll be hurt and disappointed. You’ll have to deal with the outcome and consider whether you want to stay in that kind of relationship or look for happiness with another person. That’s quite terrifying. You invest your time and effort into the relationship (or someone) only to get hurt somewhere in the middle of it.
Honestly, we all fear rejection and pain, regardless of whether we’re making the right decision or not. You might know in your heart that you should make your intentions clear to a guy for your own good, but that doesn’t make things any easier. There’s still fear of uncertainty and negative responses. We understand that completely. For that reason, we composed the following article to help you with your uncertainties and give you a hand in telling a guy your intentions. Hopefully, we’ll ease some stress for you and help you get through everything!
If you’re in a hurry, check out these quick tips on how to make your intentions clear to a guy:
- Whatever you do, be yourself. Don’t use other people’s words but only the ones coming from your heart. We all want and feel different things, which is why it’s crucial to follow only our personal feelings.
- Don’t follow the stereotypes. You can’t know for sure what will he say or do, and making assumptions on the statements “all guys do that or this” will do you more harm than good
- Be ready for the answer. Prepare yourself to deal with the outcome. Maybe he’ll want the same things as you and maybe he won’t. Either way, you’ll benefit from the answer because you’ll finally know where you stand.
- You can’t force things. Let yourself and your crush or partner express everything he feels, and you’ll see from there.
The Importance of Making Your Intentions Clear
Knowing You’re Right for Each Other
Why should you be telling a guy your intentions in the first place? It’s simple. If you don’t “click” with someone, that is to say, if your intentions are different and you can’t seem to get an agreement about your relationship, that means you’re not right for each other. It’s not the end of the world, it’s just that you want different things and might be wasting each other’s time.
Relationships are based on honesty and trust. How are you supposed to truly be with someone if you’re not being honest about what you want and how you feel? If you feel doubt about anything at all, including whether you two are on the same page and whether he knows your intentions, you should talk about it. You don’t owe that only to the relationship you’re in but to yourself too. If you want to have a healthy relationship and a future with someone, you have to know where you stand.
We said it already, but let us repeat it one more time because it’s very important – the future is uncertain with someone with whom you can’t agree on the most basic stuff like what do you want from a relationship. The intentions toward the partner are that makes the relationship real and working. If there’s no agreement on the topic, there’s no future. It’s harsh and it hurts, but it’s the truth. Consider it, accept it, and act accordingly. You have your own future to think about, so focus on that when making your decision about staying or moving on from your current relationship.
The Things You Want
Before you do anything, you should ask yourself what are your intentions in a relationship. We know that you probably thought about it, considering you’re here, looking for advice on how to express your intentions. Still, we sometimes tend to fool ourselves to avoid possible pain or disappointment. You might be telling yourself you don’t want anything in particular when the truth is just the opposite.
Try to answer this question and be completely honest with yourself. Whatever you want, it’s okay and you have the right to want it. If you don’t run into understanding from your partner, then maybe he’s not what you need, and that’s it. It’s hard and you might feel a lot of pain, but you’ll get through it! It’s better to know and deal with that knowledge than not knowing at all and deceiving yourself. Think about that!
Taking an Approach
Talking About the Relationship
If you want to avoid a direct approach completely, you can opt for a talk about the relationship. You can communicate your wishes and intentions while talking about your relationship in a safe atmosphere and environment. For example, avoid harsh statements like “make your intentions clear, so we both don’t waste time”. Try to ask your crush or partner what he wants from life and relationships with people in general. Then slowly switch to romantic relationships and ask about his plans and hopes. Although it might happen that he changes his plans because of you, most of the time, the things he says will apply to you too. If he says he doesn’t see himself being in a committed and serious relationship (and that’s exactly what you need and want to have), things are not likely to change in the nearest future. Here you’ll need to consider whether you want to stay with your partner and invest your time and energy in something uncertain, or you want to split and search for happiness elsewhere. Remember, whatever option you choose, it’s okay and you have the right to do it!
Stating Your Intentions Directly
Asking “what are your intentions with me” is just as hard as saying what yours are toward other people. A direct approach is the best one as it goes straight to the point and you get to hear the answer right away. However, it can be quite challenging to express your intentions openly, mostly because we fear outcomes. For that reason, we listed a few suggestions that should help you get through the entire thing. Follow them, and you’ll become more confident about your decision, yourself, and the future.
Now, these are the three crucial points you should consider when trying a direct approach:
- The first one is bravery and courage. Most people feel vulnerable when talking about their feelings and intentions. That prevents them from clearly stating what they want from the other person. When people feel exposed and in pain, they try to get out of the situation, regardless of whether they started it or not. Even if you try to say everything, you might retreat if you feel too vulnerable. Don’t let this happen! If you made a decision, stick with it. Be brave and courageous and say whatever you wanted to say in the first place. It can be terrifying, but you’ll get through it. Once you say everything you have, you’ll feel instant relief. Just make sure to express your intentions in a clear and unambiguous way.
- Leave the possibility for disappointment just as much as for happiness. We know it’s hard, but don’t let that scare you. Yes, you could get a negative answer and realize you’re in a relationship that won’t take you anywhere. However, that’s worth knowing! You don’t want to be trapped in a relationship based on illusions you created yourself. On the other hand, if you experience a positive outcome, you’ll be happier in your relationship and head toward a healthier future!
- Lastly, if you take the direct approach, be blunt as much as you can! Don’t leave room to be misinterpreted in any way. Say what you have to say and do it loud and clear. Only then you’ll receive an honest answer you’re seeking for.
Asking for Opinion
You can also ask your crush or partner about what are his intentions regarding your relationship. This way, you won’t need to take the first step and struggle with your fears. However, keep in mind that you’ll have to have an answer ready. Consider all the possible things he can say to you and be ready to respond. If he says he doesn’t want a serious relationship, are you going to continue seeing him? If he’s all for a committed relationship yet not for marriage, does it work for you? Ask yourself these and other similar questions and consider what you want. Be prepared to react to his answer, whatever that might be.
If you’re not sure how to do it, we have a solution to that problem too! You’ll find all the possible information about the topic in the following article: How to Ask a Guy What He Wants from You.
FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions
Q: Should I ask him what his intentions are with me?
A: Yes, if it bothers you. If not, you don’t have to ask just because other people say so. Maybe your crush or partner has shown you already his intentions but only hasn’t said them loud and clear. So, you know in your heart what he wants and needs, and you can feel it, you only haven’t heard the words. That’s okay. Trust your judgment. You don’t have to ask a guy what he feels or what his intentions are just because other people in your life are telling you to do so.
Q: Why shouldn’t I make your intentions clear to a guy?
A: If your intentions are already as clear as day, there’s no point in insisting on “the talk”. The truth is if you know that you’re stating your intentions loud and clear and you still don’t get the desired feedback, you’re probably hanging up on hope. You want to tell him your intentions because you’re hoping he hasn’t heard them. Quite the opposite, he probably knows them already, and he’s just trying to pass by and avoid stating his own thoughts on the matter. Don’t get caught up in this game. If you’ve already shown your intentions and he knows them, there’s not much you can do. By continuing the game, you’ll probably get even more hurt and disappointed.
We hope we cleared some things up for you and you’re now more confident in what you want to say and how. Remember, you should make your intentions clear to a guy not only because of the sake of the relationship but because of yourself. If you want to indulge in a healthy relationship that is beneficial for you, be honest with yourself and your partner. Say what you mean and what you want, and give him a chance to do the same. Once you get his response, you’ll see what you want to do. Be brave and courageous because that will guarantee you more beautiful things in life! Sometimes you’ll face fears and rejections, but that will only teach you more about life and help you recognize what you want from partners and relationships. So, even if you get a negative response, you’ll make something good of it. Just remember that you have options and that you’re a strong independent woman who will know what to do with whatever outcome she faces!
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