How to be a Secret Admirer to a Guy

WhatToGetMy Instructional Article

It’s never easy to take a lead and admit the feelings you have for another person. It might be even harder for girls because society expects them to wait for guys to “to make the first move”. That’s why you’re probably thinking about ways how to be a secret admirer to a guy. If you’re totally smitten with someone, it’s normal that you feel scared of being rejected. Take a deep breath! You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We suggest you start by making small steps. We’ll try to help you out and guide you through the operation: secret admirer.

Before you keep scrolling, we just want to remind you of something.

  • It’s okay that you’re too shy to admit your feelings. Not everyone has the strength to get over the fear of rejection. Take your time and gather up the courage. We’re sure you can do it!
  • Telling someone you like him/her is not a crime. However, there’s a thin line between being a secret admirer and a stalker. Try not to cross boundaries and respect other people’s privacy.
  • At the end of the day, you’ll need to confront him about your feelings. Prepare yourself and be honest. Remember: if you don’t say what you feel, you’ll never know what he feels.

Phase 1: Courtship

A thoughtful note

Every courtship starts with compliments. If you are scared to give them in person, a thoughtful note is the best option. You probably already know how to write a secret admirer note, but you’re scared to act. The good thing is that you can write it anonymously, so you won’t reveal yourself! Even if he doesn’t have a great reaction to the note nobody would know that you sent it. Just relax and put your feeling on the paper.

The note shouldn’t be too long. Just clearly state how you feel and maybe add a cute comment. Don’t write about strong feelings such as “love” or passion, because that would make him uncomfortable. You’ll need to learn how to be a secret admirer without being creepy, and the first step would be to maintain a lighthearted tone in your notes. It would be just enough to say you like him and give a reason why. Your note should be short, simple, and breezy.

The main goal of sending the note is to let your crush know you’re interested. If you’re not brave enough and want to be anonymous, you should add the reason for hiding. For example, you can say that you want to add intrigue and romance into everyday life. Be a bit playful and try to spike his curiosity. You can, of course, be open about your identity and add a phone number or an e-mail address in the note, but then you wouldn’t be a “secret” admirer anymore. Some people would probably skip the “secrecy” part. If you’re one of them, move on to the next steps – romantic cards and gifts.

A simple (love) card

A romantic card lets you be straightforward about your feelings. You don’t have to sign it, of course, but you can be more open about your love interest. Don’t get carried away with the over-the-top romantic card. Try to choose one that’s simple and cute. Guys usually don’t like overly romantic stuff and a bunch of pink hearts and love statements might make him disinterested. That’s why it’s better to find a casual card and write a cheerful message – it’s more than enough to spike his interest.

Before we move on to the gift section, here are some tips about cards and notes:

  • Disguise your handwriting or type out your message. If you’re in a class together (or work together), your crush might recognize your handwriting. To stay anonymous, you’ll need to take precautions like writing in cursive or printing out the message.
  • Sign his name. This might seem like strange advice at first but think about a scenario in which another person finds the note on accident. You don’t want someone else to take the note and think it’s for him, do you?
  • Sign your name. You can use your full name, but if secrecy is your thing, and it probably is considering you’re here, use a pseudonym. It doesn’t have to be the classic “your secret admirer”. Try to pick something different. Something unique and new. Don’t try to be romantic at any cost because it can be interpreted in the wrong way. For example, your pseudonym should be something like a “shy girl” instead of a “lonely girl in love”. The difference in tone is significant. The first one will probably melt his heart, while the second one will most likely freak him out!

A small gift

When thinking about what secret admirer gifts to get, remember not to give extraordinary and too personal gifts. While it’s okay to give expensive items (think jewelry and high-end tech stuff) when you’re dating, it’s not the same when you’re just flirting with someone. When you’re trying to get a relationship started, expensive gifts can be too much for someone to handle and might even scare your crush. Choose the safest gift option: chocolates. Everyone (well almost everyone) loves candies, so you can be sure that a candy bar would make someone’s day better.

If you’re not sure about what to do, put yourself in your crush’s position. Would you like to receive small chocolate from “your secret admirer” or would you like to get a big over the top present from a stranger? Sure, you can get your crush something other than candy, but before you decide, think about what kind of message that sends. For example, a nice book would be a great gift, but a collection of novels from his favorite author would not. Keep in mind that he doesn’t know you and vice versa, so you aren’t supposed to know what’s his favorite author, right? He would just think that somebody is stalking him.

You might even know each other a bit if you work together or go to the same school. Depending on how much you know each other, you can make a good gift basket and that can be your gift. It’s easy to choose when you think about a present from his point of view.

An act of kindness

If you encounter your crush often, you can do small acts of kindness for him. For example, if you’re colleagues and you see that he’s exhausted or sleepy, offer him a cup of coffee. To keep anonymity, wait for him to leave his desk and place fresh coffee on his table with a cute note attached.

You can be kind to people for no reason at all! That’s why it wouldn’t be strange if you do something sweet for your crush. Think about generosity for a moment. It can be really good for you to spread kindness all around. There are a lot of ways to show generosity and kindness, so don’t hesitate to try.

Gift and card delivery

We already talked about how to give your crush a gift secretly. We’ll mention some things again:

  • Put the notes and gifts somewhere your crush will easily find them, like an office desk, a school locker, etc. The trick is to do it when no one is around, so pick the timing carefully.
  • If you’re not sure you can be discreet enough, you can hire a courier service for gifts like chocolates, or you can ask a trusted person to deliver a handwritten note.
  • You can choose cute things to send in the mail if you’re confident enough that your crush will like that approach.
  • Never place a note in a crowded area because there’s a chance someone will intervene or see you placing it. School desks or meeting rooms are out of the question!
  • Don’t choose personal spaces for gift delivery! It can be considered a violation of privacy if you put gifts in his car, room, or any other place you don’t have easy access to.

Phase 2: Revealing your identity

It’s time to let him know

Prior to introducing yourself as the secret admirer, you can drop clues about your identity. If you know he’d be into the guessing game, go for it! Try not to complicate it a lot, though. Give just enough to spark his curiosity. Intrigue him with a comment such as “I liked your presentation in class (or meeting) on Tuesday”.

Don’t push yourself over the limits you’re not ready to cross. Continue with your normal daily routine until you’re ready to reveal your identity to your crush. You’ll know when the time is right as you’ll feel the courage inside. At that moment, tell him who you are.

Pick a public space for the meeting

Always choose a friendly public place for the meeting. Why you may ask? It’s simple. You know what kind of person you are (kind, gentle, not dangerous, etc.) but he doesn’t. You’re a stranger to him and he doesn’t even know your name. Naturally, he would be more open to a meeting in a public space where he would feel safer. It’s not just a matter of safety. Coffee shops or restaurants are comfortable places and he’ll be more relaxed there than in a dark movie theatre, for example.

Introducing yourself

You can always ask around to find out how your crush feels about his secret admirer. Do you know his reactions when finding the notes? Is he excited or uninterested when he mentions the gifts he received to his colleagues? Those things can help you decide whether you should introduce yourself or not! If he’s thrilled to have an admirer, you’ll know you’re on the right track, so keep going. If not, it’s probably best you give up before the meeting.

Once you’ve decided you want to reveal yourself as his admirer, there are a lot of ways you can do that:  

  • Leave clues about your identity, as we mentioned, and let him figure out who you are.
  • Sign your name on the last note you’ve left.
  • Pick a meeting place and ask him to come (in a convenient time and a relaxing place, of course).

Whichever option you choose, the most important thing is to believe in yourself. You’ll need all the courage you can find to get through with the reveal. The moment of telling your crush the truth is here, so don’t back out.

Phase 3: The perfect date

When you tell your crush how to find you, be ready for all outcomes. Life is not a movie and people react differently to meeting a secret admirer. He might be open to the idea of a date and he might even like you back. However, there’s a chance he’s not into you, so be prepared. Practice in front of mirrors all the scenarios you can think of. That way, you’ll be calm and confident in front of him.

After the big reveal, once the awkward chatting passes, ask your crush on a date. You can go on a date right away (for example in the restaurant you’ve met), or you can schedule it for another time. Take into account both options when planning the meeting. Choose a nice restaurant, but also have a backup plan for a perfect date if he wants to go somewhere else. Make sure he’s comfortable and that he wants to hang out with you. After that, everything else is easy.


We hope that our guide on how to be a secret admirer to a guy was helpful. You might have learned how to find the perfect balance between seeming too eager and too creepy. The most important thing is to be calm and confident and you can easily follow the steps described in the article. We’re sure you’ll get the wanted outcome.

The best possible scenario is that he shares your feelings. However, guys are not that easy to figure out. If he’s being mysterious and giving you vague answers, you’re probably confused about the whole situation. You can’t play games forever, so you’ll need to ask what he wants from you. Good luck!





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