How to Attract a Female Coworker
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
- Be sure your company policy allows you to have a romantic relationship with the female coworker you have an interest in. Also, be sure that she is not higher or lower than you in your company’s hierarchy and ask yourself what kind of relationship you are looking to have with her.
- Once you have checked off the important preliminary checklist set out in this article, follow the three stages of getting her attention, keeping her attention, and acting on her attention, and you will have her attracted to you and stay attracted to you.
- If you have no intention of going through with stage 3 and following through your act of seduction, then there is no point in engaging with stages 1 and 2 at all because if you get her excited and not act on it, she’ll resent and despise you. And this has the potential to affect your continued working relationship.
You’re a guy and you’re surrounded with so many attractive women at work. And this is no surprise, given that according to a recent report, women represent at least 56.1% of the labour force.
Labour force participation ratio of men versus women (U.S. as of June 2020)
It is therefore only natural that sooner or later, you will find one of your female work colleague(s) attractive enough to want to seduce her. You after all spend a good deal of your life at work, and that woman who works next to you is the person you have constant daily engagement with. You are probably also wondering if she’s attracted to you and asking yourself what are the signs a female coworker is attracted to you? Or better yet, what impresses a woman and how do I get to seduce my female coworker? Whatever your cup of tea on the subject may be, hop on and let this article show you how to attract a female coworker.
BEFORE SEDUCING HER – IMPORTANT PRELIMINARY CHECKLIST.
Table of Contents
There are a couple of things you need to be absolutely certain of before you proceed on your quest to seduce your attractive female coworker. Consider this an important before/preliminary checklist before embarking on your mission (im)possible. This checklist is critical because it would determine whether you should proceed with attracting and seducing her at all. Remember that at the end of the day, your work is actually more important as it would not only advance your career, it also guarantees you a paycheck that puts food on your table. Two things an attraction to the opposite sex would not do, unless of course that female coworker happens to be your boss or supervisor (which isn’t still good for your career as we will show you shortly).
We deal exhaustively with this preliminary checklist in an earlier article on how to get a male coworker to like you. Be sure to check it out as it provides very useful insight on this aspect. Here are some of what you need to be sure of before proceeding:
1. Your company’s policy.
This is really important. And it is all the more especially important where females are concerned because, since the #Metoo# movement, companies have become rather protective of exposing themselves to sexual harassment lawsuits. Some have done so by prohibiting workplace romantic relationships in absolute terms. Others allow it, but to a very limited extent – like say for instance not allowing such to happen between superiors and subordinates. You, therefore, have to be absolutely certain on what your workplace policy on the subject is before proceeding.
2. Her position in the workplace hierarchy.
Closely related to the first point is the position the female coworker in question occupies in the corporate ladder in your workplace. If she is either above or below you in your company’s corporate ladder, that becomes problematic and here’s why.
If she is your subordinate, you expose her and make her vulnerable to animosity and hostility with her fellow coworkers because they may not understand and think you’re favoring her and that she is receiving an unfair advantage from you. And again, if your company policy prohibits such a relationship between a supervisor and a subordinate, you put her job and yours at risk. Does not sound like a worthwhile venture. And so you will need to seriously consider the risks you expose both of you to, and especially her.
And on the flip side of that coin, you also want to be sure that she is not using you to gain an advantage in advancing on the corporate ladder. Whatever the case, you need to be absolutely certain it is a worthy venture before embarking on seducing a female coworker who is your subordinate.
Where however she is your boss/supervisor, it becomes all the more tricker. Your fellow coworkers may suddenly suspect you of wanting to advance your career through sex and a relationship with the boss. And there is also the fact that your company policy may not allow it at all.
3. Be sure she is available.
This is also very important. Be sure she is either not married or in a serious relationship, unless of course you do not mind having an affair. In which case you should still know her relationship and availability status, so that you know exactly what you are getting yourself into, and be fully prepared for it.
4. Weigh up the pros and cons and Understand from the beginning what you want from this romantic venture with your female coworker.
We have listed the cons (and pros) exhaustively in that earlier article on how to get a male coworker to like you, which we spoke of earlier. You can read all about it here.
It is key that you know and decide from the beginning what exactly it is you are looking for on this romantic venture because it determines how you pursue her and get her interested. You need to be sure if you’re looking for a short fling with her, just sex for one night maybe (although this one could create a tricky and sticky work environment for you if you go around having one night stands with all the ladies you work with), or something more long term.
Knowing what you’re looking for would also guide you in weighing up the pros and cons. Are you ready to deal with the tension and friction that may arise from a short fling or one night stand gone wrong? Also, do you want to be known as that guy that can’t seem to keep it in his pants when it comes to female coworkers? Such a reputation is sure to come back later to bite you especially when you don’t want it to. It could haunt you when you eventually meet the one you want something long term with, but because of that reputation, she decides to steer clear of any romantic relationship with you to avoid having to deal with a heartbreak. Therefore know what sort of romantic relationship you’re looking for, and the disadvantages and advantages of the same.
5. Be sure she is attracted to you too.
This is where the success (or failure) of your quest to seduce your female coworker hinges. If she isn’t feeling you at all, do not engage in trying to seduce her or make her fall for you at all. And if you are not sure what the signs a coworker is not interested are, do not worry, this article will tell you the signs to look out for to know whether or not she’s interested and attracted to you. And even if she’s not attracted to you yet, at the end of this article you will be equipped with the arsenal to get her attracted to you.
HOW TO ATTRACT A FEMALE COWORKER.
Okay so you’ve gone through the preliminary checklist and decided that you are good to go. Alrighty! Let’s launch “operation coworker seduction” for that very irresistibly attractive female coworker that you fancy.
Seduction 101 – Be Sure She is Attracted to You First and Foremost.
If she is not attracted to you at all, to begin with, you proceed at your own risk. But hang on, isn’t that the whole point of this article – to show you how to attract her? Yes, it is, so let’s move on to how to get her attracted to you.
Seduction 102 – Attracting her; the law(s) of attracting the female coworker.
If your female coworker isn’t attracted to you as yet, it’s not the end of the world. These three tips would work magic and get her not only attracted to you, but keep her for longer if you’re looking for something more long term.
And before embarking on these steps, we have to advise you that discretion is critical to the success of this mission. If you decide to go about telling the whole office you like this girl, you can forget ever getting a chance to execute these steps because she’ll eventually hear about it and think very less of you for spreading such rumors about her and making her a target of unnecessary attention from other coworkers.
And finally, while you engage in all of the stages pointed out below, always pay attention to her body language and be certain she is receptive to your actions. If she doesn’t like it, disengage forthwith. Your heartthrob will come along eventually, don’t worry. But the best-case scenario is that all of these steps will work for you and you will have that female coworker attracted to you. With that said, let’s get to it – How to attract a female coworker 101.
STAGE ONE – GET HER ATTENTION.
If you want to attract and seduce her, this is where you start. If you don’t have her attention, or get her to notice you, you can forget attracting her, talk less of seducing her. How can you get her attention? You’ll need to work on having those qualities that women find really attractive and irresistible in men. According to a survey carried out amongst American women, top on the list of qualities they were attracted to were a great sense of humor, a man’s appearance and his positive character traits.
What women look for in men.
What does it mean in practical terms to have these qualities?
a. Your appearance.
Your appearance is usually the first thing a woman notices about a man. If you are generally unfit or in not so great a shape, you should not be too surprised if she doesn’t pay much attention to you. Her appearance is after all most probably the first thing you noticed about her, and if she is fit and attractive you surely cannot expect her to expect less. If you need to shape up a little, do so. Working on your physical form can be as little as changing your diet to have fewer carbs, to being as drastic as spending every other day in the gym working out.
But while you work on getting fitter, you can improve your general outlook. There are usually two things a woman looks for first or notices in a man to tell her if he is stylish or not – his shoes and then his watch. Then followed by his choice of clothes and the way it fits on him, and then the way he smells. Once he checks off all these boxes, she pays a little more attention to him. Have a nice haircut; wear good cologne; wear well-fitting clothes and be stylish.
You don’t need to be vain to be stylish. Be clean and smart looking and she’ll still notice you. Don’t appear shabby and haggard or she will certainly put you in the box of the office slob if you appear unkempt.
And remember, even if there is no attractive female(s) for you to be dressing up for, having a good appearance is very important for your corporate image, and if your bosses will take you seriously.
b. Your personality.
Your personality speaks to the following:
- your sense of humor;
- and the way you generally interact with other people.
Do you have good interpersonal skills? If you’re shy and unable to have the minimum in terms of interacting with your other colleagues, chances are you won’t be able to hold a decent conversation with her. If you are shy and do not interact much with the rest of your colleagues, you need to work on this.
Interacting with others will help you a lot – it will help give you confidence and help you practice working on your sense of humor too. As the above chart shows, a man with a good sense of humor ranks very highly on that list. Women love to laugh and they love a man who can get them to laugh. But you cannot learn how to have a sense of humor if you are always keeping to yourself, and you will most certainly not be able to get her attention let alone keep it.
c. Your presence.
Your presence speaks to the following:
- your confidence and the way you carry yourself;
- Do you have a mind of your own; and
- Are you able to make critical decisions when it’s crunch time?
Women notice men who have these qualities. And if you don’t have them, you need to start working on them if you want her to notice you. When next you’re at that office meeting where she is, put your point across more confidently and sound like you know your stuff. When you speak to her, sound sure of yourself and speak with more boldness and confidence. Don’t falter or sound timid. When you are under pressure, hold it together. With all these qualities and oozing confidence, you will have a magnetic aura and presence about you that she would find irresistible not to notice.
d. Your character.
Your character speaks to the following:
- Are you honest and trustworthy? Or are you the sleazeball in the office that no one, especially the ladies, trust.
- How do you treat your other colleagues at work? Are you kind to them? You can’t be nice and kind to just her and mean to your colleagues. That would turn her off if anything.
- What is your work output like? Do you give excellent work or are you in the category of the office bums who are only good at riding on the efforts of other colleagues?
If your character is questionable and your work output is nothing much to write home about, you can be rest assured that you may get her attention, but certainly not for the reasons you’re looking for, or for the right reasons.
Change your character by being more caring and kind to your fellow coworkers first. Be a gentleman. Be consistent in your treatment of everyone at work – be kind and warm to everyone without exception. Always volunteer to help other colleagues, and then her. She’ll be sure to notice you if you are always willing and ready to help your colleagues.
If you are slacking on your work, dust your lazy butt and get to work. Win that employee of the month award and you can be sure you’ll have her attention. She would want to get closer to know more about you.
STAGE TWO – KEEP HER ATTENTION.
Now you have her attention and she’s noticed you. Maybe she’s even given you a smile and a slight nod that says “I see you” and you can’t believe your luck. But having her attention and that smile and nod is far from enough. You have to keep her attention, because you must also realize/remember that you’re not the only one eyeing her. Chances are there is another male coworker who may also be interested in her. It, therefore, becomes all the more important to keep her attention on you and you alone. You need to make her feel you’re the only one she needs to be thinking about. According to a survey by GirlChase, 64% of women notice a guy and know if they’ll go on a date with him within 10 minutes of meeting him.
How soon does she know if she wants to go on a date with you?
So make that first ten minutes you walk up to her to keep her attention count. How do you make those first 10 minutes count and keep her attention enough for stage 3? You do so by doing the following:
a. First know the kind of person she is and what her boundaries and likes and dislikes are.
This is important for the next steps. You will need to know these so that you don’t overstep and make her run away.
b. Subtle, strategic flirting.
Once she’s noticed you and given you a smile and/or nod and/or wink, this is time to go in for the first kill.
Your flirting should be subtle and not too obvious. You can lace it with genuine natural compliments. So say she smiled at you and made you weak on the knees with her smile and cute dimple, you could compliment her by saying something like
“you never knew a smile could shine such a ray of sunshine until now”. If you’re bold, you can go as far as saying “the gods must have carved out an extra day just to create you and that beautiful smile you have.”
But again, it must be emphasized that whatever flirting approach you go with, ensure it is compatible with her personality. If she’s the shy, quiet, reserved type, the bold and daring compliment laced flirting may scare her off, whereas it may work with that female coworker that seems naughty and likes a little danger and loves to live life on the edge. Add humor to your flirting. Humor plus compliments plus subtle strategic flirting, and you can be sure you’ll have her eating out of your hands.
You can go a step further with the flirting by adding a slight touch. This one is tricky though because you need to be careful not to come across as violating her boundaries. A slight brush on her arm and the way she responds to it will tell you whether to go ahead with the slight touch. It might be best to save the slight touches for outside the office when you are in a less formal and constricted environment, and when you are both relaxed.
c. Infiltrate her space.
This is also important to give you the chance to keep the flirting going and create some personal rapport between both of you. Find convenient opportunities to be around her space. If you need to offer to help her with some of her work to be able to be in her space do so. You could also time your going to the water cooler or the coffee machine to coincide with the time she also goes there.
d. But still, keep a distance.
This seems like a paradox when compared to point (c) above. But there is no contradiction, and here is how it would work. Even though you are in her space, don’t make it so obvious you are seeking out her attention and would do anything to have it. Maintain a little aloofness and distance by interacting more with the colleagues around her. The fact you are ignoring her, even if a little, would infuriate her but also keep her hooked to you in wanting to unravel why or how you dare ignore her. But don’t outright ignore her or you’ll also lose her. Interact with her in the group but also strategically talk to other colleagues and not to her alone.
e. Extend small thoughtful gestures to her, to show her that you are thinking of her.
These gestures can be as little as buying her a cup of coffee or just a small bar of chocolate or cookies or fudge/cake. Something that says I was out and I thought about you. You can graduate the small gestures to gifts when you have established a stronger connection and rapport with her – maybe a valentine day’s gift or a birthday gift or just a sentimental gift like a small bracelet. But be careful on the gift front since you are not yet officially a couple. Women tend to generally view extravagant gifts with suspicion if it’s coming from someone who isn’t yet a significant other, and this much a survey conducted by Vault revealed.
What gifts means the most to her.
With all of the above, you have her exactly where you want her – attracted and thoroughly smitten by you.
STAGE THREE – ACT ON HER ATTENTION.
You have her attention and you’ve managed to keep her attention for some time. But without this last step, all your work would have been for nothing. In this final stage, you go in for the final kill.
There’s no point in getting and keeping her attention if you don’t act on it. And in fact, if you don’t act on it, she becomes disappointed and this would in turn affect her perception of you negatively. It is better not to engage in steps 1 and 2 if you have no intention of following through with this last step.
Here is how you act on her attention –
a. Strike while the iron is hot and invite her for after-work drinks with other coworkers.
She won’t stay attracted to you forever; that window of opportunity will pass if not acted on. Start by casually inviting her to that after-work drinks with other work colleagues.
And if there are no after-work drinks with other work colleagues happening, create one/make one happen. Why is this important? It is advisable that the first time you hang out with her outside work, you do it in the company of other work colleagues, and not alone. This does two things. First, it makes her comfortable and removes any creepiness or weirdness to it. An outright date without a buildup to it may make her feel pressured and not to mention, also put you under pressure and anxious to impress which may ruin the date.
Secondly, it would also dispel any office gossip that would surely arise from your sudden one on one date with her. Imagine your colleagues suddenly seeing you going on a date with just her and you never hang out with them, it is only a matter of time before the gossip mill starts churning out stories. And since it is early days, you don’t want the office gossip to snuff out the life from your budding romance.
When you have her at the after-work drinks try to engage more with her in discussions and getting to know her and what her interests are. Also, use that time to admire and observe her more closely to learn more about her personality and the things she likes. You could then use some of the conversations you had in the after-work drinks to build a less formal conversation in the office the next day. This builds rapport and solidifies the connection and makes the next step a lot easier and seamless.
b. After your after-work drinks and you’ve completely bridged whatever small gaps exist between the both of you, take the bold step and ask her out on a date.
If you’re waiting for her to initiate the date, she may be disappointed with your lack of confidence in initiating the date. This is because women actually prefer a man taking that bold step of initiating the first date, according to a survey carried out by eHarmony.
Who should take the lead in asking for the first date?
For a first date idea, you can take a cue from the 1,000 men surveyed by AskMen in 2019 appearing in the chart below.
What’s your go-to first date idea (According to 1,000 men) U.S. 2019
But be careful not to make the first date too hectic; make it as casual as possible. You don’t want to scare her off after the first date. Choose an activity that would relax you both and not put either you or her under pressure to try and put on a performance. A movie or going out for coffee maybe a safer go-to for a first date if you are looking for a longer-term relationship with her. You don’t want to give her the impression from the first date that all you’re after is sex. If however sex only is what you’re after, you can go straight for the kill with going clubbing or any other first date idea that would have her end up in your bed.
Be careful on that date not to engage in any of the following which would be sure to annoy her – being on your phone or monopolizing the conversation and not asking about her or making the discussion all about you. According to a study conducted by YouGov as recently as 2019, 70% of women found the use of phones on a first date really annoying. So be careful not to turn her off after the first date.
The worst thing(s) you could do on a first date (U.S. 2019)
Do not stop being romantic and flirting with her.
This would keep the relationship alive and going stronger, especially if it is a long term relationship. But remember to keep it at the barest minimum at the workplace.
AND FINALLY, AFTER SHE’S SAID YES.
Once you’ve gone on that date and made it official that you want to date her, and she’s said yes to that romantic relationship, decide with her the level of secrecy to the relationship for your work colleagues. You both know your work colleagues better, and know if its best to tell them or not.
Also agree early in the relationship, on what should happen if for whatever reason, the relationship does not work and you break up. Agree early on that you will both not let it affect your work and how you relate with each other at work.
And finally, set healthy boundaries that will govern your relationship. Boundaries like no discussion of work at home and no public display of affection in the office. This will go a long way in keeping a good demarcation between your work and love life.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS.
How do I seduce a woman at work?
Seducing a coworker, in this case, your female coworker has an art to it. Following through all the three stages in this article is the ultimate guide to coworker seduction and will have her attracted to you.
How do you get a female coworker to like you?
Follow all the steps listed in this article and she will like you.
What are the signs a female coworker is attracted to you and the signs a coworker is not interested?
If she responds positively to all the steps set out in this article, then she is definitely attracted to you. But if after step 1 she’s still not giving you the positive vibes that show she is receptive, it means you do not have her attention and she is not interested in you romantically. And if that happens to be the case, then do not continue on the mission.
What impresses a woman and how do you impress a lady/woman?
There are no set in stone answers to what impresses a woman because each woman is different. What you need to be on the lookout for in knowing what impresses the woman you are interested in, and how to then go ahead to impress her is to know what she likes and does not like. Her personality and the things that make her laugh and smile.
How do you talk to a girl at work you like?
You start by being able to talk to everyone else at work. Finding it easygoing to talk with your work colleagues will make it easier to talk with the woman you fancy at work.
Being attracted to your female coworker is normal and is bound to happen. But before you embark on your quest to seduce her and have her attracted to you, tick off the important preliminary checklist set out in this article first.
Once you have ticked that list and are sure you want to embark on the mission, follow through the three steps set out in this article and you will have her attracted to you. And once you have her, don’t forget the final checklist listed in this article.
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