“Shy people are like perfumes, they come in different fragrances”

If you’ve never been shy about something, let’s start by saying kudos to you. But most of us have been shy about something in our lives. We’ve at one point or another been shy about our looks, weight, clothing, family behavior, status, performance, or crushes. The only thing that differentiates us from people we term as ‘shy’ is that we’ve learned to live beyond the consciousness of other people’s reactions towards us. If you are dating a shy boy or girl, you have nothing to worry about. We all can be better than things that can potentially limit us. Therefore shyness in relationships should never spell doom. 

Shyness in relationship

In many studies, shyness in relationships has been associated with low levels of satisfaction and intimacy. Various authors say that shy partners are more likely to report being less satisfied in their relationship than their partners. They often deal with trust, respect, management, jealousy, intimacy, and resentments in their relationship. Most often, shy partners struggle to maintain long-term relationships as much as they struggle to get into relationships. This is not surprising, considering that shy people often report lacking the self-efficacy to handle certain social issues. In the context of a relationship, it only means that shyer partners are usually not bold enough to confront problems they encounter in their relationship. They tend to be less vocal about their displeasures which spells disaster for their relationship in the long run.

We strongly believe that for a person to have a relationship with a shy girl/boy, they need a good sense of empathy, understanding, and patience. This is not to paint a picture that being in a relationship with a shy boy or girl is difficult. No relationship is easy, and every relationship has its unique recipe. When handling shyness in relationships, it has become obvious that partners of shy people need a good sense of empathy and patience. It is the responsibility of both partners in any relationship to work on their weaknesses to maximize their pleasure. See signs of shame in a person.

Dating a Shy Girl or Boy; 10 things to know.

If you are dating a shy girl or guy and things are not working out well in your relationship, or you are worried about dating a shy person you’ve just met, these ten tips would help you understand a shy person better.

• A shy person is socially nervous.

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The first thing you should know about most shy people is that they are socially nervous. This quality makes them suck at networking. Social gatherings with lots of unfamiliar faces are not their thing, and therefore don’t expect them to be hyped about going to social events with you. However, this should not stop you from inviting them or taking them along with you to social events. The truth is, shy people are not worried about events or parties; rather, they are only mindful of people’s evaluations of them. People’s evaluation of them makes them self-critical. 

The best way to relate with shy partners at social gatherings is to give them reassuring compliments and to take them along with you when interacting with people or participating in activities. This will help them to manage their nervousness in social gatherings. 

Secondly, if your shy partner acts nonchalant at social gatherings, don’t assume they hate your people or the event. It takes shy people time to warm up to people. 

• A shy girl or boy is not always vocal about their displeasures or desires. Learn to pay attention to their body language. 

The second thing you should know about dating a shy boy or girl is that they are not always vocal about their displeasures and experiences. This means that your shy boyfriend might not tell you when he is offended by something you’ve done or feels burdened by some external factor. It sucks, right? How are you supposed to know that your partner is not happy about something if they don’t confide in you?

You can blame them. They’ve always kept things to themselves before you met them. They won’t automatically shake off their old habits because they are in a relationship with you. It may take them time to be vocally expressive about their displeasures and desires. All you have to do is continue creating and encouraging a healthy space for verbal communication. Also, ask open-ended questions to encourage them to express themselves well.

But the good thing about shy people is that they also express themselves non-verbally. Their facial expressions, awkward silence, body gestures, and daily routines can give you clues about their moods. To help you understand your shy partner better, you can create unique sign language that helps you guys communicate with ease when your shy partner is unable to express themselves with words. Check out signs of bad communication in a relationship. 

• Your shy boyfriend or girlfriend is very observant. 

Shy people tend to be observant, which is a valuable quality we need in our friendships and relationships. If you are dating a shy boy or girl, be rest assured that you have an extra pair of eyes around you. Don’t get surprised when your shy partner notices your mood change, lapses in your routines, or things about your friends you didn’t know. 

Some people make the mistake of lying often, shoving off the truth, or labeling their shy partner when they tell them their observations. If you behave in such a manner, you’ll discourage a shy partner from telling you any further observations they make. They’ll begin to bottle up things in the relationship for fear of being labeled by you. 

If you wish to have a relationship with a shy girl/boy, always indulge them in this superhero ability. When their observations are true, be honest about it and appreciate them for looking out for you. Don’t label your partner as paranoid or bothersome if their observations are wrong. 

• Shy people don’t trust easily. 

If you are dating a shy girl/boy, keep in mind that your partner generally finds it hard to trust people enough to be vulnerable around them. Sharing things about themselves makes them vulnerable, and they don’t want that. A shy boyfriend might not immediately open up to you at the onset of a relationship. They’ll most likely play the role of a good listener at the onset of a relationship until they are comfortable enough to share their experiences. If they eventually share a great deal about themselves and their experiences with you, it is because they’ve learned to trust you. The worst thing you can do is to share details of their life with another person without their permission. Or to use what they’ve told you about themselves against them. 

• Many shy people are good listeners.

Shy people are normally good listeners. They are warm and receptive, and their good sense of empathy makes it easy for people to confide in them. They are never burdened to listen to people they care about. If you are dating a shy girl or boy, the chances of your emotional needs being met are high. The only problem is, while shy people satisfy their partners’ emotional needs, their emotional needs are often neglected. Partners of shy people usually get so carried away with being the center of attention that they fail to give their shy partners the same platform or privilege. One of the best ways to be a good partner to a shy person is to learn to be attentive.

• Shy people are usually calculative. 

If you are a risk-taker or a go-getter, a shy person is your polar opposite. They are slower in reacting to certain situations. They over-calculate risks, and sometimes it discourages them from pursuing their goals. Their careful side can be frustrating for people around them. Shy people are often labeled timid, weak, unserious, and incapable. We advise that you abstain from labeling your shy partner. Shy people are different. They are like perfumes that come in different scents. Many shy people are geniuses, assertive, and even strong enough to throw punches or sassiness if you cross their boundaries. Not all shy people are timid. If you wish to date a shy girl/ boy, one of the best ways to deal with a shy person who is overly careful and calculative is to give them reassuring compliments when they are in doubt. They just need genuine cheerleaders.

• Shy people are loyal to good friends. 

Shy people are very loyal to good friends, with emphasis on ‘good friends’. Shy people will not stick around people that disregard their emotions or disrespect them. They are not loyal to such people. Just because they don’t make many friends does not mean that they would stick with people that are bad for them. Many shy people would rather be alone than being with bad friends. However, when they meet good friends, shy people stick around. This also applies in relationships. They are very loyal to good partners because they know how difficult it is to find a good partner. If you’re dating a shy boy or girl, be good to them if you want them to stick with you. 

• They are conscious about their looks or appearance. 

Shy people are quite conscious of their looks and are not particularly hyped about taking group pictures with strangers. Sometimes their perfectionist self encourages them to be seen or make them hide in the background. If you are dating a shy/ boy, don’t get surprised when your shy partner makes so much effort to impress you or the people in your life. Shy people value the perception of people they consider important. A reassuring compliment or gesture will do your shy partner so much good. It will calm those nerves down.

• They are not comfortable being in the spotlight. 

One of the reasons why people don’t like the spotlight is that they tend to act up a bit. Their nervousness kicks in and messes up their thoughts and actions. They are more comfortable in positions that allow them to be themselves, and quite often, it is the sidelines. However, this does not mean that shy people cannot handle pressure in public spaces or would completely avoid the spotlight. They will step up when needed, but they don’t like unnecessary attention and would probably delegate another person to stand in the spotlight for them. If you are a popular person dating a shy partner, don’t grill your shy partner for being uncomfortable around you in public. Respect their need for privacy. 

• Shy people have unique personalities. 

Don’t assume you know every shy person and how they behave. Shy people could be extroverts, timid, hostile, agreeable, etcetera. Some do not fit into certain norms or boxes society has created for shy people. 

Frequently Asked Questions

• Is it hard to date a shy person?

Dating a shy person is not harder than dating a person who isn’t shy. You know the person is shy, and that’s the only difference. Many of us have qualities or behaviors that are not so obvious to people. These qualities can only ruin our relationships if we allow them to. No relationship is easy; partners have to look for what works for them. 

• How does a shy guy show his love?

A shy guy is not a different type of human. When a guy likes you, their actions will tell you so.

• He shows concern for your wellbeing
• He will get special things for you
• He will tell you things about himself he doesn’t tell people.
• You will have more access to him than others and special privileges. 
• He adds you to his plans.
• He picks your mind on important decisions.
• He is happy being around you and wants you in his life.

• Why are shy guys the best people to date? 

• They value genuine friendships or relationships and would be loyal to people that are good to them.
• They are very observant and calculative. You will have an extra pair of eyes and brains.
• Many shy people are attentive. They understand both your words and silence. 
• You are likely to be emotionally satisfied in a relationship with a shy guy.
• They can be very romantic.