4. Have a life that can keep you afloat regardless of your husband’s contributions to the marriage.

As a wife, your problem triples when you are largely dependent on the finances and connections of an emotionally immature husband. It means that he can control crucial decisions you make. Your dependence encourages him to continue to act in ways you find frustrating; after all, you need him. It is always best for a wife to have something going for herself. By being financially independent and progressive aside in your personal life, you’ll constantly remind your immature husband that you are in the marriage with him because you want to be, not because you need him. Although this reality will threaten an emotionally immature husband, it will also motivate him to want to be relevant in your life. And the only meaningful way a husband can be relevant to his wife is by contributing in ways she values. 

We encourage you to go out and make valuable connections that will help you solve problems when they arise. When your husband sees that you can solve problems without him, he will step up. Secondly, work on expanding your finances. Don’t be financially dependent on an emotionally immature man. 

5. Forgive, but don’t forget.

Many emotionally immature people are good at using past wrongs to justify future actions, especially when it suits them. When dealing with an emotionally immature husband, you need to learn to forgive your husband for your peace of mind but never forget details of incidents if he brings them up in the future. Many emotionally immature men write down wrongs because they intend to use them in the future. Silly right? This is why you must develop your memory skills if your husband is one to keep detailed records of your wrongs. You might need to remember things that were said and done during arguments. But choose not to hold on to the negative emotions the arguments arouse. 

Quite frankly, we wouldn’t advise a person to stay in a relationship where records of wrongs are kept. But we do recognize that people have different personalities and beliefs about marriage. Also, other prevailing circumstances could make people endure an emotionally immature man.

6. Be selfish sometimes.

Sometimes, being selfish with your time, opinions, and resources is the best answer for an emotionally immature husband who displays an unhealthy level of selfishness and has unreasonable expectations for others. It is ok to be selfish when you notice that he keeps demanding and taking from the family and isn’t willing to give as much as others give to him emotionally, materially, physically, and spiritually. If you’ve communicated your displeasure and he isn’t intentional about addressing them, it is ok to be selfish. 

7. Prioritize your mental health and that of your children. 

Your mental health and that of your children are paramount in the family. Create an atmosphere where your children can speak about their displeasures in the home. Teach them to do this respectfully. It helps no one if your children disrespect others. 

Secondly, confide in mature friends and family members about your emotional health. We think it’s best to speak to someone that isn’t close to the family about your mental health and things your husband does that are frustrating. The reason is that when you confide in friends and family often, your husband might get the impression that you’re ganging up against him with people close to both of you. Secondly, you’ll encourage people to disrespect your husband unwarranted. Thirdly, your friends and family might not be objective when advising you about how to deal with your husband. 

We think it is better to speak to a counselor or someone who isn’t particularly close to the family. But if you have no idea whom to speak to, you could confide in a mature friend or family member. What’s important is that you don’t form the habit of suppressing your emotions, especially negative emotions. Suppressing your emotions could lead to depression, unwarranted outbursts, maladjusted behaviors, stress-related physical ailments, etcetera.

Frequently Asked Questions.

1. How can I help my emotionally immature husband?

An emotionally immature husband should be as willing to work on himself as you are willing for him to improve himself. 

• He should first accept his flaws.
• He should invest time in dealing with his emotional problems
• He should be made aware of the effects of his actions on people that care about him
• He should be willing to accept corrections and be intentional about doing things differently to improve the quality of his relationship with the family.
• He should be open to seeing a therapist.

2. Should I leave my emotionally immature husband?

An emotionally immature husband is a pain to live with, but no one should ever help you decide whether to stay or leave a marriage. No one knows your marriage or husband as much as you do. If your husband is willing to work on his flaws, we encourage you to lend him the needed support. However, if he has no intention of working on himself and your mental health is significantly affected by his actions, it might be a sign to call it a quit. 

Conclusion

When dealing with an emotionally immature husband, you need to be assertive, emotionally strong, be firm about plans, schedules, and boundaries. You also need to be forgiving but not forgetting, selfish sometimes, and determined to look after your mental health and your children’s.