How to Make Someone Feel Better After a Breakup: 7 Effective Ways
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
Loss is inevitable. Mourn but also learn to move on.
For most people getting into a relationship, the last thing they think about is breaking up. They are usually optimistic about spending a long time with the person they’ve just met. Sadly, relationships do get bumpy and partners are sometimes faced with a choice of ending the relationship.
Before you dive further into this article, we would like you to answer one question. What would you do if your partner requested an open relationship? Scroll down to our survey section to participate in this survey, thank you. But did you know that more women will break up with their partners if they ever suggested they wanted an open relationship? A study by Statista that had 984 male participants and 1,016 female participants revealed that 67% of the female participants would leave their partner if they requested an open relationship and 46% of males would do the same. Source: Statista.
Why you should help a friend through a bad breakup
1. If you have ever experienced a breakup, you can tell that it sucks for many reasons and the most obvious reason is that it annoyingly hurts. The pain of a breakup is like a sharp claw tearing a person’s skin or like fingers trapped between a banging door or like tender toes hitting an unseen rock or even worse than these scenarios. Only a few people move on quickly like it never hurt them.
2. Breakups come with many emotional and psychological baggage that could affect a person’s self-esteem, self-worth, and overall well-being. After breakups, a lot of people experience depression, mood swings, obsessive thoughts, hopelessness, angry outburst, and restlessness. They may also engage in self-blame whether or not they are at fault for the relationship breaking.
3. The emotional state of a person after a breakup could lead them to make irrational decisions such as.
- Committing suicide or passion killing.
- Stalking, harassing, and vandalizing their Ex properties.
- Excessive drinking, eating, and unprotected sexual intercourse with multiple persons.
You do not want your friend to go this far.
Helping someone realize that loss is part of life and that we only need to be brave enough to move on no matter how much we cherish what we have lost, is one of the kindest things you could do for them.
How to help someone feel better after a breakup
A person that has just experienced a breakup needs a lot of kindness and patience. As much as you would want them to see things the way you see it, or to be strong the way you want them to, it might not happen in the emotional state they are in. They need to go through the process of grieving and then make a personal decision to move on and heal. All you can do for them as a friend is to continue to aid their healing process.
If you wish to make your friend feel better after a breakup, here are six important things to do.
1. Get your friend something nice.
When a breakup happens, people usually mourn the loss of love. Love is a valuable and wholesome gift no one would love to lose. One of the best ways to express love is to give a lovely gift. By giving your friends a gift, you are telling/showing them that they matter to you enough to see them happy rather than sad and this is a message of love. You are helping them understand that they are not lonely. Your act of kindness will remind them that they have something to cherish. We must however emphasize the need to be attentive to the gift you select for a heartbroken friend. The goal is to surprise them, make them happy, and laugh (if possible), and also be hopeful about their healing. Check out our breakup care package ideas and thoughtful gifts for someone going through a separation.
2. Offer a helping hand.
Many people experience a lack of concentration, demotivation, weakness, and even general loss of appetite or self-care. They begin to lag at work or school which could lead to the loss of a job or a carryover at school. If you work closely with your friend, you might be in the best position to help them out with certain tasks or motivate them to accomplish their daily tasks. Supporting a friend going through a breakup might be inconvenient but if you are in the position to do what they have requested, try and help.
3. Suggest meetups or hangouts.
One of the best ways to feel better after a breakup is to connect with people. Many people tend to withdraw physically and emotionally from friends and family after a breakup and this is rarely helpful when trying to move on with life. Their healing process might take longer and they make themselves prone to adopting negative coping mechanisms which might affect future relationships. Do not let your friend isolate himself or herself physically or emotionally from people, suggest a meetup or invite them for hangouts with friends. It could be for a spa day, cookout with friends, game night, summer camping, window shopping, concerts etcetera. Be creative. Help them to take their mind off the hurtful breakup and see life beyond what they are going through. This works big time.
4. Encourage them to express their feelings either by writing them down or talking to someone they trust.
We understand that ‘trust’ might be an issue for someone going through a breakup and therefore they might not want to discuss their past relationship with people immediately after a breakup. Secondly, not everyone is the chatty type. Thirdly, you might not be the closest friend of your friend. And fourthly, they might not know how to express themselves properly. If any of these is the case, do not feel bad or frustrated if your friend does not confide in you about their breakup. Be kind and patient with them. Advice them to express themselves by speaking up or journaling. Researchers have noted that one of the ways to feel better after a breakup is to express oneself. Suggest to your friends to meet a counselor if the issue is weighing them down and they do not want to speak to you about it. You could also buy an inspirational journal as a form of motivation to get them to express themselves through writing. Researchers say that expressing oneself will help a person gain new perspectives about their situation. It can also relieve a person of the mental burden of overthinking.
5. Pick a side.
The uncertainty of how a person might respond to the conversation when sides are taken is probably the main reason why some friends would rather sit on the fence than have a meaningful conversation with their friend who has just experienced a breakup. However, true friends should be able to have hard conversations with their friends on various issues, regardless of whose side they are on. The goal is to help your friend be a better version of themselves. There is no use lying to them if you think they didn’t handle an issue properly. Applaud them for standing up for themselves when they are right. We must emphasize that being reasonable and empathetic is required when having a conversation with them about their breakup
6. Be attentive and available.
To be able to cheer up a friend after a breakup or support a friend going through a breakup, you need to pay attention to both what is said and unsaid and also give your friend enough room to feel free to confide in you. There is a tendency to have mood swings after a rough breakup, and therefore do not be surprised if your friend gets too emotional and wants to speak to someone late at night or at other odd times. In such a case, it would be a good idea to leave your phone on throughout the day and night. If you notice that they look lean, feel lonely, and are too depressed about their breakup, you could invite them for a sleepover at your place for a couple of days. Be honest and kind to share your experiences if you think they would be helpful to them. These acts of kindness should help them to warm up to you enough to confide in you and seek your advice.
7. Provide useful advice.
To console someone after a breakup, you need to be able to know what to say. Here are some of the best advice for a friend going through a breakup;
- It is ok to feel the way you feel; hurt, angry, sad, betrayed, stupid, weak etcetera. It is ok to cry. But do not be too hard on yourself. Don’t allow yourself to stay this way.
- To help you overcome the urge of calling and texting your Ex, remind yourself of all his/her faults and why you decided to break up with them. Remind yourself why they asked for a breakup and how it made you feel.
- It might be hard to accept that the relationship is over, but it is the only way to let go of the past and move on.
- One way to help you find closure is to have a conversation with yourself about the things you wish you told him, ways you wish he behaved, and things you wish you did before the two of you parted ways. Write it all out in a journal if you have to.
- Learn to make yourself a priority. Teach yourself to love yourself more than anyone could love you. Buy new items, cook meals, watch movies, relax, sleep, take yourself out, etcetera. Do not allow the hurt to make you forget yourself. Make yourself glow.
- A change of scenery will do you some good. Let’s plan a trip for you. If you wish to go alone, that’s fine.
- Ask for space if you need it but try not to isolate yourself or shut people out of your life. There is no gain in pushing away people that love you and care for you. There is no need to hurt others because you are hurting.
- It might be helpful to you to remove things or possessions that remind you of him.
WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW
1. How do I stop hurting after a breakup?
Allow yourself to grieve.
The last thing you want to do is to bottle up your feelings. The length of time a person grieves differs from person to person. It could take a week or months.
Have a conversation with yourself.
Sometimes people never get the chance to say all they want to say before they split ways with their ex and these unsaid things tend to eat the mind up. Sadly, it is not advisable to go back and have those conversations after a breakup. It is also not advisable to leave those conversations unsaid. Write them down or speak to yourself about them and make peace within yourself about not having any other conversation with your ex to be able to move on.
Speak to a friend or counselor about your feelings, wishes, and grievances.
The first breakup is usually the hardest. Secondly, some breakups are just so messy. If the breakup is messing with your mental health, it might be in your best interest to speak to a friend or counselor.
Accept that the relationship is over.
To move on with your life, you need to accept that the relationship is over. Do leave yourself hanging by thinking that he or she will realize their mistakes and come back to you.
Remind yourself why you ended the relationship.
To avoid doubting your decision to break up, remind yourself why you broke up with him or her. Remind yourself of their faults and how they made you feel. If you are not the one that ended the relationship, have a conversation with yourself about things you wish you said to your ex or did better in the relationship. Accept that you do not have to say or do them before you can move on with your life. Accept that the relationship is over.
Learn to love yourself and make healing your priority.
Some people tend to lose themselves after a breakup because they do not know how to love themselves aside from people loving them. They then allow the breakup to affect them so much that they become a shadow of themselves. Learn to buy gifts for yourself, compliment yourself often, be strong for yourself. Go on adventures when you can. Cook and clean for yourself. Learn a new skill. It is ok to laugh at yourself and joke. Learn to earn your own money. Do what you have to do to make yourself happy.
Connect with people.
Do not isolate yourself. Give yourself the chance to meet new people. Go for events no matter how scared and uncomfortable the activity may make you feel. You can only get better at connecting with people if you start connecting with people. Do not be afraid of rejection, it is part of life. Learn self-acceptance and aim for self-development.
2. How long does it take to start to feel better after a breakup?
How long it takes to feel better after a breakup differs from person to person. It could take a week or a month. Sometimes the duration it takes to heal depends on how the relationship ended and how long it is taking the person to accept that their ex won’t run back to them. It is painful to accept that the person you loved will not be a part of your life but it is important to accept it and begin to look after yourself. With time, the hurt will fade. Be patient with yourself.
3. What should I do after a breakup?
- Start by addressing how you feel and do not run away from your feelings.
- Look after yourself
- Talk to a mature friend or counselor. This is very helpful to your mental health.
- Look for new activities to distract and inspire you.
To help a friend get over an ex, you should try to understand how they feel after the breakup. This will help you to exercise patience with them, help out with tasks they are unable to do for themselves, and encourage them with the best advice.
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