Signs He Doesn’t Want To Break Up With You
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- The period after a very messy fight is usually the peak time when a couple, a lady especially, has fears that her boyfriend may want to break up with her. And this is an understandable fear given the current rate of breakups.
- In this article, we give you the 9 reassuring signs he’s not breaking up with you and doesn’t want to lose you. Read on for these signs so that you can breathe easy and be reassured that he is going nowhere.
“The average woman goes through seven relationships before finding “the one,” while men have dumped a partner or been dumped about eight times until finally settling down” (April 2020) Source: 2date4love
Americans who have gotten back together with someone with whom they had broken up as of 2012. Source: Statista
Relationship breakups can be excruciatingly painful both for the one initiating the breakup, and the one being broken up with. The 58% in the 2020 break up stats above who testify that breakups are either usually messy or dramatic or both are a testament to this.
Sometimes couples break up and realize they love each other so much, and as a result, they get back together. From the looks of it, the numbers who did so were higher in 2012 (according to the above 2012 survey), than they are 8 years later in 2020.
But why take that risk right? Why risk breaking up with no chance of getting back together, if you didn’t want to break up in the first place right? Sometimes it could be because (s)he thought he doesn’t love you anymore, only to realize he was wrong. Other times, it could be for manipulative purposes or other reasons only he knows about.
Sometimes, people look for these signs that their boyfriend doesn’t want to break up with them because they are afraid he wants to break up with them. Finding love is not easy. And for most, once they find it, they want it to last forever.
Understandably, you do not want to be part of the painful breakup numbers in the chart above. And if you’re afraid that you may be joining those numbers anytime soon, let us put your mind at rest with these reassuring signs he doesn’t want to break up with you.
Signs he doesn’t want to lose you and doesn’t want to break up.
Sometimes a guy can behave in a way that leaves you in doubt about the future of your relationship, especially when you guys fight, and maybe it was sort of a messy fight. In such scenarios, a fear of this is it, and “we may finally break up” is understandable. But here’s how you know your boyfriend is going nowhere, still loves you deeply, and is still in there with you for the long haul.
1. You still have great sex and the makeup sex is always sweeter each time.
This is the number one sign to look out for because great connecting sex is one of the main ways we express the depth of our love for one another. If your boyfriend wants to break up with you, he starts by withdrawing intimacy little by little until it is almost non-existent.
But if after your fights, you guys still have great makeup sex that makes you almost secretly wish you would always fight just to enjoy sex in that way, then have no doubts honey. He is not going anywhere and has no plans of breaking up with you.
The extra icing on top is if he moans out your name while having your great makeup sex. That right there is a sure sign that he still is deeply in love with you, has the hots for you, and has no intentions of breaking up with you.
2. He is almost always the first to reach out to broker peace after each fight especially when he is at fault.
This one is another sure-fire sign of a guy who has no intentions of breaking up with you. When he does this, he is telling you indirectly that he’s afraid of losing you, is sorry he annoyed you and does not want to let go.
Even in those instances when he is not the one reaching out to broker peace, you can still know if he won’t break up with you by how easy or difficult he makes it for you guys to make up. A guy who wants to break up with you will see a fight as his easy way out. What he would often do is to stretch it out for as long as he wants by being tense and creating an uncomfortable atmosphere. And this stance remains the same even when you are the one trying to broker peace.
But when he doesn’t want to break up, you can sense his relief when you reach out to him. You can sense that he has secretly been wishing you would come and apologize so that things can get back to the rosy lovey way they were. And you are left in no doubt that this is how he feels when you makeup in between the sheets.
3. You talk through your issues after a fight.
When you eventually try to talk through what the issue(s) were, he is not cowering away or trying altogether to avoid the issues. He genuinely wants to talk things through and work things out. He wants to know how he can make it better and how you both can help each other out to avoid repeats of the same incident(s).
A man who does this is a man who is still very much committed to you and the relationship and doesn’t want to break up. He is showing you that you mean so much more to him and he wants to keep things going.
4. He still loves spending quality time with you.
If he wanted to break up with you, he won’t spend any more of his precious time with you because he won’t see the point of it anymore. A man who still spends quality time with you and enjoys doing so is not a man that wants to break up with you. He’s a man still very much in love with you.
5. He still tells you he loves you and is going nowhere.
When your boyfriend tells you these two things, believe him. If he says he loves you, that’s because he does. If he tells you he’s going nowhere, that’s because he’s not. Men hardly say these two things if they don’t mean it. And when tells you these two things, stop trying to second guess if he means it and take his word for it.
6. He still gets jealous when he sees you flirting with another guy.
Maybe you want to test the waters and see where you stand with him, and you push his buttons by openly flirting with another guy in his presence. A guy who was thinking of breaking up with you but doesn’t know how to tell you will secretly be happy about this and you will know because he won’t even bat an eyelid.
If on the other hand, he doesn’t want to lose you or break up with you, he may suddenly appear out of nowhere and have a territorial stance and a little scowl on his face. He does not want another man swooping in to take what belongs to him. If he acts jealous in this way, have no doubts. He does not want to break up with you.
7. He talks about your future together.
A man who wants to break up with you will not talk about your future together anymore. If you used to talk about it, he would suddenly grow cold around the subject.
If on the other hand, he doesn’t want to break up, he still talks about the subject even after your fight because nothing has changed for him about how he feels for you.
8. He still spoils you every chance he gets.
A man who shows you affection by still spoiling you or giving you surprises for no reason but to show you he loves you is not a man looking to break up with you. Does he spoil you with flowers and maybe breakfast in bed even after you fight and makeup? Then have no doubt that he doesn’t want to break up with you.
9. He still takes notice of your downtimes and wants to help.
When his mind is made up to break up with you, he will stop paying attention to your moods. He would no longer be interested in seeing or making you smile because he is on his way out.
But when he wants to stay, he will still be attuned to how you feel and would always want to say anything sweet and uplifting to make you happy or cheer you up. He would quickly notice your downtimes and ask you if there’s anything he can do to help you feel better.
Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship? When he doesn’t want you but doesn’t want anyone else to have you and what to do about it.
And then you have that ex who still sticks around but still doesn’t want to get back together. At least officially. Now he still has sex with you and shows you all the other 8 signs listed in the earlier section, and yet he doesn’t want to make the relationship official again.
Or it could be a friend with benefits, who ticks all the boxes of a great boyfriend and acts so possessive of you that he doesn’t want anyone else to have you, and yet he doesn’t want you guys to officially date and be a couple.
You don’t understand it and are puzzled by what it means, especially for your heart and emotions. And that’s because it makes no sense. Here are the top 5 reasons why he doesn’t want a serious relationship with you and yet doesn’t want anyone else to have you.
1. He doesn’t see you as long-term relationship material and only just wants to have fun (sex) with you.
This sounds harsh and cold but sadly it is the truth about most guys who do this. They are having fun with you already. They get great sex from you and you are there to satisfy all the companion needs they have. And it works perfectly for them because hey you had no problem starting a sexual relationship without getting serious, so why should they bother they ask themselves. If it works for you, it sure works for them even better.
If he’s having a fun time with you and yet does not want to commit or have you guys become an item, it is most likely because he does not want a serious long-term relationship with you. When a man wants a serious relationship, he is clear about this from the get-go.
2. He’s not ready for a serious relationship but he wants someone to play around with.
And then you have that guy who may really like you but then he doesn’t want to commit to a serious relationship yet. He knows that a serious relationship is where he will enjoy all the companionship benefits he wants to enjoy, and yet he doesn’t want to get serious.
What he will do is make vague commitments like telling you that you guys should just go with the flow and see where it leads. Time flies by, and you’re still going with the flow. He didn’t want to commit at first and still doesn’t want to commit because he is not ready for a serious relationship but he doesn’t want to lose the sex and fun.
Just like the guy who doesn’t see you as long-term girlfriend material, this guy also sees you as a plaything he can have for as long as he wants to keep playing around.
3. He’s not sure yet how he feels about you especially in the long-term, and is simply stringing you along until he decides, whenever that ends up being.
This is another reason a guy would keep you around in a sexual relationship and still not want a serious relationship. We say sexual relationship because if you guys are not having sex and are not an item then you’re just friends, and there can be no question of him not wanting you to be with anyone else.
This guy probably likes you to an extent, but he’s not sure his feelings are enough for a long-term serious relationship. However, you guys have started having sex and other fun things and he enjoys it very much. He can’t imagine it coming to an end.
And so what he does is he strings you along with such things as “he doesn’t like labels” and other BS that guys come up with in these instances. In our article on 13 Significant Signs your boyfriend won’t marry you, we already pointed out that this is a rubbish reason guys give when they are not looking to commit to any serious relationship (let alone marriage) with you.
The problem with this guy is that he knows he may never want to date you long-term and knows his confused feelings may never resolve themselves, and yet he keeps stringing you along.
4. He doesn’t want anyone else enjoying all the fun (usually sex) things he enjoys from you regardless of his non-commital feelings.
You will be confused by his jealous tendencies in not wanting anyone else to have you, but don’t be fooled. He’s simply possessive because he doesn’t want anyone else eating from his cookie jar, but he will never commit to you because he has no intentions to do so.
5. He likes having a string of women and you’re probably not the only one.
This is your classic player. He enjoys sex and fun and he enjoys having a string of women for it. He may act like you’re special and even act possessive but he knows you’re just one of his many women. But you don’t know this. And so, you break your heart waiting for him to commit to you. However, this will never happen because it’s just a game of conquest to him.
What should you do about this guy though? Or are you okay with being strung along indefinitely and keeping yourself away from a guy who would seriously commit to you? Here’s what you need to do.
- Decide if you’re okay with being a plaything.
This is a judgment call you need to make. If you’re fine with being his plaything for when he wants to play, then there’s no need to read the next steps. Carry on the “relationship” with full knowledge that your desire to be in a serious relationship will most likely never see the light of day.
- If you’re not okay with it, put yourself out there and start seeing other people. You are after all not an item with him.
If you’re however not okay with it, then it’s time to make yourself available out there for your prince charming to meet you. Stop making meeting him a priority. Become selfish with your time and start going on dates with other people.
And even if you don’t have dates lined up yet, start making yourself unavailable to him at a whim. Let him also understand that you place a high value on yourself and your time.
- When he asks about this, tell him you cannot keep putting your life on hold waiting for him to make a decision he clearly has no interest in making.
This is very important. Make it clear that you are not okay with being a plaything and that you are tired of waiting for him to decide to commit to you. And that it is time you looked out for yourself and put yourself out there for a serious man to find you.
- If he comes clean and tells you how he feels and wants to be exclusive, go for it if that’s what you want.
This could be one of the outcomes of your making it clear to him that you are tired of waiting. He could come out clean and tell you that he’s secretly liked you all along and was simply hiding his feelings for you. And that he now wants to be exclusive with you. If he says this, yippee, you will (or should) be happy. If you’re game, then go for it.
- If he however just acts jealous and yet does not make up his mind about dating you, decide whether you will continue staying on as his plaything or break off the “relationship” and keep yourself available for a guy who sees you as the woman he wants to commit to.
This would be the other outcome of your making it clear that you are tired of waiting. He would do this when he never had any intentions of being in a serious relationship with you. At least now you know for sure. It’s time to love yourself enough and break it off and put yourself out. Singleness is a lot of fun. It’s certainly better than being with someone who sees you as nothing more than a plaything.
Frequently Asked Questions.
- When a guy says he doesn’t want to lose you, what should you make of it?
Take his word for it because he means just that – that he doesn’t want to lose you. There’s no need to try to second-guess him because he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it.
- How do you know when a man is afraid of losing you?
He will show you all or most of all the 9 signs listed in this article.
- He doesn’t want a (serious) relationship but still wants to see me, what should I do?
Decide if you’re okay with it. If you’re not okay with it, then take the 4 steps listed in the last section of this article.
- Why does he keep me around if he doesn’t want a relationship?
He could be keeping you around for any of the 5 reasons listed in the last section of this article.
Now That You Know, What Your Way Forward Is.
Now you know your boyfriend doesn’t want to break up with you, hurray. You can now rest easy. Show him that he also means a lot to you, by reciprocating his love.
And if on the other hand, he is that guy who doesn’t want to commit to you but still wants to keep having fun with you, decide if this is what you want for the rest of your love life. And if it isn’t, then put in place the 4 steps we have listed at the end of this article and position yourself for your prince charming who isn’t unsure and afraid of committing to you.
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