- Couples separate for several reasons but it’s not all the time that separation results in a divorce. Sometimes, it does happen that a husband wants to come back after separation. And this is the question this article will answer. This article lists 15 positive signs during separation that are indicators and signs your husband wants you back.
- Your husband wanting to come back is however one half of the equation, the other half is up to you, and is also as important. There are important things to do even if your husband wants to come back, to protect yourself from getting hurt again, and also ensuring that the marriage emerges stronger after a separation. These are also listed in this article.
About 26% of Americans (according to a 2014 survey) don’t believe in divorces.
How acceptable is divorce to you personally? (U.S., 2014). Source: Statista
And this may explain why some married couples opt instead for separation as a first step before opting for a divorce so that they can see if they can try one more time to salvage the marriage.
If you’re wondering if your husband wants to come back after separation, in this article we will be providing you with valuable insight into the definite signs your husband wants you back.
How Do I Know If My Husband Still Loves Me? 15 Positive Signs Of Reconciliation After Separation.
A 2018 survey revealed that amongst Americans who felt lonely and socially isolated, separated couples accounted for 4%.
Percentage of those in the U.S. with feelings of loneliness and social isolation who stated select reasons for those feelings in 2018. Source: Kaiser Family Foundation
Separation is never easy on either couple, especially when the separation is still relatively new and if the couple had been married for a long time before their separation. And usually, where couples opt for separation, as we have earlier said, it is mainly because they want to give things a final shot before heading for the extreme step of getting a divorce.
If you’re asking this question then chances are you probably also still love your husband and the separation is also taking its toll on you emotionally and otherwise. You want to be sure that he also feels the same way so that you know if you are to continue entertaining the hope that your marriage can come back to the way things were before.
Here are 13 positive signs during separation that tell you that your husband still loves you and is also hoping for reconciliation after your period of separation.
1. He Regularly Stays In Touch Through Calls.
This is not the usual text messaging to check up on the children and to see how things are going. If he prefers calling you at every turn then chances are he misses the sound of your voice and would take up any chance he gets to hear it.
Hearing your voice makes him excited even if you may sound clipped half the time during the conversation. He may be entertaining a faint hope that by maintaining contact through voice calls, he can start breaking down your defenses and establishing more rapport and familiarity.
The important question when it comes to using this sign as an indicator of his interest is to ask yourself who initiates the call. If he is the one always initiating the call then it is a sign he still loves you. If however you are the one always initiating the call, then the reverse is the case.
2. He Takes Particular Interest In Your Well-being.
This speaks to the contents of your conversations. Calling you is one thing, but what he says when he calls is another thing. If his only interest and concern is the children and not so much about you, then it’s clear he is not so much interested in your welfare and is only staying in touch with you because of the children.
If however your well-being is the focus of the conversation and he even appears concerned about your well-being and how you might be holding up, this is a positive sign of affection and that he still cares deeply for you.
3. He Is Always Willing To Help You Personally.
When he takes his concern for your welfare a step further by wanting to help you personally, even when he doesn’t have to, or need to, that’s another sure sign that he still loves you and cares deeply for you. He still wants to be your hero.
4. He Usually Comes Around To Places You Frequent.
One or two meetings may be put to chance or coincidence, but where he is more frequently in places that you are, then there is no coincidence to it. Given that you were both married he would know the places you frequent and like to be at. And so, he knows that if he comes around those places at the times he knows you like to be there, he will find you. And he knows that when you bump into each other, you will obviously get talking and the likes, and this is what he is counting on because he still has feelings of love and affection for you.
5. He Always Finds An Excuse For The Both Of You To Meet Up.
If he’s always asking for meetings for any and every excuse under the sun, even for things that can easily be resolved over a phone call, then you can be sure he’s looking for an excuse to be around you. And he wants to be around you because he enjoys your company and wants to always be around it.
This should not be confused with the normal and expected meetings where you need to meet up for reasons that need to be ironed out in a meeting. These types of meetings are usually for the smallest things that don’t need any meet up between both of you.
6. He Seeks Your Advice And Opinions On Even The Smallest Things.
Men only seek the opinions of people they value. If he’s asking for your advice and opinions even when you’re separated, it is a very good and positive indicator that he still values your opinions and wants to hear them. Discussing them with you gives him the feeling that you are both still a team and he doesn’t want to stop feeling that way.
7. Whenever You Meet Up He Finds Ways To Make Your Meetings Longer.
He enjoys your presence so much he does not want your meetings to come to an end. Just when you thought the meeting was coming to an end, he finds something else for you guys to talk about so you don’t have to leave.
He is hopeful that the longer time you spend together, the easier it will be to start rekindling your connection.
8. He Finds Excuses To Touch You Even If So Lightly.
He’s trying to see how you react to this and whether there is still some chemistry or attraction between both of you. If he’s always looking for an excuse to initiate some form of physical contact either through touch, hug, or kiss on the cheek, he wants to create a closer rapport between you that he is hopeful will start a spark that will blossom into something more.
9. He Is A Little Nervous Or Unsure Around You.
Because he does not know how you feel about him, sometimes he may come off as nervous or unsure when he’s around you. This sign is not peculiar to all guys though. It happens with some guys and maybe your husband falls in this category.
10. He Brings Up Memories Of Good Times In Conversations.
Whenever he makes fleeting references to the good memories you both have in conversations, or if he makes it a point to tell you how something that happened to him during the day or week reminded him of some good memories between you both, it is an indicator that he misses the good times. He is talking about them to remind you of how good things were between both of you, and hopefully get you to start thinking about them too, and missing them as much as he misses them.
11. He Finds Opportunities To Tell You About The Positive Things He’s Doing.
This is his way of trying to tell you that he is working on himself and trying to be a better man. When he does this, he is trying to impress you, in hopes that you can start softening your stance towards him.
A man will do this, especially where he is the reason for the separation. By telling you the changes he’s making, he is trying to show you that he’s working on himself and trying to be a better man for you and the marriage. He is hoping that by telling you these steps, you can begin to soften towards him and see that he is making an effort.
12. He Finds Excuses To Buy You Things However Small.
Usually, when he comes around, he comes with something to say hello. Or maybe, when he takes the kids out to buy something, he comes back with something for you too. When he buys you these things he is trying to tell you that he is still thinking about you.
13. He May Flirt Casually By Complimenting You Every Chance He Gets.
Even for the smallest things, he will always find a compliment to give for it to show you he still fancies you and thinks highly of you. Compliments are his way of trying to sweeten you up and hopefully keep the sparks between you alive.
14. He Asks About You From Close Friends.
He does this sometimes if he doesn’t want to ask you directly because he is not sure how you will respond or take it. When your close friends start to let you know that he’s asking about you from them, this is another sign that he’s not over you yet and wants to keep tabs on how you’re doing.
Of course, you’ll prefer that he asks you directly, but when couples are separated, it’s never easy knowing how to keep communicating without being misunderstood.
15. He Has Made His Feelings Known To Your Mutual Friends About How He Feels About You And Moving On.
He hopes that by doing this, these mutual friends will come and tell you what he’s said. He may not necessarily ask them to tell you how he feels but he knows that when he tells them, chances are that the information will somehow find its way to you.
In some cases, he may even request that they ask you indirectly about how you feel about reconciliation, to give him an idea of where you stand.
Will My Husband Come Back To Me After Separation?
The answer to this question depends on the reason why he left in the first place, or why you both decided on separation in the first place. Married couples separate for several reasons, some of which include constant bickering and fighting, and infidelity. According to a 2018 survey by How To Save Marriage, 73% of the reason for separation is a lack of commitment from one or both parties to the marriage.
Why do married couples separate? (U.S., 2018). Source: How to save marriage.org
Whether or not he comes back will therefore depend to a large extent on why you are both separated. If he decides to come back, he will give you one or more of the signs listed in the earlier section. Once he starts showing any of those signs, you can have hope that he wants to come back. The ball will now be in your court on whether to encourage him to come back and in the next section, we give you a helpful list of suggestions of what to do where this happens to be the case.
What To Do If Your Husband Wants To Come Back After Separation.
The answer to this question depends on your answer to two questions:
- Do you want him back?
This may seem like an easy question until you have to think through it. It may be easier for you to answer if you’re also smitten and still very much in love with him. If however, you are not sure how you feel about him anymore, it makes it a lot less easy to answer. At the end of the day, it is for you to decide how you feel about him, and if you also want him to come back.
- Is having him back worth it?
This question needs you to think critically about the reason(s) for the separation. Was the separation because of something he did or because of something you did, or because of fault on both your part? If infidelity is the reason for the separation for instance, what guarantee(s) do you have that he has changed and will not hurt you all over again? Was the marriage working before the separation or are you both just flogging a dead horse?
If you have considered these two points and decide you want to also have him back, take these 5 important steps.
1. Encourage His Overtures By Reciprocating Them.
This will encourage him to keep them coming. When he calls, don’t sound clipped. Be nice. If he wants excuses to always meet, encourage them. Take him up on his offers and reciprocate them too. If he finds excuses to initiate body contact, be receptive to them and reciprocate too.
By reciprocating his overtures and building the sparks and chemistry, you are also communicating to him that you still love and miss him too, and also wants him back. If he is serious about coming back, usually, your reciprocating his overtures will lead to his professing how badly he wants things to return to normal and to come back home.
2. Let Him Be The One To Make His Intentions Clear.
The reason why this is important is because these signs mean nothing if he does not come out clearly to say he misses you and wants you back. Sometimes, men give out these signs because they are confused and do not know what they want. Some of them give them out just to string you along so that they can eat their cake and have it. Some may not want to come back but want to keep being intimate with you, again eating their cake and having it.
It is not for you to bring this up. If he is serious about coming back, he will bring it up. He is the one who wants to come back. This is why he must be the one to say it with his mouth. Regardless of how strongly you may also feel about him, you should not be the one begging him to come back or he may think he’s doing you a favor coming back.
3. Call him out and end his overtures if he is still not saying anything.
This is important because as pointed out earlier, some men may want to just eat their cake and have it. And where this is the case, he won’t make his intentions clear but will keep giving you all the signs. This can create confusion and uncertainty in your head that may become unhealthy for you. You may find that you are driving yourself crazy trying to figure him out or know when he will come out to say what he wants.
If this continues for too long with no definite commitment from him, it will be time to take the bulls by the horn and ask him what exactly it is he wants from you. Make it clear that you are not ready to be led on, for your own mental and emotional wellbeing, and ask that he respects the separation and distance between you two.
4. Once He’s Made His Intentions Clear, Tell Him Where You Stand.
If he is serious about moving back and comes out clearly with how he feels about you and wanting to come back, this is wonderful. Before rushing to say yes, it is important you know where you stand so that you make it clear.
Remember that there was a reason for your separation. You don’t want a repeat of the same things again after your reconciliation because this will only hurt both of you all over again. Ask yourself what you want from the reconciliation and make this clear to him.
5. Once He’s On The Same Page About Your Expectations, Ease Into Getting Back To Things As They Were Before.
Once you’re both agreed on reconciling and coming back together, take things slowly. Ease slowly back to getting back to normal. Slowly easing into things will also help you in working on the issues you had before the separation.
Frequently Asked Questions.
- My ex husband wants me back, what should I do?
It is important to ask yourself the two questions in the section on what to do if your husband wants to come back. Once you have considered these questions and come to the conclusion that you also want him back, you can take any of the 5 steps listed in that section.
And remember that he must be the one to say it expressly and that it is also important that you make it clear what your expectations are in reconciling back with him after the divorce.
If you however decide that you do not want him back, you should also let him know with reasons why. This is so that he stops his overtures or entertaining any hopes of getting back with you. It will also be important to not lead him on if you have no intention of getting back with him.
- How can I tell if my husband still loves me?
If he shows you most or all of the 15 signs listed in this article, it is an indication that he still loves you.
- Do ex husbands ever come back?
Divorce does spell the end of a marriage and is usually arrived at after the couple has tried everything to keep the marriage and it failed. But in some rare and exceptional cases, divorced couples reconcile and come back. So, yes, an ex-husband can come back, but those are a rarity and not the norm.
- Does my ex husband want me back?
The signs in this article will also apply to your ex-husband. If he starts giving you any of these signs, then they are indicators that he wants you back.
- How to make your ex husband want you back?
Read our article on Signs My Separated Wife Wants To Reconcile for some things you can do to make your ex-husband want you back.
- What are the signs your ex husband still loves you?
If he starts to show you any of the 15 signs listed in this article, then they are indicators that he still loves you.
Marital separation is never easy on both spouses, and in some cases, they usually reconcile after separation because they still love each other very much. If your separated husband gives you any of these 15 positive signs during separation, then they are indicators that your husband wants to come back after separation.
These signs also apply to ex husbands who may want to come back after a divorce.
Whether or not your husband (or ex husband) eventually comes back depends on you. Once you’ve considered the two questions listed in this article and decide you also want him back, take the 5 steps listed in this article, to get him to come back home.
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