How to Not Let Depression Ruin Your Relationship: 9 Ways to Help Manage Your Depression

This article is a combination of how to not let depression ruin your relationship as someone who has depression, and what to do when your spouse is depressed as someone who is in a relationship with a person who suffers from depression. 

1. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER 

Keeping an open communication line when you have depression is one way that you can not let depression affect your relationship. When you express how you feel to your partner, it gives them perspective on where you are mentally and it is much better than when you shut them out and leave them wondering what you are thinking, where you are at mentally, and what is going on with the relationship. 

On the other hand, if you think your husband’s depression is ruining your marriage, the best thing to do is to talk to him. Let him know that you are open and willing to listen to him. Create a safe space for him to talk about his feelings and express to you how his depression is affecting him in the different aspects of his life. 

2. GO TO THERAPY 

Depression affects our relationships in different ways and one way we can avoid this from happening is when we seek help once we notice a pattern of broken relationships in our wake. Seeking help for depression is the first step we take into coping with it and living a positive and healthy life. Therapy gives you the tools to cope and adapt to life living with depression. It will also help you navigate the various relationships in your life and how to effectively communicate with them and set healthy boundaries that allow you your personal space but also let them know that you are a present friend, partner, and child in the relationship.  

3. HAVE HOBBIES 

A big thing that depression does to you is to convince you that the world is joyless and that everything is dead, therefore making it hard for you to enjoy anything which leaves you cooped up in your own head, not caring about anything. Finding a hobby helps you find a thing to be passionate about and eventually care about. When you care about something it makes it easy to be less depressed in a relationship and eventually it will help you fight your depression and start sorting out your marital problems. Some of the hobbies you can invest yourself in can be art, gardening, jogging, music (writing and playing), and birdwatching. The more outdoorsy the activity, the better because spending time in the sunlight helps you get some much-needed vitamins that can help elevate your mood. You can also pick up exercising because it releases endorphins that can help elevate your mood and help you feel better. Here are a few ways to stay motivated to exercise when depressed.

4. WORK ON SELF CARE 

Depression destroys relationships especially when you let yourself go. This does not only apply to your physical appearance but also pertains to your mental wellbeing and overall self-esteem. When you fail to take care of yourself, you fail to take care of other people and that is how depression affects your spouse. When you make the effort to start working on yourself, you make yourself better, and therefore it is easier for you to show up for other people in your life, including your spouse. Working on yourself is a good way to get yourself out of a depressive rut. Take yourself out on a solo date, have a spa day, visit the beach on a sunny summer day, do whatever you can to make yourself feel better, and help take care of yourself. Here are some tips you can use to take care of yourself.

5. ENGAGE IN INTIMACY 

One of the major things that can destroy a relationship is a lack of intimacy. Having a partner with depression often means that they suffer in silence and will withdraw themselves from the world every so often and by extension, this means that they will withdraw from their partners, too. As their partner, you can try to bring them back to the real world by engaging them in intimate touches – holding their hand, giving them a shoulder massage, rubbing their feet, cuddling them, hugging them, and so on. These little acts of intimacy will bring you closer as a couple and will also act as a comforting mechanism for your spouse. 

As someone who suffers from depression, engaging in intimate touch with your partner is guaranteed to help elevate your mood because science says that hugging and touching the people we love releases endorphins that make us happy. Therefore, instead of shutting yourself out (or if you notice that you have slipped back into yourself and you are shutting everyone else down) make active efforts to try and hold them whenever you can both for your own sake and for theirs – so they do not feel alienated or abandoned in the relationship. 

6. GET A SUPPORT SYSTEM 

As someone who is depressed, it can be hard to sope with your symptoms especially when you are in a relationship. It is quite easy to just let the depressive episodes pass when you are on your own, however, this is not something you can do when you are in a relationship. It is also equally not healthy to rely solely on your partner to get you out of your depressive episodes whenever they happen because this creates codependency. This is why it is important to have several people around you who you can turn to whenever you are not feeling well, these people are your safe space and your support system. They help you navigate through the big emotions that often overwhelm you and bring you back to reality. 

As someone coping with a depressed spouse, having a support system is also important. A support system helps you navigate your own emotions and concerns when it comes to your spouse. You need people you can confide in when you are going through a rough patch with your spouse because of their depression. This could be a therapist or a trusted friend or friends that are safe to talk to. For more help, look at these ways to help a man with depression, which you might need as a guide to helping your husband fight depression.

7. UNDERSTAND YOUR DEPRESSION

As someone who suffers from depression, it is important that you understand the impact of depression on relationships especially if you are trying to make yours work and the only way you can do this is by first trying to understand your depression. For most people who suffer from depression, they do not know or understand why they get depressed sometimes and are okay other times. It takes time and observation to understand your triggers and how you can deal with them to minimize the impact that they have on you. Once you understand what your triggers are and how they affect you, you can begin to understand and inform people on what they can do or say around you, what makes you uncomfortable, and what they can do to help if you fall into a depressive episode (should they be willing to help). Understanding what kind of depression you have helps you help yourself but also acts as a guide for the people around you on things you can or cannot do. Below are some of the most common depression variants amongst men and women.

How different types of depression affect men and women. Source: Who.int