How to Surprise Someone with a Gift Even If You Suck at Gift-Giving

1. Don’t Give them Gifts They Didn’t Ask For

Believe it or not, we don’t like surprises as much as we think we do. Surprise!

The same way you wouldn’t like too much if someone got into a scary get-up and frightened the life out of you, getting a gift that’s not on your wish list isn’t all that exciting.

Just think about it. If you have someone special in your life and they’re into vintage cars, getting them a fishing rod for their birthday won’t impress them. That’s not a gift for classic car owners. 

As much as you want to go for the surprise element, you want to make sure that the gift is both relevant and it’s something they want. 

The reason why we find it hard to find welcome and exciting ways of how to surprise someone with a gift is we always tend to go for unsolicited items. The breakdown between gift givers and receivers happens so often that almost every married couple has an anecdote about a wedding gift that was way off the mark. 

What does that tell us? First, being more considerate and going the whole nine yards to find the right gift can backfire. Being thoughtful involves disregarding the direct request or desires of the receiver. That’s how folks end up with fish bait hanging on the rear-view mirror of their 1969 Ford Mustang.

Although it’s the thought that counts, scientific research tells us that we shouldn’t put too much thought into gift giving. Just do as commanded. And it makes perfect sense when you think about it. What would YOU rather get? Something you’ve always wanted or an unsolicited surprise?

2. Beware of the Presenter’s Paradox – More Gifts Don’t Always Equal More Surprise

The human brain is full of mysteries. We want to think that we operate logically, but most of the time, logic can never predict how you will act in a situation. 

If you come across a dead snake, logically, you shouldn’t be startled. It’s dead. There’s no way it’s going to attack you. But your brain’s first reaction is “Dead snake! Run and call the bomb squad!”

The brain applies the same weird logic when we receive a small gift bundled with a bigger present. You won’t say to yourself, “Ooh, goody! More gifts!” because the brain doesn’t add up stuff when estimating their value. Instead, it averages them out. 

That’s why if you’re shopping for gifts for nephews on their birthday and you bundle a $300 game console with a smartphone worth $100 because you’re too lazy to find which one they’d like better, your nephew’s brain will go, “These are like 200 dollars. Presents keep dropping in price the older I get. I hate being an adult. Birthdays suck!”

This is the Presenter’s Paradox. The ancient part of our brains, when perceiving a bundled deal, it tends to focus on the smaller parts of the bundle to downscale the larger parts. 

That twisted logic has its pros and cons. When your mom would punish you to an entire week of no TV and threw in an hour of solitary confinement in your bedroom, you probably thought, “She must not have been that mad at me. An hour is nothing!”

When you’re thinking of how to give a surprise gift to your girlfriend, and you find a beautiful diamond necklace, and get her a $20 Amazon coupon, she’ll think, “These diamonds must be fake.” 

In gift-giving, more is always less. Don’t expect a bigger surprise when you package smaller gifts with larger gifts.

3. Getting Them the Same Gift They Loved Last Year

If you’re about to throw yourself into the gaping maw of shopping hell during a holiday to get the same present you got your significant other last year because they loved it, stop. 

Nothing sucks like getting the same present previously. It not only shows how little, if any, thought that went into the gift, it also ruins the surprise. 

Nothing comes close to the sound of a breaking heart than the tearing of wrapping paper on a gift only to realize it is the same gift your uncle got you on your last birthday.

4. Don’t Be the Biggest Giver

This might seem like an oxymoron but bear with us for a minute. 

You might think that being the biggest gift giver is the best way to surprise a friend or family member during a special occasion, but it often boomerangs on the gift giver. 

Here’s why.

There are tons of gift-giving faux pas, that will not only turn the receiver against you but also have everyone grimacing at you. Sure, not showing up with a gift at your niece’s birthday party won’t do you any favors or win any hearts over. That’s logical.

But remember, humans aren’t known for their logical thinking. 

If you show us with a pony while everyone else shopped at Toys “R” Us is a sure-fire way of making everyone uncomfortable, even your niece. Sociologists, another fancy name for folks who study human behavior, observed that people who are more altruistic than average often get the same treatment as stingy people. 

The same reason why some eccentric billionaire gets backlash for helping starving in developing countries often come into play when you go over the top in gift giving. You’re sort of reminding everyone else that you’re better than them. They will punish you for trying to show off. People in a group want other group members to tow the line and those that don’t get punished or exiled from the group. 

If you’re still wondering why everyone gave you the “eye” when you showed up with a pony for your niece’s birthday party, now you know. Going over the top in gift giving is a sure-fire way of ruining the surprise.

Now that you know how not to surprise someone with a gift let’s take a look at how to surprise someone with a gift.

How to Surprise Someone with a Gift All the Time