13 Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Seem Interested In You Sexually
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It’s normal for relationships to have issues because no two people are the same. Characters and preferences will occasionally clash. But some problems are more severe than others, and if your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in you sexually, that’s one of the more serious ones.
There is no need to panic just yet, however, because most of the reasons this could be happening will often have little to do with you.
And as with any problem in life, there is always a solution that simply requires some thinking and some work to resolve.
Whatever the case, if you find yourself thinking, “my boyfriend doesn’t like me anymore” or “I don’t attract my boyfriend anymore,” the first thing to do is maintain composure. No one will blame you if your confidence takes a hit, but you can’t resolve the issue by feeling sorry for yourself.
You’ll need to grab the bull by the horns and take the necessary action to save your relationship by fanning the flames of passion and sexual vigor.
We’ll give you the fan you need by discussing what to do if you don’t attract your boyfriend anymore. Between those and the possible reasons for the loss of sexual interest, we believe you’ll find a way to come out on top – pun intended.
9 Reasons why your boyfriend is avoiding sex
Several problems related to your boyfriend’s health might be why he is no longer turned on by you. These issues can lead to a low libido where it feels like you don’t attract your boyfriend anymore, when he’s just biologically unable to express passionate sexual feelings.
Some problems that might lead to a low libido include:
- According to experts, hormone imbalance, e.g., a decrease in testosterone, is a prevalent cause of low libido.
- Erectile dysfunction – if your boyfriend has this, he might be scared of not performing, so his body reacts by bringing on low libido.
- Medication – the side effects of some medicines can suppress libido.
- Chronic illnesses – like kidney disease can affect testosterone production.
- Being overweight – can lead to blood vessels being inhibited which reduces one’s sex drive.
Stress and depression
A survey in 2018 by BBC and ComRes showed that stress has a huge influence on libido with 45% of respondants blaming it for having a negative impact on their sex life.
He might be facing issues at work, in his personal life, or in his family. Your relationship could also be a stressor if things aren’t going well.
If the stress compounds, the effects could indirectly lead to depression where he has little interest in most things, including sex. And should he turn to antidepressants, the side effects of the medication would likely decrease his libido even more.
Check out How to help a man with depression.
A man with low confidence about his sexual performance would be more likely to avoid trying to have sex. Experts have released studies that concluded that many men would try to refuse sex if they feel they might not be good enough to satisfy their partner.
The worry that they will disappoint their partner can lead them to opt-out of the whole thing. Logic – no sex, not disappointment.
Some reasons for low sexual confidence include:
- His previous experiences with other women.
- Insecurity about penis size.
- Insecurity about body image.
- Limited sexual knowledge and experience.
- Worries your exes were better than him. Worse if you’ve mentioned how good in bed they were.
Help your boyfriend using these tips on helping someone with self-esteem issues.
Less attraction to you
Sadly, there is the possibility that if your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in you sexually, it’s because he isn’t as attracted to you anymore.
Just as a person falls in love, they can fall out of it. There could be several reasons for this, such as his taste changing over time or you changing physically by gaining a few pounds or having a baby. While this is a shallow reason, it happens more often than we care to admit.
A lack of effort in personal hygiene can be another reason because people tend to get comfortable in relationships. While men are the ones who are usually guilty of this, women have also been known to “stop trying” after they get into relationships. This can reduce sexual interest if a lot of it comes from physical characteristics such as looks and attractability.
We’re not saying this is the reason. Still, if you notice increased irritability and less communication from your boyfriend, then it’s entirely possible your boyfriend doesn’t like you as much anymore.
Too much porn and masturbation
Kanye West once rapped in a song, “ I don’t need your p***y, girl. I’m on my own d**k.” The literal meaning of this was him saying that he didn’t need to have sex when he could just masturbate.
This exemplifies the effect frequent masturbation can have on a man’s sex drive, especially when coupled with a porn addiction.
On the one hand, porn addiction would lead a man to seek unrealistic expectations of his partner. On the other, masturbating will then satisfy those expectations when he goes off to porn.
The end result is a lack of interest in the man’s girlfriend because she won’t be able to satisfy him the way the porn actresses on his screen can.
Naturally low sex drive
It could be that what you perceive as your boyfriend not being sexually interested in you sexually is him just being who he is.
Some men are asexual and generally have a low sex drive. You might not have noticed it when the relationship started, thanks to the passion-filled honeymoon period. But now that you are now more comfortable with each other, he is suddenly okay having sex once or twice a month.
An asexual boyfriend is not uninterested; he just doesn’t want sex as much. By looking at other parts of your relationship, you can determine if this is the case. Suppose everything else is going well apart from the frequency of sex. In that case, the man is probably interested in you, but not in sex.
There are relationship problems
Issues in the relationship outside of sex could also be turning your boyfriend off from sexual activities with you.
It could be constant fights, arguments, lack of quality time, or trust issues from previous infidelity. These things stress the relationship and make having intimate moments less likely.
A lack of affection from you can also reduce the sexual attraction. Men like to feel wanted and attractive, too, and if you don’t give him spontaneous kisses, hugs, and touches, your boyfriend might not feel that way.
A confident man who knows his woman wants him is more likely to engage in sexual activities.
Same old sex
Friedrich Nietzsche said, “Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?” You should take that to mean that life is too short to have boring sex.
What is boring sex? The same old thing. Having sex in the same place, using the same styles, and using the same routines. Sex is not meant to be boring; if that happens, a man can lose interest and seek excitement in other places, such as porn or infidelity.While it isn’t your sole responsibility to be the exciting one when it comes to sex, starting can encourage your boyfriend to continue when he sees how good it feels.
So if you’re worried about a lack of sexual interest from your man, consider doing these:
- Having sex in places outside the bedroom like the car or bathroom.
- Research on new styles and techniques – but only those you’re comfortable with.
- Touch him inappropriately when he least expects it. But don’t make it so obvious in public.
- Send him racy texts that will have him in awe.
- Play some intimate and sexual games such as Strip Twister.
9. Someone else is doing the deed
We put this reason as the last because it might not be the case, but we can’t rule it out. Your boyfriend may be cheating on you with someone else who satisfies his sexual needs.
As a result, he cannot express more sexual interest towards you because there is little left in the tank when he comes to you.
To find out if he is cheating on you, look for signs of infidelity, such as spending more time away from home and being easily annoyed by you.
If he is cheating on you, check out Things To Do If He Cheats.
4 things to do if your boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in you sexually
Don’t beat yourself up
The first thing on the list of what to do if your boyfriend isn’t interested in you sexually anymore is hold your head up and try to maintain your confidence.
You’re not the first this has happened to, and you won’t be the last. A lot of relationships go through it and survive it. So can you.
Of course, you can vent your frustration – not to your boyfriend though – to feel better if you must. But afterward, maintaining your composure is the only way to effectively work on and resolve the issue.
You should prepare yourself for the possibility that you need to leave the relationship if things don’t work out.
Talk to him
The next step is to talk to him about your suspicions. He might be aware of the problem, or he might not. The only way to know for sure is to speak to him.
To have as much of a productive talk as possible, be mindful of these tips:
- Think about how you’ll phrase your words before you approach your boyfriend.
- Important that you don’t use an accusatory tone, or he might become defensive.
- Pick a suitable time when you are both calm, comfortable, and free from distraction.
- Listen to him without interruptions, and encourage the same.
Consider a physical examination
If you both can’t figure out the problem, it might be a health issue. In which case, a health examination by a trained physician should be considered. If your boyfriend needs some convincing, talk to him about the pros of getting an examination, such as early detection of chronic illness.
The physical examination will test for hormone levels, testicular cancer, prostate conditions, and level of cholesterol, among other things.
If any issues are found, you can rest assured that there will most likely be a medical solution to it that can help get your sex life back on track.
See a sex therapist
Sex therapists can be considered if there are no health issues and you’re none the wiser about what the problem could be.
Due to their expertise in the field, sex therapists will help you pinpoint the issue and give advice on what to do if you don’t attract your boyfriend anymore.
They are also quite accessible as there are now online therapy sessions available. If you prefer in-person sessions, that’s fine too. And if you can’t find a sex therapist around you, a relationship therapist is a good enough alternative.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you tell if your boyfriend is not sexually attracted to you?
Some signs that your boyfriend is not attracted to you sexually include:
- He stops initiating sex with you even though he used to put in the effort.
- He doesn’t reach orgasm as much.
- He either goes to bed before or after you.
- He is suddenly too busy, especially when sex is mentioned.
- He watches a lot of porn and masturbates regularly.
- He gets really irritable around you, even at the slightest things.
Why does my boyfriend not like me sexually?
- He might be going through a stressful time in this life.
- He might have health issues that are leading to low libido.
- He might be insecure about his body and sexual prowess.
- There is a chance he is cheating on you.
- He might be asexual or have a low sex drive.
- He might be bored with the kind of sex you have with each other.
How do you know if your partner has lost interest in you sexually?
- He finds ways to avoid you, especially around the times you usually have sex.
- He tries to keep the sex as short as possible.
- He seems distracted when you have sex.
- He focuses on pleasing you in bed instead of also seeking his own pleasure.
- He no longer randomly touches you or makes flirtatious comments.
- He easily gets angry with you.
Remember, this happens to many people, which means it isn’t your fault; it’s simply human nature. So don’t let it get to you as much. You just need to take some time and decide if your relationship is worth fighting for.
If it is, talk to your man and find out what the issues could be, and then identify ways of resolving them. The passion can come back to your relationship. It just needs a little work.
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