Characteristics of a Selfish Husband.
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
Americans say a man should be able to support a family financially but don’t say the same about women (2017).
The majority of some Americans surveyed in 2017 (86% according to the above survey seen on Pew Research) agree that a good husband should be caring and compassionate among other important traits that make a good husband. This ideal is not however the reality for some women who tend to find themselves stuck with selfish men in their marriages. This kind of husband puts himself first, does whatever he wants without regard for the fact that he is married, and usually comes and goes as he pleases. And such selfish behaviors in marriage can only lead the marriage down a downward spiral if it continues unchecked.
In this article, we analyze all the top characteristics of a selfish husband and also provide some answers as to why some husbands are selfish.
Selfish husbands do not love their wives. Read other signs your husband doesn’t love you in our helpful related article on 13 Worrying Signs your husband isn’t in love with you.
Why is my husband so selfish and inconsiderate? 3 Reasons why some husbands are selfish.
Table of Contents
Selfish behavior in marriage specifically by the husband can be a result of one or all of the following 3 reasons.
1. He grew up in a home where one or both parents were selfish and he is simply repeating history.
This is the main reason why some selfish and uncaring husbands are that way. They grew up in homes where either the dad was a selfish and inconsiderate husband and father or their mom was that way, or both parents were that way.
And because of this reason, they think they should also treat everyone else the same way so that others can feel the pain and hurt they had to suffer as a result of their parents’ selfishness. For such selfish immature men, they see acting out selfishness as their perfect revenge and derive dark pleasure and satisfaction from it.
The fact that they had to deal with selfishness in their childhood does not and cannot justify their conscious decision and choice as adults to inflict the same hurt to their spouse and children.
2. He is selfish by nature and disposition and derives satisfaction from being that way.
For others, their selfishness is just who they are. Being considerate and selfless is almost alien to them and they cannot understand this. And sadly being married will not change this innate nature. Men who are this way should not get married because they cannot think of anyone else except themselves. And yet, such selfish men still get married and bring in a wife to have to deal with their selfishness, all consistent with their thoughtless and inconsiderate disposition.
3. He is using it as a tool to frustrate the wife and drive her out of the home.
And then you have that husband who does not want to come out outright to let his wife know that he wants out of the marriage. He figures that if he became very selfish and inconsiderate then he would get the wife to do what he isn’t man enough to do, which is to call it quits and leave the home.
Whatever his reason may be out of this list, there is simply no justifiable excuse for selfish behavior in marriage by a husband.
11 Characteristics of a Selfish Husband.
When your husband is selfish you will see it displayed in the following actions
1. He is self-centered and self-absorbed. Everything is about him.
This is the main character trait of the selfish husband. Such a husband is self absorbed and only puts himself first. He is a self centered husband who sees life on through his prism. Everything that happens in the home has to be about him and if it does not serve his interests then it cannot happen. You could say he is a thoughtless husband who can think of no one else except himself.
2. He does not consider your views.
You’ve probably complained in the past that your husband makes plans without consulting you. And it is not getting any better, only worse. It feels like you are not married at all because he does not ask your views, let alone considering them. He acts as though he is married to himself because all his decision-making processes involve only him. This is another trait of a selfish husband.
3. He is an inconsiderate spouse and insensitive towards you.
He isn’t concerned about how you feel or the things that matter to you. You could fall ill and look visibly unwell and he couldn’t be bothered to ask about your well-being. You could be depressed and he would not even bat an eyelid because of his uncaring nature. You are certain that you are married to an uncompassionate husband, and you are not wrong because his selfish character strips him of every ounce of human compassion.
4. He is never wrong.
A selfish husband always has to be right. Even when he is wrong, it can’t be him who is wrong; it has to be everyone else but him. He always has an answer to explain away his wrongdoing and lay the blame on anyone else but himself.
5. Everything that goes wrong is somehow blamed on you, even those that are clearly of his doing.
And as we can imagine, this only riles you up the wrong way. Given that there is nobody else around him most of the time, you are always on the receiving end of his self-centered outbursts. When he does something wrong, it has to be your fault somehow. In the most absurd of ways, he finds a way to explain away the wrongs he has committed and place them all at your doorstep.
6. He is unappreciative.
He is the most unappreciative husband you know. He is ungrateful and never shows gratitude even when you have gone out of your way and suffered a great inconvenience. He acts entitled to your help and sees no reason why he should show gratitude or be appreciative of it.
You may find this article on 23 Ways How to make your husband feel appreciated useful.
7. He is a very egotistical husband.
His ego is so huge that you wonder how he manages to still have a head standing on his shoulders. He is so full of himself and can’t stand to see anyone else doing well. His ego is so huge that he sees everything as a personal affront to his pride. With such an egotistical husband you are constantly drained having to feed his insatiable ego. He wants you to constantly sing his praises and if you fail to do this then you become an enemy and he sees only the worst in you.
8. He does as he pleases with little to no regard for your feelings.
A selfish husband comes and goes as he pleases because he does not believe that he is accountable to you as his wife or to anyone else for that matter. He doesn’t care that this hurts your feelings and when you try to talk to him about it, he rebuffs you. He may even lose his temper and bite your head off for venturing to ask him about what he does.
9. He is generally mean-spirited and unkind towards you.
You cannot remember the last time he spoke kindly to you. He is always talking down on you and saying mean and unkind things to you. He occasionally hurls insults at you and puts you down. And the longer he acts this way towards you, it’s only a matter of time before it starts to affect your self-esteem.
10. Your marriage feels like a competition where he is always comparing himself to you and thinks he is better than you.
This can be a little confusing for you because you didn’t sign up for a marriage that feels like a competition. Your aspiration in getting married to this man was to be partners together, achieving your dreams together. But your uncaring husband who is self-centered has other ideas. He sees your extended hand of partnership as you trying to gain an advantage over him and outdo him. He doesn’t see you as his wife and partner but as another competition to stay ahead of. Nothing can be more heartbreaking than being in a marriage where it feels that your husband does not have your best interests at heart because he sees you as a competition to stay ahead of.
11. He does not consult you and makes decisions that only serve his interests.
And what makes this all the more annoying for you is that the decisions he is taking alone affect you and the family, and yet he does not consult you. He could for instance take out a mortgage on your house without the decency of consulting you first. He only thinks of himself when he makes any decision and takes decisions in a way that benefits only him.
Frequently asked questions.
1. I hate my selfish husband. Is that a good thing and what should I do?
Hate is probably a strong word or emotion to have towards your selfish husband but it is understandable that you feel that way. Given all the negative characteristics of a selfish husband listed earlier on, one cannot blame you for feeling anything but hate for your husband’s selfish and inconsiderate nature.
That said, however, no one deserves to have that much power over you, not even your husband. Hate is a very strong negative emotion that only brings you more heartache. Hate is like taking poison and hoping it would hurt the one you hate. And yet, the only person that suffers from the poison is the one who took the poison, you. Hating your husband is allowing him to have too strong of a hold over you. And this can only make him stronger and happier with his selfishness towards you.
So what should you do? For starters, resolve in your mind to stop hating your husband. Tell yourself that he does not deserve to have that much power over you and that he is the one who is pathetic and pitiable for choosing such a sad and miserable way of life. Once you have reorientated your mind and loosened his grip over your mind, ignore his selfish actions directed at you. Ignore them and love yourself.
Also, show him love too because it is clear that he does not know what love is. A person who knows the true meaning of love will freely share it with others and be selfless and considerate of others. Do the opposite of what he does and do not respond in kind. Your continued love will not only puzzle him, but it will also ultimately disarm him and make him change for the better.
2. What are some examples of a selfish husband?
All the characteristics listed in this article are examples of selfish husbands.
3. My spouse is selfish, what should I do?
Try talking to him about it and express your concerns about his selfishness and how it’s affecting you. However, also be mentally prepared that the conversation will likely not go as planned and that he would completely feign ignorance about your concerns. The conversation may degenerate into an argument. This should not however discourage you from speaking your mind and expressing how the whole situation is making you feel.
Afterward, resolve to not let his actions bother you and live your life as normally as possible. As much as possible be the exact opposite of who he is to you. He is counting on you responding to him in kind so that he can continue to justify his selfish and arrogant ways. When you however act in the opposite direction this leaves him confused and disarmed and gives him nothing to hold on to. In time he will realize that his selfishness does not bother you and importantly it will change him for the better because love always changes people for the better.
4. What are the signs of a selfish immature man?
A selfish immature man will display all the 11 characteristics listed in this article.
5. My husband thinks he is better than me. Does this mean he is a selfish husband?
Sadly, yes. One of the characteristics of a selfish husband is that he thinks he is better than you. No one else including his spouse is better than him. This is the life of a selfish egotistical husband.
6. What are some of the signs of a bad husband?
Selfishness is one of the major signs of a bad husband. A husband that is so self-absorbed that he cannot see anyone else but himself is a bad husband.
Selfish behavior in marriage can only make the marriage unenjoyable and unbearable. When a husband is selfish and inconsiderate towards his wife, he will show his uncaring and selfish disposition in any of the 11 ways listed in this article.
There are usually 3 reasons why some husbands are selfish, namely the fact that they got the same treatment in their past and feel that everyone else must also get the same treatment, including their spouse. The second reason is that they are simply just plain selfish and inconsiderate and derive pleasure from being that way. And finally, some devious husbands use it as a weapon to try and get rid of their wives. Whatever their reason may be, there is simply no justifiable reason for a selfish husband.
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