How to Get Your Husband to Put You First: 5 Ways to Make Him Appreciate You

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Before you start thinking of ways to get your husband to put you first, you must first be able to recognize what not being a priority in your husband’s life looks like. Sometimes, people show appreciation in a way that is different from yours and you shouldn’t be quick to dismiss them as uncaring and not putting you first – if your husband does not exhibit any of the signs below, chances are that he just appreciates you in a different way and that is something that can be fixed with a simple conversation on how to love each other in each other’s love languages.

However, if your husband exhibits two or more signs from the list below, consider taking action towards making him appreciate you more.


The first thing you will notice when your spouse doesn’t put you first is how they will always make decisions without you. These decisions will often be ones that affect you both or the wellbeing of your family (if you have one).

The first thing you will notice when your spouse doesn't put you first is how they will always make decisions without you

When this happens, it is a clear indication that your husband does not respect you nor does he consider you a partner in the marriage and thus puts you second to his opinions and decisions. Here are more ways to tell and what to do when your husband doesn’t respect you.


It may sound ridiculous even to yourself when you think “my husband puts his friends first” because it comes across as you being insecure and overbearing. Society has conditioned women not to speak up about issues that affect them especially when it comes to the men they are married to. If you voiced this out to other people, you may get a large number of them telling you to “find hobbies” and “let him have some guy time” when in reality you just want to spend some quality time with your husband where you feel loved and appreciated. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting time alone with your spouse, and when they put other people above you it can make you feel like you may not be as important to them as they are to you and no one should feel that way about the person they are married to. If you notice that your husband seems to make time for other people in his life but always has excuses when it comes to spending time or doing activities with you, that’s how you know that he is prioritizing others before you.


Just as with prioritizing you, you may feel that “my husband never puts me first” when he never seems to make time for you. He no longer plans date nights anymore and turns down every idea you have that includes him spending time with you. You may start to feel alienated and disconnected from your relationship because the less time you spend with your husband, the more it will start to feel like you don’t know who you are married to.


You know your husband has priorities wrong when he outwardly shows that he does not mind disappointing you. For example, you plan a date night and instead of canceling, he doesn’t say anything and simply doesn’t show up. And he gaslights you when you complain to him about his behavior. This is a classic narcissistic tactic and narcissists usually have a very individualistic mindset; what they want/do/feel matters more than anybody else and that includes their romantic partners. This is one of the characteristics of a selfish husband and you should be very worried if your partner exhibits this behavior.


One of the most obvious signs of husband not prioritizing wife is when your husband lets you deal with situations that are distressing on your own. For example, if your husband lets you take care of your (ailing) health alone, or take care of the children and the house by yourself, or doesn’t take the time to intervene in stressful family matters, it is a sign that he does not put you first and therefore does not respect or appreciate your efforts towards the marriage and the family. This is especially clear if he never stands up against his own family when they are being disrespectful to you.

Related Article: What to Do When Your Mother In Law Hates You


Now that you have gotten acquainted with the signs to know for sure that you are not a priority in your husband’s life, it is now time to get your husband to put you first. While having the thought “my husband doesn’t make me a priority” may seem daunting and feel like a dead end, there are ways in which you can make your husband realize that you are a treasure and therefore he must treat you with respect and put you first, above all else – because you are his partner.

One of the ways husbands destroy their marriage is by not putting their spouses first. According to a recent study, 44% of marriages end in divorce due to a lack of equality in the marriage.

Most Common Reasons for Divorce


When you start thinking “I don’t feel like a priority to my husband” it is time to talk to him and communicate your needs to him. Tell him what you need from him to make you feel seen and appreciated in the marriage. This is the first stage towards making your partner know where your head is at in the marriage and letting them know that if they continue to put you second or third or even last, then the marriage simply will not work because you are tired of feeling like you are the only one in the marriage or like an outsider looking into your own marriage.


One of the signs your husband puts his family first is when he will do absolutely anything and everything for his family but will not do anything or everything for you. Now, this is not to say that your husband is not allowed to do things for his family, however, it becomes a problem when he treats his family as his only family. As his wife, you are going to have to set expectations and boundaries with him. For example, you may tell him that you expect him to defend you in front of his family if they are talking bad about you. And as a boundary, you may tell him that you are not comfortable with the way he treats you around his family and you would like for this to change. This is a grown-up way of giving him an ultimatum without actually giving him an ultimatum.


When you notice that your husband makes decisions without me (you) and you realize it is because he is not prioritizing you in his life, then it is time you should take the reigns and make plans for the both of you. Sometimes, life gets in the way and people drift apart in marriage – this is to say that the both of you may stop prioritizing each other and blame it on the other. However, to rectify this, you should make an effort to make plans and include him in your decision-making to let him know that you still value him as a partner in the marriage. Extend an olive branch and observe how it is received.


On the other hand, if you notice that “my husband always puts himself first” and you have tried everything to make him prioritize you, then it is time to fight fire with fire. Return the favor and stop making him a priority. Stop centering your life around him and start catering to yourself. Make selfish decisions, exclude him from important plans, be unavailable when he wants to spend time – whatever it is that he does to you, you go ahead and do it right back to him. If your husband is bright, he will catch on and eventually will resort to speaking with you about your behavior at which point you are going to point out that you were just doing what he had been doing to you for so long since all the other methods you had tried to get his attention didn’t work.


And lastly, but definitely not least, when all else has failed after noticing and complaining that “husband makes plans without consulting me” it might be time to go to couples therapy and let professionals help you because at this point your marriage might be falling apart because either one or both of you are feeling unsatisfied. Therapy will help you improve in the way that you communicate and relate with each other on a personal and emotional level. Note that you can choose to go to therapy at any stage and not necessarily as a last resort, and also that therapy only works if both partners are willing to save the marriage and do the work.

If you opt for therapy as a last resort and it seems to not be working out, it is time to start thinking about divorce as an option because clearly, your husband does not want to make you feel as though you are important to him and he is not willing to change and therefore this makes you incompatible even though you may have loving feelings towards him. The choice is simple, do you want to live out the rest of your life coming second, third, or last to someone or something else?


What to do when your husband puts his family first

When your husband puts his family first, it can be quite a delicate situation to navigate. On the one hand, you want to feel like part of a unit with your husband and on the other, you do not want him to have to disrespect his family on your behalf, but also you do not want him to disrespect you for the benefit of his family members. In this case, what you do is you tell him that he should defend you every time a family member on his side is disrespectful to you (as you would defend him if a family member on your side disrespected him). This does not say “pick sides” but rather it communicates that you know that his family values his opinions more and they would be less problematic to you if he sat them down and told them to stop.


In conclusion, this article has discussed how to get your husband to put you first and what to do when your husband is constantly putting other things and people before you. We hope that these signs your husband puts his family first will help you identify and hopefully resolve the problem in your marriage before things escalate and you lose the love of your life because of a minor issue. If you cannot resolve this issue amongst yourselves, you can always seek professional help through couples counseling – this could be through a church or a registered family therapist/psychologist.

Good luck finding ways to get your husband to put you first!





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