9 Great Idea on How to Get Your Husband to Help Around the House Without Nagging
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
If you are reading this, you may be the wife helping the husband, and you are looking for how to get your husband to help. If you have been in a situation where;
- Your husband doesn't put things away,
- Your husband never helps around the house
- Your husband doesn't help with anything
Or maybe you grew up with that ideology or a kind of culture where husbands don’t help out with house chores. You may begin to ponder the question; should husbands help with housework? Or is it wrong for husbands to help around the house?
Or maybe you are among those who see this as a surprise; surprised that a husband doesn’t help around the house somewhere, yes, it could be pretty unbelievable for some, but it is true.
It is unusual in many countries in Africa to see a husband helping with house chores. Some say it is a sign of weakness as it shows that the man is not in charge of his household. Although this doesn’t sit well with many women anymore, education and exposure have made many African women find ways to get their husbands to help with house chores. Many women have resulted in nagging and constant quarrels, leading to unhappy marriages, separation, marital violence, and even divorce. Many have begun to ask if there are ways to make a husband help around the house without nagging. The answer to this question is ‘yes,’ which is why you must read this article to the end to get the answer you seek. This is a step-by-step guide on how to make your husband help around the house without nagging or constant complaints or disagreements.
1. BE SURE OF THE ‘HELP’ YOU NEED IF YOUR HUSBAND DOESN’T HELP WITH ANYTHING
Write down a list of all the chores that should be done around the house. Also, consider your daily routine; Do you have a 9-5 job? What time are you available? How many chores can you do with the time you have?
Tick the chores you could easily do and those you can’t do. Doing this will determine the tasks you prefer doing yourself and the ones you think you can get your husband to help with.
2. DIALOGUE WITH YOUR HUSBAND IF YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT HELPING WITH HOUSE CHORES
After you have made a list of what needs to be done, it’s time you talk about it with your husband to explain why it is essential that he helps around the house. Be sure to start this dialogue at the appropriate time and place, also with the proper tone. I believe you should know how and when to communicate with your husband. Do not begin to apportion blame; instead, let the discussion flow in a friendly manner. You can start by showing him the list of chores that needs to be done around the house. This way, he could easily quantify the seriousness of the matter and the reason why your husband helping around the house is essential to you. Below are possible reactions you may get depending on the personality of the individual you married;
- For some husbands, it may take just an ask for them to understand why they need to help with house chores and begin to help almost immediately after the dialogue. This could go a long way to fostering a happy marriage between such couples as two cannot work unless they agree, as is in this case.
- Some husbands may show understanding in the issue, but that’s all it is. They tend to act like they are okay with the decision of husbands helping with house chores, only for them to go back to living just like they were before without actually doing anything to help around the house like you thought they would.
- Some husbands may vehemently refuse the idea of husbands helping with house chores. They could have a good reason for this, or it could just be ego or that feeling of superiority and alpha maleness.
Whatever reaction you get will determine if you need to move to the next step to get your husband to help around the house without nagging.
The chart below shows the percentage of household chores done by couples on average daily, you can read more on this survey here
If your husband were to be in the category of those who would easily take part in helping around after a dialogue, then you do not need the next step, but if he were among the latter, then these other steps are for you.
3. PLAY TO HIS ADVANTAGE
This is where you divide the chores. You know what abilities and capabilities your husband possesses. It’s time you assign him those things he is good at doing. If he is very good with the kids, you may need to let him continue to look after them while focusing on other chores. He could be a great shopper or very interested in laundry, no matter his strengths; the idea is to let him do what he is good at, giving him that advantage.
4. GIVE ROOM FOR PAID SERVICE
In cases where the man has resolved not to take part in the chores around the house since it is in your interest to find friendly ways to bring your husband to help out around the house, you may need to give room for paid services. Now that the chores have been divided since the husband knows which duties are his to do, he should be allowed to employ the service of someone who would do them. There are cases where a simple dialogue with a husband made him realize how much his wife stresses herself daily, and as such, he decides to employ external help not just for his tasks but also for all the functions listed by the wife.
5. WORK AS A TEAM TO GET YOUR HUSBAND TO HELP WITH CHORES
There is always this joy from doing things together with someone you love.
When couples work together, they tend to cover more ground with ease. If someone ever told you that finding ways to make your husband help around the house without nagging could mean finding ways to make house chores fun, would you believe it?. Working with your spouse could turn the most tedious jobs into exciting and fun-filled ones.
6. MAKE IT REWARDING SO YOUR HUSBAND CAN HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
Encourage him to finish the chores while you prepare his favorite meal. You can also promise him a surprise for a job well done, this surprise can come in the form of a gift for your husband. These little rewards have a way of motivating one to do more. Another form of reward system is the idea of attaching a prize to each task; whoever makes dinner gets to pick the movie we watch tonight. Whoever watches over the kids gets to choose what the other person will make for dinner. These attached rewards will make you both quickly take up a chore even without being asked.
7. BE APPRECIATIVE AND POSITIVE IF YOU WANT YOUR HUSBAND TO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
People tend to take on more responsibilities once they are appreciated for what they have already done. Being appreciative will motivate your husband to take on more duties around the house. Also, be positive; this plays a crucial role in encouraging others to help out more or do what you ask. Please do not complain about how he does the chores. Also, do not begin to speak in a manner that doesn’t know how or cannot do the tasks. Instead, be positive in your words and in the way you guide him to do the chores better. Do not say “: Mercy’s husband takes on most of the chores in their house, and you can’t even prepare a simple breakfast?”, do not compare your husband or even your marriage to someone else’s; you have no idea what their deal is.
8. BE PATIENT IF YOU WANT TO GET YOUR HUSBAND TO HELP AROUND THE HOUSE
Patience is a virtue that will help you tackle almost all forms of discord without violence. In this regard, you will need to be patient with your husband. For you to have raised the issue of seeking ways to have your husband help around the house without nagging, it means he doesn’t usually help, and you wish to change that. Change requires patience. There may be a lot of reasons why your husband doesn’t help out around the house;
- Maybe he was trained to think that men do not need to help around the house; only women do.
- He could also be among those who grew up in families where most house chores were done by paid labor.
- Maybe he has been criticized in the past for doing a house chore. Yes, some persons are hurt by such words about their willingness to help around the house as a sign of weakness or lack of male power, or maybe it’s a criticism about him doing the chores wrongly, and as such, he now avoids trying.
- Another reason for a husband not helping around the house may be because he has gotten used to you doing it all. This lies on the foundation on which your relationship was built. If you initially took the initiative to do all the house chores without involving him, he may be comfortable leaving it that way.
- He doesn’t think about it. Like it or not, men and women are wired differently. Some men may not be so concerned about how clean the house is, making homemade meals, or doing some home decor. This kind of man has no thought towards the idea of getting the house chores done.
- He may not know where to start. Growing up, he was never involved in doing house chores, although now he may wish to become involved, yet maybe he doesn’t even know where to start.
So while trying to get your husband to help around the house, consider the above reasons and see why you need to be patient with him as you help guide him on the how and what to do.
9. HELP HIM TOO SO HE CAN HELP WITH CHORES
To get someone to do something you want them to do, you may need to take the lead. What role does your husband play? Is he solely responsible for financing your lifestyle and that of the household? You may need to also help out in that aspect if you need him to play a role in your tasks. African women speaking up against the stereotypical beliefs and gender-based domestic responsibilities do so with the mindset that things have changed. If women now bring in part of the finance, why can’t men also take part in the house chores?. It would be irrational to expect one to do both. A husband with a 9-5 job may need to rest while he is back home; as such, it is only wise that if his wife is a stay at home mum with no financial input to the family, she should then take up doing the house chores to play her part in the homefront.
FAQS
1. How do I get my lazy husband active around the house?
The step-by-step guide on How to get your husband to help around the house is a sure way to help you with this.
2. Why don’t husbands help with house chores?
There are so many reasons why husbands don’t help with house chores. One has to do with culture and belief he grew up with, try reading our article on why men don’t help with house chores to get the answers you seek.
3. How do I share house chores with my husband?
First, you need to know which house chores you wish to share, make a list of them, and then make time to have a conversation with him.
4. How do I live with a husband who doesn’t know how to help around the house?
You will need a lot of patience since he may be new to the idea of helping around the house.
5. Should a working husband help with housework?
It doesn’t matter if he is working or not, everyone should help with housework as long as they have the time for it and know how.
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