- If you’re asking, “why does my wife disrespect me?”, this article has 4 answers to that question. It also helps you with 15 definite signs your wife doesn’t respect you and shows you how to deal with a disrespectful wife.
Mutual respect in a marital relationship is crucial for the longevity of any marriage. Without mutual respect between the spouses, the marriage will fall apart. When a wife doesn’t respect her husband or he feels like he has no respect from his wife, this would invariably breed animosity, contempt, frustration, and unhappiness in the home. It would create a distance between the parties and if this is not fixed, it would inevitably lead to a breakdown of the marriage which can only go down the road of divorce.
As a loving husband, chances are you don’t want your marriage to end in divorce despite feeling like your wife is disrespectful. And you want to know how to get your wife to respect you. This article helps you with this issue. In helping you find the solution to how to get respect from your wife, we will also show you the reasons why/what makes a wife disrespect her husband, as well as the signs of a disrespectful wife.
Our related article on What to do when people don’t respect you gives more insight on the subject of disrespect in general, its causes, and what to do when people don’t seem to give you the respect that is due to you. Do check it out.
Why does my wife disrespect me? What makes a wife disrespect her husband.
When a wife is disrespectful to her husband, one or more of these 4 reasons could be the reason for her disrespect.
1. If he doesn’t respect her, to begin with.
A wife’s disrespect for her husband could simply be a response to his actions of disrespect for her. Respect as they say is reciprocal. It should come as no respect to you as a husband if your wife responds in kind if you also treat her with disrespect.
2. She earns more than him.
Percent of wives who earn more than their husbands in married couple households* in the United States from 2000 to 2012. Source: Statista
This one is a little unfortunate and sad. The above chart shows a reality which we often don’t want to speak about, and that is the fact that in some cases, the wife could be earning more than the husband. And this has been known to create some form of tension sometimes in some households.
Now, it must be said from the outset that this is not the case with all women. Some women earn more than their husbands, but they do not disrespect him because of it. They never make it an issue and it is never a talking point.
But, other women on the other hand disrespect their husbands because they earn more than him. Suddenly, they want to wear all the hats in the marriage because of the wrong belief that their higher paycheck entitles them to do so.
How you know if this is the reason why your wife disrespects you is when you pay attention to what she says to you when you have questions about something she purchased without consulting you. She may reply with something along the lines of “It’s my money so I don’t see why I should ask your permission to spend it”. Or in worst cases, she could say “last I checked I bring in most of the money in this household so I don’t understand what your issue is.”
Nothing makes a man feel small and eats at his ego quicker than making him feel small because of his earning capacity.
3. She has other underlying issues she is dealing with.
For some disrespectful wives, their disrespectful actions could simply be a symptom of an underlying insecurity or self-esteem issues they are dealing with. This is not to at all justify their actions but to explain it. Understanding that this could be the reason for her outbursts and actions would help in finding a lasting solution for it.
If you want to understand more if your wife is dealing with low self-esteem or underlying insecurity, let our articles on What does it mean to have low self esteem and 29 Signs of insecurity in a woman help you with detailed answers.
4. She is no longer interested in the marriage.
Sadly, this is one other reason why a wife would resort to disrespecting her husband. Maybe she’s met someone else and is already having an affair. Or maybe she has fallen out of love with her husband and does not know how to ask for a separation or a divorce. She instead resorts to the passive-aggressive approach of being disrespectful so that she can tire him out and have him instead ask for the divorce.
If you’re already separated from your wife then you may like these two related articles on reconciliation with your wife after separation – How to make my wife love me again after separation and Signs my separated wife wants to reconcile.
15 Signs your wife doesn’t respect you.
Provided you are not the reason for your wife’s disrespectful behavior towards you, if you see any of these 15 signs from your wife, then sadly it means you have a disrespectful wife.
1. She publicly undermines and/or embarrasses you.
Does she have a penchant for openly disagreeing with you in public to the hearing of everyone? Or in worst cases making rude and snide comments when you’re outside so that everyone can hear? This is wrong. It also shows she has no respect for you.
A loving and respectful wife will wait to discuss whatever disagreements she has with you in the privacy of your home, rather than in full view of everyone outside. What that action communicates to outsiders is that you are not a team and that she has little to no regard or respect for you. And that can be very embarrassing and not good for you.
2. She questions your ability to discipline your children in front of the children.
Does she question your approach to discipline in front of the children? This is not good. It’s one thing to not agree with your approach, but the respectful thing to do is to wait until you are both alone, and then she respectfully communicates her points of difference with you.
Disagreeing with you in front of the children is not only disrespectful, but it also sets a bad tone and precedent for the children. It tells them that you and mom are not a team. And worse, it tells them that they can do the same thing and not be respectful to you.
3. She talks bad about you to the children.
Some disrespectful wives take it a notch higher and talk bad to the children about daddy. They start telling the children how “stupid” and “terrible” daddy is. The goal of doing this is to get the children to also start despising their father and taking her side against him. This is also very wrong and the height of a wife’s disrespect for her husband.
4. She does not defend you in public if others are critical of or disrespectful to you.
Some disrespectful wives have no qualms with having outsiders speak ill about her husband. And they do this because they no longer see themselves as being a team with the husband. In some cases, she may even join them and give examples of “just how bad he is.”
5. She makes decisions that affect both herself and your household without consulting or seeking your input.
She may decide to make a significant purchase from the family savings without asking you what your thoughts or views are. Women who tend to do this are those who earn more than their husbands, and who believe that this fact entitles them to do as they please.
Such wives also don’t understand that it is not so much dictating to her what to do with the money, as it is showing the husband that they respect and have regard for him and what he thinks.
6. The only time you ever have any form of conversation is when she wants something from you.
This is classic user behavior. The wife who does this is a wife that uses her husband. If all she ever wants to talk about is what you can help her with, then she doesn’t respect and love you. She’s simply using you, and that’s terrible and not okay.
7. She keeps secrets from you and derides you if you take issue with it.
Does it feel like she’s living a double life? And is she suddenly so cagey and secretive about her life? Maybe you’ve noticed that she’s suddenly very possessive of her phone and extra defensive about it. And if you even ask casually about it, then she blows it out of proportion?
It is not in your head. It is disrespectful and is a worrying indication of something out of place. When a partner starts behaving in that fashion, it is usually because they are cheating or working towards starting an extramarital affair.
Check out this related article on What to say to someone who cheated on you.
8. She constantly puts you down with her negative words and energy.
This can be draining and exhausting, and that is how it is starting to feel every time you have to be in the same space with her for more than 30 minutes. And you can’t seem to understand it because when she’s with her friends she appears like a completely different person.
It is most likely the case that she is projecting her insecurities onto you with her negative words and energy. It is a way she wants to assert dominance and make you feel as small and insignificant as she feels on the inside.
9. She is always critical of everything you do without acknowledging any positive thing you do.
Do you get the sense that nothing you do is ever good enough for her? She’s always finding one fault or another with even the positive things you do, and she’ll be damned if she ever complimented you. She may often pass remarks that would suggest that she thinks she’s better than you. This is another sign that she doesn’t respect or think highly of you.
10. She loses her temper and gets angry with you for no apparent reason(s).
Is she constantly throwing a tantrum and getting angry with you even when you’ve done nothing and there is no apparent reason for her blowing the issue out of proportion? And when she gets that angry, she ends up saying very hurtful things which she rarely apologizes for.
A woman who always has to make her husband a constant recipient of her outbursts and anger, regardless of what her reasons may be, does not have much respect for him.
A respectful woman would get a grip on her emotions. And even when she shows anger, she does not use hurtful words and then fails to apologize for it.
Related article – How to stop being annoying to your girlfriend.
11. She’s never grateful for anything you do for her.
You could buy her a planet and she’ll still find a complaint with the planet. She would not show you any appreciation for the extra length you go for her to keep her happy. In our article on 23 ways how to make your husband feel appreciated we explain the importance of showing one’s husband appreciation. But for the disrespectful woman, she couldn’t be bothered.
12. She questions all your decisions and wants to always impose hers.
This can be very emasculating for the man. Such actions can easily cause a man to feel insecure and small because when she does this she makes him question his decision-making process. This is never good for the man’s self-esteem.
We discuss male insecurity in detail in this article on How to deal with an insecure man.
13. She talks about you and your marriage problems with her friends.
This is another classic behavior of a disrespectful wife. She doesn’t have any qualms with discussing the issues you have at home with her friends. And you can tell she does this with how the atmosphere suddenly changes if you walk into the room where she is hanging out with her friends. You can tell they are giving you some curious stares and suddenly go very quiet. You can be sure that she’s been discussing you with them before you walked in on them.
14. She withholds intimacy from you with no reason or explanation.
Is she suddenly no longer interested in having sex with you? When you make sexual advances she rebuffs you and makes you out like some sex-crazed man? And she doesn’t even refuse kindly but would turn you down with harsh words that make you feel small and also bruises your ego? Sorry men, but she is being disrespectful. And not only is this a sign of a disrespectful wife, but it is also a worrying sign that she may be seeing someone else on the side/sly.
15. She no longer prioritizes spending quality time with you.
You can’t remember the last time you hung out with your wife because every time you suggest a romantic evening together or a fun couple’s activity at home she always has a convenient excuse lined up. You are starting to feel like less and less of a priority and more like an option. This is not good. And it is also a sign that she is losing her respect for you and your marriage.
What to do when a woman disrespects you and how to deal with a disrespectful wife.
You don’t have to remain on the receiving end of your wife’s disrespectful actions. These 4 strategies can help with dealing with a disrespectful wife.
1. Be sure you do not play a contributory role in her disrespectful actions.
Like we pointed out in the first section, some women are disrespectful in response to their husband’s disrespectful actions. If you are belittling your wife for instance or always critical of her, it should come as no surprise if she responds in kind and returns the favor.
If you realize you are also to blame, apologize for your rude and disrespectful attitude towards her and ask for a truce and make a commitment to treat her with the respect she deserves. Once you do this, you will certainly see a change in her.
If you fail to apologize, she may resort to doing some of the things we discuss in our article on What to do when someone won’t apologize.
2. Have a heart-to-heart conversation with her about your concerns.
If you are not to blame in any way, then call her for a heart-to-heart conversation. In having this conversation try not to be accusatory because it would make her clam up and not want to change or work on her issues. You can couch it as observing that she tends to take things harder and if something is bothering her that she would like to talk about.
3. Encourage her to get help or for you guys to go for couple’s counseling.
Without getting help, things would remain the same and you would remain miserable and unhappy. Try to get her to see that the future of your marriage depends on her getting help and changing her disrespectful attitude towards you.
4. If nothing changes, consider giving her a break or in the extreme going your separate ways.
If she is unwilling to change or get help, you may have to come to terms with the fact that it may be best to take a step away from the marriage. This is because the longer you continue being disrespected, this will inevitably affect your self-esteem.
Before long, you start to question your manliness and feel insecure because of her constant criticism, deprecating remarks, and hostile attitude. And it will take a longer time to recover from these types of emotional wounds.
Until she gets help and works on her issues, there is no reason why you too should become a casualty of her rudeness and disrespectful disposition.
Related article – What to do if your boyfriend wants a break.
Frequently asked questions.
1. What are the signs of an ungrateful wife?
She never shows gratitude for anything you do for her. She will always find something bad or negative in anything you do for her.
2. What are the signs of disrespect from a woman?
If the woman is your wife, she will display all or most of the 15 signs listed in this article.
3. How to get respect from your wife?
Sadly, you can’t force respect from your wife if she doesn’t want to give it. The best you can do is try out the 4 strategies we suggest in the last section. If they still don’t work, then you’ll need to consider giving her space to deal with her issues without having them affect you emotionally, psychologically, and otherwise.
4. My wife is disrespectful and angry, what do I do?
Try and have a conversation with her about it to find out what the issues might be. Encourage her to get help and if she’s not willing to work on her anger issues, give things a break to give her space to deal with her issues.
5. Why is my wife so rude to me?
It could be because of any of the 4 reasons listed in the first section of this article.
A disrespectful wife is usually that way for one or more of the reasons listed in the first section of this article. You don’t however have to remain on the receiving end. Once you see her display most or all of the 15 signs of a disrespectful wife listed in this article, consider taking the 4 actions discussed in the last section of this article.
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