17 Signs Your Husband Is Planning to Leave You.

WhatToGetMy Instructional Article

Americans who thought about leaving their spouse_partner by gender and marital status

Every marriage has its ups and downs. It is all part of the journey of being married. And the mature thing to do as spouses when this happens, especially when both parties are still in love and desire to continue living together, is to find a way to resolve whatever their differences might be and carry on living together as husband and wife. For some spouses, however, this isn’t the case. At the slightest rocky bump, they are already thinking of leaving the home. 

Interestingly one survey seen on RelationshipsinAmerica suggests that women leave the marriage or desire to leave the marriage more than men. While we cannot comment on whether or not this is true, we want to help you understand when your husband wants to leave you so that you can know what to do and how to handle the problem.

If your husband suddenly wants a divorce, what can you do? Well, it is better not to be caught unawares in the first place so that you know well in advance how to start preparing for it if it is an inevitable eventuality. This is why being instinctive about the signs your husband is planning to leave you becomes important. Knowing when your husband wants to leave you helps you in knowing what to do if your husband wants to leave you. And in the next sections, we will be showing you how to tell if your spouse wants a divorce and what you can do about it when this happens.

Check out this related article on Signs your separated husband wants you back.

17 Signs your husband wants to leave you.

If you are busy wondering if your husband wants to leave you then it is most likely that things are pretty bad at home and only taking the turn for the worse. You don’t have to lose sleep wondering anymore. Here are 17 signs your husband wants out of your marriage. 

1. He stops caring about anything you do.

A husband that loves you deeply and is still invested in the marriage wants to know how you’re feeling and what you’re doing. He is interested in your efforts towards keeping the home together and taking care of yourself. However, if it appears that your husband could no longer be bothered about your existence, then this is a worrisome red flag. Does it suddenly feel like he no longer sees you and you no longer exist? It is something to pay attention to. He no longer cares because he has mentally checked out of the marriage and is looking for a way out. 

You can read our related article on What to do when your husband hates you for help with this problem.

2. He is uninterested in working with you to make the marriage and your family work.

You also notice that he has lost interest in anything that has to do with running the home or making the marriage work. He doesn’t even want to put in any effort, let alone the minimum effort required to make the marriage work. And that is because in his mind he doesn’t see any reason to try anymore since he is thinking of leaving you.

3. He stops taking interest in your appearance and general outlook.

You cannot remember the last time your husband complimented you on how you look. Even when you went out of your way to buy that pretty lingerie and even wore it for him, he just didn’t care and wouldn’t even say anything to show that he noticed it. It’s starting to feel like he doesn’t find you appealing anymore and he wants to make sure you know it.

4. He’s no longer having sex with you and is undisturbed by this.

To worsen matters, you cannot remember the last time you had even a quickie with him. When you brooch the subject about the lack of intimacy, he shrugs it off and wants nothing to do with the conversation. He’s simply uninterested in having sex with you and couldn’t be bothered by his lack of interest.

5. He openly and flagrantly cheats on you.

You can be sure that if he’s not having sex with you, he’s having it with someone else. But that’s not all. He wants you to know that he is having sex with other women and so he openly flaunts his indiscretions in your face. This is the height of disrespect for anybody, and you shouldn’t have to be treated with such condescension. Find out how to handle such disrespect in our helpful article on What to do when your husband doesn’t respect you.

You may like 15 Signs of a disrespectful wife.

6. He threatens you now and again with leaving you.

When you have any form of misunderstanding, minor or significant, his go-to response is to always threaten to leave you (and the kids if you have any). He’s always lording the possibility of leaving the marriage over your head to get you to cower and let him have his way. Such threats are not ideal or just anger talking. They are a reflection of a much deeper issue and desire to want to leave you.

7. He always finds fault in everything you do.

Nothing you do is ever good enough for him. He will always find a way to find fault with everything you do. Suddenly everything that goes wrong in the house, including those of his doing, is all engineered by you. 

8. Whenever you fight, he leaves the home for days on end without letting you know where he is.

And when you do try to reach out to find out where he is, he refuses to take your calls or respond to your messages. When a man does this, it is usually because he does not want to be in the home again and wants to leave it.

9. You notice that he appears to be moving some of his stuff out of the home and suddenly starts spending considerable time outside the home for days on end without letting you know where he is.

This is another worrying stunt a man pulls when he is as good as gone. He doesn’t want anything to stand in his way when he eventually makes that exit. He surreptitiously moves his things in this way because he is a coward and doesn’t want to tell you upfront that he is leaving.

10. He enjoys staying out of the home more than he enjoys staying at home. 

Even when he doesn’t need to be outside the house, he would find an excuse to stay outside the house. It’s almost as if he can’t wait to get away from you. You may also notice that if you decide to go out/stay outside for a little while, he is suddenly willing to stay at home.

11. He is intentionally cold and frosty towards you.

He wants to create a distance both emotionally and physically so that it is easy for him to just up and leave. And so what he does is to create a barrier and out up a cold and distant attitude towards you.

He wants to create a distance both emotionally and physically so that it is easy for him to just up and leave. And so what he does is to create a barrier and out up a cold and distant attitude towards you.

12. He is suddenly disrespectful to you almost all the time.

Being disrespectful to you becomes second nature and he does not care about how this makes you feel. In addition to our article on What to do when your husband doesn’t respect you, you can also read our article on What to do when people don’t respect you. These articles will help you with knowing how to handle his sudden disrespect.

13. He does things behind your back without your input or knowledge.

You start to realize that he is making major family decisions without your knowledge nor does he have the decency and courtesy to seek out your input. You only get to know much later about his decisions after he’s acted on them. And in some instances, you would be the last person to know and have to hear about it from other people.

14. He stops defending you in public, especially from members of his family.

In the past, he would not allow anyone to talk down on you for any reason. He always defended you from members of his family who came at you. But now, all of that has changed. He doesn’t bat an eyelid when you are attacked in public and he encourages such attacks by his silence.

15. Money is suspiciously and surreptitiously being moved around and you are kept in the dark about it.

When he starts moving money without your knowledge, that is as bad as it gets that he is without a shadow of a doubt leaving you. He is already making arrangements for his financial safety net away from the home. He would also move the finances so that in the event of a divorce, he leaves you with little to nothing. Once you start noticing money moving suspiciously, speak to a lawyer about your options.

16. He no longer talks with/confides in you and you suspect he’s doing that elsewhere outside the home.

He used to confide in you in the past and you always talked about everything. But now, he has clammed up and shut you out. If you suspect he’s now confiding in someone else outside the home, you are probably not wrong. Men who zone out of the home tend to have emotional affairs with other women outside the home.

17. He becomes suspiciously secretive about his things like his phones, emails, e.t.c.

You may notice that he is suddenly very jumpy and possessive about his things. When you touch his phone, for example, he may flare up and accuse you of things you cannot understand.

Look out for these signs so that you are mentally prepared and know what to do about your husband wanting to leave you.

What to do if your husband wants to leave you – 5 Things to do.

Should you notice any of the signs listed above, here are 5 things you should do.

1. Try talking with him first.

Try to engage him in a conciliatory dialogue about your observations and how you can both find a way to work on saving the marriage. Be however mentally prepared that this conversation may not yield a positive outcome especially if he is hell-bent on leaving. But you would have at least tried.

2. Don’t be pushy or try to control him.

This will only serve to frustrate you and push him further away. Rather than fight and try to push him around or control him, resist that urge. 

3. Avoid letting his actions affect your emotional health and well-being.

As much as possible, ignore him and focus on yourself and your children. Your emotional health and well-being should not also fall victim to his actions. Make a conscious effort to not let his actions get to you. 

4. And where this becomes problematic and he is unwilling to change, take the bulls by the horn and suggest a separation to help you both figure things out.

This is important to preserve your emotional health and sanity. No marriage is worth your emotional well-being and sanity.

5. Be mentally prepared that this might be the end of your marriage if he is not willing to change and work things out.

You might have to accept that this is the end of the road for your marriage, especially if he is unwilling to change and work things out in the marriage.

This useful article on When should you give up on a relationship can also help you.

Frequently asked questions.

1. How do you know if your husband wants a divorce?

Some husbands will come out outrightly and tell you they want a divorce so that you don’t have to speculate about whether or not he wants a divorce. But some others are not brave enough and would much rather leave enough clues in the hopes that you do the work for them and suggest a divorce. The clues listed in this article are some of the clues you should be looking out for if you suspect that your husband wants a divorce.

2. Does my husband really want a divorce?

If he is showing you most or all of the 17 signs listed in this article, then sadly he likely wants a divorce.

3. My husband wants to leave me. What should I do?

Take the 5 steps listed in the last section of this article. If he no longer wants to stay in the marriage, let him walk away. Holding on to a marriage where you are the only one willing to make it work will only drain you and make you miserable. Not to mention how much of a negative impact it will have on your mental health and general self-esteem.

4. I think my husband wants to leave me. How do I know if my husband wants a separation?

Pay attention to his actions towards you and see if he displays the 17 signs listed in this article. And if he does, that’s all the answer you need. 

5. My husband suddenly wants a divorce. What should I do?

Don’t fight him on it. Try and have a conversation on whether he thinks divorce is the best solution or something less drastic like a separation. If he is hell-bent on a divorce then try to discuss the legal aspects of the divorce like custody of the children and the division of properties. 

It would be ideal to amicably part ways, especially if there are children involved. Once he’s made it clear that he wants a divorce, suggest an amicable and clean divorce where you both honestly come up with a beneficial divorce. You can achieve this by seeking professional help from lawyers once he makes it clear that he wants a divorce.


When a husband is uninterested in making the marriage work and wants to take the easy way out by leaving the marriage, he will show the 17 signs listed in this article. If your marriage is on rocky grounds, look out for these signs. They will help you be mentally prepared in advance when he eventually says he wants to leave. But you don’t have to wait for that to happen. Once you spot the signs, you can take the 5 steps listed in this article and save yourself the heartache.





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