How to Make Him Forget the Other Woman
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
There’s no single (right) answer to the question of how to make your man forget the other woman. It’s a tough one that demands a lot of thinking. Each relationship is different, and each situation is unique. You can’t rely on what other people are telling you, because they are not in your place and you’re not in theirs. We all act and handle things differently. This is especially true when it comes to love relationships. Things are not white and black, and we won’t all react the same to crises and situations such as cheating. Some people might forget about it and eventually forgive their partners, while others can’t go over it, and see it as a definitive end.
So, when it comes to the question of how to make him forget the other woman, you can help yourself the most. We know how that can be difficult. During life crises, we tend to give up to sadness, grief, anger, and other powerful emotions. It’s just hard to connect to your inner self and calmly go over the situation, rationally inspecting your thoughts and emotions. That’s why we are here – we can help you revise the situation, gather up your thoughts, and make sense of the situation. From that point, you can approach the issue and see what’s best to do with the damage. So, the real question is not how to make him forget the other woman but how to deal with a particular situation according to your best interest.
Most Important Things to Keep In Mind
Table of Contents
It’s Not Your Fault
A lot of articles focus on what should a woman do to be better for a man who’s cheating. People often see cheating as a result – it’s your fault that your partner turned to another person for comfort or sought other emotions and things you can’t provide. They also think that there’s some kind of typical woman behavior that pushes a man away (e.g. nagging, complaining, criticizing, etc.). We’re not one of them. Why? For many reasons.
First of all, we don’t believe in concepts such as typical woman behavior and dividing genders into two easy-to-explain categories. Men are believed to be more rational and women extremely emotional, but is that true? We don’t think so. We are all different regardless of gender. We act and feel differently, so dividing things so strictly can do more harm than good. When we blame parts for typical behavior, we also normalize and justify it, but we’ll get to that part later on.
Secondly, blaming a person for someone else’s actions is missing the point. We are responsible for our actions. Why should you be blamed when someone else is cheating? No is a simple word. The popular belief that men can’t control their libido is just an excuse for immoral actions. You know that popular saying “There will be a time when we must choose between what is right and what is easy” (yes, we just used the quote from “Harry Potter”)? We think this can refer to many life situations. We don’t always have the luxury of free choice, that’s true, but we can make the right decisions in many life situations, and cheating is one of them. One can say no and stick to it. It’s simple as that.
To sum things up, there’s nothing wrong with you, no matter what other people might tell you. Cheating is a matter of personal choice. Therefore, you shouldn’t obsess over what should you have done differently to prevent or wrong to cause such behavior. You haven’t done anything wrong. You may have your flaws, we all do, and you maybe had disagreements with your partner, but that doesn’t justify him cheating on you.
So, the first and ultimate advice is: don’t buy into his blaming. Even if you did something wrong, that doesn’t justify the affair. He’s blaming you to try to justify himself and feel better about the things he has done. Don’t be defensive, and don’t let him play the victim. You have all the rights in the world to condemn his behavior.
Your Feelings are Real and Valid
If you give to initial blaming, that might lead you to the assumption that your feelings and thoughts are not real or valid. Some people even manipulate others to feel this way, which is called physiological invalidation. It happens when someone’s thoughts and feelings are being rejected as wrong, unimportant, or unacceptable. In other words, it’s abuse, and it fills someone with self-doubt. Don’t let that happen to you. Keep in mind that you have the right to feel the way you feel and that your thoughts and emotions are valid. If you feel that it’s wrong that your partner cheated on you, don’t let him minimize your hurt and reject it as unimportant.
You Have a Choice
Another thing you should keep in mind is that you have a choice in this particular situation. Actually, the choice is all yours! You have to be brave enough to face it and decide what you want to do, though, which is very difficult. You can try to mend things with your partner or decide to move on. Whatever you choose, it will be hard, don’t let anyone tell you differently. Still, don’t let others tell you what you should do or convince you that you don’t have a choice. You should do what feels right! It’s your life, and only you get to decide how you want to handle your relationships.
A lot of women say that they can’t stop thinking about her. The main question here is: “How to handle the other woman?” The answer is simple – you don’t. We don’t agree with the popular advice that you should somehow confront the woman your partner is seeing. Your partner is cheating on you. She doesn’t have to do anything with it. She’s no one to you, so you don’t actually have any business with her.
Now, the second question is “How do I stop thinking about the other woman?” It’s not easy, we give you that. When we are hurting, we tend to blame ourselves and question our own value. Don’t let the situation affect your self-confidence. It’s not about what she has and you don’t, but about why your partner decided to cheat. It’s about his wrongs, and not what you might lack or have done wrong. Therefore, try to focus on your relationship. Think about the things that are happening between you and your partner, and not about the other woman. She’s just not important for the story at all.
What to Do
Popular (and Potentially Harmful) Suggestions
We already mentioned that some articles might suggest you should change yourself because you are the real reason why your partner is cheating. We don’t agree with that. Sure, if you recognize that you have done some things wrong, you should admit it and try to change your approach in the future. However, you shouldn’t perceive your wrongs as the cause for someone hurting you.
Making a Choice
Consider what you truly want to do. Ask yourself “Is winning my husband back something I really want?” If so, explore your options (you’ll find more about these above). If not, that’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to just because other people are telling you so. It will hurt, but you’re strong (and you should believe that!), and you’ll get through it.
Communicating Your Wishes
If you do decide to win your partner back, make sure to tell him everything that’s bothering you. Express your feelings, both good and bad, and see how he reacts. It’s crucial to determine whether he wants the same thing as you and whether he’s ready to make an effort toward rebuilding your relationship. This works only if both parts are committed to the same goal.
Keep in mind that brushing things under the carpet makes a mountain. You won’t be able to build a healthy relationship if you don’t communicate with your partner and be sincere to each other.
Being Honest and Brave
Whether you decided to end things or give your relationship another shot, always be honest to yourself and your partner. It’s okay if you can’t go over some things. It’s okay that you need time. Don’t pretend you’re fine with something if you’re not. That won’t help you rebuild the relationship, and it’s not healthy for you either.
Also, be brave! You’re facing a difficult time in your life, regardless of your decisions. It will get better and it will get worse. You’ll get through it! Believe in yourself and don’t forget how strong you are.
Responsible Options: Couples Therapy
Although some couples do manage to rebuild their relationships on their own, the best option is still couples therapy. Coordinated by another professional person, your relationship can be rebuilt faster and be healthier. Often, couples can’t see the right way to communicate to each other all on their own, especially after the crisis. Help from the outside proves to be very beneficial. It makes you focus on the right things. It also calms down emotions that have been building up after the crisis.
Rebuilding the Relationship Together
Working as a team is crucial! You and your partner have to make an effort for this to work. As you know, the key to a healthy relationship is compromise and two-sided effort. Holding a grudge against your partner won’t get you anywhere. We know that you’re hurt and angry, and you have all the right to feel that way. But if you want to rebuild the relationship, you’ll have to make an effort and try to handle these feelings. Only then you’ll be able to work on your relationship.
Lastly, give it time. Small or big, the damage has been done. You two can’t repair it overnight. We know that you feel betrayed and hurt, but try to be patient as much as you can. It will get better over time. Everything will come to its place, one way or another. Wounds heal eventually, and you can’t really repair or build anything if you don’t have hope. We all function by hopping in a better future!
We hope we didn’t just answer the question of how to make your man forget the other woman but also manage to clear some things up for you. As you can see, we have taken a different approach, trying to give you another perspective on the entire problem. Our ultimate advice is to follow your heart and mind and make your own decisions. You know your situation the best, and only you can decide what you want to do and how. Ours was to give you suggestions and show you that you have options. You can decide to follow them or not, according to what you think it’s the most beneficial for you. We said it already but we’re going to say it again – be brave! Don’t ever doubt in yourself and the strength you carry inside. If your loved one made a mistake and you’re willing to forgive and fix things, do it! If you don’t want to go on that path, don’t. But don’t doubt or blame yourself for the results. Work on yourself and work on the relationship to build a better life, whether it’s for the both of you, or only for yourself.
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