What Does It Mean When Your Wife Doesn't Show Affection? 7 Reasons Why She Isn’t Affectionate.

WhatToGetMy Instructional Article

“Men need to be loved physically in order to love emotionally. Women need to be loved emotionally in order to love physically.”


Men need to be loved physically in order to love emotionally

Marriages are more enjoyable when couples match each other’s level of affection and intimacy. But when a partner feels a lack of affection in a relationship, that relationship is heading for disaster. This is because a lack of affection in romantic relationships breeds fear, guilt, doubt, insecurity, resentment, and confusion. No one can live with these feelings for a long time in their marriage.

We’ve divided this topic into two subtopics;

  • Why doesn’t my wife show me affection?
  • How do I get my wife to start to show me affection again?

Here are a list of other articles we think you might be interested in;

Why doesn’t my wife show me affection?

Studies often suggest that women are more affectionate in marriages than men, while men are more affectionate during the dating phase than women. Based on these findings, it is worrisome when a woman is no longer affectionate towards her husband. However, don’t get scared if you are reading this, and wondering why your wife shows little affection to you.

There are several other reasons for lack of affection in relationships that have nothing to do with the husband. We will be pointing out those reasons, including the role you might have played in your wife’s lack of affection in the marriage.

Here are seven honest reasons why your wife doesn’t show you affection;

1. She is experiencing a form of anxiety.

If you are asking yourself, “why doesn’t my wife love me anymore?” and perhaps, even blaming yourself for her lack of affection, maybe it’s not you at fault. She might be experiencing anxiety, which could cause an emotional barrier.

Anxieties can potentially ruin relationships if they are not properly managed. Anxiety can simply be explained as a heightened fear for something. Most anxieties stem from negative experiences that have affected a person’s sense of security, trust, and many more.

The sad thing about anxiety disorders is that some of them are tricky to diagnose, and therefore you may have witnessed some anxiety symptoms in your spouse and wrote it off for something else.

If your wife is experiencing anxiety, she might find it difficult to be vulnerable around you and won’t risk depending on you too much. This is because she has a fear of abandonment and dependency. Sadly, the more she keeps withholding affection from you, the more she risks driving you away from her. A marriage without affection can hardly survive.

2. She is holding a grudge against you.

One reason why you are having an affectionless relationship with your wife is that you’ve offended her, and she is bearing a grudge against you. Often, when a woman withholds affection from her husband, she is unhappy with him about something he did. Withholding affection is her way of punishing her husband to draw his attention towards something she is unhappy about. However, it is sad that some women hold grudges for weeks and months unresolved.

It is wrong to withhold affection from a spouse because you are not happy with them. Then again, who can enjoy affection and intimacy with an angry spouse?

3. She might no longer be attracted to you.

Your wife doesn’t want to be intimate with you because she is no longer attracted to you. Reduced affection and intimacy are signs that a person is no longer attracted to another person. This usually happens when a person does not like the changes their partner has undergone. It could be behavioral or physical changes.

It is often said that women do not weigh physical attractiveness as much as emotional and behavioral attractiveness. This means that your looks might not be the issue (although it could be). Perhaps it is a change in your behavior; you no longer spend time bonding with her. The good thing is that, as much as attractiveness is instantaneous, it can also develop over time. All hope isn’t lost if your wife is no longer attracted to you. Just find your spark.

4. She is cheating on you.

The fourth possible reason your wife shows little affection to you is that she is cheating on you. A wife that is not sexually disciplined will most likely cheat on her husband. When a spouse is cheating, they often find it difficult to juggle two partners at a time. They always give preference to one partner more than the other. Here are signs that your wife loves someone else.

5. She has a terrible personality.

If your wife never shows affection to you, she may have a toxic personality. A toxic wife will always punish you by withholding affection from you for the littlest of things, and being around her will feel like walking on eggshells. Your intimacy will always be a power play between you and her, and you’ll most likely be the one dancing to her tunes. You either have to beg or wait for her to be in the mood before your intimate life continues. She could go months bearing a grudge with you, and this will be a usual occurrence in your marriage. She is very inconsiderate and unforgiving and takes you for granted too. If your wife doesn’t show affection to you in your marriage, she probably has a terrible personality. Check out other signs of a disrespectful wife.

6. Personal crisis.

A lack of affection from your wife could indicate that she is going through some personal crisis that she doesn’t know how to talk about. It could be threats, harassment, job loss, underperformance, health problems, or anything she considers complicated. She probably doesn’t want to talk about it so that you don’t look at her differently. Sadly, whatever crisis is keeping her preoccupied is also denying you her affections.

7. Mismatched libido and different love languages.

You probably have a higher libido than your wife, and she is finding it hard to cope with your sex drive. Physical touch probably arouses you much, and therefore your wife shows little affection to tame your urges. Or, physical affection might not be your wife’s thing. Not being hyped about physical affection does not mean she doesn’t love you. She might prefer to express her love for you in other ways.

How do I get my wife to start to show me affection again?

1. Stop pestering, begging, nagging, cajoling, or joking about your need for affection.

Your wife’s lack of affection might be driving you crazy, but bugging her about it will surely not earn you the kind of affection you are looking for. If anything, you could even lose your respect when you beg and nag for affection.

If you’ve ever had a conversation about your need for affection with your wife, and she has not responded positively, let her be. There is no joy in forced affection. She might be going through something none of you understand, or maybe she is deliberately withholding affection from you.

Understand why she might be withholding affection from you. When you understand why, you can rectify the problem or make the best decision for yourself in the situation.

2. Pay attention to your wife’s love language.

You and your wife may value different love languages. While physical touch and intimacy might be a priority for you, it is not so for her. When you ignore hers and demand for yours, you’ll less likely get it. You need to start paying enough attention to her behavior to avoid hasty judgments.

There are situations where a lack of affection from a wife stems from her husband’s inconsideration. For example, when a husband only remembers to be affectionate to his wife when he wants to get intimate with her, she will feel cheapened by his action with time and become less receptive to his affections until he learns to respect her. Check out how not to be selfish in a relationship.

3. Have conversations with your wife without criticism.

We know you might be furious at your wife’s lack of affection towards you, but you have to try and put your grievance aside if you want to relate with her better and improve your affectionless relationship with her. Spend time and have conversations with your wife without any form of criticism. Let your conversations be about her and what’s going on in her life. The more you spend time bonding with her, the freer she’ll become and perhaps more affectionate she’ll become too. However, it is best to expect little from her, and you did be surprised that she’ll offer more.

Do you know that most people in different age groups value quality time and words of affirmation from their partners more than physical touch? Check out this interesting Stat by shaneco.com. Physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, gift-giving, acts of service are all forms of affection.

Popular love language among age groups

4. Find happiness without your wife’s affection.

It is quite easy to forget oneself when you are completely engrossed in whatever distressing situation you are experiencing. Sadly, you cannot always force people to make you happy by making them do what you want. Do not make your wife’s affection the center of your happiness. It will frustrate you. Focus less on your wife’s lack of affection and focus more on being happy and at peace. Focus on what you can control in your marriage. Try your best to do what you can for her but make a decision never to be emotionally brutalized by another person. When you’re genuinely happy despite your wife’s actions, she will get the message in no time.

5. Give what you want to receive.

One of the best ways to change an affectionless relationship is by giving and teaching affection. Make it a conscious habit to do something affectionate for your wife even if it is not reciprocated. Give her affection because you care for her, you love your children, you want to fight for your marriage, and you value your peace of mind. This way, when you decide that she will be happier without you and you choose to walk away from the relationship, you leave without guilt.

6. Seek counseling.

While many people will deter you from seeking counseling, we will encourage you to seek the services of a psychologist or therapist. You never know what a specialist will help you unpack in your marriage.


1. What causes lack of affection in marriages?

  • Over familiarity and complacency
  • Holding a grudge against a partner
  • Anxiety
  • Lack of attraction
  • Infidelity
  • Lots of personal crisis
  • Terrible personality
  • Mismatched libido and value for different love languages.

2. Can a marriage last without affection?

It is hard for most marriages to last without affection. Affection sustains the health of any marriage.

Truth be told, when a partner complains of lack of affection from their spouse, it doesn’t exactly mean that their spouse isn’t affectionate and doesn’t love them. Sometimes, it means that their spouse is not giving them the kind of affection they desire.


It is hard for anyone to stay in an affectionless marriage. Such a marriage can affect a person’s overall well-being and every other person in the union. To address an affectionless relationship with your wife, pay attention to the reason why she might be being cold toward you. You could be at fault, or she could be going through a difficult situation. Never conclude in haste. Exhaust all options before you choose to walk away from the marriage.





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