What Goes Through a Guys Mind During no Contact

WhatToGetMy Instructional Article

The hardest part of No contact rule is that you don’t know what goes through a guy’s mind during no contact. Most people who tried no contact said that they wanted to reach out because they wondered what the other person was thinking. If you are attempting to cut off contact, you should know that it can be really hard to pull off. You’ll probably miss your ex if you’re still emotionally attached. Your heart might be aching just to hear their voice. You’ll need to stay firm though; you had good reasons to cut them off. Maybe the relationship was awful and you needed a detox? Or it was so amazing and you didn’t want it to end? If it’s the first case scenario you must stay away for your own sanity. In the second one, you need to cut him/her off, either to get over him/her or to get him/her back. Let’s cover all these potential situations below!

Before you start scrolling, here are some things you should consider:

  • What kind of person is your ex, and what was your relationship like? Everything depends on the relationship type, so think things through.
  • What is your goal? Do you want to get over the relationship or recreate it? Start over or start fresh, that is the question.
  • There aren’t any relationship textbooks. Some situations might repeat, but in the end, people are different and you can’t predict the future with 100% certainty. That’s why you should take these suggestions for what they are – suggestions, and not definite solutions to problems.

How does no contact works

For a lot of people, no contact works like this: you cut contact and firmly ignore your ex. Then he (or rarely she) starts questioning himself (herself). People react differently to no contact rule, but some usual behavioral pattern does exist, and we’ll stick to the reactions most guys have.

Here are some common situations that can happen:

  • He might start to frantically call you a few days after no contact has started. He wants to hear from you and see why you’re ignoring him all of the sudden, especially because you parted ways in good terms. That’s a good reaction because it means he cares about you, and you can take that to your advantage. It’s a game of power after all! You can’t give up on the no contact agreement, because it would diminish the effect it started, e.g. him questioning the breakup and missing you. 
  • While that would be the best possible scenario, he could start ignoring you too. He could be stubborn, and have that attitude “she will have to call me first”. It can happen that he ignores you because he doesn’t know you’re ignoring him. Maybe he is just that socially awkward and clueless! You know your ex the best, so you can probably tell which type is he. It can happen, although rarely, that he ignores you out of fear. He knows something is wrong, and he doesn’t want to make it worse. That’s why he isn’t calling you! There is hope for reconciliation with these kinds of guys too, because they do care and cutting off contact will affect them! They will still question whether you’re the one, but they won’t show it that easily.
  • A rarest of all the possible reactions is pure anger! The ex might start saying how he hates you, he might curse you and call you names. Well, in this case, you can see that no contact works too. It brought the true colors of your ex, so you know you’ve dodged a bullet!

What is he doing?

Usually, after a breakup, we tend to lick our wounds and try to visualize happiness somewhere in the future. This is the same for both men and women. Sometimes, though, they have contrasting ways of getting over a breakup. For example, men often start dating again right away. Rebound relationships don’t usually last, so if you’re worried about your ex finding true love right away, don’t be.

People are ego-driven, and men are known to be guided by ego-trips even more. There’s a big chance he would do something rash to boost his self-esteem. That can be dating someone new, as we mentioned, or searching for a new job, racing after the promotion, etc. He might work hard to upgrade his carrier, so he wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of the break-up and you cutting off the contact. Lost in his work, he’ll chase success, and fix his hurt ego. It’s a normal and common thing to try.

Work is a good way of distraction from a romantic life. A lot of things can be distractions. Exercise, for example, is a great way of getting through the tough periods in life. Your ex might be hitting the gym more. Working out lowers the stress and it’s a great distraction and ego boost. It’s healthy for you too, you might want to try some fitness in the no contact period!

Women drink wine and men drink whiskey, but they both drink after a hard break up. You can bet he is hitting bars with his friends and telling them all about how awful he feels when you are ignoring his texts. He drinks because he can’t say that sober, not even to his best friend!

People are different, as we said; not all men are the same (of course)! We can’t be sure one hundred percent what your ex might be doing during no contact period. We’ve made some examples of what people usually do, so you can judge and visualize your ex in some of these situations. If you can’t see him in these scenarios, because he is a couch potato or a tech-nerd and a gamer, then think more. There are a lot of different methods for coping with stress. He can be binging new series or playing shooter games for hours. You can only tell!

What is he thinking?

Some say relationships are complicated and that they are a game of power. We say that depends on the relationship! Simple, trusting and wholesome relationships exist too. When those kinds of relationships end, there usually aren’t any bad feelings. In that case you’ve no need for guessing what your ex is thinking because he will probably tell you himself. For the unlucky ones, we did a little research. We’re not going to lie to you, putting together all these possible situations about what men think during no contact was a challenging task, but we managed to list the usual thoughts of people who had experienced no contact!

Thought no. 1: She has to contact me first! Or I will win this breakup!

As we mentioned, there are a lot of stubborn guys out there. They won’t utter a word, because their pride wouldn’t let them! Most people, both men and women, admit that who calls who first is essential for keeping the upper hand in the relationship. Maintaining control is crucial. That’s why you might have opted for the no contact approach in the first place. Nobody likes to lose the relationship game, right? So you can understand why this is the most common thought.

Thought no. 2: Why isn’t she answering me?

You are not the only one with questions in your mind, believe us. If you are ignoring all his calls and texts, he is probably obsessing over the reason why! You were best friends and lovers, and now he gets nothing from you. Why? He wants you around, right, but what will you do? We say until he learns to treat you like you deserve, the best would be to continue the silent treatment. He can figure out the whys himself, and then he’ll come to you. You should just wait.

Thought no. 3: Oh she is ignoring me. Fine! I don’t need her anyway

He is going to think that for some time, although it might not be what you want. He’ll try to convince himself that he doesn’t need you and that he is great on his own. In combination with working out or focusing on the carrier, he’ll be fine for a while. After that period he is going to question hows and whys of the relationship ending. He will cool down and moderate his thoughts after some time. That’s why no contact works; it gives people much-needed space and time to reconcile with their thoughts!

Thought no. 4: Does she miss me at all?

The question is definitely bothering him. Most guys on relationships forums admitted thinking about whether his ex is missing him. He might be confused, regretting his actions, or wondering if you have moved on. No contact also implies no social media presence, so he doesn’t really know what you’re doing. Are you dating someone new (like him?), are you discovering hobbies, going out, having fun? The unknown is killing him, that’s for sure!

Thought no. 5: I’ve lost her.

Sooner or later, he might just give up to sadness and start feeling sorry for himself. He might recognize that he has lost you. If you cut him off, what else is he going to think? Worry not; this thought is ideal if you want to reach out again after the no contact period.

No thought at all.

We also have some bad news. Maybe, just maybe, he isn’t thinking about you at all! He might be over you or masking it, but the point is he only thinks about himself. Just like the guy who spills out anger when you cut off the contact, this kind of indifference is a big red flag. You are going to use no contact approach to get away from this self-obsessed guy, not to get him back, right? No contact is going to help you detox from the toxicity. The recovery will be long and hard, but you can do it!

Do not break no contact!

After getting the response you wanted you’ll surely have the urge to reach out to your ex right away. Instead of obsessing over what goes through his mind during no contact you might want to just call him and ask. Well, that’s a big no. If you break no contact rule you are undoing everything it did, or might have done!

The best thing you can do is to give your ex time, silence, and space to miss you. Your ex needs to think about all those fights you already went through in your head over and over again. He needs to contemplate about what can be improved and how. You just need to let him do that. Also, it’s not just him who needs space; you need it too!

Many people make the mistake after they realize that no contact makes their ex miss them. They immediately call them which just causes the opposite effect. They think that reaching out to the ex who is just rediscovering his feelings will result in reconciliation, but it usually just resets everything that no contact has accomplished. Don’t let that happen to you! Instead, use the no contact period to work on yourself. Improve your life and your self-esteem, and when he comes around you’ll be ready!

You can’t let him think that you are just waiting for him to make up his mind. Move on, be strong and confident, and the odds will be in your favor! It’s a win-win situation for you. Just set the timeline, be 30 or 45 days in no contact, and stick to it. It will do wonders for your self-image!


We’ve all been in your state of mind. We know that it will hurt, but it will get better. Tell yourself this sentence over and over again for as long as it takes. Use it as a mantra. It’s hard to cut off contact, but if you chose to do it, you will need to stick to it. You might fear that it won’t work. You’re right, it might not. But it also might be your best shot! It will help you feel good about yourself, that’s for sure!

What goes through a guy’s mind during no contact might not be relevant after all! Knowing can calm the nerves and help you relax, but it’s not crucial for your health. What you need for recovery are some changes in your lifestyle. We all usually do after challenging periods in our relationships. Improve your health and work on yourself, it will only do you good.  Come up with some fun things to do with your dog outside or fun things to do in the rain outside! Learn to be on your own and do things that make you happy. Only after you’ve accomplished this, you can reconcile with your ex, if both of you want that of course. Find peace with yourself, and then share it with him.

If true and strong romantic feelings exist, they can only blossom during the no contact period. He’ll realize that he needs to do his best and get you back in his life. And if the feelings were mild, then they will disappear and you can continue your healing process. You should be putting yourself first for a change and, trust us, it will be worth it!





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