Why Some Mothers Hate Their Daughters: Top 11 Reasons Why Relationships Can Be Strained?

Handling a jealous mother is sometimes easier than we think.

Why some mothers hate their daughters, is that always means that they hate her?

It’s impossible not to wonder why some mothers hate their daughters. In fact, it seems strange even to consider that a woman might hate her child. Sadly, news reports show this to be a common occurrence. Nevertheless, the origin of this hatred must be analyzed to understand how to avoid this situation and, if possible, to put an end to it. For psychologists, several factors can lead to this result.  Moreover, we will try to identify the signs that your mother is jealous of you.

1- Jealous mother: look at me, not her…

Why are moms mean to their daughters? Jealousy is one of the primary reasons for unpleasant relationships between a mother and her daughter. Here, the relationship with the baby is usually excellent. However, once the baby becomes more or less independent, things go wrong. By independence, we mean the child can already dress itself and eat without the help of an adult. In some cases, the girl’s ordeal starts as early as 3 years old, in others, it starts at prepubescent age or during puberty.

The following question should be answered at this point : why mother jealous of daughter’s relationship with father. The root of such jealousy is simple. They can’t accept the attention the father or another man with whom they are in a relationship gives to their children. Whether this attention is healthy or unhealthy doesn’t matter. Often she will abuse her daughter even though her spouse or partner mistreated her. What underlies this unhealthy jealousy is a lack of attention in childhood, which makes her want to be the center of her partner’s life all the time. This behavior isn’t only common to women, but also to men.

Does this mean that a jealous mother is necessarily a bad mother who hates her daughter? No! There is a second category of mothers who are jealous of their daughters. The relationship between father and daughter can be so strong that the child knows more about her father than her mother. Often, at first, the mother will try to find a place in the relationship. She will seek the attention of both the child and the partner, hoping to destroy this union in which she is a stranger. If she succeeds, the bad climate will be temporary. If she fails, however, all her anger will be directed at her daughter because the latter is immediately perceived as a competitor.

2- When the father manipulates his daughter…

In the previous case, some will consider that there is no fundamental difference, and they will not be wrong. In both cases, the woman is fighting against her child to gain the attention of the father or partner. But there is a third case: when the father uses his daughter against the mother. Strange? Maybe, but it happens frequently. This phenomenon is frequent not only with girls, but also with boys.

Some selfish husbands use their children to cover up their infidelity or other flaws. Here, it’s an adult game the child cannot understand. The mother is aware of her daughter’s use as a shield, which causes her to lose her temper. The father uses this irritation to turn the child against the mother to a greater extent. And the mother reacts even more nervously against her daughter. At the end of the day, mother rejects daughter not because she hates her, but because she can’t handle the relationship with her husband.

This psychological manipulation can have fatal consequences if the mother doesn’t change her mind, or if the father cannot change his behavior.

3- When the daughter is a substitute

Throughout childhood, the mother has, for example, dreamed of being a model or an actress, in fact, it doesn’t matter what profession she wanted. She couldn’t achieve it. When the daughter arrives, she turns her daughter into a mini version of herself. This group of mothers puts all their hope into their daughter and hopes that she will be grateful to them. If they comply with their mother’s whims, nothing will go wrong. Their relationship will be beyond ideal. However, if they try to resist them, the situation will get worse.

Mothers can also become jealous if daughters first accept their mother’s help, succeed, and then decide to become independent. They won’t see their child’s desire for independence as something normal. For them, it will be nothing more than a theft, a betrayal. Theft, because according to them, their daughters will have taken their dream for themselves. Betrayal, because they will consider that their daughters are in the obligation not only to be grateful to them until the end of their days. They must also — in their eyes — remain their puppets for eternity. The mother daughter conflict will be unavoidable

4- When the child is viewed as a destroyer of dreams…

When discussing this issue, people often mistakenly limit themselves to early pregnancies. The reality is more complex. Of course, early pregnancies are the most frequent cases, but other situations should not be ignored. Among others, we should mention the pregnancies which put an end to the professional career, or pregnancies which destroy the health of the mother. One can also add the example of pregnancies associated with a very painful event which destroyed the mother’s world: the death of her husband, for example. Here, it isn’t the girl so much as the child — whatever its sex — who is perceived as a destructive factor, with all the consequences that this entails.

5- Child born following a traumatic event

The first traumatizing experience that comes to mind here is rape. It doesn’t matter if it is a stranger or a spouse. In this situation, the question arises: Why didn’t she have an abortion? Why did she give birth to her daughter to torture her in this way? Once again, one must consider the issue from several angles. If she is in a couple, more precisely married, she is unlikely to take the plunge because her partner could later make her life more complicated. Although she might want to do it, each country has its legislation on the matter. In many countries around the world, she will simply have no choice but to give birth.

Once the baby is born, he will immediately become her whipping boy because she never wanted him to be born. His presence will be an eternal reminder of the hell she went through, with all the ensuing consequences.

Rape isn’t the only distressing factor. An unhappy love affair can also be added to the above list. The situation here is ambiguous. For some women, the child becomes a lifeline that they cling to cope with the daily stress. For others, the child becomes the cause of the failure, hence the “appropriate” behavior.

6- The cultural factor

In some parts of the world, a boy remains preferable to a girl. This is the case in Muslim countries, in many African countries, or in countries like India. Speaking of the latter, the girl’s parents will have to pay a dowry to their daughter’s future husband so that she can get married. This dowry is sometimes so huge that many, not women, but parents, only want to have boys. If, after months of prayer, a girl is born, she may become her mother’s victim. This possibility increases further if the mother is under constant pressure from her family-in-law.

The same phenomenon can be observed in countries such as Afghanistan or Thailand, where girls from poor families are simply sold in brothels. Of course, in this case, the decision is made by the father or the male members of the family, but it is always with the mother’s blessing. The mothers who betray their daughters in these countries are many. Even if this girl escapes from the brothel where she was sold, she cannot count on the support of her mother.

7- When you see your daughter as yourself

It’ difficult to say that women in this category hate their daughters. In fact, what they hate the most are their actions. A woman who has been in an abusive relationship will expect her daughter to be in the same situation. Nothing the daughter can say to persuade her otherwise will help.  She can behave ideally, avoid dangerous partners, be on her best behavior, it won’t convince her mother.

The mother’s abusive behavior towards the daughter in this situation comes from a desire to protect. The mother reacts as she thinks she would have liked to have been done for her in the past. She will feel that if people had been more strict, even violent towards her, all her misfortunes would never have happened. These mothers rarely realize that they are traumatizing their daughters. They think they’re right because they are doing it “for their sake”.  In the end, it will be a nightmare for both the mother and the daughter, who will always be wondering why does my mom hate me so much.

8- Champions of revenge…

In this case, the mother hates not the daughter, but the child. To hit the child’s father, often after a break-up, the mother will become unpleasant. A problematic love affair can lead to an unloving mother relationship. Note that this behavior is not common only to women. It is also very common among men. There are many abandoned spouses who kill their children just to make their ex-spouses suffer. This tendency is one of the most dangerous because it is almost impossible to fight it. The desire for revenge will always remain stronger than reason. The mother wouldn’t be afraid to kill her daughter if “needed”.