How to Ask a Guy How He Feels about You

WhatToGetMy Instructional Article

If you have to know right now how to ask a guy how he feels about you, this is the article for you. It’s frustrating not knowing! It seems like he really enjoys spending time with you and you think he’s into you. However, he’s sending mixed signals, so you’re confused and your head is starting to spin. When you don’t know his true feelings, you start to feel anxious and doubt the entire relationship. You can’t relax and be yourself around him. We feel your pain! You need to know how he feels right now and we’re going to help you find out.

Before you get further down the article, we’d like to mention a few things:

  • “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst” is the popular saying that applies to your situation. You want to know how he feels, so ready for any possible scenario.
  • Have you talked about relationships (in general and yours in particular)? Is he available and ready to date or still thinks about someone else? You’ll need to know these things before you ask him about his feelings, so you don’t “embarrass” yourself with excessive questions.
  • You should ask a guy how he feels but avoid being too upfront and chasing him. The point is, you can ask the question but wait for the answer. Patience is crucial.

Should I ask him how he feels about me?

Before you make a move, ask yourself if you should do anything at all. Think about the relationship you already have with him. Are you satisfied with it? Sometimes you can be perfectly happy with how things are going and all the problems arise from your own insecurities. If everything’s fine, don’t overthink it, and just let yourself live in the moment.

There are a lot of possible scenarios here. Maybe you two are friends and you’re scared that friendship can be ruined by talking about romantic feelings? Or you just started dating and you’re both insecure about your feelings? You know your situation the best, so you’ll need to consider all the reasons why you should ask him and debate with yourself a bit. Once you’re absolutely sure about your decision, you can proceed. We’ll discuss how to approach the question you want to ask him. It’s different if you’ve just started flirting and if you’re already dating.

You’re just flirting

Be sure your crush is not committed to someone else.

First and foremost, check if he’s available. Yes, people in a committed relationship can still flirt with other people. That depends on the relationship, and some people are comfortable with their partner’s casual flirting. So, be sure to check with your crush if he’s single or not. A simple question “Are you dating anyone” can’t hurt.

Get to know his view on dating and relationships.

Bring the subject of dating into your conversations. You’d need to know what he thinks about romantic relationships and love. Start the topic and let the conversation flow naturally. Check out if you share his view of the world, so you’ll know if you should back out in the beginning or peruse further relations. For example, if he likes open relationships and “free love” is not your thing, it might be best to give up on your crush right away.

Is there chemistry between you too?

It’s an obvious question, but we need to double-check. If there’s strong chemistry between you two, why are you doubting his feelings in the first place? Are you unsure if there are any stronger feelings than desire? If there isn’t any chemistry between you when you flirt, then don’t bother asking him what he feels. He probably isn’t that into you.

Develop a trusting relationship.

It’s a common myth of popular culture that men don’t like to talk about their feelings. The truth is, that both men and women want to share their feelings only with the person they trust. You can’t expect him to answer your question honestly if he doesn’t trust you. That’s why you should first work on building a trusting relationship. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a romantic one. You’ll just need to make him comfortable enough, so he can open up.

Start different topics. Be positive and make a comfortable environment for both of you. Ask him about his dreams and passions and share yours. Tell him personal things about yourself. If you show trust in him, there’s a bigger chance he’ll be open and honest with you. If he can “be himself” with you, he can speak freely, so you might not need to ask what he feels about you. When the trust is developed, he’ll tell you himself.

You’ve just started dating

If you passed the “getting to know each other” phase and you still don’t know where you stand with him, consider taking a different approach. The flirting and initial shyness is over, so now you can talk to him openly about anything. Face it, if you can sleep together, you can also have a mature and honest talk about your feelings. So just ask him directly!

You might want to “set the mood” first or wait for “the pillow talk”. That’s the best time to be honest with each other. Of course, you can always blurt out the casual question during lunch, but you probably won’t get the desired answer. He could jokingly answer the question or ignore it because he’s caught off guard.

Confidence is the key

It doesn’t matter if you’re dating or just started flirting, once you’ve decided to ask the question, you need to build up lots of self-esteem. Be confident and mature, so you’ll be prepared for any answer he gives you.

Keep the conversation casual but state your question clearly. Maybe say something like “I feel something is going on between us. What do you think?” He might be a little surprised, but if you’re confident he’ll have more courage to admit what he feels. He might be in the same situation as you (wondering, confused) or exploring his newly found feelings. You’ll never know if you don’t ask!

Remember, confidence can only help you. Even if you’ve got a negative response to your question, you will survive if you believe in yourself. It’s better to know that he doesn’t like you, so you can move on and stop wasting your time on someone who doesn’t appreciate you.

Watch his response

His body language will tell you more than he can ever put in words. Whether he remains silent after you ask him about his feelings or he starts talking non-stop, his face and his body language should have your attention. You can easily tell if your question made him happy, confused, or even scared. If he leans in and his words sound nervous, you don’t have to wait for him to finish his sentence. You’ll have your answer, so celebrate it with a kiss.

What not to do

We’ve covered everything you need to know on the same old “how to get him to tell me how he feels” thing. There are a few things you shouldn’t do on your quest of finding out his feelings, so we’d like to mention those things too.

Don’t obsess over him for your own sanity.

If it’s meant to be, it will happen. He might like you or he might not be interested. He will open up to you when he’s ready. Your over-thinking isn’t going to speed the process. You can’t control someone’s feelings, except your own. Remain calm and accept both possibilities.

Obsessing over his behavior and looking for every small clue about his thoughts isn’t going to get you anywhere. You should either earn his trust and ask him directly or let the subject go completely. What you shouldn’t do is drive yourself crazy with a hundred imagined scenarios. That will only activate your suppressed fears and insecurities and that’s the last thing you need.

Don’t measure your self-worth through his eyes.

Even if he’s prince charming, his opinions and feelings are not a measure of your worth as a person. How a man feels about you is no indicator of any kind about who you are! Repeat that to yourself until you become confident enough in yourself, and repeat it more after that.

If he doesn’t share your feelings, it’s not the end of the world. Maybe you two aren’t compatible, or just don’t belong together. Either way, that doesn’t mean you are not worthy or lovable. He just isn’t the right guy for you. Learn the lesson from dating the wrong person and move on with your life, but don’t ever think any less of yourself because he doesn’t like you.

Frequently asked questions about asking a guy how he feels about you

We already covered all the most common questions, but we’ll summarize them here too, so you can take a quick peek if you’re in a hurry.

How to ask your boyfriend how he feels about you?

Pick the right time, set the mood, and ask openly. Ease him into the conversation and earn his trust. He’s more likely to open up and tell you what he feels if he trusts you.  

Should I ask him how he feels about me?

If that’s bothering you, definitely ask him. If not, let yourself enjoy the time you spend together without having serious talks about relationships and feelings.

How to get him to tell me how he feels?

You can’t force someone to tell you anything. You can only ask and wait for the answer.

How do you know if a man is serious about you?

If he’s open and honest with you, he will tell you that he wants a serious relationship. If he lies about little things, you’ll never get a straightforward and honest answer about what he wants from you.

How do you know if he really cares?

If he’s always honest, asks for your opinion, buys you a gift for no reason, introduces you to the other people in his life, and wants to see you happy, you can be absolutely sure he cares about you.


We hope you feel a little more courageous after reading this article. At least now you know how to ask a guy how he feels about you. Stop worrying too much and just do it. To make your relationship work, you need to stop stressing about everything. It’s hard, we know, but try to take baby steps.  Try writing a journal to collect the thoughts that make you worry so much. Relationships are supposed to be a positive thing in your life, not a reason to stress. Resolve yourself of obsessing over this topic and you’ll have more energy to do something productive. For example, try some of the generosity activities for adults we recommended. They will help you stress a bit less and boost your self-esteem, that’s for sure.






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