- Long-distance relationships are hard and require twice as much effort as in-person relationships to make them work.
- In case of a failing long-distance relationship, there are signs that point out to the inevitable demise of the relationship. This article explores those signs, how to identify them, and how to leave a relationship that is no longer serving you.
Relationships are hard and require hard work and equal effort from both parties – long-distance relationships are twice as hard and require twice as much effort from both partners. There are typically two ways in which people may find themselves in a long-distance relationship; they met online (dating apps or social media) or they were together in person first and one of them decided to move away at a time that was not convenient for the other person but they both decided to try and make the relationship work long distance.
Contrary to popular opinion, long-distance relationships have a higher survival rate. 65% of couples who have had a long-distance relationship have gone on to close the gap and live happily ever after. On the other hand, however, there are the couples that do not make it out of their long-distance relationships. The graph below shows what a survey conducted by the Academic Researchers showed as challenges that long-distance relationship couples face that potentially lead to breaking up
Top 8 Challenges of a Long Distance Relationship. Source: nypost.com
SIGNS YOUR LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP IS OVER
Communication is hard
One of the first long-distance relationship breakup signs is when communication between you and your partner becomes hard. Either one or none of you wants to talk to the other person, you always feel like you are talking about two different topics when you talk, and your conversations have no substance – just two people talking to pass time. When you notice the quality and quantity of your communication start to dwindle, it may be an indicator that your relationship has begun to fail.
There is a lack of trust
Another sign is when there is a lack of trust between you and your partner. If you or your partner find yourselves constantly needing to know where they have been, what they have been up to, who they were with, and even requesting each other’s social media passwords to keep tabs, just know that the relationship is over. You cannot have a relationship if you do not have trust – the minute you start obsessing over whether or not they are cheating on you, that’s the moment you know your relationship will not survive the distance.
You don’t make plans about the future anymore
Another sign your long-distance relationship is ending is when either you or your partner stops talking about future plans together. Usually, people in long-distance relationships have plans for the future; when they are going to meet, for how long, and when are they planning on finally closing the distance. It is these little plans that help them hold on and keep pushing through the long distance. When these plans stop, t is when you know your relationship is about to end, it means that you do not see each other in each other’s future’s and why continue to be with someone you are not willing to share your future life with?
There is no support in the relationship
A clear sign that a long-distance relationship is over is when one or either of the partners stops supporting each other. This could be either emotional or financial support; they no longer take time to help you out when you ask them to or when you complain to them about important things that are lacking in your life. At this point, it means that they do not care about you anymore as a person and therefore they are no longer interested in putting in any effort into helping you and making your life better.
You are constantly having negative thoughts about the relationship
You are the first person to know when a relationship is over before anybody else. When you start having negative thoughts and perceptions about your relationship, it won’t take you long until you realize how unhappy you are and decide to leave the said relationship. Negative thoughts are a result of circumstances and how you interpret them – therefore if you interpret everything that your partner does in a negative way, you will start to look at your relationship negatively, and eventually, you will decide to leave the relationship because you will only be able to relate and perceive it negatively.
WHEN IS IT TIME TO END A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP
The conversation has run dry
You know that your long-distance relationship is ending when you and your partner seemingly have nothing to talk about. This could be because you have grown apart and don’t know how to speak to each other anymore, or you have developed different interests that the other person just doesn’t get or isn’t interested in learning or researching. This will create unfulfillment which will affect the relationship.
Your partner prioritizes other things over you
A long-distance relationship not working and it is time for you to end it when your partner prioritizes other things over you. Sure, it is quite normal for your partner to have a life outside of the relationship you share, however when they start to completely ignore you and put more focus or emphasis on other things, it is an indication that the relationship has run its course. For example, if you and your partner had agreed that you will facetime every Sunday at 8 pm and all of a sudden they keep canceling on you so that they can play video games or go out clubbing with their friends, then you know where their priorities lie and it’s not with you.
The relationship has become toxic
It is time for that long-distance relationship to break up when you notice that your relationship has become toxic. You are always arguing when you speak, you find yourself watching what you have to say around them to avoid slipping up and making them angry, you no longer feel warm and lovely when you speak with them, and they never have anything nice to say about you when you speak. These are some of the examples of how you know your relationship is toxic. Different people define and classify toxicity differently, especially in relationships. If you feel like you are in a toxic long-distance relationship, the best thing you can do for yourself and your mental health is to leave that relationship.
Your plans have changed
Perhaps the most notable sign it is time to end a long-distance relationship is when you have had a change of plans. Let your partner know that what you had initially planned no longer aligns with your life/ambitions and let them go because it would not be fair to them if you kept them around knowing that you have changed your mind about the relationship and the plans you had for each other.
TAKING A BREAK IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP
Sometimes both parties may agree that they are better off apart – for a while. If this happens, they will agree to take a break from each other to try and find themselves and think about whether or not they would like to try again with the relationship. Eventually, they will have to choose if they plan on staying together or if they want to split.
HOW TO BREAK UP WITH SOMEONE LONG DISTANCE
How do you break up with a long-distance boyfriend/girlfriend? The best way to end a long-distance relationship is by stating the truth behind why you have decided to end the relationship. Let the other person know beforehand that you would like to talk to them so that they take some time and are not caught off-guard by such big, life-altering news. There really are only two options on how to break off a long-distance relationship:
Over the phone/ facetime
If you are comfortable with facetime or voice call, you may choose this form. It is efficient in that no words will be misinterpreted or taken out of context because tone and intent will be made very clear. It is also a nice gesture, you get to see each other and hear each other’s voices one last time.
Some people are better off expressing themselves through text than word of mouth. If you are such a person, this option is better for you because you get to explain your reasons behind the breakup better and follow a logical train of thought throughout your texts. You will also be giving the other person time to process and respond at their convenience.
ENDING A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE
Sometimes you are breaking up with someone not because you have fallen out of love with them but because circumstances have changed and you can no longer afford to be together. So how do you end a long-distance relationship with someone you love?
Let them know why you are ending the relationship
If the reason you are breaking up is because of distance but you are still in love with them, let them know this off the bat. This may help them understand why you have made the decision to end the relationship and see things from your point of view. After you have assured them that you still love them, let them know the reason why you are ending the relationship – because sometimes love isn’t enough and life happens. If they are mature, they will understand and let you go and you can end the long-distance relationship nicely.
Set boundaries for yourself
When the relationship is over and done with, it is important to set boundaries for yourself about your ex-partner. Do you still want to talk to them? Are you planning on blocking them on every platform? Let them know of these boundaries, especially if you are both in love with each other so that they know you are not doing it out of spite. After these boundaries are set, expect them to respect them and move on with their life – and yours.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
- Should I end my long-distance relationship?
When is the right time to call it quits in a long-distance relationship? This answer is entirely up to you. Have you or your partner been exhibiting any of the signs above? Do you feel like you are in a toxic relationship, or that you are missing something from your relationship? Is there anything you and your partner can do to try and fix the situation?
Truthfully speaking, the decision to end a relationship is never easy. You have to consider your and your partner’s feelings before and after the breakup, but in as much as you don’t want to hurt your partner, remember to show yourself the same kindness and if leaving a relationship that makes you unhappy is the way you decide to do this, then go ahead and do it. You owe yourself happiness. Whatever you decide, make sure it is what you want and live with your decisions without any regrets. Check out our article on when should you give up on a relationship for some tips and knowledge on when it’s time to break up.
- Any long-distance relationship breakup advice?
If you are thinking of breaking up with someone long distance, make sure you give them a heads up before you break up with them. Send them the generic “we need to talk” text and set up a time. Do not just drop the news on them without consideration – be kind to them even when ending the relationship.
In conclusion, you know that your long-distance relationship is over when; there is a lack of communication, no plans for the future, you have become a second priority in your partner’s life, and you feel like your relationship is generally toxic – among other things. When you notice these signs, it may be time to break off your long-distance relationship and find someone whose goals, dreams, and plans align with yours – and preferably someone you can spend time in real life too!
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