How to Talk to Your Boyfriend About the Future

WhatToGetMy Instructional Article

  • It is very natural to want to talk about the future with your boyfriend especially when you are in love and want to spend the rest of your life with this one person
  • There are ways you can bring up the conversation that can lead to an open and honest conversation between you and your boyfriend
  • This article shows you some of the things you can say and how you can say them in order to have a fruitful conversation about your relationship’s future with your boyfriend.

There comes a moment in every relationship when you must sit down with your significant other and have a serious relationship talk. This is a talk that defines the course onto which your relationship is going to take and determines whether you and your partner are compatible or not. The problem, however, is that there is a stigma that surrounds women who blatantly as “what are we?” in relationships – with most of them, if not all, being labeled as ‘desperate.’ It is this fear of being called desperate that has led many women into staying in relationships that did not benefit them at all. As a woman, you should never be afraid of asking what you want in a relationship when you know exactly what you want from a relationship. This article will help you on how you can have a serious conversation with your boyfriend in a healthy environment and what to expect.


When is it the right time to talk about the future in a relationship? When you are planning a future together? When you have known each other for a few dates? The truth is there is never a right or wrong time to start talking about your expectations in a relationship – the earlier you talk about it, the better you know what kind of relationship you are getting yourself into and if it does not align with your future goals, then you can decide on whether or not you want to continue pursuing the relationship further knowing what it is or if you want to end it and find other people whose future plans align with yours. Below are a few instances on when to make future plans with your boyfriend:


Perhaps the earliest you can begin to want to have a talk about your future is at the very beginning of the relationship, most likely after a few dates. You like him, he likes you, the energy is right and you vibe with each other perfectly – you will find yourself wanting to be exclusive with each other and to define the relationship – to make it official and slap the good old “boyfriend, girlfriend” label on it. This is the first “future” talk you will have with your boyfriend. You are going to discuss what it is that you both want from the relationship and if you decide you both want to pursue it further and see where it goes – you will then need to discuss what being “exclusive” means to the both of you. Monogamous relationships have a lot of rules and these rules, although they might be similar, tend to be different for each couple and so it is important on the onset of the relationship to define and determine what these rules are going to be in your relationship – do not go off of assumption because your partner might have a completely different definition of a relationship than you do.


You have made it past the ‘defining the relationship’ stage and you have been officially dating for a while. He hangs out with your friends, your family is crazy about him, and his mom calls you ‘love.’ Everything is going really well and you are certain this is the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with and you want to find out if the two of you are on the same page and thinking of your relationship as long term. Assuming you already know what you want from the relationship, it is now time to, again, talk to your boyfriend about the future. You want to know if you are both thinking the same things – or at least similar – about where your relationship is going. This is a much different conversation from the first because in this conversation you want to find out if you are planning on getting married, building a family, and building a life together (no matter how that looks like). It is important to know because while other people may be comfortable doing things the traditional way – getting married, having kids, and what have you – some people are perfectly okay with civil partnerships. This conversation lets you and your partner know what to expect the outcome of the relationship to be.

Note: These conversations aren’t had in one sitting. Couples usually have these conversations over a period of time in the course of their relationship.


Another time that you need to talk to your boyfriend about the future is when you have an opportunity to make a big life-changing decision. This could be moving to another town or state for a job, school, or family. In this case, knowing what you and your partner want from the relationship will determine whether you should pursue a long-distance relationship, or if you should end the relationship.


When you have decided that you want to talk about the future of your relationship with your significant other, how you approach it is important. You want to have a conversation that is fruitful and fulfilling for both of you. Here is how you can make, what most consider to be an uncomfortable conversation, very comfortable for both you and your partner.


Confidence is key to almost everything. When talking to your boyfriend about your future, be confident in what you want. Many women will bring up the future “where is this going” talk – knowing fully well what they want and yet deviate from that once they hear what the man wants especially when it is different from what they want. This can stem from a need to be liked and perceived as ‘the cool girl’ and sometimes even the fear of being alone because if they say what they truly want then their partner might leave them since they do not want the same things. Be confident in yourself and your plans when talking about the future with your boyfriend – even when your perception of a future is different.


First, you must be honest with yourself about what you want from the relationship and what a future with your boyfriend might look like. Once you are honest with yourself it will be very easy, to be honest with your boyfriend about what you want and articulate what you want or plan with them. Tell them, specifically, what you want to come out of the relationship. Is it marriage? Civil partnership? Do you want children or to remain childless? Knowing what you both want will determine if your futures are compatible or if you are looking to achieve different things in life.


The question has to be asked; how do you talk about the future with your boyfriend? Do you set it up on your calendar? Send him the old “we need to talk” text message? Passive aggressively mention it in conversations until he gets the hint? Talking about the future with your significant other can be quite unnerving and you may not know just how to approach him about it. Here are a few hints on how you can strike up that conversation:


Let the conversation about your future with your significant other flow naturally. This way it doesn’t feel like an interrogation and they do not feel like they are under pressure. Rather let it flow into conversation naturally and just let it be a part of the conversation – this creates a comfortable space for your partner and lets them talk freely about their plans with you in your future together.


Be calm when talking to your partner about the future. This is a very fragile topic for most people on the account of the uncertainty of the future. It can be quite scary to plan for a time that hasn’t yet come – in as much as you might be feeling nervous about bringing up the subject, realize that he will also most likely be nervous of the things that he says because what if he says the wrong things and loses you? (Yes, ladies, men are afraid of losing you too). It is usually assumed that the person who brings up the conversation is the one who has their life and future figured out and that can put a lot of pressure on their partner. Creating a calm and comfortable environment for this conversation would benefit both partners to express themselves.


Now that you know how and when you can talk about the future of your relationship with your boyfriend, it is now time to move onto the what? What should you be asking your boyfriend? What do you want to know about your future from him? Here are a few questions to help you set the ball rolling.

Where do you see us in the future?

This is a straightforward question. It will let you know where his head is at when it comes to future plans for your relationship. Does he want to marry you, or is he content with where things are right now? What are his views on the institution of marriage?

Do you want to move in together?

This will let you know if he considers sharing life with you. Living together has proven to have a positive impact on couples. You get to share a life together and see if you are compatible with each other’s personal spaces. According to a study conducted by the Pew Research Center shows that the number of couples cohabitating now was much higher from 2013-2017, as opposed to 2002.

% of adults from ages 18 to 44 who have ever… Source: www.pewsocialtrends.org

% of adults from ages 18 to 44 who have ever...

Do you want to get married?

This question lets you know if your partner is thinking of marrying you or not. And if he is, you go from there and discuss what marriage means to him – and you.

Do you want to have children?

A very important question especially for couples who are getting serious about each other. It is important to know whether or not either one of you wants children now or in the near future.

Do you want to share finances?

A question for couples who live together but are not yet married. This sets a precedent on sharing the bills and other financial responsibilities that may come your way.


  • What does it mean when my boyfriend talks about our future together constantly?

When your boyfriend talks about your future together, it means that he is thinking about spending it with you – it’s as simple as that. When a man loves you, he will be very intentional about his plans for and with you, and him talking about and making future plans with you is his way of telling and showing you that he wants you in his life for a long time.

  • How can I prepare myself for “the talk” with my boyfriend?

Know what you want to discuss, that’s how you prepare yourself for the conversation. Whether he is the one who brings it up, or you do. You should also prepare yourself in the event that you and he have different views on the subject under discussion because you need to know what you are going to do when/if that happens. For example, what if he wants to get married and you don’t? Do you string him along making him think you will change your mind at some point in the future or do you let him go and let him find someone whose goals align with his? Preparing for the different outcomes makes you prepare for the hard decisions that have to follow afterward.

Related Article: Things to know about each other before marriage


In conclusion, having the talk with your boyfriend should not be something that you dread doing but rather look forward to as it clears doubts and lets you know what to expect your future with your boyfriend to look like. We highly recommend that you take the chance.





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