11 Signs Your Husband Is Jealous of Your Success
WhatToGetMy Instructional Article
“They want to see you do good but not better than them.”
Men have led their homes economically for a long time while their wives and children rally behind them. Recently, more women are closing the age-long economic gap between men and women. More women are climbing the social and economic ladder well ahead of their husbands. This new trend is confronting the power play that has existed in marriages for a long time. Sadly, the more social status or financial ladder a woman climbs in many egalitarian societies, the higher the chances of her marriage ending BBC.com. What does this say about men? Check this insightful chart by Pew Research.
More men may contend with their wifes’ status in the future. While there are men that wholeheartedly support their wife’s ambitions, their number is comparatively lower than the number of women that support their husband’s ambitions. The rate of divorce among women at the top of their careers speaks little about the commitment of men in relationships or marriages with ambitious women. It is sad that some women have had to decide whether to tame their ambition to keep a peaceful marriage or go for their dreams and lose their marriage. See how to save your marriage when your husband wants a divorce.
“The better you do at work, the more likely you are going to get a divorce.”– Charlotte Ljung.
If you’ve grown more skeptical of telling your husband about your new job, pay raise, scholarship opportunities, or new investment because of his reactions, it is probably the first sign your husband is jealous of you.
Signs he resents your success.
“I feel like my husband is jealous of my success.”
It might sound crazy that your boyfriend or husband resents your success, but it happens. It is possible to be in a relationship with a man that wishes you well but not better than himself. It is possible to have a husband that sees your success as a competition.
If you’ve recently said to yourself, “he has changed; I don’t understand him anymore,” it means you’ve realized that in retrospect, you had a better relationship with your husband than you currently do after you told him about your good news. Jealousy is manifested in quire unusual behaviors a person is rarely known for. Below are some undisputed signs your husband is jealous of your success.
1. Absent-mindedness or forgetfulness.
A jealous husband will begin to feign absentmindedness or forgetfulness towards things that matter to you. You will begin to notice that he will give you less attention and support than before. For example, if he usually checks your car every two weeks, he will suddenly forget to do that again. He feigns absentmindedness to rattle you. It is his way of telling you that your success does not interest him, even though he will not outrightly say it. If your husband suddenly forgets his sweet and kind nature towards you, it is a sign he resents your success.
If your husband begins to distance himself from you physically and emotionally after you’ve told him the big news, it is a sign your husband is jealous of your success. Ask yourself these questions; does my husband spend more hours at work or outdoors than usual? Does he prefer to spend more time by himself than he normally does? Has he ever acted in ways that suggest that you might be bothering him when you are around? If yes, your husband can’t stand your success.
3. Awkward silence becomes common.
If suddenly, making conversations with him becomes so unnatural or generally hard after your big news, it is a sign he resents your success. You will sense a form of tension between the both of you, and when you try to converse with him, it will seem as though he is pushing himself to have a conversation with you. He will rarely start one either. Instead, he will distract himself with something else to excuse himself from chatting with you. If conversing with your husband becomes more difficult than usual after telling him your good news, it is a sign your husband is jealous of your success.
4. Withhold help and increase demands.
When your husband starts to slack around the house and leaves most of the chores to you without a care, it is a sign your husband resents your success. He does this because he wants you to be preoccupied with doing things that deny you time to pursue your goals. He might also make unnecessary demands around the house that pressure you. And if by chance you suggest the services of someone or a gadget, he will be reluctant to the suggestion and leave the financial burden on you. If your husband or boyfriend withholds help and increases his demands in your relationship or marriage, it is one sign your husband is jealous of your success.
5. He makes condescending statements & ill-wishes.
One of the signs your husband is jealous of your success is when he makes negative statements about you or your success in comparison to himself; and when he makes ill-fated wishes for you. For example, if he says things like;
- “They are too generous with their pay for this level of skill.”
- “I hope you can last at this job.”
- “You can never compare what you are doing to what I have done.”
- “You can never be better than me.”
- “It will take you years before you ever have what I have.”
6. He will start to pick on your flaws more than usual.
Don’t get surprised when your husband starts to make you feel like you can never get things right. He will begin highlighting your flaws and find faults in many things than he usually does. When your husband resents your success, he will amplify your wrongdoing as a way to make you doubt your strengths and capabilities.
7. He will be less comfortable acknowledging your success in public because of his insecurities.
If your husband is jealous of your success, he will less likely want to show up for your events because your success makes him uncomfortable. When people applaud or speak about your achievements in public, he will say little to encourage the conversation. He will often just smile and let the conversation die out than sustain the conversation. He might add a short phrase or two so that he wouldn’t seem envious, but he will not encourage the dialogue. A jealous husband does this because public acknowledgment of your achievements hurts his ego as your husband and head of the family. He will also not bother celebrating your achievements with his friends.
8. He will sabotage your career decisions.
When your husband is jealous of your success, he will sabotage some of your moves. One of the ways he will try to sabotage your progress is by asking you to make certain compromises that severely hurt your chances of achieving your goals. He will use emotional blackmail to appeal to conscience, and if that doesn’t work, he may talk about you to family and friends to discredit you. He may deny you certain benefits if he sees that it will hurt your chances of succeeding in a particular thing. Lastly, he might also make vain promises that he has no intention of fulfilling, just to clip your wings.
9. Guilt trip you.
If your husband resents your success, he criticizes many career decisions you make in the future. Most importantly, he will raise suspicions about your intentions for making those decisions to create doubt in your mind. For example, if you get a fully funded Ph.D. scholarship abroad, he might hint that you are inconsiderate and selfish. He might say that you think more about yourself than the marriage or that you are tired of the union and looking for a new adventure. He will ignore that he can come along with you as a dependant or visit whenever he wants. He will also ignore the potential benefits of completing your Ph.D. to the family.
10. Sarcastic about your new status.
If you got promoted at your job and were given a nice paycheck, a jealous husband will make sarcastic statements about your new earnings instead of being genuinely happy for you. He might make a statement about you being his sugar mummy or sponsor and being in charge of the family. He will make a couple of odd jokes and expect that you both laugh it off.
11. Looks for a replacement.
If your husband looks out for replacements, it is an obvious sign your husband is jealous of your success. This replacement does not have to be another woman, but rather, anything to take his attention off you. When your husband tries hard enough to find joy and happiness somewhere else after you’ve disclosed your big news, it means that your husband resents your success.
Frequently asked questions
1. Can your husband be jealous of you?
Yes, your husband can be very jealous of your success. For a long time, we’ve had this societal ideology that the man is the head of the family and therefore is expected to perform better than his wife in most facets of life. However, this narrative is being confronted by the rapid growth in the number of women climbing the social and economic ladder around the world. Many of these women earn more than their husbands and are gaining more recognition than their husbands. Therefore it should not surprise you that a couple of egos will be bruised with this new change.
The easiest way to tell your husband is jealous of you is to observe changes in his behavior. A husband that resents your success will;
- Feign absentmindedness and forgetfulness.
- Create physical and emotional distance between you two.
- Entertain awkward silence between you two.
- Withhold help and increase demands. A jealous husband will do this to mount pressure on you as a wife.
- Make condescending statements that mock your abilities.
- Pick on your mistakes too often or become increasingly difficult to please.
- Sabotage some of your decisions.
- Find it difficult to show up and support you publicly because he is uncomfortable with your achievements.
- Guilt trip you.
- Look for a replacement.
2. Why is my husband jealous of my success?
There are several reasons why a husband could be jealous of his wife’s success, like;
- He fears that he will lose respect in the sight of his wife. He does not want to be seen as incapable of caring for his family.
- He fears that his wife’s success will make her more attractive to other men, and he might lose her loyalty.
- He fears what his friends and family will think of him. He does not want to lose respect in their sight or be seen as weak and dull.
- He is emotionally not mature enough to accept your success and just wants to be generally better than you.
3. What should I do if my husband is jealous of my success?
Handling a jealous husband requires patience. Here are a couple of things to remember when relating with a jealous husband.
- He is worried about the societal expectations he has to deal with as a husband.
- He has fears about your attitude towards him and the marriage. He feels that your new status will bring about a change in your attitude towards him.
- He has ambitions and may be struggling to be successful in his career.
By understanding the above points, you will empathize with him and relate better. You will be able to reassure him of commitments and calm his fear. If he is a reasonable man, he will open up to you and perhaps be willing to get counseling if need be. Check out some of the sweetest things to say to a husband.
Finding love is hard, but realizing your husband resents your success is harder to swallow. No wife wants to feel like she competes with her husband. No wife wants to feel uncomfortable about disclosing her success to her husband. If you have read through the signs we’ve listed, we hope that you and your husband learn to work as a team.
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